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Buck doesn’t want to go home, but he still doesn’t want to have a proper conversation, with an adult who can talk back, so staying any further at Maddie’s is not an option. He quickly pecks her on the cheek and leaves before she can even open her mouth to ask him how he is.
That brings him in the car, driving a little aimlessly until he finds himself on Eddie’s driveway. It’s kind of the story of his life, something bordering on the insane, honestly— the way his whole being is constantly drawn to Eddie.
He knocks on a door he has a key to just because he doesn’t know where he belongs anymore. And promptly, Eddie doesn’t even bother with greeting him. “Why knocking? Instead, he asks, stepping aside to let Buck in.
The dim light of the living room is casting a peculiar glow on Eddie’s face, contouring his nose so perfectly that Buck looks jarred for a beat or two before walking in. Maybe he’s just hopeless and would find Eddie unceremoniously gorgeous in any circumstance. Apparently, it works like that when you’re in love with someone.
He shrugs, “Don’t know,” whispers, trying not to show his internal turmoil. Maybe he should have gone straight home, perhaps he could… volunteer at a nursery, talking to babies. It’s cheaper and easier than therapy.
There are empty beers on Eddie’s coffee table and Buck stops dead in his tracks. Was Eddie with someone? Is Eddie seeing someone? Is Eddie… dating? And… why hasn’t Eddie talked to him about it? Why is Eddie lookin— “Buck?”
“Sorry, what?” Buck blinks, suddenly aware he has been standing stock still ever since they got to the couch.
“You okay?” Eddie's brows furrow, he’s confused and his arms are so big that Buck feels his mouth watering. No. No. He needs to focus. He came here for a reason. Oh, wait. Why did he come here?
“Sorry, I’m gonna—” he awkwardly gestures toward the front door with a thumb, clearly announcing that he’s about to leave when Eddie forcefully manhandles him until he’s sat on the couch.
“You’ve been weird.” Eddie is standing in front of him, just the coffee table between them and he’s crossing his arms and completely not helping Buck’s situation because— God, his biceps. Buck is fucked.
“No, I haven’t?” It comes out as a question because Buck may be a little silly but he is not stupid. He’s far from dumb. He knows what he’s doing. He’s well aware of the sideways glances he’s been throwing in Eddie and Hen’s direction.
“Yes, you have,” Eddie quickly retorts. Now one of his eyebrows is carefully rising, like all the times Eddie has carefully extracted the truth out of him.
“I’ve been talking to Bobby,” for some reason is the thing that Buck blurts out, and that gets Eddie to finally lower his arms, jaw going a little slack, worry etched on his face almost comically.
“Baby Bobby,” so Buck clarifies, genuinely snorting for the first time in too long.
“Oh,” Eddie smiles and sits beside him. So close. Buck can smell his shampoo.
“Does he, uh… give good advice?” Eddie murmurs, smiling so softly, something so small and private that Buck has to physically grip the couch cushion to not do something stupid like lean in and kiss his best friend.
He cackles lightly. “Hmm… he’s a fantastic listener.”
They stay silent for a moment. “Downside is… I found out Maddie can hear the baby monitor from the kitchen, you know?”
Eddie chuckles, so fondly, so desperately beautiful. “Kinda the point, right?” He unhelpfully says.
Buck rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, still. Some things should stay between me and baby Bobby.”
Eddie smirks, “Yeah?” says, teasing clear in his voice, and if Buck didn’t have a deep understanding of everything Eddie, he would think he’s flirting with him. Eddie can’t be doing that. He’s straight!
Buck knocks their shoulders together, “Shut up,” whispers, because it’s late, and because Eddie hears him anyway. He suspects Eddie always hears him.
“Are you dating someone?” Eventually, he blurts out, cheeks all red from embarrassment, stupidly, after a second too long of silence. At the same time, Eddie says “Talk to me about them?”
“What?” Eddie is the first one to recover. Buck keeps looking at him as though those words hadn’t left his own mouth.
“I mean,” Buck clears his throat, there’s no way out of this that is not through. Buck hates himself. He tilts his chin so that, by following the movement, Eddie sees the beers he wants to talk about.
“Oh,” Eddie suddenly chuckles, cheeks so red, so perfect for Buck to bite. His head is tilted when he explains and a strand of hair falls on his forehead, not helping Buck in the slightest.
“Chimney was here.”
Buck doesn’t know how to feel. He should feel relieved because Eddie isn’t dating anyone but he feels a sting nonetheless. First Hen, now Chimney. Is Buck suddenly someone Eddie can replace? Live without?
