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It's not every day that the 118 gets called to rescue a billionaire who had been swallowed by a whale. They had all been standing on the bridge, just watching the scene unfold. If they had taken the time to get geared up, Tripp Hauser definitely would've died. Eddie didn't even hesitate before he climbed over the railing and threw himself off the bridge and into the water. Buck’s pretty sure he stopped breathing altogether until he saw Eddie break the surface and start swimming.
Every possible feeling was hitting his nervous system all at once. At first he was just surprised. What sane person throws himself off a bridge without thinking twice? Then he was just in awe of Eddie. Of course Eddie would jump off a bridge to save someone's life. Eddie had a Silver Star. Then Buck was angry, because that was the type of reckless behavior that Bobby would always lecture him about. Had he no regard for his own safety, his own life?
Then he saw Eddie swimming back towards them with the billionaire in tow, water dripping from his eyelashes, his LAFD t-shirt sticking to his body, and Buck finally realized. Oh. I’m in love with you. It was a simple fact, and yet, awareness of that fact caused Buck to go dizzy as if he'd been the one to take a plunge in the water.
He was frozen in place, mouth agape, just staring at Eddie as he made his way back to dry land. No one paid Buck any mind, obviously more concerned about getting Hauser to safety. The team had moved to lower ground, ready to meet Eddie when he got back to shore. When he finally did, he was panting hard, his face red from exertion. As Hen started CPR on Hauser, Eddie dropped to his knees to catch his breath.
That single action seemed to break Buck out of his trance. Sure, he probably should be more worried about the actual patient, but he was in the best hands, Hen’s. He could afford to fuss over Eddie just this once.
He dropped down by Eddie’s side, giving him a firm squeeze on the shoulder. “Are you okay?”
Eddie nodded, droplets of water dripping down from his hair to his face. “I'm fine.”
“I'm checking you out.”
“Buck, I said-”
“It wasn't an option,” Buck cut him off firmly.
It must've been written all over Buck’s face how worried he was, because Eddie’s look of irritation quickly melted away and turned into something softer. Eddie didn't say another word and just sat back on his heels while Buck looked him over.
“Did you hit your head?” Buck asked.
Eddie shook his head.
Buck grabbed Eddie’s wrist and pressed his fingers to his pulse point. His pulse was strong, but Buck didn't like how cold Eddie’s skin was.
“Ravi!” He called out.
The younger man spun around at the sound of his name.
“Get me a heating blanket!”
“On it!” Ravi replied, running to the ambulance.
“I'm not that cold,” Eddie insisted.
Buck gave him a look. “Eddie, you’re shaking. If we don't warm you up, you could get pneumonia or hypothermia.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “I'm fine, Buck.”
“I'll be the judge of that. Take off your shirt.”
“What?” Eddie spluttered.
It seemed like Eddie was being purposefully dense solely to piss Buck off. You always remove a patient's wet clothes after a water rescue, so they don't lose any more heat. Eddie knows this.
“Just do it,” Buck snapped.
Eddie huffed, eyeing all of the looky-loos and reporters that had gathered around. “Fine, but I'm not taking my pants off in front of all these people.”
Buck snorted. “Obviously not.”
Although had Eddie offered to take his pants off, Buck would not have been mad about it. He tried not to stare too hard at Eddie as he peeled his wet t-shirt off and tossed it to the side. When Ravi returned with the heating blanket, Buck quickly threw it around Eddie’s shoulders, rubbing his arms to try to get his body heat up faster.
“Better?” Buck asked him.
“Yeah.” Eddie hummed in delight at the warmth. “Thank you.”
Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie, pulling him into his chest. There was of course a medical reason for this, given the fact that Buck was dry and his own body heat would warm Eddie up faster. If Buck just wanted an excuse to hold Eddie too, that was his business.
They sat like that for a minute before Buck finally spoke. “You threw yourself off a bridge.”
Eddie chuckled, his breath fanning Buck’s neck. “I know, I was there.”
Buck lightly swatted his arm. “It’s not funny, Eddie. You could've-”
You could've died.
He cleared his throat. “You could’ve gotten hurt.”
