Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Jet is sitting and waiting. He doesn't know what he's waiting for, just that it isn't here yet, or hasn't happened yet. He's waiting, and he's perfectly calm, until he suddenly isn't. He feels a hot itch beneath his skin, and it spreads like wildfire all throughout him. It takes up all the space in his veins and fights its way out, bleeding through his skin and igniting as it meets open air. He holds his breath because he knows what comes next, but he has to breathe eventually, and it comes out as smoke when he does. It gets thicker, blacker, until he feels something horrible burst its way out of his throat and he exhales a plume of fire.

And then it's all extinguished and he's cold suddenly-- cold and wet and his eyes crack open to find that he's... home at his apartment.

"You were having that dream again," Smellerbee points out, sitting beside him and setting an empty bucket down. "Your breathing always gets weird when it happens."

Jet breathes in the cool air, if a bit damp, and exhales slowly. No smoke, no fire. It was just the same nightmare he always has, and it still has no bearing on reality. No firebender has found a way to do such a horrid thing to him yet, so he lets himself think it isn't possible no matter how many times he's forced to experience it.

He can't even have peace in his dreams.

"Thanks for the water," he says, wiping some of it from his face. His hair drips enough to replace it all soon enough.

"Didn't need you running around looking for it again."

She's still a little sore, but she cares. It helps that it probably felt good to wake him up with a sudden splash of water like that, even if it did help him.

Longshot is watching over him, too. Jet dares to glance at his eyes, but Longshot turns away before he can glean anything.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was acting like a jerk the other day," he finally admits. "But... you know me by now."

"We're worried about you, Jet," Smellerbee says for the hundredth time.

"You keep saying that, but what's there to worry about? I just want what's right for the world."

"Jet, you collapsed yesterday. You've been so obsessed over exposing some supposed firebenders that you made yourself sick! And then one of them made you the tea that got you back on your feet!"

"Yeah, he'll regret that."

"Jet!"

She immediately rises to her feet, furious with him.

"What? I was joking!" he lies with ease. "It was nice of him, even I know that. And, hey, you know what? Maybe I was already a little sick on the ferry. It's totally possible that I was seeing things when I thought I saw the steam that set me off to begin with. Okay? I'm good now."

Smellerbee seems to relax, her eyes going soft, but Jet finds himself being pulled up by his soaked shirt from another direction. He scrambles to stand with the motion, confused as to what the hell Longshot thinks he's doing.

"Don't lie to her like she's one of your marks," he warns in that quiet, mumbly voice of his. It's so rare for him to speak that Jet can't come up with any excuses fast enough.

"Jet, I'm begging you to just drop it! Look, I'm sorry I told you to get to know Lee! Just leave him and his uncle alone from now on, okay? We'll help you avoid them!"

"How? Gonna put me on house arrest?" Jet bites, shoving Longshot away from him. "You guys can't control me."

"You're... you're unbelievable!" Smellerbee shouts. "We've always been there for you! Jet, please just let this go! We can live normal, happy lives here if you'd just give it a chance!"

"Maybe you two can. I'm glad you have each other."

They let him leave, and Jet pretends not to hear a sob as he shuts the door behind him, pretends not to care. If the Earth King's strategy is just to ignore the Fire Nation and hope the war goes away on its own, Ba Sing Se will fall sooner or later. Even if those two do figure something out, they won't be safe for long. Nowhere in this world is.

Not that they're willing to hear him anymore. It doesn't matter that Jet's hair is still damp with the evidence that Smellerbee cares about him, they've been drifting apart ever since the Avatar showed up and made a mess of things. Just like how the rest of the Freedom Fighters abandoned him, claiming that they care, they respect him, but they just can't be involved anymore.

Hell, they even had Jet starting to think he was wrong. He can agree, at least, that innocents shouldn't be sacrificed even if it's to erase evil, but... it wouldn't take any innocent lives to just help him corner these two Fire Nation pariahs into revealing their true natures.

(Those kind eyes of Mushi's, his gentle tone of voice... he was very smooth, but ultimately Jet isn't convinced.)

If he's all alone now, then there's nobody to keep the peace with. Tonight, when Lee comes to spar with him, Jet will kill him whether he reveals his nature or not. If Mushi was truly so devastated after the loss of his son, he's sure he'll give up once he finds out he's lost his nephew, too. Jet makes this grave decision, and he means it.

But when night falls, when Lee does meet him in the empty lot, Jet's not any more capable of overpowering him than he was that first night. No matter how hard Jet tries to break free of the infuriating dance they find themselves entangled in, Lee meets him at every turn. As one inhales, the other exhales. Each exchange between them is completely perfectly matched. An advantage gained on one end, and then the other. An upper hand lost on one side, then its twin brought down in harmony.

The spar ends when Jet's hooks crash loudly against the ground, clattering as they slide and spin into the far wall. He's thrown them in frustration, and Lee takes that to mean they're done, putting his swords away ever so peacefully. The poser.

"Will you just fucking hit me?!" Jet barks at him. "You know you want to!"

"We just got done hitting each other! I'm going to bed."

Jet grabs him by the collar, bringing that scarred face of his close. He sees the way Lee sneers and snarls at him, wrenching that hand away in a little burst of rage so he can walk off. It's like looking in a mirror, Jet realizes, and he absolutely hates it.

"We're not done," Jet tells him.

Lee turns around just in time to dodge a fist thrown at his face, and he strikes back seemingly on reflex. Jet barely ducks out of the way and swings at him again, and Lee makes no effort to put space between them. No, they grab at each other in equal measure, devolving into a back alley fistfight like some common thugs. They both know they're just taking their frustrations out on each other at this point, but it works. Every time Jet's fist lands and his knuckles split open just a little more, he feels relieved. And every time Lee returns the favor with an aggression he's been trying his damnedest to hold back for who knows how long, Jet feels vindicated. He feels... right.

Even if the bastard still won't firebend.

"Enough!" Lee eventually decides, shoving Jet away from him. "How am I supposed to explain this to my uncle?"

"So we started roughhousing a little, big deal," Jet shrugs.

Lee looks at him in shock.

"Roughhousing?! I thought you were trying to kill me!"

"Pfft. Like you weren't coming at me just as hard? What, does that mean you were trying to kill me back?"

"Well... no."

His answer sounds so honest that it annoys Jet.

"Fine, go and get your beauty sleep, princess," he huffs, shoving past him.

"I'm... I'm not a princess! Or a prince! Why would you even say that?!"

Jet bursts out laughing. Does he not realize that denying such a juvenile insult is actually worse? He sounds so pathetic!

"Yeah, well... I bet you wish you could... sleep in a tree!" Lee tries to get back at him, but he somehow seems to be the only one insulted by it. "Augh, that's stupid! Why am I so stupid?!"

He only laughs harder at Lee's struggle. It feels so incredibly good, too! How long has he needed something like this?

"Fine! Laugh all you want! Goodnight!"

Lee storms by him, knocking Jet right over with the slightest bump. He's enjoying himself far too much to be worried about a little thing like balance-- and somehow, Lee stopping and glancing over at him in surprise and concern like that only makes it even funnier. Jet just rolls over onto his back and tries to catch his breath from his laughing fit, and Lee manages to sneak away at some point during it.

Since things are too complicated with Smellerbee and Longshot, and far too complicated with Lee despite Mushi's offer, Jet doesn't bother getting up. He may as well just sleep in the lot again.

When he wakes up, it's slowly and calmly after a dreamless night. He's still alone, and his hook blades are exactly where he'd thrown them last night. If those kids came by again and saw him, they must have thought it best to steer clear.

Still, it's messed up that they're being silenced. He hopes they'll show up and see him again, those kids deserve someone who will be frank with them. He's old enough for them to look up to, but young enough that he's not in with the crooked adults. Though, he'd probably be a rule breaker at any age...

With no real plan of action and very little money left, Jet wanders listlessly through the streets, keeping an ear open for any quick and easy job opportunities. Old people love to complain that nobody helps them, so all he has to do is swoop in and offer once he hears it. Even if it's only a one-day job, he'll at least get paid once.

"I just wish he could be here--"

The quiet voice is shushed, and its owner breaks into a sob.

"I know, honey, but it's best not to mention it."

Jet walks slower to eavesdrop a little.

"Why can't I mention our son at all?!"

"Shh! It's just..." The presumable husband looks around as he raises a comforting hand up onto the woman's back. "It's not about him, it's how we lost him. I miss him too, but mentioning that he's gone could prompt questions, and if we admit he was killed in the war..."

The conversation ends there, turning into nothing but wordless crying. Jet thought children were just being kept on a short leash, but are adults not allowed to mention the war either? No part of this is right.

He knows the smart thing to do would be to keep walking, but he can't help himself. He walks up to the couple.

"Hey," he says to get their attention, "don't let anyone silence you. If they wanna act like what you went through doesn't matter just to make themselves more comfortable, screw them. They can't pretend the war isn't real!"

