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Speaking his mind has never been an issue for Yosuke Hanamura. Speaking his heart is an entirely different story.
There are standards and protocol to adhere to, after all. For as much as he liked the imagery of the rebellious overseas rock bands, Yosuke tended to find comfort in standards and a set understanding of what was normal. He liked to know what was expected of him and what to expect of others. Which is probably why he had no idea what to do with this…thing growing inside of him. It was entirely unexpected.
He’d thought once to describe it as heat, warmth that would spread throughout his chest and tingle down to his fingertips. Like the way the air would smell of ozone and feel alive after Yu cast Ziodyne in battle. He was hopelessly weak to electricity, so it was no wonder that he felt a little dizzy afterwards. It was understandable.
It was an ephemeral thing, weightless and heavy at different times. Sometimes it was like carrying around a heavy secret on his back, sure that everyone was pointing and staring. Other times, it gave him wings and lifted him above the crowd. It was frustrating at how unpredictable it would feel.
But he dealt with it.
The heat grew, a kindling sitting at the bottom of his heart until it took over the eternity of his ribcage. Each breath was a reminder and each exhale a release of the fear that kept him quiet.
He was stronger than he looked, he could take it.
For a year, for nearly an entire year he laughed as if the coil of confused and contradicting feelings weren’t weaving their ways around each of his bones. If he didn’t watch them, they would take control of his limbs and make him do something he might really regret. But he managed, as always. And no one knew the wiser.
Right?
And then he left as quickly and quietly as he had come.
Everyone was sad to see him go, of course. He was their leader, their senpai, their friend, and—
And…
Yosuke was the first to chase the train as it pulled away from the platform, spouting words about friendship and unbreakable bonds. In his head, he kept thinking, please don’t forget us, please don’t forget me. It didn’t give enough credit to Yu’s person, though, because would he really?
Selfish, paranoid thoughts, born from guilt and from something that sat unanswered and untended inside of him. A wildfire threatening to break free, smothered out of obligation, out of a fear.
He thought Yu leaving might relieve it a bit, cool the flames just a little.
It didn’t.
They texted every day without fail, despite Yosuke’s fears. Yu was adjusting well as he did with everything else. The occasional photo was shared of his new house, new room, and of course, the neighbor’s cat.
It was enough to keep the fire going. His heart didn’t care much about distance, apparently. And after being silenced for so long, it wanted to speak unburdened by protocol and by the expectations of parents, teachers, the town, and society at large. Those few things that reminded Yosuke why it was wrong in the first place.
One night the flames became too bold. His thumbs moved without thinking, a few precious seconds that turned into a millennia of waiting into a catastrophe about to happen.
i like you
Yu was always quick to respond. Yosuke might have had a good few minutes to wallow in regret and embarrassment if Yu had allowed it. Fives seconds wasn’t enough to truly dig a hole to hide in.
Yosuke’s eyes widened as has read the reply,
I like you too.
His head hadn’t expected that. But his heart thought it was about time.