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“This job can’t be your life, Samira,” echoes in her head. A constant refrain that won’t leave her alone.
So far, she’s been getting along fine with this job being her life. Just fine.
But something about Cassie’s tone niggles at Samira as she takes in her life outside the hospital. The bare white walls of her apartment, her slowly dying plants that no matter what she does, she just can’t seem to keep alive, and the stove that’s barely ever been used.
She doesn’t even have many books anymore, nothing besides medical texts and a few old favorites. She used to like to read fiction, used to love it actually. Reading and losing herself in worlds not her own helped keep her sane after she lost her baba. It felt as though if she could travel to Narnia, traverse the Discworld, solve mysteries with Nancy Drew, become a knight like Alanna of Trebond, or hide away in the Magic Treehouse, then everything might just be okay again. It hadn’t been true of course, because the real world and the empty space where her father used to be always intruded, but it still meant something to her. A means of escape before she had medicine to turn to.
While she still loves to read, Samira can’t remember the last time she read a non-medical book. She won’t say the last time she read for pleasure because reading medical journals is pleasurable as is exchanging notes on them with Dr Abbot, but something not job related. If she’s going to start trying to have a life outside of work, then maybe going to the library and getting a library card is a good first step. The library had been a quiet refuge for her during college and medical school, and it felt like maybe it could be again. There’s even a nice branch not too far from her apartment and tomorrow happens to be her day off, so what better time to start?
With that decision made, Samira turns to her computer to find books that might be a good fit for her. After all, research is always useful.
Samira looks up at the glass exterior of the library and takes a deep breath. She can do this. It’s a small step, but it’s better than spending most of the day in her apartment alone. It has to be. At least now she could be alone while in the vicinity of other people.
Getting a library card is easy, only taking a few minutes for proof of residency and then she’s free to wander the stacks. Even with last night’s research, she wants to give herself the opportunity to discover new options too. That had always been one of her favorite parts of going to the library or bookstore growing up.
She heads for the ones she’d decided on last night first, grabbing “The Emperor of All Maladies” which she’s been planning to read for ages and had read excerpts of before. Then she moves on to the Memoir section, finding “The Year of Magical Thinking” by Joan Didion easily enough and adding it to her pile.
Samira walks through the Fiction section before coming around the corner to the Fantasy section. A section she’d loved as a child and hadn’t read much of since then. She decided last night that she wants to get at least one fantasy or sci fi book, something that would allow her to drift into another world and would be fun to read in the park. Another outing to help expand her horizons outside the Pitt.
It may remind her of one of the worst times in her life, but that doesn’t mean she never wants to read another fantasy book again. She can still hear her baba’s voice reading to her from “The Hobbit,” a book and series which she ultimately had to finish alone. It’s a cherished memory and enough to make her step forward.
She breathes out before turning and entering A through M, only to stop short. Dr. Abbot’s further down the aisle, reading the back of one of the books with his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.
It takes her aback for a moment to see someone, who is so familiar to her in the halls of the hospital outside of them. It’s not an unpleasant surprise. Over the last few months, Dr. Abbot has become a welcome sight for her and it seems that continues to hold true here. He’s still in his scrub top and cargo pants and his hair is curling messily the way it always does at the end of a long shift. The forehead curl above his glasses is more charming than it has a right to be and he looks unfairly good for a man who just got off a 12 hour shift.
Without thinking about it, she adjusts her curls, knowing he’s not used to seeing her with her hair down and hoping he’s not one of those people who only recognize others by their hairstyle. Before she can say anything, he glances up and meets her eyes. Always aware of his surroundings, even here. The only indication he didn’t expect to see her is a slight widening of his hazel green eyes behind his glasses before he smiles.
“Dr. Mohan.” His voice is warm, as it always is, when he speaks to her.
She wonders how she ever thought he wouldn’t recognize her when he seems to have some kind of knowledge of where she is at all times at the hospital. Parker calls it his “Samira Sense.”
“Dr. Abbot.” She gives her customary response as she walks closer to him.
He clears his throat, pulling his glasses off and hanging them off his scrub top while lowering the book to his side and giving her his full attention. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
Samira tilts her head, surreptitiously trying to see the title of the book he was looking at as she answers, “Well, I’ve been meaning to renew my library card and decided today was a good day to do it. What about you? Do you come here often?”
Oh god, nice going Samira. Do you come here often? We’re using pick up lines now. Okay, maybe he didn’t notice. It’s fine.
By the amused upturn of his lips, he noticed.
It’s okay. It’s still fine. It’s not like he’s going to flirt back or anything. Was I even flirting?
“Every couple of weeks when I need a new book. I just happened to pick the best possible day to come back apparently,” Dr. Abbot says before pausing and continuing in a softer tone, “Never usually have such good company.”
Oh. Oh okay, we’re flirting. That’s fine. Sure, why not?
Samira hopes none of her internal thoughts show on her face. “I’m so happy I ran into you too. Maybe you have some book recommendations for me?”
“Of course, I do. What do you have already?” She shows him her choices and he nods. “Solid picks, Dr. Mohan. I think you’ll like them both and I will be interested in hearing your thoughts about ‘The Emperor of All Maladies’ after. Like always.” He shifts to hold up the book he has at his side, showing her the cover. “I think they have two copies of this… do you…well that’s to say…would you want… to maybe read it together?”
“Piranesi” by Susanna Clarke. It’s one Samira’s heard of and one that, during her research, was on multiple recommended lists, but that doesn’t really matter at the moment. What matters is that Dr. Abbot wants to read it with her. There’s only one answer she can give as he continues to maintain eye contact.
“Yes,” she says quickly, “Absolutely, I’d love to. We could have a book club. Well, we kind of already have a book club really, so this would just be a bit more outside the hospital. I think it would be great.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
She smiles at him and his answering smile is bright before he speaks again, “There’s a good cafe here if you want to talk more about it, and maybe even start reading?”
“I’d like that. But wait, don’t you want to go home?” Samira hopes he can’t tell how much she wants him to stay.
His answer is faint, and she doesn’t think it’s meant for her ears, “Not anymore.” He turns his head to address her, “I’ll be good with a nice cup of coffee.”
“Okay, Dr. Abbot.”
“Dr. Mohan?”
“Yeah?”
“I think that now we’re in an official book club and all, you can call me Jack.”
“Okay, Jack. You can do the same.” It feels nice to say his name for the first time.
“Call you Jack?” He teases.
She laughs. “No, call me Samira.”
“Samira,” he sounds like he’s savoring her name. Like it gives him great joy to say it.
And maybe it does, because it makes her happy to hear her name from his lips. Especially in his post-shift roughened voice. It makes her want to hear it again and again.
Who knew coming to the library today would lead her here? A book club with Dr. Jack Abbot. And maybe more? Samira would have to thank Cassie one of these times.