"Son, I think you should go," the husband tells him sternly.

"Why?! He's right!" the wife argues, pushing his arm away from her. "Ever since we got here, you've just been trying to convince me not to mourn my son! Like you don't give a damn at all!"

"Lila, he was my son, too. It's not that I don't care, I just..."

His eyes widen, and he fights through her flailing limbs to grab her by the shoulders.

"Honey, get inside," he says, urging her to their front door.

"You need to come to your senses! The least you could do is be there for her instead of trying to shut her up!" Jet scolds the man.

He expects Lila to agree with him, but she must see whatever her husband saw, because she stops struggling to rush inside. Jet looks over his shoulder and sees three individuals who look equally as ominous as they do professional. He'd almost assume they're a group of assassins.

One walks up to him.

"You are being detained. Come quietly and answer our questions, and you will be released unharmed."

"Detained for what?! I didn't do anything! All I--"

"You're disturbing the peace and encouraging the propagation of lies."

"What..? What lies?! Nothing I said was wrong or ill-intended! It's not like I'm hurting anybody!"

Despite nobody being near him, something suddenly clamps around his wrists and drags him to the agents, his feet skidding along the ground as he's pulled as if by magnetism.

"Let go! You can't arrest me, I'm not doing anything wrong!"

They stuff him into a carriage and an agent sits there with him, tying two strips of cloth around his face to blind and gag him. Jet knows he can't win, but he kicks the agent anyway, frustrated when he only barely makes contact. When he lashes out again, he only meets air, and the rumbling of the carriage prevents him from hearing or feeling where the bastard must have moved to.

Eventually, the cart slows to a halt and the agents guide him somewhere else. He knows fighting won't get him anywhere, and he had plenty of time during the ride to simmer down. He'll just calmly explain his case to whatever judge they place him in front of, and then they'll have to let him go.

But wherever they've taken him to, they sit him down and restrain him. This doesn't exactly seem like a trial. When they remove the blindfold and gag, Jet has no idea what he's looking at. Someone stands very close to him, a glowing lantern sitting in front of them and providing what seems like the only light in the room.

"Look, I'm sorry. I get it, I was a little loud and I must have frightened some people. I won't do it again, okay?" he tries, though he doesn't actually plan on staying quiet and obedient.

"You won't, because there is nothing to be frightened of here," the agent in front of him tells him, his voice soft and even. "You will never feel fear again. So long as you remain within these walls, you can live in peace and harmony. There is no war in Ba Sing Se."

The lantern revolves around the agent, causing Jet to squint every time it gets close.

"Maybe not yet, but the Fire Nation won't just leave this place alone. What good does it do to try to hide the war?"

"There is no war. Your fears are unfounded. When you release them, you will know peace."

"For me to know peace, I'd have to forget what the Fire Nation did to me! You can't just erase the pain this war has put everyone through!" Jet snarls, squeezing his eyes shut on the next revolution.

"Keep your eyes on me," the agent instructs him, and he finds them forced open somehow. "Tear your fears up from the root and discard them. You don't need them anymore. Fear is an instinct to keep one safe, but you are already safe. There is no war in Ba Sing Se."

"It won't stay that way for long, I'm telling you! You can't just hope the Fire Nation will get bored after-- augh, after conquering the rest of the world!"

The light is starting to hurt, starting to leave spots in his vision. His eyes are starting to cling to it, and then he can't focus them on anything.

"Relax. Keep your eyes on me. There is no war in Ba Sing Se."

From then on, he hears the assurance so many times that the words meld together. So many times, that his muscles relax and his fears seem to seep out of him. Maybe there really is nothing to fear.

Maybe he's finally safe.

Chapter Text

"Hey, we actually finished ahead of schedule today! Nice work."

Jet looks up and sees that the sun is only just starting to release its light into the sky.

"Huh. Guess I'm getting good at this," he says.

"Guess you are!" his boss, Yu, agrees. "But, you know you don't have to spend all day in your dorm, right? We just provide 'em for convenience, you don't have to think of yourself as a prisoner. Why don't you go watch the sunrise, since you've got the chance today?"

"You know what? I think I'll take you up on that," Jet agrees, winding his arm to crack his shoulder. He'd managed to hurt himself just a little while moving cargo earlier. It isn't a big deal.

When is the last time he watched the sunrise? On the ferry ride to Ba Sing Se, he'd slept in because he had so much trouble getting to sleep the previous night. He's nothing if not adaptable, but the constant swaying kept his guard up too high to get much sleep for the first few hours. Back in the forest, swaying meant someone was messing with his treehouse.

He's put that life behind him, but he misses having his Freedom Fighters around. He'd lost so many friendships to his relentless obsession, and he can't figure out why he was ever so angry to begin with. He held so much rage inside that it poisoned him during his first few days here, he vaguely remembers. He knows he felt sick and angry and confused, and he knows what made him feel better.

Jet finds a good spot to watch the sunrise for a bit, and then he makes his way to Pao's tea shop. For some reason, he remembers exactly when they open, though he can't recall if he ever stepped foot inside...

No, no, he must have. How else would he have drank that tea? He's sure he got it from here. That illness really messed him up, to jumble his memories so thoroughly.

More importantly, he remembers the time he'd spent with Lee, who works here. Jet has been avoiding him for a bit because he's well aware that the way he'd been acting was uncalled for. Lee is someone he likes and admires. Why was Jet ever treating him like an enemy? They were just meant to be training partners, and the way they moved together during their sessions is the one thing that's still pristine in his memory. Jet was angry, was hurt inside, and he kept trying to take things too far with Lee. It wasn't fair of him to lash out like that.

But if he truly wants to change, he can't just ignore his past mistakes. He ought to apologize to Lee today. Maybe it'll be hard, and maybe Lee won't forgive him, but he at least has to try.

When the shop opens and Jet walks in, Lee is nowhere to be found, and Jet feels a guilty sort of relief more than any disappointment.

"Welcome! It has been a while, Jet," Mushi joyfully greets him. "My nephew has been worried about you in your absence."

"Oh... didn't mean to make him worry. Sorry about that. But hey, do you think I could order the same tea you brewed for me while I was sick? What was it?"

"Ah, ginger with honey!" he recalls with a smile. "Yes, I will get a pot started right away! My nephew will be with us shortly; he always takes a bit of extra time to prepare in the mornings..."

"Yes, Mushi here is always eager to get to work first thing in the morning, unlike that layabout nephew of his!" Pao comments as he's adding something to a paper menu. When he finishes writing, he places it on a stack of them, only to retrieve another from a separate stack. Changing the menu must be a real pain.

"My nephew is troubled," Mushi admits. "I apologize for his attitude, but please understand that he has been through much hardship."

Jet gets an odd sense of deja vu from that, but he shakes it off and finds a seat. He may be the first one in, but he isn't the only customer for long. He occupies himself with watching everyone else get situated, and then his tea is brought to him. Mushi turns to attend to the other customers, but Jet stops him momentarily.

"Hey, let me pay you now," he says, fishing coins out of his pocket to cover the tea and placing them in Mushi's hand. "My memory's been kind of hazy, so I don't want to forget."

"You aren't still feeling unwell, are you?" Mushi asks with concern.

"Eh, I should be fine. Whatever was bothering me so much, I'm pretty much over."

"Well, drink up just in case. This tea is not only delectable, but quite good for recovering from illness!"

"Trust me, I know," Jet huffs a good-natured laugh. He goes to take a sip, but finds himself contemplating the steam for a moment. There's a flash of something in his mind for the briefest span of time, far shorter than a second, and it leaves something along the lines of thunder in its wake, rumbling lowly as a lost companion of what just struck.

The surface of the tea ripples as he blows across it, and he drinks slowly and carefully. The taste is comforting, and it almost feels like the heat is trying to heal him. He closes his eyes and sighs deeply. Maybe he should have been coming here every day.

"Six-- what do you mean, six orders of the same tea to the same person?!" comes a growl from the kitchen.

"Six cups, but with different spices and flavorings added to each. What is so wrong with being a bit adventurous?"

With a huff, Lee comes out to deliver the tea to a customer on the other side of the shop. He sets the tray down with what seems like a practiced ease, and then he quickly gets fed up with the woman who ordered it rearranging the cups each time he sets one on the table. He hurries just enough not to spill and leaves her to it, eyes on the ground as he returns to the back.

Well, he may as well test the waters once he comes back out. As soon as Jet sees him again, he speaks up.

"Hey, Lee!"

Lee jumps when he hears his name, turning to fix Jet with a suspicious look.

"Yeah, hey," he says, unenthused. "What do you want, Jet?"

"Already got it," he says, lifting his cup and taking a sip.

"You... came just for tea?"

"Yup."

Lee brings an order to another customer before continuing the conversation.

