Chapter Text
Jude barely got Xelqua out of bed and at least onto the living room couch on better days. He was getting seriously worried and for once not for his own sake, his own position, but for Xelqua’s well being. Sure, he’d get the blame if anything happened to Xelqua, but right now he didn’t care for that. For the past few weeks he has been eating less and less and it has gotten to the point Jude could barely get him to eat a couple of bites in the last two days
Xelqua’s eyes seemingly lost their spark, he was paler and was now rocking dark eye bags. Something he was always so careful about not having before. Jude thought back to all the times Xelqua fought with him in the mornings that he needed more beauty sleep and missing a lecture wouldn’t be an issue. He honestly missed those little arguments now. Now he could barely get Xelqua to speak, he’d only stare in front of himself with a solemn expression. He’d still go to his lectures, but he has seemingly distanced himself from his friends as well. Jude sighed as he remembered Xelqua’s friends, Scar and Mumbo trying to get him to tell what has gotten into their friend, why was he suddenly so reserved and nonverbal
His friends weren’t the only thing Xelqua ditched lately, but his general love for fashion as well. He’s been wearing more and more oversized clothes outside, all plain and old, ones he’d normally only wear as either lazy home wear or to sleep. He ditched his nice fur coat too and replaced it with a long black puffer jacket that went down to his knees, making him look like he was covered in a duvet. He stopped styling his hair as well, he has been only keeping it up in an unkept ponytail, not caring enough to brush it in the mornings or really redo it all that often, letting loose hair strands escape
Jude thought this was all to metaphorically hide himself, make himself less appealing. Not that it mattered, an arranged marriage didn’t depend on appearances and attraction. Besides, even in the beginning Doc didn’t seem to be all that interested in Xelqua, no matter how back then he still looked like his usual beautiful self. Jude used to be annoyed with how much time Xelqua always spent on his appearance, but now he’d do anything to get him back to caring
Jude has gotten to the point that he reached out to Xisuma, only to hear Xelqua wasn’t responding to him either. He understood Xelqua felt like his life had ended when his parents told him who they wanted him to marry and with the meetings starting, never alone between just the two of them, Xelqua’s parents and advisors were always present and Jude was never allowed to be there. But he still felt that it wasn’t the end of the world, Xelqua could still go and enjoy his life and limited freedom, he didn’t need to fall into complete despair and depression. Life went on. But then again, Jude could never fully understand, he was used to being told what to do his entire life while Xelqua was his own boss up until this point
They still slept together sometimes and the way Xelqua clung onto him and tried to cry as quietly as he could broke Jude’s heart. As much as appearances would show otherwise, Jude wasn’t emotionless. He’s grown quite attached to Xelqua, all his quirks and his weird habits. It was rather jarring for him to see Xelqua just be a shell of his old self, all his personality seemingly disappearing over the weeks as he realized he wasn’t getting out of this situation. The bold flirting and passion were gone and Jude missed how overly affectionate Xelqua used to be. Now the only type of affection he’d get from the other was little lingering touches, which were a far cry from how Xelqua used to show his attraction just two months before
-
It was after the second meeting Xelqua had with his future husband that he grabbed onto Jude’s shirt’s collar, pulling him down to be eye level with him. He looked to be on the verge of hysteria
“I know! Jude, let’s get married! They can’t marry me off if I’m already married. Let’s go to the courthouse tomorrow and we could ask Suma, Skizz and Imp to be our witnesses”
The desperation was as evident in his voice as it was on his face. He looked like he was standing on a cliff’s edge, begging Jude not to let him fall. And as much as Jude wanted to reach out and grab him, every part of his nervous system was screaming at him not to. Don’t go against your bosses, don’t go against your entire clan, don’t go against what has been beaten into you since you were a kid. He had a worried frown as he looked into Xelqua’s wild eyes
“They’ll excommunicate and kill me for that. I can’t do that”
Xelqua’s expression contorted into one of pain, his nose scrunching up, wrinkles appearing next to the ends of his mouth and tears forming in his eyes. The last time Jude has seen this expression was when Xelqua was convinced he had died. Xel let out a loud sob and pulled Jude closer, now burying his face in the other’s chest. His voice got quieter, even more desperate
“Please don’t let that stranger marry me..”