Eddie pulled his head back to look at him, a loose strand of hair dangling over his forehead. “Were you worried about me, Buckley?”
I'm always worried about you.
“Yeah, I was,” Buck answered honestly.
Eddie’s expression softened. “I'm sorry. I had to do it.”
Buck understood that feeling, that itch to run headfirst into danger. The urge to throw caution to the wind to save someone else's life without any regard for your own. He used to feel that way all the time, until Eddie told him that he wasn't expendable.
“I know you did,” Buck replied. “Just don't do it again.”
Eddie laughed, pulling himself away from Buck. He had started to dry off and was no longer shivering. Buck wished he could've kept holding him.
“You’re just mad that I just beat you to the punch,” Eddie said.
Buck scoffed. “At least I won't be on the 10 o'clock news looking like a wet rat.”
Eddie ran a hand through his hair, looking around at the scene. Hauser was breathing again, Hen and Chimney were tending to him while Ravi was handling crowd control.
“You think I’ll be on the news?”
Buck laughed. “Yeah, I'm sure the headline will be 'Hot firefighter rescues billionaire from whale.’”
Eddie looked at him with a glint of playfulness in his eyes. “So you think I’m hot now?”
Buck spluttered. “I mean, you've always been hot. Objectively.”
Get it together, Buckley.
Eddie grinned at that. “Noted.”
Buck rose to his feet, extending a hand to Eddie. Eddie took it and waited a few seconds after he'd gotten up before letting go.
“Thank you,” Eddie said softly.
“Anytime,” Buck replied, giving him a small smile.
Eddie just had to go and be the hero, didn't he? If he'd just done nothing, then Buck wouldn't have to now be cursed with the knowledge that he was hopelessly in love with his best friend.
***
“Let me get this straight,” Buck said. “Tripp Hauser wants to send you to space?”
Christopher had just gone to bed and Buck and Eddie had been on the couch drinking a beer when Eddie broke the news.
“Yeah,” Eddie said excitedly. “As a thank you for saving his life.”
Buck took a swig of his beer. “Technically, Hen saved his life.”
“Technically, Hen wouldn't have been able to save his life if I hadn't brought him back to dry land. Did you forget the part where I jumped off a bridge?”
Buck shuttered slightly. I wish I could forget it. You scared the hell out of me.
“Actually,” Eddie went on. “He did offer the trip to Hen first, but she turned it down.”
“What? Why?”
Eddie shrugged. “Well, he told her she could bring whoever she wanted on the trip, and she chose Karen, but Karen didn't want to go, and Hen doesn't want to go without her.”
Buck frowned. “Karen’s a literal rocket scientist, why wouldn't she want to go to space?”
Eddie chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. “Apparently because she is a serious scientist and Tripp Hauser doesn't care about serious science.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
Eddie hummed. “So, he offered the trip to me, and I said yes. On one condition.”
“What's that?”
Eddie looked at him mischievously. “That my best friend Buck gets to come with me.”
Buck was convinced that Eddie was making it his personal mission to send him into a full-blown panic attack.
“What? Me?”
Eddie snorted. “Yes, you. Who else do you want me to bring, Abuela?”
Buck rolled his eyes. “Obviously not Abuela, she'd have a heart attack. But what about Christopher?”
Eddie raised his eyebrows. “You think I should bring Christopher to space? The same kid who got so anxious over chess that he threw up?”
Buck waved at him dismissively. “Okay, fair point. But this is outer space we’re talking about.”
“Yeah, and you love outer space,” Eddie pointed out.
“I mean, love is a strong word-”
“Buck, you once went on a two-hour long tangent on spaghettification,” Eddie deadpanned.
If it was anyone else saying it, Buck probably would've been embarrassed. But there wasn't any judgement in Eddie’s voice, it was like he was just stating a fact. He never seemed annoyed or irritated at Buck’s tangents. He always looked at him almost in awe, like he was hooked on every word coming out of Buck’s mouth.
“Well…” Buck didn't know what else to say.
“Look, if you're too scared, I can ask someone else-”
“No!” Buck quickly said.
Eddie narrowed his eyes. “No?”