"... You haven't been coming to practice," he notes.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I guess I was feeling weird again. Maybe that's why I ended up craving this tea today," he muses to avoid addressing his guilt, staring down at the gentle ripples as he twirls the cup. "It's what your uncle brewed for me when I wasn't feeling well. It's really good."

"Huh. Well... I'm... glad you're feeling better," he awkwardly congratulates.

There's light chatter here and there as more patrons filter in to sit and drink tea. It starts to get a tad crowded, but Jet takes his time. It's odd to watch Lee work; he focuses so hard on the tray he holds and just stares at the floor if he isn't carrying tea. He almost comes off as shy, if he didn't know any better.

Jet smiles to himself, and he catches Lee glaring at him when he notices it, almost questioning. Knowing Lee, it's more like he's daring Jet to speak his mind.

"Your hair's growing out," he points out. "Looks good."

Lee completely stops in his tracks, eyes narrowing at him.

"Who are you?" he asks.

Jet laughs.

"C'mon, I can't compliment you? I'm just in a great mood today!"

"I'm told my mood swings are bad, but they can't measure up to yours," he huffs before going and retrieving another order.

Right. Lee only really knows Jet as someone who's always angry, and always taking it out on him. He can't keep putting off what he came here to do.

"Hey, Lee? Think you could step outside with me for just a second?" he asks.

Lee first delivers the cups off of the tray he holds, then glances to Pao, who is in the middle of a conversation with Mushi. Rather than interrupt, he shrugs and hurries Jet out of the shop.

"What is it now?" he asks. "I have to get back before they notice I'm gone."

Jet bows respectfully to him, humble and genuine.

"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. I know I've been way out of line, and I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

Maybe he's surprised, or touched, or perhaps even angry it took him so long, but Jet doesn't see Lee's face with his head bowed like this. All he knows is that he doesn't get a response for a good few seconds, and then suddenly Lee grabs hold of his collar to drag him somewhere.

"What? What did I do?" Jet asks him as he's being moved, to no avail. When Lee releases him, they're just in a nearby dead end, offering them what little privacy it can.

"Who are you?" Lee asks again, and Jet doesn't get the sense he's joking.

"Lee, seriously? Who else would I be besides me?"

"You aren't acting like yourself."

"Am I really so bad that you think I'm a completely different person just because I apologized? I wanted to apologize because you deserve it! That's all!"

Lee seems half-convinced, yet ever more suspicious.

"Where have you been while you haven't been showing up to practice?" he asks. Jet sighs.

"Fair question, your uncle did say you've been worried about me," he says. "I got a job handling shipments in and out of the city. I mostly took it because they offered these little dorms for their employees, since I needed a place to stay."

"A place to stay? What about the last place you were staying?"

"Uh... I mean, I slept in that lot we sparred in a few times, if that's what you mean."

"What?! There's no way you were just sleeping outside that whole time! What about your friends? Where were they?"

"What friends?"

Lee rolls his eyes.

"Your Freedom Fighters," he clarifies.

"Oh, I forgot I told you about them. Sorry, my memory's been weird lately. But yeah, I'm starting fresh without them. We kind of had a falling out."

"I don't get it. That girl seemed so worried about you when she heard you passed out in the shop. What happened with her?"

"What girl?"

Lee just narrows his eyes at him.

"What?! I'm serious, I don't know who you're talking about! I left my Freedom Fighters behind back at our home base in the woods, I thought I told you that part on the boat?"

"Yeah, you said something went down that made your group break apart. Everyone scattered except the two who came with you to Ba Sing Se."

"Wait, what? Did a couple of them secretly follow me or something? I mean, I get that they don't trust me anymore, but that seems like a bit much..."

"Why are you lying to me?!" Lee explodes, taking an aggressive step towards him. "You're the one who introduced me to them on the ship in the first place!"

"Wha-- Lee, there must be some kind of misunderstanding here!" Jet argues as he backs away to keep distance between them. "I... Look, maybe I'm forgetting, okay? But I'm not trying to lie to you, I swear! I really thought I was all alone here, and I honestly don't remember seeing any of my old friends in the city. Or on the ferry, for that matter. I just... remember you, mostly. And your uncle."

"And what do you remember about us?" Lee asks, oddly suspicious. Well, maybe not so odd, considering he thinks Jet is acting strangely.

"Uh... I remember your uncle brews some great tea, and the two of us work really well together. I remember our training sessions, and I... remember that I was trying to take my rage out on you during them. I don't know why I ever blamed you for my problems, you didn't deserve that."

Lee looks concerned now, his guard dropping a bit. No, he looks hesitant. It's like he's fighting to get himself to say something-- or not to say it.

"Jet... did someone do something to you?" he asks.

"What? That's a vague question, but I don't think so."

"That's a lie. They got you, didn't they? I knew you wouldn't follow my advice."

"Who's they?"

"The Dai Li!"

"The Dai Li? But they're the authorities around here. So, what... you think I got arrested? Why would I get arrested?"

"For talking about the war, Jet! You refused to be quiet about it! You don't remember that?!"

Oh... he vaguely recalls having harbored some delusions, probably a symptom of whatever illness his rage had poisoned him with. He must have been drawing fruitless lines, desperately seeking a source for the fury inside him until he came up with one.

"I get it now," he says, calming down. "Lee, I don't think about that stuff anymore. I was afraid, is all. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. Then I did some thinking, and I realized that fear is just an instinct to keep you safe, but I'm already safe! There is no war in Ba Sing Se. We're all safe here. You can relax, too."

A crestfallen look drags Lee's features down. He doesn't look relaxed at all.

"They did get you," he realizes, his voice going soft. "Jet... what did they do to you? How..?"

"Nobody did anything to me, Lee. I'm perfectly fine, I just got a little sick before is all. Besides, don't you have to get back to the shop? They've definitely noticed you're gone by now..."

The reminder startles Lee and he quickly makes to rush back to work, but he stops and hesitates, fixing Jet with an odd look before turning back around and continuing on his way.

It's... a bit heartwarming, that Lee is so worried about him. Jet thought for a while that Lee probably never wanted to see him again for the way he'd acted. Whatever differences they have, they're both just troubled teens. Maybe Lee senses the same kinship that Jet feels with him.

Oh, he should have asked if Lee wanted to train again while he had the chance! It might not be a good idea to follow him now after this odd disagreement they've had, plus he's trying to work. Jet's own job sees him working from around midnight, so he turns in early these days. He'd have to sleep even earlier to make time for Lee, and then head to work right after.

He takes the day to run a few errands, and then he decides to see if he can get some sleep before what used to be their usual time to meet up. Come to think of it, he hasn't done anything fun or fulfilling since getting this job, so why did his mind ever stray so far from Lee?

It had to be the guilt. Even now that he's apologized, there's this awful feeling gnawing at him inside. He feels too drawn to Lee for it to be hatred, so what identity is left for it to assume but guilt?

The claim that the Dai Li "got to him" is of course absurd. Jet's memory has been iffy, but that's only because he got sick for a bit. Lee even confirmed that the vague memory he'd recalled of passing out unexpectedly in public was real. He would at least remember bits and pieces of anything strange happening to him. Wouldn't he?

When he falls asleep, he has an odd, short dream. There's a little round light suspended in the air, small enough that Jet could conceivably close his hand around it-- only, every time he tries, something prevents him from doing so. It's like there's a barrier around the light. He places his palm around the invisible wall and finds it warm. Hot, even. Its temperature seems to rise higher and higher the longer he touches it, but he becomes unable and unwilling to move. He just sits there motionlessly until it starts to burn his hand; until it's engulfed in flames.

He wakes up perfectly calm, but sweating profusely. A quick soak and change of clothes has him feeling much better, and he decides the dream isn't worth dwelling on. He has far better things to do, like convincing Lee to spar with him again.

What's strange is that, on the way to the tea shop, he swears he starts to feel a little sick again. That familiar faraway almost-nausea, his heart rising to whatever challenge it thinks he's facing with too much strength for how little he's doing. He doesn't need to be so on guard just walking to a shop. It may be a bit late, but he hasn't had any run-ins with muggers or the like as of yet... at least, not that he recalls.

When Jet pops in to see if Lee's shift is just about done, he spots him sitting at one of the tables with a cup of his own. Jet immediately moves to sit across from him with a casual smile, despite how oddly turbulent things are getting beneath the surface.

"You're back," Lee notes dispassionately.

"No need to sound so happy about it," Jet teases. "So, hey, wanna start training together again? I know I kind of flaked on you for a while, but I'm ready to get back to it if you are."

Lee regards him for a while, and then he casts his gaze off somewhere else. Jet doesn't have to follow his line of sight to know it's gone nowhere.

"Hey, come on. I know it's been a little bit, but it's not like I got rusty already," Jet prods him.

"... Okay," Lee says. Jet expects him to continue, but he doesn't.