He’s tired. So fucking tired of his mind and baby Bobby doesn’t really talk him out of his spirals.
“I miss you,” he says, closing his eyes, hoping that the action will hide him from Eddie.
Eddie frowns, doesn’t dare belittle Buck’s feelings, but can’t help but think that it’s so stupid. All it took was one glance at Buck and he knew.
He knows what Buck is thinking and it is the furthest thing from the truth.
He slowly lifts a hand to grip Buck’s left shoulder. “Buck,” he says, careful, measured.
Buck shakes his head, wants to flee this room. This house. Maybe the whole state. Maybe he’ll ask Christopher about it.
“Sorry, I— I just—” He just what? What can he say?
“Come here,” Eddie says, however, and in a swift movement brings him flush with his chest, hugging him like Buck is the most precious thing in his life. They hugged before Eddie left for Texas, but not like this.
Come to think of it, Buck is sure this has never happened before. Eddie has never initiated a hug just because. Just because he wants to. Because he wants to hold Buck. And Buck doesn’t know how to feel about it. To be honest, he doesn’t want to think, so he just nuzzles Eddie’s neck like this is just one of his dreams.
“Eddie,” at some point he whispers, so low that Eddie is sure he’s imagined it for a second. But he feels the word against his collarbone though, so he nods, squeezes Buck’s shoulder a bit, then pulls away minutely and drops a kiss on Buck’s curls, on top of his head.
Blood rushes to his cheeks so fast that he feels lightheaded, and he feels Buck tense for a moment, before he exhales. Probably this is the longest sigh Buck has ever exhaled and Eddie is so painfully in love that he feels like the one who’s finally breathing again.
Buck, on his part, is going through a thousand different emotions. His mind is spinning even though he’s never felt safer. Eventually, he decides to simply speak the words against Eddie’s chest, to hide, somehow.
“Eddie.”
“Yeah, Buck?”
Eddie’s chin is now resting on Buck’s head, his fingers are combing the little curls at the base of Buck’s head and his right thigh ended up resting on Buck’s left one, sometime during the hug.
“I missed you, while you were in Texas, you know?”
Buck leads with that, even if it’s six months later. Eddie has to know.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispers, voice cracking in the middle so much that it sounds like I’m so… even if Buck tries to shake his head.
“And then you— you came back and I— I moved out because… at first I didn’t know, I looked at you and felt like I had to— I don’t know, run. So fast! Like,” he takes a deep, deep breath, inhaling Eddie’s scent in the process, “I felt restless, but I missed you and I—”
Eddie physically pushes him so that he has to pull back, and Buck thinks that maybe he’s just annoyed, but instead Eddie surprises him by placing a tender hand on the left side of his face, touching him and touching his birthmark with a trembling thumb. His eyes are hidden behind a thick layer of tears but they are huge, so brown, so beautiful. Buck doesn’t realize he is about to cry too. Eddie’s smile is something Buck has never seen.
“I’m sorry, Eddie, but I— I fell in love with you.”
Buck’s expression is devastated and devastating, for Eddie. He looks scared, looks apologetic, head tilted and jittery, looks like he’s been carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders for months. Eddie’s heart aches when he distantly thinks he has. He looks so tired.
Buck is sniffling, mouth open for his nose is all clogged because of the unshed tears, and Eddie can’t believe that this is happening, that this is his life, his real life, that people, before him, have been loved by Buck and were stupid enough to let him go. Eddie feels like the luckiest man alive, he can’t stop himself. He drops a loud kiss on Buck’s forehead.
“Eddie,” Buck whines. A single tear escapes his control and Eddie immediately dries it before angling Buck’s head so that he can look him in the eyes.
“Baby,” he breathes out, as soon as Buck’s blue eyes land on him— finally, fucking finally.
Buck’s heart moves. He feels it physically move in his chest. Maybe it dropped down, lower, or maybe it is now situated somewhere between his mouth and his esophagus. Eddie is grinning, eyes so soft and wide and wet, so fucking loving. Buck is desperate to kiss him for the rest of his days.
“I’m sorry, I thought you were—”
Eddie shakes his head while interrupting him. “Replacing you? Cutting you out of my life? Doing better without you?”
Buck timidly chuckles, but he’s so congested from all the unshed tears that he ends up snorting instead. He’s all red and feels his skin so raw and hot. Closes his eyes for a minute.
“Buck.” Eddie is now caressing Buck’s left cheek with the back of his fingers, while his other hand physically supports Buck’s head. Eddie will tease him later for this. “You know why I wasn’t— I mean, not having your back in the field is killing me because I, uh, I stupidly think that I can keep you safe.”