“I just meant…” He trailed off.
Buck did love space, okay? But reading about it and watching documentaries about it was a hell of a lot different than actually being in it. Buck loved a deep dive, so he was well-informed of the numerous spaceflight-related tragedies that have occurred since the conception of space travel. He had never been one to shy away from some danger, but it was different now. He had people that needed him to come home in one piece.
When Eddie left for El Paso, those eight hundred miles of distance had felt so unbearable that he may as well have been on another planet. Sure, they texted and FaceTimed nearly every day, but it wasn't enough. It never was. But El Paso was nothing compared to this. How could Buck let Eddie go up there without him? I promised I'd always have your back.
“I'll go,” Buck finally declared.
Eddie dipped his chin. “Really?”
Buck nodded, maybe a bit too eagerly. “Yeah.”
Eddie didn't seem convinced. “Are you sure?”
Fuck no.
“Absolutely,” Buck said. “You think I'm just gonna let you go up there and have all the fun?”
If I’m not next to you all the time, I feel like I'm going to die.
Eddie laughed at that. “Okay, tough guy. Guess we're going to space then.”
“I guess so.”
How could Buck possibly be scared or anxious or anything other than insanely happy when Eddie was smiling at him like that? With his canines poking out of his mouth and a blush dusting his cheeks? He couldn't let Eddie go to literal outer space with someone else. He chose Buck, he wanted Buck. And when has Buck ever denied Eddie anything he wanted?
***
There wasn't a cloud in the sky on the day of the launch, there was just clear blue stretching farther than the eye could see. Hauser had gotten them custom-made spacesuits with their last names stitched in. It was a little extra if you asked Buck, but he supposed billionaires didn't have to think twice about dishing out so much money on frivolous things.
He tried not to think about how good Eddie looked in his suit, the way the tight fabric hugged his frame perfectly. Has Eddie always been this beautiful? Or had Buck just been too stupid to notice? Either way, Buck probably should've been more concerned about the fact that he was getting launched into fucking space than about his feelings for his best friend.
Buck didn't remember much about the actual launch, he was more focused on trying not to vomit all over his million dollar spacesuit. Eddie was rocking back and forth in his seat, a nervous tic. If Buck's seat wasn't so far away from Eddie’s, he would've reached over and grabbed his hand to try and calm him. He was always doing that - reaching for Eddie in some way.
The urge to do that was so much stronger now, because something had gone wrong. One minute they were just floating over Earth’s atmosphere and the next, some force had slammed into the spacecraft. They heard the scientists' voices on the radio, yelling something about a geomagnetic storm? Buck had read about geomagnetic storms before, and he knew that minor ones were common but major, severely damaging ones were rare. He didn't want to find out which kind this one was, but he didn't really have a choice.
He looked over at Eddie, who was already looking at him. The voices on the radio kept cutting in and out until they suddenly stopped altogether. It was just Buck and Eddie up here alone, with no way of contacting anyone on the ground to figure out what the hell was going on. Buck was officially panicked, but he couldn't let it show. Eddie was already nervous, if he saw Buck freaking out it might send him over the edge and Buck couldn't have that. They both needed clear heads if they were going to somehow survive this.
“You good, Eds?” Buck asked.
Eddie was still staring at him with wide eyes, his hands gripping his seatbelt so tight that his knuckles were white. “Yeah. You?”
“Yeah,” Buck said.
He looked around at the spacecraft’s internal structure. It seemed like it was intact for now, but Buck had no idea what it looked like on the outside. Even if he did know what they were dealing with, he wasn’t exactly an expert on aerospace engineering.
“They said something about a storm,” Eddie said.
“Yeah, a geomagnetic storm.”
Eddie blinked at him.
“It’s when the Sun shoots out particles at the Earth,” Buck explained. “It shakes our magnetic field and makes stuff happen.”
“What kind of stuff?”
Buck hesitated. He didn't want to go into too much detail and freak Eddie out, but he didn't want to lie to him either.
“It can cause blackouts, interfere with radio signals. It's usually harmless to people on the ground.”
Eddie’s lip quivered at that. “But we aren’t on the ground, Buck.”