"Just don't cry when I beat you," Jet ribs him to get a reaction.

"You can't."

He says it like it's a matter of fact, yet so somberly. He must just be in a bad mood.

"I bet getting some exercise will do you good," Jet comments, hopping out of his seat. "See you there."

Jet is as ready as he's ever been, but there's an odd feeling accompanying him that doesn't quite seem new. It feels like the night sky biting into daylight, like black seeping in and erasing the light. He tries to shake it off, takes deep breaths to calm himself, but something wants to roil within.

It's so unpleasant.

"Ready?"

Jet is the one who asks, the one who waited at least twenty minutes by himself in the empty lot for Lee to show up. He should be plenty prepared himself, yet he's immediately placed on the back foot once Lee engages him. It's quickly made apparent that during the short time he'd been skipping their training, Jet has gotten rusty. But why? He swears he'd gone longer without training and been fine. What about when he'd been imprisoned and his Freedom Fighters couldn't get to him for a few weeks?

... Why was he ever imprisoned? Who did that to him?

"Jet! Why aren't you trying?!" Lee admonishes him, putting a halt to their session.

"I am!" he argues. "What, you want me to be more aggressive?! Fine!"

It's nearly effortless, how Lee just stops him. It's like he can see every move Jet will make before they occur and takes measures against them in advance. His reflexes are essentially flawless and Jet... remembers being able to challenge them, but just can't anymore. Why?

"What's wrong with me?" he asks, just standing over where Lee had thrown his blades back to him. He should have caught them and gone right back to it, but...

Actually, why should he?

"Wait... why are we doing this?" he realizes. "What was ever the point of us training?"

"You're the one who brought it up, Jet."

"I know. I remember that I really wanted it. I just don't remember why..."

Lee sheathes his swords.

"They did something to you," he insists again, "and we're probably both better off for it. But you aren't you, and I think I know to bring you back."

"Nobody did anything to me!" Jet tries, but even he's starting not to believe it.

"I know why you wanted to fight me so bad, why you hated me so much. I knew you saw it, but you were hiding it. When I talked to my uncle after that time you fainted in the shop, I knew for sure. You told him you haven't forgiven him. Haven't forgiven us."

"Lee, what are you talking about..?"

"You can't stand up to me anymore because it isn't important to you anymore. I'm the reason you fight, and you've forgotten."

"You're the reason? But we only just met recently. I've been fighting for... forever, it feels like."

"Let me show you what you've been fighting your whole life."

Barehanded, Lee throws a straight punch in Jet's direction. His fist doesn't come close to landing, but it doesn't have to-- a burst of light blossoms from him and draws an instinctive scream from Jet's throat before it even manages to reach him, the flames already dissipating into the air before he has a chance to react.

That is, he doesn't react. Jet is frozen completely still, completely speechless. That black canvas erasing the light of day within him proceeds to claim an easy victory, and the brief fire wasn't nearly hot enough to justify how profusely he's sweating, didn't produce nearly enough smoke to explain how dizzy he feels. He takes a knee, the hand that comes down to steady himself landing on the handle of one of his blades.

His head splits open on the inside, the contents that had been hidden from him oozing out.

"Do you remember who we are to each other?" Lee asks him.

"Who we are?" Jet echoes in his shaky voice, quickly solidifying along with his growing fury. "Don't group me in with a monster like you."

He takes a swing at Lee's ankles in this low stance, undeterred when Lee avoids the attack, and then bounces straight back to his feet with both blades in hand. His supposed incompetence disintegrates, burned away by the flame Lee had thrown at him. They dance like they used to, and it only makes Jet angrier. It should be Lee on the back foot, he should have to know the same fear and pain he just put Jet through! The same that he's always been through!

"What's wrong, didn't your uncle teach you how to firebend?! You really only had enough to threaten me with?! Where's the rest?!" Jet furiously goads him, practically each word punctuated with the clanging and grinding sounds of steel on steel.

"I wasn't threatening you, Jet!"

"Your existence is a threat, you abomination!"

Just because Jet gets a good swing in doesn't mean it'll slice through skin. Lee parries him as expertly as he always does, and Jet evades his counterattack as per the flow of energy between them. It's absolutely horrid, how in sync they are. Jet needs to get the edge.

He needs to, because now he knows that he's all alone in his struggle. He finally got Lee to admit to being a firebender, but it doesn't fucking matter at all. As soon as he opens his mouth, the Dai Li will brainwash him again, imminent threat to the supposed peace be damned. He just spent however long it's been-- a month? maybe?-- having completely forgotten Smellerbee and Longshot were even here, and the last thing he'd done with them is lie and argue and storm out, never to be seen again. There's nobody Jet can rely on, so he has to win on his own. He has to!

At the very back of his mind, a disgusting thought dares to form; a memory of how Mushi had brewed him a tea best suited for helping him recover, how he'd offered to take him under his own roof. Subconsciously, Jet decides to take advantage of the hospitality of firebending scum.

When next the energy flows from his side outwards, something feels different about it. Jet chases that difference, using what he's learned from Lee to change the rhythm between them, even if only slightly. He starts imitating Lee's fighting style more than using his own, starts meeting him head-on more than he redirects his attacks.

When fire next blooms between them, why is it that they both look equally shocked?

"Thought you gave up?! What, are you ready to burn me to death?!"

"Jet... I didn't do that!"

"How stupid do you think I am?!"

Lee doesn't bother continuing the absurd lie, but something about their exchange just then has him faltering. Jet has to use this opportunity to be rid of him for good, has to keep pushing no matter how much fire he throws at him, be it on purpose or accidental. Even if he ends up arrested and brainwashed again, it'd be a worthy sacrifice to rid the city of firebenders.

But when Lee successfully knocks a blade from Jet's hand and he decides to strike without a weapon, something strange happens. Flame explodes from nowhere near Lee's hands, and they both flinch. Jet jumps back and glances around, suspecting Mushi is somewhere nearby and decided to interfere, somehow, but they're alone.

"Jet... are you doing that?"

The very suggestion, the very horrible, disgusting fucking idea, enrages Jet so thoroughly that he is at a loss for words. So he's resorted to using cheap tricks now?! What the hell kind of strategy involves making your opponent think they're attacking themselves?!

When he shouts, wordless, his voice breaks in his throat around a plume of smoke. He enters a coughing fit, growing unsteady on his feet the longer he's forced to try to exhale the impurity, and the lying bastard across from him has the gall to drop his weapons.

"Jet, calm down!"

He wants to argue with Lee, wants to ask what he'll do to Jet if he doesn't listen to him, wants to kill him for being stupid enough to let his swords go, but he can't do anything like this. With each shallow inhalation, he's only getting less air, and the thick smoke has an odd texture to it, like sparks across his tongue. Like fire threatening to form.

"What are you doing to me?!" he tries to croak out, barely making a sound in the process.

"Calm down or you'll choke to death! Look, I won't do anything!" he claims, raising his empty hands. "Just relax and breathe!"

How is he supposed to relax with a firebender standing over him?! And when must Jet have fallen his knees..? He's beginning to grow numb. It's all he can do to keep his eyes on Lee, refusing to let him out of his sight, all while he looks around and panics like a solution to all his problems will appear in a filthy corner of this empty lot they share.

While Jet only continues to struggle, his coughing growing weaker as his vision starts getting hazy, Lee stops his panicking and walks forward. Jet barely notices that he must be lying down now, Lee's feet falling to his left rather than below him.

"This happened to me when I was little. My sister... didn't care much for me. I thought she just did it to hurt me, but maybe... I'm sorry."

He brings his foot swiftly into Jet's chest and what little was left in his lungs evacuates immediately, finally leaving room for him to inhale. The second he's able, Jet scrambles away from Lee, still heaving for air.

"Jet, I didn't do any of that," Lee insists. "I wouldn't even know how to put fire directly in your lungs! That's not something I could do to you."

"Then who did?!"

"It... couldn't have been anyone but you, Jet."

Completely absurd and impossible!

"You need better scare tactics," Jet growls.

"I'm not trying to scare you. I'm only telling you what happened. It's not like I expected you to be a firebender--"

Both of them are unarmed, but Jet lunges at him anyway, tackling him to the ground even in his weakened state.

"Don't call me that! I'm not a monster like you! I'm not..."

His protests die down as his restored memory struggles to scan itself. He's remembering when his village was burned down, remembering that despite how hurt and afraid he was, all he wanted to do was fight the firebenders responsible. He would have gotten himself killed trying, if only he could find them. How could he not find a single one?

"I'm not..."

His recurring dream of having fire in his veins, in his lungs... He can't bring himself to say it again.

Jet barely has the presence of mind to grab his hook swords as he flees. He doesn't have a goal in mind, barely even sees whatever must be in front of him. He crashes through more than a few passersby as he runs, and he doesn't break his stride for the briefest second.

