Eke

He told Ziva that it was Brenda Bittner that was messing with his head and making him more serious than normal, but truthfully while he regretted the loss of life that was only an excuse he made for Ziva. In reality, he was tired of hiding himself as the butt of jokes and pretending that he didn’t have skills. He wanted to show Ziva and McGee that he really did know how to do his job and he wasn’t just comedic effect.

However, their reactions made it clear as day that any respect he got from them would have to be eked out. They didn’t actually respect him. They only respected Gibbs. Even when his skills and capabilities were shoved into their faces, they still didn’t think him capable. They didn’t think he could really do the job. It boggled his mind how they just ignored how capable he was and proved himself to be and merrily continued to believe that he was just there as a joke.

It wasn’t the first time he’d proved he was good at his job nor would it be the last, but it was the time that stood out in his head as irrevocable proof that they did not respect him. They were only concerned about being shown up and that he wasn’t joking any more. They didn’t care that he did a good job and solved the case faster. In fact, all they cared about was him going back to being "normal" so that they could go back to dismissing him as a joke again.

It wasn’t long after that that they needed to get voice prints to try and match them to a suspected terrorist. Of course, he was chosen to go. Of course, he did his job and worked his ass off. And when he got back to the car, the final nail in his coffin had been sealed.

They’d turned him off for over 2 hours. They really didn’t care about him. Not even as a human being. He could have died and they wouldn’t have given a damn about him or even searched for him.

In fact, if he didn’t return they would probably just tell Gibbs that he must have gotten distracted with one of the ladies and that it was not their fault or their job to be his keeper. They likely would have been exceedingly excited about the fact that finally one of them, one of the more deserving as they would say, would be allowed to be SFA. They would be happy if he died.

He didn’t say anything, but after that case he no longer trusted Ziva or McGee to look out for him. No, the only person he trusted at all was Gibbs and ever since Mexico he barely even trusted him as Gibbs had returned a changed man.

That was the reason when Jarvis offered him the undercover assignment that he didn’t turn it down. He didn’t see the point. It wasn’t like any of his so called friends or family would even care if he died. They’d made it abundantly clear that he was on his own. So a risky undercover op wasn’t a big deal. He wouldn’t be missed anyway.