Buck didn't say anything. He didn't want Eddie to panic, that was the last thing he wanted right now.
“What happens to spacecraft in geomagnetic storms?” Eddie pressed.
“I don't know,” Buck lied.
“Yes, you do,” Eddie retorted. “Tell me.”
Eddie could always see right through Buck, sometimes it felt like he knew him better than he knew himself. But the thing was that Buck knew Eddie too. He knew that Eddie was always on the defensive, constantly putting up walls to protect himself from getting hurt. He never let himself want anything out of fear of it being taken away.
“Buck, please,” Eddie pleaded. “I want to know.”
You really, really don't. But I’ll tell you because I know you're not going to leave this alone.
“It can lower our orbit and force us to reenter Earth’s atmosphere prematurely,” Buck said.
“And if that happens…”
I really don't want to finish this sentence. Please don't make me.
Eddie just kept looking at him with those sad, brown eyes. Buck wished he could hold him.
“...it would be really dangerous. And there's a good chance that we could-” His voice cracks. “We could die, Eddie.”
Eddie seemed to be anticipating that, but it didn't stop him from letting out a light gasp when Buck finally said the words. He looked away from Buck and instead fixed his gaze downward on his lap, his hands still fidgeting with the seatbelt. Maybe he needed time for the words to sink in, but Buck was selfish and he couldn't deal with the silence.
“Can you talk to me?” Buck asked.
He sounded like a child again, begging his parents for an ounce of attention. He never asked Eddie for anything, maybe Eddie could indulge him just this once and not let him deal with this alone.
Eddie chuckled, still not looking at him. “I don't know what you want me to say, Buck.”
“Anything.”
“You just told me that there's a good chance we’re gonna die up here. Forgive me if I’m not in much of a talking mood right now.”
“Okay, that’s okay,” Buck soothed. “But can you at least look at me?”
He knew how pathetic he sounded, begging for Eddie’s attention like a neglected dog. He was making things about him, as per usual, wanting Eddie to comfort him when he was barely hanging on by a thread himself. But Eddie obliged this time, slowly raising his head until his eyes were burning into Buck’s.
It was then that Buck saw how bloodshot his eyes were, like he was trying to hold the tears in for as long as possible. When Eddie finally made eye contact with Buck, he just broke. There was no sound in space because it was too empty for sound waves to travel. At this moment Buck wished that there was, so he could hear anything other than the sound of Eddie’s strangled sobs.
“Eddie, it's okay,” Buck tried to reassure him. “It's okay, just take a deep breath.”
It wasn't okay, it wasn't anywhere near okay, but Eddie having a panic attack in space just wasn't an option right now.
“It’s my fault,” Eddie cried. “This is all my fault.”
He's so far away from me, why is he always so far away?
“No, it’s not,” Buck said firmly. “I’m coming over there, just hang on.”
This probably wasn't a good idea, but Buck couldn't stand to be away from him for one more second. He unbuckled his seatbelt, and let out a yelp of surprise when his body started levitating in the air. Oh, right. Zero gravity is a thing here. He quickly grabbed onto his seat to stop himself from hitting the ceiling of the spacecraft.
Eddie’s chair was on the other side of the room, parallel to Buck’s. He couldn't exactly just walk over there, so he had to come up with a plan. In theory he could just launch himself off of his own seat and the momentum should get him to Eddie in one shot. He took a deep breath, preparing himself, before kicking off the seat. It was almost beautiful, the way Buck could effortlessly float like this. He would've appreciated it a little bit more if they weren't in such a shit situation.
Time seemed to slow down as he glided toward Eddie with his arm outstretched. It was always like this with them, wasn't it? Eddie buried under the earth and Buck trying to dig him out. Eddie bleeding out in the street, Buck crawling under a firetruck to get to him. Always reaching for Eddie, an instinct that came as natural to him as breathing.
Eddie didn't even react when Buck finally reached him. He had a hand over his chest, struggling to take in air. Buck positioned himself over Eddie, basically straddling him. Not an ideal position, but these chairs weren't exactly big enough to seat two grown men.