Chapter Text

Jet doesn't bother showing up for work, but he doesn't sleep either. He doesn't go home. He'd ran from Lee, his mind in a tizzy, and barely registered what he was doing as his feet carried him impossibly far. Eventually, he stopped to catch his breath, trying to get a handle on his thoughts and force them to come grinding to a halt...

He doesn't know what building it belongs to, but he's been sitting quietly on a roof for hours now. He'd instinctively looked for a high place to hide at some point and found himself running across rooftops, and this one just so happens to have a large tree looming over it. It's so much more sparse and open than he would have liked, but this place is at least a hollow echo of his old home.

He'd sat at first with his knees to his chest and his hands clamping down on his head, anything to get closer to the inside of his skull and rip those thoughts right out. He scoured his memory of that horrid night, hot tears streaming down his face as he tore that old wound open and mired himself in it. He just wanted to recall the tiniest hint as to who was responsible, a name, a face, a voice... anything.

But he couldn't remember. It was nearly a decade ago, and he was too young. There's no way he did that to himself. He knows it's impossible, so how did that fear dig its claws in so very deep? Why did it feel almost like the curtain had been pulled back on a secret he'd hidden away himself?

To start with, I'm not a firebender... he'd weakly thought to himself. But when he focused, when he tried to replicate that feeling from earlier, that flow of energy, he found sparks crackling to life around his hand, threatening to form a flame. His hands trembled hard enough to extinguish what little was trying to breathe there, and then he just felt hollow.

He's been sitting near-catatonic since then. Lee couldn't have followed him this far, and he knows he's alone. There isn't anybody to blame but himself. He's a firebender. He's never been a firebender, never been Fire Nation, but he just is now, suddenly. It's almost as if he let his hatred for them sink in so deeply that it transformed him into the object of his obsession. Wouldn't Smellerbee be so satisfied, after having scolded him for being too obsessed?

If he'd just listened to her and let it go, this never would have happened. She was only ever trying to look out for him, but Jet had convinced himself that she was turning on him, that she was a misguided fool. He's been the misguided fool all along-- passionately exterminating his own kind, apparently. He's an abomination just like the rest of them.

It may simply be the "truth" that he's uncovered, supposedly, but it's a horrific and ugly thing that he's faced with. He would have been so much happier if he'd just listened to her, if he'd just let go of his grudge and chosen to live a peaceful life. But there's a reason it isn't in his nature, isn't there? Yes, that's exactly why he has the capacity for such wild, stubborn rage. It's exactly why being with Lee feels so much like trying to fight his own reflection.

In his subconscious, he must have had some inkling. Here Jet thought that recurring dream of his was simply a nightmare concocted by his fear of fire. He thought that if it ever came true, it'd be while he burned to death fighting the Fire Nation. He never supposed the flame coming from within was significant. How could he possibly have thought it was his?

He's had plenty of time to dwell on it all night. His eyes are tired as he watches the sunrise, but he doesn't bother thinking of sleeping. He'll just have a far worse nightmare than usual-- maybe even worse than the one he's already living, for that matter. The rest of the city slowly begins waking up and milling about, as life dares to go on without him.

He could probably listen to the quiet chatter on the streets beneath him if he tried, but Jet's ears attune themselves to the sounds of nature. A small bird tweets its song from the tree above him and Jet whistles back in almost perfect imitation. Then, numbly, he cups his hands around his mouth and coos his own birdsong: his Freedom Fighters' code for "come back".

"Talking to birds?"

Jet doesn't look for the source of the voice.

"Better than talking to you," he snips back.

"Look, I know this must be a lot to take in, but we should talk about it. We're--"

"Don't say we're the same," Jet cuts him off. "I'll seriously put an end to you right here, I don't care who sees."

"... You're the one who said we were alike."

"Oh, you mean before I realized what you are? I'm sure I'll find out the reason you were hiding it from me soon enough. Ba Sing Se will fall because of you, and its people are too complacent to even notice."

"For fuck's sake, Jet, we're not here to take over the city! Look, I'm sorry you're upset, but if you're..." Lee hesitates for a moment before coming up to join him on the roof so he can lower his voice. "If you're going to run around accidentally firebending, you need to learn to get it under control. You don't want to be responsible for a disaster."

Jet turns away from him.

"I am a disaster," he says. "Just let me burn out in peace."

"Fine! Why don't you go and let the Dai Li brainwash you again?!" Lee barks, jumping back down off the roof. "Here I thought I was doing you a favor, giving you your identity back."

"By firebending at me, you freak?!" Jet calls after him, not caring who hears. Lee flinches, pausing briefly, but he doesn't turn back to address Jet. He just continues storming off.

Jet curls up with his head in his hands again. He knows he can't have been responsible for it. Even if he could firebend, could accidentally cause a spark, an eight year old who doesn't know what he's doing can't burn down a whole village. He knows he didn't do it, even if he doesn't have proof. He knows it was the Fire Nation.

But every time his internal temperature rises as he fights himself, he starts to panic-- even if he didn't burn his own village down back then, what if he accidentally does it now? He can't keep switching back and forth between anxiety and numbness like this.

There's a tea he could drink for that, surely. He scoffs at the thought, but it's the only thing that keeps his nerves at bay for the moment. It's something else to focus on, even if the idea of going to firebenders for any kind of help disgusts him enough that his nausea threatens to return. Then again, he's one of those horrid creatures now. If this entire nightmare is to be believed, he always has been.

What is he supposed to do? Pretend like all of this never happened and live in fear of losing control again? Go back to Smellerbee and Longshot and lie to their faces again? Or tell them what he is so they can revile him, much like Jet himself would have?

Should he just find a taller building than this and jump off and be done with it? No, he doesn't even need a building. He could just scale the great wall and fall right down. Nobody would know what happened when they find his body except for Lee, if he ever even hears of it. And how would he feel? Would he shed a fake tear? Would he even bother?

(Would he, too, feel like he's lost something?)

But when he imagines Smellerbee's face if she were the one to find him like that, he knows he can't bring himself to do it. It doesn't matter that they have their differences, that they argue at times. The Freedom Fighters are the closest thing to family Jet has, and the last thing he wants to do is hurt them. Despite the fact that he already has...

His legs protest and shake when he finally gets up, climbing down from the roof a little more carefully than usual as a concession to them. He hasn't slept, hasn't eaten, still has no idea what to do, but he knows exactly where his feet are taking him. He knows, and he doesn't fight it, and whatever happens next will be just as much his own damn fault as everything else has been.

He stops in front of the tea shop, begging himself not to walk in. How can he possibly show his face right now? To accomplish what?

"If you ever have need of shelter, for your body or your soul, you are always welcome under my roof."

The old man's words still linger in his mind. He hadn't forgotten them even while his memory had been compromised. Jet turns and walks away from the tea shop, taking a different path instead.

It wouldn't be the first time he's broken into their home. He sneaks in the same way he did before, instinctively avoids a creaky floorboard he'd discovered last time even though the place is empty. He checks what few rooms are in the apartment to be sure, and once he knows he's alone, he sits on his knees by the front door, and he waits. His eyes beg for sleep and his stomach fights him for its right to be fed, but he holds his ground and ignores them.

His vision starts to get bleary as he waits-- when it isn't black from his body trying to doze off without him. He's waiting for something, fire in his veins. Jet furiously shakes his head. He's awake. He isn't dreaming. He refuses to dream, terrified of what he might see. He's awake, and he'll stay awake.

He'll stay awake, even as steam wraps its tendrils around him, curling to lick at his jaw and seep its heat into his skin. Like a creature of its own, like a pet happy to see him; happy to be with its owner. Horrid, ugly thing. Repulsive, unforgivable, evil.

Jet's eyes snap open and he stumbles back onto his tailbone, legs completely numb.

"Are you alright?"

Mushi stands before him with a hand on his knee as he bends to meet him, the other offering him a teacup. Jet's voice breaks off in his throat before he can even try to lie.

"No," he admits in a whisper.

"Drink up. It is chamomile tea with a bit of lemon juice. It should help calm your nerves, while invigorating you enough to tolerate a bite to eat."

Jet tries three times to ask why, but his voice fails him each attempt. Shaky hands reach for the tea and share the weight of the cup between them. He brings it to his lips and takes a hesitant sip. It can't instantly cure all his problems, he knows that isn't possible, but it draws tears down from his eyes and seems to help with his trembling. The warmth spreading in his chest feels comforting, despite everything.

"I'm sorry," he says in his hoarse, broken voice. "I don't know what to do."

"There is no need to apologize," Mushi calmly assures him. "Before anything else, you need to eat. Please, help yourself."

He sits beside Jet on the floor, gesturing to a small assortment of plates and bowls he'd already set down between them. The stream of tears doesn't stop as he eats, and neither do the pain and guilt ebb away. He was already miserable in his own way before all this, but at least he had something to cling to. Is this really all the life that's left for him? An ugly duckling taken in by monsters now that he's grown into his true form? He barely tastes the food in his current state, but he almost hates that it isn't offensive to his tongue, hates that he can force it down his throat.

