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"it always smells nice. After it rains."
Does it? That... sounds right, doesn't it?
It sounds familiar.
You nod your Kris' head in agreement.
It does, doesn't it? You think you remember that.
You can't smell now of course, not in Kris' body, but you think Susie is right.
And before you can think about it any more, you hear it.
A piano interrupts the sound of water, and...
You stop.
It's... it's...
Where... where is it from again? you've heard this song. Or you're reminded of another song.
But...
Where?
Where.
What was it? where was it?
You... It was important. You know that.
But... why can't you... you can't...
Your head hurts, no not your head- your... where? something hurts.
"Woah Kris, dude, you good?"
how does it hurt? what hurts? do you even have a head anymore?
Something hurts. You can feel yourself beating harder...
What were we you thinking about? where have you heard this before? why is it playing now?
Is someone here? no no no nobody but you Kris and Susie are here, you can feel that, How can you feel that? It's fine, it's ok, it's fine, you're fine.
you can keep walking, keep performing, keep acting, just keep going, proceed. It's ok. It doesn't matter.
"Kris?"
It's ok. It's FINE. You just need to keep going. Just keep it together. It doesn't matter where you're thinking of it doesn't matter when it was, it's gone. It's not real. It can't be. It isn't yours. So just-
"Kris!"
Wh- huh?
You heard something, saw something... Susie? She's in front of... no you can... she's touching you? why is she...?
"Hey hey, it's ok dude breathe, I've got you."
What is she doing?
Wait- Shit shit shit! is Kris ok?
Shit ok you can fix this, just let them take...
They aren't doing anything.
You can't even feel nervousness from them.
Then why are they..?
"Hey, let's just sit down it'll be ok."
Sit down? in front of the church? wouldn't that be...
Or... no, you hear water... when did...
you look up, and it's... the lake. when did you get here?
Did Kris come here?
Maybe they needed rest. Sure.
That makes sense. Follow their lead.
You sit down with Susie. Kris doesn't like contact, so you keep a bit of space.
It's how they would've wanted it. Today was a lot, it's ok.
Wait, their vision is blurry. You rub their eyes and... it's... they're wet? or you think they are. It's hard to tell.
Stars how did you miss this? They were crying?
“So uhh… do you wanna talk about it?”
Huh? Oh Susie! Shit- uh- you don’t know why they were crying though.
You…
❤︎ don’t know.
“Are you sure? You were kinda out of it, I said that thing about the rain, and then all of a sudden you froze.”
When you heard the song? But shouldn’t Kris be in charge of your their expressions? Why would that have…
“You were shaking, and for a second I thought you were just cold but then you started crying.”
You did?
You turn to look at her. Remembering to wipe Kris’ left eye, the one you can’t see out of, only to find it dry.
Or you think it’s dry. It’s hard to tell as a soul.
Why was only your eye crying?
Shit, she needs an answer doesn’t she.
Something like…
❤︎ Just remembered something.
Liar.
You didn’t remember anything.
But that’s the problem isn’t it?~
Just a feeling. Just becoming aware of a hole only notable by its absence.
A missing piece of the papercraft person you’re made to resemble.
Maybe that’s why Kris was crying? Seeing the knight.
You’re not stupid. It has antlers and a one handed sword with a cap on the end and no handguard.
Antlers and a baseball bat.
Who is missing, has antlers and had a bat?
There’s only one answer and it’d make sense for it to be messing with Kris.
Hah! Stars you’re so selfish. Having your little breakdown about a piano cords~ meanwhile Kris is facing the remains of one of the people they looked up to as a kid.
❤︎ just… remembering someone.
“Huh.”
“Pff- you sap!” Susie pulls you Kris into a hug. Leaning against them as they sit together.
Wait- doesn’t Kris not like…
Nothing?
They don’t pull away… so maybe… maybe they’re ok with this?
You let it happen, lean back against her, looking at the water.
It’s nice.
To know she’s here for them.
You can’t feel it, feel the warmth she probably gives off, only a dull awareness that something is against their body.
But even so,
It’s…
it’s almost like right now, for just a moment...
You can convince yourself it’s for you.