Buck cupped Eddie’s cheek, rubbing his face with his thumb. “Eddie, hey. Look at me.”
Eddie did what he was told. He just looked so fucking sad that it was taking all of Buck’s self-control not to fall apart with him.
“It's all my fault,” Eddie said again. “Buck, I-”
“Eddie, breathe,” Buck instructed him. “Come on, in and out.”
Eddie’s hands were clenched into fists in his lap. Buck reached down and caressed his knuckles, prompting him to open up his hand. He laced their fingers together, squeezing Eddie’s hand. Eddie took a shaky breath in, held it for a few seconds, and let it out.
“Good job,” Buck praised him. “Again.”
They went like that a few times until Eddie seemed to calm down a bit. Buck still had one hand cradling his face and the other intertwined with Eddie’s.
“You back with me?” Buck asked.
Eddie nodded, a few stray tears running down his face. Buck wiped them away with his thumb. Eddie was looking at him almost in awe.
“You unbuckled your seatbelt,” he said.
Buck huffed out a laugh. “Well yeah. I wasn't going to just sit all the way over there while you were having a panic attack.”
Eddie looked over at where Buck had come from and then back at him. “You really did that for me?”
“Of course I did,” Buck replied.
What wouldn’t I do for you?
“Buck, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault-”
“No, it isn’t.” Buck could probably say that a thousand more times and Eddie still wouldn't believe him, but he had to keep saying it.
“It is, though. I made you come up here with me and now we’re gonna die-”
“No, Eddie. Stop it,” Buck snapped at him.
He didn't mean to be harsh, but maybe that was the only way for Eddie to finally shut up and listen.
“First of all,” Buck began. “You didn’t make me do anything. I wanted to do this with you. You got that?”
Eddie nodded.
“Second of all, none of this is your fault. You didn't cause the geomagnetic storm, did you?”
Eddie shook his head.
“And third of all…” Buck took a deep breath. “We are not going to die, okay?”
“But you said-”
“I said there was a chance. I didn't say it was absolute.”
Of course they would bicker over fucking semantics while they were stranded in outer space.
“I know this isn't exactly something we’ve dealt with before,” Buck continued. “But in any emergency, the most important thing is to stay calm, right?”
“Right.” Eddie’s voice was raw.
Buck lowered his head to meet Eddie’s eyes. “Can you do that for me?”
Eddie sniffled, nodding his head. “Yeah.”
“Good.”
Buck took a look around the spacecraft again, trying to assess it for damage. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he had to feel like he was doing something other than being a sitting duck.
“Buck, I need to tell you something,” Eddie said.
Buck immediately started to shake his head. “No, don’t. Not here.”
“Buck, please-”
“Eddie, don’t.” Buck’s voice cracked. “Please don’t.”
“I have to,” Eddie insisted. “You said it yourself, remember? There is a chance that we die up here. And I don't want to die without saying this, so can you please just let me say it?”
Buck was crying now. He had tried so hard to keep it together for Eddie’s sake, but he failed. Of course he failed. He always did. He had removed his hand from Eddie’s face, but Eddie was still holding his other one. Buck would've floated away if Eddie wasn't still holding onto him.
Eddie squeezed his hand. “You’re my best friend, Buck. The bestest friend I’ve ever had.”
Buck couldn’t help but smile at that, sniffling as the tears fell down his cheeks. “And you're mine.”
Eddie reached up and wiped the tears away just as Buck had done for him only moments ago. He let his hand linger over Buck’s birthmark, tracing it with his thumb.
“I was gonna tell you when we moved back from El Paso,” Eddie went on. “I was waiting for the right time, but…”
“Tell me what?” Buck’s heart was in his throat.
I didn't want it to happen like this.
“That I love you,” Eddie breathed. “I think I’ve loved you since the moment I met you. I’m just sorry that it took me this long to figure it out. Now it's too late-”
“No, Eddie.” Buck reached up and stroked Eddie’s hand that was still hovering over his birthmark. “It's not too late.”
“I had this whole thing planned.” Eddie chuckled. “A fancy dinner, Chris would stay at his friend’s for the night and then I’d take you back to the house and tell you.”