"If you wish to share, please tell me what troubles you so deeply," Mushi tells him once Jet is finished eating. There's still a part of him suggesting that he get up and run right now, and he pushes it down the same way he's been doing.

"I'd assume Lee already told you everything," he says.

"All my nephew told me was that he went looking for you because you'd disappeared last night. He was late to his shift this morning... he said he didn't think you'd slept. I know he doesn't let on very much, but I think he is worried about you. He can be prickly at times, but you matter to him."

It takes Jet more than a few moments to work up the nerve to explain. Where should he even begin? From the very start? From the spark he'd felt meeting Lee on the ferry to the infuriating betrayal when he'd caught Mushi firebending? His obsession that followed, how he stalked the two of them for days before deciding to try to trick Lee into firebending in front of him? How he refused to keep quiet and got himself brainwashed, only for Lee to risk everything just to remind him who he is? How Jet wanted to kill him for it...

Everything comes spilling out-- everything. From the trauma he'd suffered as a child, the incident in the woods with the Avatar, the consequent falling out he'd had with his Freedom Fighters and how Jet agreed that he needed to change, to the ferry ride and how he quickly slipped right back to how he always was. He even admits to trying to kill Lee, to trying everything he could think of to get the edge on him in his desperation, until he suddenly began choking on his own smoke and Lee saved him again.

He hadn't even thought of it that way until he recounted it to Mushi. Lee saved his life when he did that. Twice in one night, mere minutes apart, he handed Jet his life back; spiritually and then physically.

"I'm... I'm sorry," he says, disbelief overflowing out through both his voice and his eyes. He can't believe it, but he's sorry. He feels grateful towards a firebender and regrets having wronged him. Jet, of all people.

He first shifts forward to his knees, and then bows with his nose to the floor.

"Please teach me to control my bending," he requests. "I don't even know where to begin, and I'm terrified of it getting away from me. I... I don't know what else to do. I know I don't deserve your guidance, but please... There's nowhere else for me to go."

"Please get up, Jet," Mushi says softly. "Of course I will teach you to control it. You need not ever use it to harm others, but you must know enough to prevent it from doing so of its own accord."

Jet pushes up by his hands, shocked that he was instantly accepted.

"Why would you agree to help me so easily after everything I've done?" he can't help but ask.

"Everyone makes mistakes, especially in one's youth. Whatever has happened in the past, you need help right now. I believe in second chances, and I believe very strongly in nurturing troubled youth, no matter how much they may kick and scream along the way. I could never turn you down. Not when you remind me so much of my nephew..."

Jet turns to silent tears, speechless for a moment.

"Thank you..." he eventually manages, seeking no further explanation. "I promise I won't disappoint you."

"Even just expressing your willingness to step onto the right path is an important component to change. Your destiny is up to you, Jet, but it would fill my heart with pride and joy if one so similar to my troubled nephew could find peace and satisfaction. It would give me hope that someday, he, too, will find his way."

"It's okay. To repay you for teaching me to control my bending and him for saving my life, I'll drag him to wherever he needs to go. I won't let him get lost, I swear," Jet promises. "Even if it's... hard."

"The best outcome rarely lies at the end of the easiest path. Choosing to take on hardship is often the only way to enact positive change. And... I thank you, Jet. Sometimes I wonder just how much guidance my nephew can tolerate from me, but I think having a friend like you to keep him focused would do him a world of good."

Dishes are cleaned and put away, and Jet takes the time to stretch his legs. He's still tired from staying up all night, still has a headache from neglecting his stomach, and his nose is still running a little from crying, but he finally feels... okay. He's a bit anxious, but something about Mushi makes him such a reassuring presence, even knowing he's a firebender. Jet had fallen victim to that sensation even before reaching this point, allowing the tea he'd brewed to calm him and right his head while secretly cursing him all along.

But he's just so uncompromisingly kind. If he were ever going to hurt Jet, today would have been his best chance. He had plenty of time after discovering Jet having dozed off in his home, or he could have struck while he was spilling his heart-- could have attacked him in anger for so many reasons as Jet told him how much hatred he'd been harboring towards him and his nephew, or especially his intent to kill them. Despite everything, Mushi only sees a child who needs a guiding hand, and Jet has always hated being treated like a child after he'd been forced to grow up so quickly, but...

Maybe a child isn't merely a petulant nuisance to be dismissed or condescended to. Maybe a child's inexperience is not a failing, but something one should take gentle care and pride in correcting. Jet has never trusted or cared for any adults, never felt like he could rely on them for anything, but Mushi is different. Despite being from the Fire Nation, Mushi is the way an adult should be.

Jet doesn't say any of that out loud, doesn't know how he could, but he feels it strongly even as his oldest instincts beg to disagree. They want him to think this is all some elaborate, sadistic trap, but he just can't be bothered to entertain those suspicions right now.

"It has been a long time since I have instructed someone from the very beginning," Mushi notes, "but the basics are the most important part of any art. I'm sure you have heard plenty about bending, but I ask that you please have patience and take what I am about to explain seriously."

"I will," Jet nods.

"You should know that bending is not merely about using the power of an element for yourself. Bending is a conversation, and one must first respect the element they mean to control if they ever expect it to reciprocate. I understand that it is difficult, coming from a place of trauma, but if you cannot soothe your inner hatred of the element you were born with, it will respond in turn, and it will burn you up without hesitation. There are people in this world who abuse their power to cause harm, and you needn't forgive them, but you must forgive fire."

"I... don't think I understand," Jet speaks up. "I always heard fire was the element of rage. Wasn't that why I was able to do it? I finally got angry enough? Getting rid of my hatred would only make it harder to firebend, in that case."

"You were suddenly able to firebend not because of your rage, Jet, but because of your form," Mushi corrects him. "My nephew was raised a firebender, and he utilizes firebending forms even in his swordplay. To utilize proper form is to show respect to the element that you are bending. You may not hold respect for fire in your heart, but it saw your form, and it assumed."

"You talk like fire has a mind of its own..."

"Of all the elements, fire is the one best described that way. But while fire can cause death and destruction, it is also an aspect of life. It is the warmth from the sun that lights the way, that allows crops to grow so that people may eat. To be warm, in moderation, is to be safe and comfortable. Too little heat, and you would freeze. Too much, and you would burn."

"I've heard "all things in moderation" before. I kinda thought it was about drinking, though."

Mushi laughs, a hearty and genuine sound.

"It most certainly is, though that is only one way to apply the sentiment. But that is a good example. Let's set aside alcohol and look instead at the element of water. If you face water unprepared, you could be drowned. If you were to go entirely without, your body would suffer and weaken, eventually dying. Water and air comprise some of the world's most common and deadly natural disasters, yet it does not make these elements evil. Earthquakes may open fissures and snatch away lives, yet all of us have no qualms about relying on earth to hold us up, to provide a space for us to live. All elements, at their core, are neutral."

"I can get that. The only evil is people, and on some level I can accept that. It's just that the Fire Nation raises its people to be violent and evil, so of course firebenders are the villains of the world."

"Unfortunately, there isn't much argument I can make against that. There is indeed a disproportionate amount of firebenders who only respect the element as far as what it can do for them, and they only respect their element. Some seek to wipe out the other schools of bending entirely, like the tragedy of what happened to the Air Nomads. I myself once witnessed a firebender committing atrocities against the spirits, and I was powerless to stop him. I mistakenly thought that his reason would win out over his petty pride, and I sought to dissuade him with words before actions. A young girl sacrificed her life to restore the spirit he'd killed..."

"You're, uh, not doing a lot to inspire me to have faith in firebenders," Jet points out.

"In truth, that isn't my goal. It may not be wise at this time," Mushi admits, a hand on his beard. "However, I dream of a future where everyone realizes that these things that separate us are only imaginary. Even spirits and humans have fewer differences than one would imagine, although... after seeing what some humans are willing to do to spirits, a part of me wonders if we can't be trusted with even knowing they exist. But I digress; let us work on your bending."

Mushi goes and retrieves a pot of tea, pouring a cup and handing it to Jet. The steam rises towards him and the warmth seeps into his hand.

"For now, I'd like you to focus on this cup of tea, on its heat. Treat the steam almost as a living thing, and observe it like you would birds flitting about through the trees. Allow its heat to enter your body, first through your hand, and then down to your stomach as you drink."

"I... I think I've already been doing that," Jet realizes. "I thought I was crazy for thinking the steam was kind of alive."

Mushi strokes his beard again, a brow raised.

"Please take no offense, but it almost sounds like you are a natural firebender..." he says.

"I think I'm just... really aware of it, is all. When you're afraid of something, you want to keep an eye on it, right?"