Jude sighed and he had to look away, feeling the deep scowl on his face. He tightly shut his eyes. He hated doing this, he knew how desperate Xelqua was, he knew how Xelqua and Doc weren’t a good match, he knew how little chemistry they had, he knew Xelqua outright hated Doc and he knew Doc was painfully indifferent about Xelqua. The last he didn’t understand, Xel was stunning and reaction-provoking in his eyes. How could someone be indifferent about him? But he couldn’t go against what he has known his entire life, he didn’t want to sign what would most likely be his death warrant
“I’m sorry, Xelqua”
-
Jude briefly thought about how Xelqua hasn’t brought up the two of them getting married since that conversation as he watched Xelqua sit on the couch, staring in front of himself with his legs pulled up to his body, hidden under his large worn out hoodie. He expected Xelqua to pester him, to try to convince or guilt him or to even try the same thing with Scar. But he didn’t, he had seemingly given up on trying to find an escape route. It was the smart thing for him to do, Scar wasn’t involved in the clan and pulling him in would have been cruel. And Xel wasn’t the type to force himself on anyone. Jude thought he let Xelqua fall off that metaphorical cliff
The doorbell rang and both of them looked at the door, Xelqua still looking indifferent and Jude frowning. Xelqua hadn’t told him he’d be having anyone over and his friends weren’t the types to just show up unannounced. Especially after Jude told them to give Xel some time and space to sort himself out and get back on his feet. He lied about some family tragedy happening and asked the two not to ask Xelqua about it. Jude grabbed his pistol from the table and cautiously walked to the main entrance. His body relaxed when he looked through the peep hole and saw Xisuma standing on the other side. He let the man in after informing Xelqua who it was, who only hummed in response
Xisuma gave Jude a paper bag before he shrugged his coat off, took his shoes off and walked over to the couch, sitting next to the ball of hoodie. He put a hand on Xelqua’s shoulder and had the most worried and sympathetic expression Jude has ever seen on him. When Xelqua didn’t react, Xisuma and Jude made eye contact and Xisuma cleared his throat
“Hey bud. Jude told me you weren’t eating, so I went to our favorite coffee spot to pick you up your usual coffee and some pastries you like”
Xelqua kept staring in front of himself, but his mouth started trembling and the next thing he knew he was already clinging onto Xisuma and sobbing into his shoulder
“Dad, I don’t want to marry him”
Xisuma hugged him back and started rubbing his back in a soothing motion while trying to quietly hush him. Jude’s heart broke for the millionth time as he watched the two of them on the couch, Xisuma looking lost as to how he could help and Xelqua, a trembling broken mess. He bit his lip and shook his head before he put the bag on the coffee table and kneeled next to Xelqua, putting a hand on his thigh. He made his mind up
“There’s a solution, Xel”
Xelqua violently shook his head and turned to Jude, his expression one of pain again. Frustration, resentment and deep sadness painted his features. Jude noted his face looked slimmer than before
“I could change my name and move away, but they’d find me anywhere I went. I could also kill myself, that sounds like my best option right now”
At that both Jude and Xisuma’s eyes widened and the older man held Xel tighter. Jude knew Xelqua was hurting and thought he was out of options, but he never expected him to think of suicide. Xelqua always seemed like he was trying to get the most pleasure out of life and was enjoying every step of it. Jude always thought Xelqua was the epitome of life itself with how intense and passionate and just lively he always was. Hearing this just cemented his decision more
“No, non of that bullshit. There’s a better, third option”
Jude waited for Xelqua to calm down a bit again after the other started loudly crying into Xisuma’s shoulder again. Xisuma looked confused at Jude, not having any idea where the other was going with this. He even thought it was cruel to potentially give Xelqua false hope of getting out of this impossible and already arranged situation. After a while Xelqua turned to Jude again, now looking more tired and defeated than anything else. Jude missed the light in his eyes
“What?”
His voice was strained and raspy. Jude grabbed his face and turned it towards himself as he kept eye contact. He felt insane for what he was about to say, but he didn’t feel like there was anything else that could be done. He had time to think this through and each day his heart had gotten louder than his mind to the point it was the only voice he could hear now
“I thought about it long and hard and fuck the consequences. Fuck the family and their rules. Let’s get married at the courthouse, you can’t get married while already being married”
There were a few moments of silence with Xelqua blinking at what he just heard, processing the information. New tears formed in his wide eyes, but a blush started creeping onto his face and he bit his lips. Jude could have sworn he saw a little light return to his eyes with the color coming back to his face. Xisuma froze, looking absolutely bewildered. Jude only told him about Xelqua not eating, he never mentioned anything about the two getting married
“Wha-“
“Are you sure?”
Xisuma was cut off by Xelqua’s voice, sounding both hopeful and doubtful. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to emotionally handle Jude backing off after this. He honestly never thought Jude would even offer this after the last time he was rejected, he thought it was a done deal then, so he didn’t push it. He didn’t want Jude to marry him out of force. Then Jude confidently nodded and Xelqua let go of Xisuma and lunged at Jude, almost taking the both of them to the ground. Between sobs, though now ones of relief rather than grief, and kisses all that was heard were quiet “thank you”s that fell from Xelqua’s lips