“Chris knows?”
Eddie grinned. “Duh. That kid figured it out before I did.”
Buck laughed, feeling lighter than he thought was possible in zero gravity. Eddie did love him. But there was still a big question mark hanging over their future together. Everyone on the ground was watching the launch on TV right now, including Christopher. What would happen to him if they both didn't make it out of here?
Eddie’s smile vanished as if he could read Buck's mind. “I don’t want my son to watch me die.”
Buck swallowed. “Yeah, neither do I.”
He didn't want to make any empty promises to Eddie. Tell him that everything would be okay when he didn't know for a fact that it would. He wanted to believe that Mission Control was doing everything they could for them on the ground. He wanted to believe that the 118 would somehow find a way to help them, too. They never gave up on each other.
“What are you thinking about?” Eddie whispered.
I'm thinking that I'm in love with you and now we’re both going to die.
“I love you, Eddie,” Buck murmured. “It took you jumping off a bridge to finally make me realize it.”
“What do you mean?”
The lack of gravity had caused the hair on Eddie’s head to stick up in the air. Buck couldn't help but chuckle before reaching over and running his fingers through it.
“You scared the hell out of me,” Buck admitted. “I thought I lost you.”
“I'm okay, Buck,” Eddie assured him.
“I know,” he replied, realizing how silly he probably sounded. “It’s just…the thought of something happening to you before I got the chance to tell you how I felt…”
He shook his head, not wanting to even consider any reality where he had to exist without Eddie by his side. Maybe it was meant to be this way, the two of them going out together in a blaze of glory. Eddie didn't believe in the universe or anything, but to Buck, this felt like fate. He didn't want to die, he still had so much he wanted to do. He wanted to see his niece and nephew grow up, see Christopher graduate college. But at least if he died like this, he wouldn't have to live without Eddie.
“Now you're stuck with me,” Eddie said, his words laced with guilt.
It was a poor attempt at a joke, but Buck knew what he really meant. You’re stuck up here with me and we’re probably going to die. Sorry I convinced you to come on this stupid trip.
“Eddie, listen to me,” Buck said. “There is nowhere I would rather be other than right here with you.”
“But-”
“No buts,” Buck cut him off. “Look, am I thrilled that our lives are literally hanging in the balance right now? Of course not. But don't think for one second that I regret being here with you, okay?”
Eddie was looking at Buck as if he'd hung the stars just for him. “Okay.”
Buck was still straddling him, Eddie’s hand the only thing keeping him grounded. He put his free hand down flat on Eddie’s chest, his heart jumping beneath his palm. He lightly tugged on the seatbelt strap.
“Do you trust me?”
Eddie’s breath hitched. “With my life.”
Buck’s thumb hovered over the seatbelt buckle. He looked up at Eddie, who gave him a small nod. He unbuckled the seatbelt and they both floated upwards as gravity loosened its hold on Eddie. Their hands were still intertwined, neither one of them daring to let go of the other.
Eddie cackled, grinning from ear to ear. “Buck, we’re flying!”
“Actually we’re falling,” Buck corrected, a matching grin on his own face. “But it's amazing, isn't it?”
Eddie tugged Buck’s hand, pulling him closer. He ran his hand through Buck’s curls, which were probably extra unruly in space.
“It's perfect,” he whispered.
Before he lost his nerve, Buck surged forward, grabbed Eddie’s face and put his mouth on his. He had dreamed of this, kissing Eddie, so many times. But the dreams were nothing compared to the real thing. How many people could say that they had their first kiss with the love of their life while they were literally floating in outer space?
“I love you, Buck,” Eddie said once they broke apart for air.
I want to hear you tell me that for the rest of my life.
“I love you too, Eddie.”
As Eddie pulled Buck in for another kiss, all of Buck's worries melted away. While their future may have been uncertain, he couldn't have asked for a better now. It seemed like the universe had been trying to tear them apart from the moment they met. It tried to bury Eddie under the earth, it tried to drown Buck in a tsunami, and now it left them unmoored in the sky. But they never stopped fighting to get back to the ones they loved. Buck liked their odds.