"That is a brave mindset that not many have. Most would avoid their fears at all costs, not insist on facing them."

"Don't get me wrong, I've always dreamed of living in a world without firebenders... no offense. It's just that, while something I'm afraid of does exist, and while I know it's near me, I just get this feeling like I have to keep staring at it and dealing with it until it's gone and it can't hurt me anymore. Like, uh... if you were afraid of spiders and found one in your house, wouldn't you want to kill one as soon as you saw it instead of letting it roam around, doing whatever it wants behind your back?"

"Personally, I would prefer to let any lost spiders outside rather than killing them, but I do understand the comparison," Mushi gives him. "To me, Jet, it sounds as if you haven't found closure for what happened to your parents. You have no specific target for your fury, the group of people actually responsible for the attack, and you lash out because you paint every member of the Fire Nation with the same brush. This is due to your lived experience, and cannot be helped until you personally encounter members of the Fire Nation who manage to change your mind, as I hope my nephew and I have."

"I think you have. I know I'm desperate right now, but... I've been having weirdly mixed feelings about you guys this whole time. That was why finding out the truth about you hurt so bad. It's not just that I was deceived, I felt... I don't know, like I got tricked into liking you guys and wanting to help you, and then had it thrown in my face."

"It is important for you to confront and identify these feelings, so that you may better understand yourself and the things you experience," Mushi tells him. "Now, please take a drink. Focus on the heat as it travels down."

Jet pulls a sip from his tea, holding it in his mouth for a moment before swallowing. He visualizes a little dragon slowly flying through his body, and feels a bit childish for it.

"There is life everywhere, in every element, and the reason why we ascribe personalities to these things is because their spirits may have acted in those ways, back when we as humans were able to know them."

"Just to be sure, that was before your time, right?"

"Oh, very much so," Mushi laughs. "How I only wish I could have lived back when spirits roamed the world, but then I would be unable to be here now."

"So, what... was the fire spirit angry and violent while the water spirit was calm and soothing or something?"

"There are many different facets to the personalities of every living thing. Even if we say the fire spirit was angry and violent, as you put it, how could it have maintained that at all times? How did it act in moments of calm, and how frequent were they? Was it characterized by anger and violence because it sought to abuse its power to harm others? Or could that be a judgement placed upon it after it was pushed to that point? Perhaps the fire spirit embodied the calm warmth of the sun, and the water spirit embodied the raging waves that swallow ships down into their depths. Perhaps lung diseases exist because the air spirits were fickle, and didn't wish to share their gifts with just anyone. These are uncharitable assumptions to make..."

"I understand. I'll try not to let my view of firebenders taint how I see fire itself. I know we can't have life without light, and I know we use fire to cook our food. It's just... hard to forgive fire after seeing it be misused so much. After watching it take everything from me, after having it thrown at me with the intent of taking my life..."

"Just as steel cannot be blamed for the actions of those who would wield it to wreak havoc, please understand fire as separate as well. Now, your tea has cooled enough that you can no longer see the steam. Isn't that just a shame?"

"You... want me to try heating my tea?"

"I want you to trace your grudge against me to its root and step into my shoes. Breathe deeply and visualize the steam returning. Hold the cup in one hand and raise the other like this," Mushi says, demonstrating with his own cup; his hand is held firm with the palm facing the cup. "Once you are ready, try to infuse your breath with the steam you wish to see returned."

"Infuse my breath? But what if I start choking again?"

"You are safe here, Jet. If you begin struggling, I will do everything I can to keep you from harm. Now, calmly and with respect towards fire, you must ask it to converse with you."

"Uh... converse with me, huh?"

"Not in a literal sense," Mushi clarifies, "although I might recommend that as part of meditation, at least at the beginning. Now, allow me to demonstrate."

Jet hears him inhale, and then Mushi breathes out thick steam that melds into the tea and rises back up, renewed. He takes a satisfied sip, and then resumes the same position for Jet to study.

He focuses on the teacup, carefully mirroring Mushi's stance. He breathes deeply a few times, slowly bracing himself, and then he visualizes that dragon he'd swallowed crawling back up through his throat as he exhales.

He flinches as he breathes steam, his mouth suddenly as hot as the tea he'd drank a moment ago, but it wasn't enough. He successfully breathed steam over the cup, but it didn't do anything to heat the tea, merely skirting off its surface.

"A good start. Just keep in mind that you can try as many times as you need to."

The more Jet tries and fails, the more frustrated he gets. He'd thought at first that his attempts were at least having some small effect, because the tea was still warm, but he realizes how useless he really is as it cools off more and more. Now, it remains practically ice cold no matter what he does.

"It can be difficult to strike a balance, especially after a past negative experience from excess..." Mushi assures him. "You fear your fire attacking you from the inside again, and it causes you to hold back, even if you don't intend to."

Jet huffs, completely sick of this exercise.

"Where's Lee, anyway?" he asks, changing the subject. "I kinda thought he'd show up any minute once you got here."

"I had come home to retrieve something I'd meant to bring to the shop today, but when I found you here... well, I went back and asked for the rest of the day off. Admittedly, my nephew may be working overtime because of this. I only worry he may have quit his job and stormed out by now..." Mushi wonders, glancing at the door like Lee might burst through in a rage at any moment.

It's probably better that he's not here. Jet isn't sure how to face him again, with his feelings still in such turmoil.

"Well... I shouldn't be here when he gets back. The last thing he needs after a long day of work is to get into another fight with me," he says.

He hands his teacup back to Mushi and stands to offer him a respectful bow.

"For now, just meditating in your free time will allow for more progress than you can imagine. There is no need to push yourself," Mushi advises him as he sees him out.

He's right. It's not like Jet is trying to hone a weapon, he just wants to make sure his own bending won't get out of hand. As long as he has a choice in the matter, as soon as he figures out how to control it, he'll never firebend again. Then it won't matter what he is, and he won't have to tell anyone about it. It can just be a secret between him, Lee, and Mushi.

But in the meantime, meditation...

Chapter Text

While Jet has been understandably distracted lately, he chooses not to miss too much work. He couldn't help skipping one night, but he comes in and offers an excuse for his absence the next and proceeds to work his usual shift with his mind still full of distractions. The fact that he can't even focus on something so simple, that he's gotten so used to, only seems to hammer home the fact that his life will never be the same after that horrid revelation.

Respect fire. Forgive fire. He tried to be understanding in front of Mushi, but where is he even supposed to begin trying to forgive the thing that ruined his life? Of course he understands that his tragedy was brought about by an abuse of power by bad people, that they're to blame and not the element itself, but how is he supposed to hold any love for it after it was used to hurt him?

After his shift, he returns to his dorm to figure out a meal. Throughout his life, he's spent many a day and night staring silently at the fire that cooked whatever food he'd managed to find. Mushi said that bending is a conversation, so... maybe he shouldn't be so silent.

Jet takes the spark rocks that he recently recalled were stolen all along and he grinds them off of each other enough to create a tiny flame. He's always been wary of excess when cooking or keeping warm, trying his hardest to get by with the bare minimum. That habit will probably serve as another roadblock to learning how to firebend.

Despite that, he decides his goal today will be to raise a weak, tiny flame into one at least big enough to cook with. He stares down at the little, flickering thing and he clears his throat.

"Hey. So, uh... how's life?"

He can't help but snort at his own sorry attempt at small talk. Coincidentally, the flame peters out to leave him completely alone.

"Yeah, I thought it was bad too," he agrees before striking the rocks against each other again.

If he's going to be talking to the fire, he should at least think of something to say. Watching a spark take on life of its own again, Jet thinks of Lee, and he decides to project him onto the flame. He decides to say the things he can't figure out how to say to his face.

"You were right, Lee," he says. "We both would have been better off if you would've just let me stay brainwashed. So why did you help me anyway? And when I started choking like that... it was while I was trying to kill you. Did you really not realize it? Why did you save my life? Why did you come looking for me the next morning?"

The tiny flame flickers all along as he speaks, and Jet loses track of how many times it's already threatened to go out.

"Maybe you feel the need to repent. Maybe you just want answers. Do you think you're special? That I just hate you and nobody else? Well... there is something special about you. I feel like you're the other half of me, and it kills me inside. I couldn't tolerate feeling that kind of kinship with a firebender... but I guess now I know why. We're not any different, are we? It doesn't matter how much I hate it. I already know the truth won't bend no matter how angry I get. I'd have my parents back if I had that kind of power."

The flame peters out again and Jet replaces it with another.

"You could have walked away and left me for dead. You should have. But you didn't. I never thought I'd be grateful to a firebender... much less two of them. But how am I supposed to thank you? Should I just... pretend to be brainwashed again? Show up and start acting like we're best friends all of a sudden? Even if I apologized, would you even accept it?"

Now's as good a time as any to practice, he supposes. He takes a deep breath and clears his throat.

