Chapter Text
It's been six days since Bdubs went to sleep and didn't wake up. So far, there have been no answers as to the ever-present question of why. So far as anyone could tell, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, except that he is unrouseable.
Everyone is trying to act the same as usual, but it's not easy. Doc has been in and out, throwing himself fully into the task of figuring this out. Beef and Etho haven't left Bdubs' base the whole time, and others have been coming and going, trying to help or merely visting.
Doc researches; Beef frets; Bdubs sleeps. And Etho …
Etho's not taking it all especially well, which is fair enough, because none of them are. But Etho has retreated into himself, to a place that even Beef isn't managing to reach him. They're barely eating or sleeping, just sitting in the bedroom by Bdubs' side.
Bdubs looks as peaceful sleeping as he normally does — every moment, Beef thinks he's going to wake up himself, that this has all been a dream, or that Bdubs is just going to sit up and say good morning and ask why they're staring at him like somebody's died or something. But it hasn't happened yet and with the weight on Beef's chest with every breath, it keeps not happening.
This is real, and Beef has to pull things back together somehow. He might have to call in an intervention on Doc, because he's not so sure that he's going to be able to do it himself in the short times that Doc appears and then vanishes again, but Etho is another story.
Beef pokes around in Bdubs' cupboards and lights the furnace. Potato stew is the safest of safe and easy foods, and it doesn't take a lot of focus to make, and Beef doesn't have much to spare. Even then, he finds himself staring into space for a few moments extra even after it's done.
"Etho," Beef calls as he serves it into bowls, but gets no response. "Etho?" He tries again.
He carries the bowls and walks into the bedroom, relieved to realize that Etho is in the same place he's been for days. Beef had been suddenly worried that Etho had relented to his favorite, tried-and-true method of dealing with conflict: flight.
"Etho," Beef repeats.
Etho finally looks Beef's way, signing 'what?' The gesture is short, stilted.
Beef raises the bowls slightly. "Food."
Etho shakes his head, but Beef continues. "You need to eat. We both need to eat. Because passing out when your saturation hits zero isn't going to help Bdubs." Though Etho's mask is on, Beef can recognize that Etho is frowning based on the furrow in his eyebrows. Beef goes on. "If you're sick when he wakes up because you weren't taking care of yourself, how is he going to feel?"
"Stop it, Beef." Etho interrupts sharply. "Just stop it."
"Someone has to worry about this sort of stuff, Etho." Beef wants to be more patient, but he's already stretched too thin. Bdubs is there, so close, and yet farther away than he's ever been and it's wrong.
"Worry about Bdubs." Etho insists. "And stop fussing over me."
"Then you need to get up and stop giving me a reason to do it!" Beef puts the bowls down and turns back to Etho, whose fur is bristling. "I mean it, Etho."
He extends his arm, holding the bowl out to Etho, fixing them with a look that they don't return. After a long, silent moment, Etho's arm snakes out and takes the bowl. He cups it close but doesn't immediately move to eat; Beef has no interest in pressing. He gazes down at his own bowl and hardly feels hungry.
Setting the bowl at Bdubs' bedside, like he might be hungry when he wakes up, Beef goes back out into the kitchen and serves himself from the pot again. He'd be a hypocrite if he didn't eat himself.
Doc appears past sundown and Beef has no time to say hello as he hurries past and ends up trailing him into the bedroom. Doc is already sitting on the bed at Bdubs' side, opposite Etho, two fingers pressed against Bdubs' Lifemarks. Beef notices that Etho's bowl is emptier than before. Small miracles.
Whatever Doc's in the middle of saying, Beef doesn't quite understand, but his expression when he sits back is just as pensive as it's been for nearly a week.
"I still think that respawn is a viable option." Doc goes on. "It's as safe as it's going to be."
"You don't know that." Etho shoots back. "You said X doesn't know what's going on in his Code."
"Hypno's hypothesis is valid." returns Doc. "I agree with him. The risks are neglible — we cannot make things worse."
"No." Etho sits forward in his chair, and Beef looks between the two of them warily. "You just want to be right."
"Guys," Beef starts to say.
Doc keeps talking. "Of course I want to be right — that's how we fix this."
"You don't even know what you're risking!"'
"I know that the longer we try nothing that we are failing." Doc gestures at Bdubs, still as ever. "This is not living."
"He's not dead." Etho's voice cracks a little over the word.
"Guys!" Beef interrupts, but Etho is already on his feet. He takes a wide berth around Beef on his way out of the room, and Beef lets him go, rubbing his temple. "Doc…"
"What? Talking around the truth does not help anything." Doc traces a line up and down Bdubs' arm carefully, studying him. "Did he eat?"
Beef sighs. "Yes."
"Good. I'm not keen on having two conversations about feeding tubes."
There's a pit in Beef's stomach. "We all need a break. Rest. I can call Impulse to come and sit up with Bdubs."
Doc's hand lingers in Bdubs' for another few moments before he gets up. "Cub is expecting me back — and you're not going to have the luck getting him to sleep that you did with the food."
"We'll see." Beef retorts, reaching out to touch Doc's shoulder as he passes, making Doc pause. "Come back later and sleep here, please."
Doc's eyes are focused on the floor ahead of him. "I will try."
Beef releases him.
He wants to go find Etho, but it's probably better to let Etho be until he wants to be found. Instead, Beef curls up in bed next to Bdubs, listening to the sound of his even-keeled breathing.
It's impossible to say what time it is when he wakes to the sound of the mattress creaking, the room pitch dark. For a moment Beef feels overly hopeful, but Bdubs is as unmoving as ever. At the foot of the bed, however, Etho is slipping out of his vest and boots, red eye reflecting the light strangely as he looks at Beef.
"Hi." Beef whispers, and opens his arms.
Etho crawls into them, pressed between Beef's warmth and Bdubs' stillness. They don't talk; Etho just tucks himself against Beef's collarbone and Beef holds him tightly. Sleep comes easier like this.
When Beef blinks into the morning sunlight, he's surprised to find Doc curled up on Beef's other side. For a few moments, it feels like everything is going to be okay.
That feeling ends very quickly, because Etho never wakes up.