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'I ain't too sure about this, Moony. Thinkin' we might wanna abort the whole thing.'
River stamped her foot and crossed her arms. 'Unacceptable! The girl is a genius. She has conducted many experiments. She knows the parameters, how to set variables, controls. He must trust her.'
He narrowed his eyes at her. 'An' you think this will help?'
'Absolutely. His fear of oral stimulation is impeding his ability to progress his relationships beyond whores. This must be corrected.'
'Hey! I ain't afraid of nothin'!'
She raised one eyebrow imperiously and tapped a foot. 'He is afraid of reavers.'
'That's different. Ev'rybody's afraid of reavers. Well,' he amended, ''cept for crazy folk.'
She spent a minute trying to decide whether or not to be offended before realizing he was trying to distract her.
'Regardless, his fear is irrational and must be overcome.'
'Ain't ee-rash-nal, moony. Got a whole missin' paycheck that testifies to that.'
She waved him off. 'Once again, if he would extend his liaisons beyond whorehouses...'
'An' what about Mrs. Reynolds?'
'Mal is an idiot.'
Well, there wasn't really any arguing with that, so Jayne fell silent.
Sensing victory, River pushed forward. 'Accepted theory states that a fear must be faced to be overcome. The experiment will test this hypothesis. She is the logical choice; as his partner, he trusts her.'
'Who says?'
She continued talking as if he hadn't spoken. 'Besides, he knows if she wanted him unconscious, she would simply kick him in the head.'
She had a point, as he could attest to on numerous occasions. 'Alright, fine. Let's get this over with.'
River closed her eyes and tilted her head back. 'Very well. She is ready.'
Jayne looked down at her and quietly snickered. She looked so cute, with her eyes screwed shut and her mouth puckered tight that it wasn't any real hardship to dart in and quickly peck her mouth. He pulled back and licked his lips. She had on some kind of fruity lip gloss; or maybe that was just her.
She cracked one eye. 'Did it work? Is he cured?'
He tilted his head and considered. 'I'm thinkin' we better try one more time.'
She nodded, closing her eye back. 'Acceptable. Repetition of the experiment is a sound scientific principle.'
Well, if she was willing to sacrifice, he might as well give it an honest go. He hadn't really kissed a girl in ages, but he figured it had to be like riding a bicycle. If he'd thought about it, he'd remember he'd never learned to do that, but he was too busy sliding his hands into River's hair and turning her head to one side to get a better angle.
This time he didn't dodge in, he swooped. And he didn't just kiss and run, he lingered, moving his lips across hers until her mouth unclenched and pressed back into his. After that, it was only a hop, skip and jump to slipping his tongue inside her mouth. That was when he discovered it wasn't lip gloss.
It was just her.
He was already there, exploring the contours of her mouth, so he might as well stay awhile. He was sure that must fall under some scientific rule or something, because River didn't argue when he cupped the back of her neck in his hand and really dug in.
His teeth and lips and tongue were undoubtedly part of the variables she'd been mentioning, as well as hers, because they were all getting excited about the procedure, meeting up and discussing things quite thoroughly as far as he could tell. His other hand dipped down to grab at her waist, pulling her flush against him so he could experiment with that as well.
River was right, she was a genius. This was the best idea she'd ever had. Even better than putting that rat at the bottom of Inara's bed, and that had been stellar. And that needy little moan she just made was a brilliant addition to the equation, inspiring him to include his own vocal growl.
The need to breathe, though, that was the constant they seemed to have forgotten to factor in, and he finally had to pull back to gulp in big, ragged breaths while she shuddered against his hands. River's eyes slowly opened and her tongue slid out to wet her lips.
'Did - ' she cleared her throat and continued hoarsely. ' - Did we absolve his fear?'
He stared at her, unblinking. They'd cured his fear all right.
Only to replace it with a whole host of other ones.