"I've been lost my whole life, and all I knew was to lash out at any hints of fire I saw before it could burn me down again. I tried again and again to hurt you because of it, and I'm truly sorry. You didn't deserve that, and neither did your uncle."

It sounds too much like the apology he'd made while he wasn't in his right mind, doesn't it? Will it have Lee eyeing him as suspiciously as he did last time? Would he even bother taking him seriously?

"Fire should be used to nurture life. I guess I always felt that way, subconsciously, but I never found the words for it. And I guess... I don't need a world without firebenders. I just want more of them to be like you and your uncle."

His uncle Mushi, who took Jet in without hesitation, who only wanted what was best for him even while they were complete strangers. Mushi, who held steadfast to that ideal even after Jet confessed everything, who continued speaking to him calmly and kindly no matter what.

"I barely know him, but I kind of envy you for getting to grow up with him. He keeps saying we're alike, but how did you ever turn out as bad as me with him around?"

He recalls something Lee said a while back, something about a strict parent laying a hand on someone. It was only a metaphor, and he doesn't exactly remember what was said by now, but something about that conversation had given him pause. He remembers thinking he'd ask about it later, but he'd prioritized something else and got swept away by it.

If Lee and his uncle are firebenders, it surely follows that his parents are just the same. Is that how he got his scar? As punishment from a parent?

... For speaking out about the war?

"That's... that can't be right," he says, but can't it? He already knows Lee is different, already knows he's troubled and complicated.

Jet wants to do the right thing, but he struggles because his hatred leads him astray. If Lee was punished for being against the war, or whatever it was he said about it to earn that scar, then he isn't just being led astray from the right path, he's being pulled, shoved. For him to be so reviled by his own people, by his own parents, that he was attacked by them and had to run away from his country to hide here in Ba Sing Se... he tried to do the right thing, or at least say the right thing, and he was taught that it was wrong. He had it wrested from his hands and placed on a high shelf, but still he reaches for it. Even when it could fall right on his head and kill him...

"I wonder if you'd do it again," Jet thinks aloud as the flame dies once more. "After seeing that saving me wasn't enough to get me to back down, would you still try?"

He feels like he already knows the answer. Jet had put Lee through plenty already by the time he'd made that decision once. If Lee is good at heart, even to his own detriment, then Jet wants to help keep him on the right path, just as he'd promised his uncle. He'll just work against the Fire Nation as he always has, to keep Lee out of its clutches.

"I still can't figure out how to firebend, but I guess I'd better go talk to him..." Jet says to himself.

He was supposed to eat, but food can wait. He won't get any answers until he talks to Lee, and he still feels drawn to him besides. He's sure he'll have to swallow half his feelings once they're face to face again, but he'll make things right. He has to.

Only, he doesn't expect to get sidetracked on his way to the tea shop.

"Jet! It's really you!"

Smellerbee runs up to him out of nowhere, crashing right into him in her rush. Jet struggles to maintain his balance but ultimately manages to stay upright.

"Oh, uh... hey. Sorry about... well, everything," he says, unsure of where to even begin.

"Where have you been?!" she asks him, ignoring the apology completely. "You just disappeared for weeks, we were so worried about you! We even went and asked Lee just now if he'd seen you, and he said something about how he drove you away?"

"... He didn't do anything wrong. It was my own fault," Jet admits.

Longshot lifts his head in surprise, otherwise silent.

"What was? He was kinda vague. It was like he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say, so he kept starting and stopping..."

"Well, yeah. It's complicated, and... personal. We're gonna figure it out, though."

Smellerbee steps back and crosses her arms.

"Uh... Jet, are you feeling okay?" she asks, probably suspicious of how calm he is. Jet sighs, scratching the back of his head. How long would it take to explain everything? Even somehow setting aside the catalyst for this particular change, it'd take all day.

"Lately, not really," he admits, at the very least. "A lot's changed since we last talked. I, uh, kinda got arrested, so that's why you haven't seen me in a while. Long story."

"You what?!" she exclaims, arms flinging back down to her sides. "Jet, come on! That's exactly why we kept trying to tell you to relax already!"

"I know, I know! Everything's fine now, okay? Well-- I mean, it's not, but I'm working on it! I'm gonna fix my mistakes, I promise."

Smellerbee seems taken aback by that, her posture going slack in her surprise.

"I mean it when I say it's complicated," he goes on. "I have a lot to explain to you guys, but just let me make things right with Lee first, okay? I didn't even consider that he might be blaming himself..."

But what for? Jet was the one with a problem, was the one attacking him. When Lee came looking for him the next morning, Jet all but told him to go die in a ditch rather than hear any of his advice. As much as it pains Jet to admit it, Lee didn't do anything wrong.

Before Jet can walk away, Longshot places a hand on his shoulder. One look at his eyes, and Jet sees trust, sees faith.

"Thank you," he says, placing his own hand atop Longshot's. "It means a lot that you guys still believe in me."

"Just don't go missing like that again, okay?" Smellerbee tells him.

"No more unpaid vacations for me, I promise," he jokes as he starts walking away. She runs up and lightly punches him in the arm for that, and he exaggerates how much it hurt by rubbing at it, both of them smiling.

How could he have ever been forced to forget those two? He missed them so much...

Despite his love for them, he really isn't looking forward to the explanation he'll have to give them. He wants to tell them the whole truth, but it's such a hideous and convoluted thing. Instinctually, he starts wondering how much lying he could get away with, but he shakes those thoughts out of his head. To be frank, he was a little intimidated when Longshot saw through him the last time they'd seen each other. He's scary when he's mad.

Besides, he doesn't want to lie to them. Even if they react terribly and decide to turn on him or abandon him, they at least deserve to make that decision themselves. He wants to hold onto his hope that they'll accept him no matter what, but they all have their reasons to hate firebenders.

No more time to wonder about them. Jet stands in front of Pao's tea shop, taking a deep breath before--

On reflex, he ducks away and hides around a corner when the door opens unexpectedly. He relaxes when he sees it's only Mushi stepping outside to place a new decoration on the ground, and then he idly wonders what the hell his own problem is. He guesses he just can't shake the feeling that he's walking into enemy territory, no matter how peaceful his intentions are.

"Hey, Mushi," he greets, walking out into view, "Lee's inside right?"

"Oh, Jet! Yes, he is. But have you only come to see my nephew, or will you sit down for a relaxing cup of tea as well?" he offers with a smile.

"Sorry, I kind of need to talk to him. The tea sounds great, but I don't know if he'll want me sitting around..."

"Ah... you need to talk to him in private, I assume?"

"Well... yeah. Think you could convince him to step out for a second?"

"After yesterday's overtime, I'm sure he will jump at the opportunity to take a break from work!" Mushi laughs lightly before walking back inside.

Jet waits patiently outside, and he isn't alone for longer than a minute or so, but anxiety builds inside him lightning-fast and drags each second out inversely. When Lee finally steps outside and looks around, he's surprised when his eyes land on Jet.

"Look, hear me out," he says, already a bit defensive, "I promise I'll be quick."

"What could you possibly have to say to me at this point?" Lee asks him, turning his head away.

"How about I'm sorry? And this time, I'm lucid enough to mean it. I just... I just couldn't believe it, alright? I was already so screwed up inside, and then it was like my whole life got flipped upside down all of a sudden. I was freaking out, and... I'm just making excuses, I guess," he sighs. "It doesn't matter what I was going through, the fact is that I've been a real bastard to you. I get it if you don't want to forgive me, but I kind of promised your uncle I'd be there for you from now on. So... if you need anything, just let me know. You don't have to like me."

"What do you mean, you promised my uncle? What made him tell you to do that?"

"Well... I kind of went to him yesterday for help with controlling my bending. I'm sure you can guess how afraid I am of fire, so... it'd be nice to not accidentally burn myself to death."

Lee grabs Jet by the wrist suddenly and leads him away, down to that same dead end they'd spoken in while Jet was brainwashed.

"So you took my advice after all? You just didn't want it to be me," he says.

"It's not that. I didn't want it to be me. Like I said, this isn't something I ever wanted, but... I can't just pretend it isn't real. So, you were right, I was wrong, I'm sorry I kept trying to kill you, and..."

He wants to confess like how he did to the flame, but all those words suffocate in his throat, dying without ever being known.

"I'm just sorry, okay?" he finishes instead.

Lee closes his eyes.

"I can accept your apology, but I don't need you to make yourself my servant," he says.

Jet huffs.

"Like I said, I promised your uncle I'd help you find your way in life, and I meant it. He's scared of annoying you with too much advice or whatever, but I won't ever be afraid of annoying you. You're stuck with me until he calls me off."

"Oh, for-- Uncle!" he barks, storming back to the shop.

Before he even thinks about it, Jet follows right behind him. Maybe he will sit down for some tea, after all, if only to drive the point home that Lee isn't getting rid of him any time soon.