Buck smiles, nods. He knows the feeling.
“But I didn’t think oh fuck, I lost my partner, I hate my life—”
“I have not said that!” Buck pouts, protesting, cutting him off even if he’s been telling baby Bobby exactly that.
“You did,” Eddie grins.
“I didn’t.” Buck crosses his arms for greater effect.
“You at least thought that. Anyway,” Eddie continues and Buck is hopeless. “I didn’t think I had lost my partner cause I would still look at you, maybe while someone tried to hit on me on a scene, and think oh yeah, that’s my partner over there, and that—”
Buck opens his mouth, most likely to protest again, while his blood throbs in his veins, but Eddie shushes him. “That’s how I found out that I’ve been loving you for…” Eddie takes a breath while Buck feels the earth shatter beneath his feet. “Ages.”
Buck’s eyes open and close so fast, his eyelashes swim through tears like butterfly wings in the wind. He is probably trying not to sob. Eddie loves him, loves him, and loves him.
“You—” Buck’s voice is something Eddie has never heard before. “You love me? Why?”
“Are you serious now?” Eddie rolls his eyes a bit, frowns, then grips Buck’s cheeks when the man just shrugs, and slots their lips together.
Buck’s world does a backflip, and it’s not the first time, but for the first time, he lands on his feet, secure and steady, because there’s Eddie next to him.
His first, silly thought is that Eddie’s lips are soft, and then that they are a really nice shape. Internally, he giggles. Maybe Eddie has broken him, rewired his brain so now he can’t form a coherent thought anymore. Even if he tries, all he can think about is Eddie. Eddie and his hands. They are so big. How has he never noticed? Eddie and his arms, which he is gripping tightly. When did he start doing that? Eddie and his skillful tongue that is exploring his whole mouth. He is going to melt on this couch. Eddie and the sounds he is making in his mouth. They are so hot.
He can’t breathe but he doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to stop.
It’s Eddie who slowly puts some distance between their mouths, panting heavily, basically exchanging oxygen, breathing in each other’s mouths.
This may be the hottest thing Eddie has ever done.
“Uh,” Buck very eloquently mutters, cheeks almost purple and lips plump and swollen.
Eddie laughs. Buck looks dazed and Eddie laughs. Eddie has never been happier, that’s why he laughs. Buck’s lips are now the same darkened shade of pink as his birthmark and Eddie laughs because he’s so sure he’s found his forever.
“Stop it,” Buck pushes his shoulder, shoving him into the couch cushions. “You’re not laughing in my face,” he declares proudly, pointing an uncoordinated finger at his friend, before climbing into Eddie’s lap, straddling him and unknowingly getting all the blood in Eddie’s body to rush south.
Eddie has never felt so aroused and he can’t stop laughing. “I’m— I’m not—”
Buck pokes his cheek because he’s in love and then kisses him, all sloppy and dirty.
There’s still a stupid grin on Eddie’s face when he pulls away, but it’s okay. Buck loves him.
“I’m laughing cause I’m happy, Buck.”
Buck’s insides become molten lava, and this time, there’s no mistaking the few tears that escape him for anything other than happiness. Buck’s hands find Eddie’s face. If he thinks about it long enough, Buck will draw the conclusion that he would spend forever simply touching Eddie, every small detail of his body. He wants to touch him until no part of Eddie’s body has eluded his fingers.
“You are happy,” he carefully repeats, slowly and quietly, while his fingers trace nonsensical patterns wherever he can reach.
Eddie nods, hands firmly gripping Buck’s hips. “Hmm.”
“Because… of me?” Buck points a finger at himself, looking at Eddie through his lashes because there must be something he got wrong, some misunderstanding, a notion that he lost somewhere between the front door and Eddie’s couch.
“I can’t believe you love me, Buck… like, I’m a disaster, and you are— you—”
Buck cuts him off poking his nose, ducks his head, and whispers in Eddie’s ear for dramatic effect. “I… use a six-month-old baby as a therapist.”
Eddie can’t believe this man is real, and is his, and not only is he his best friend, but Eddie can now call him his boyfriend. An unbearable fondness threatens to choke him, happiness bubbles up in his throat, but he would gladly die if the cause were Evan Buckley, so he simply cackles and drags Buck down, not to kiss him, but to bury his face in Buck’s neck. “I really, really love you, Buck,” he whispers, happiness dripping from his voice like honey, before placing a gentle, tender kiss in the space between his collarbone and his neck. He plans to do precisely that all night. All his life.