Chapter Text
It had been a shame these past two years to have such bitter memories of Italy. The small mountain village where Gia lived was a beautiful place; the perfect backdrop for romance had Yaz and Sammy's relationship not, at that time, been going through the roughest patch it had ever endured.
Sammy stood by her decision that it had been the perfect place to propose. The perfect opportunity to replace echoes of shouting and tears with laughter and love. To go from reeling over Brooklynn to roping her into the romantic comedy their engagement story had become.
She only wished she had more people to share the news with. All her friends already knew, and well... that was kind of it for the list of people actively in her life. She didn't even have her coworkers at the stables anymore, given that she'd stopped working there over a year ago. She had her own small riding school on the ranch now, teaching children on Daisy and Buttercup, and ran a thrice-monthly farmer's market stall selling pies and cartons of eggs.
She could tell her patrons and older students about it until the cows came home, but really, it just didn't feel all that special. Nothing like sharing the news with someone who was really involved with her life. Nothing like the moment Yaz got one lovely summer afternoon when Sammy walked into the kitchen just in time to overhear Ms. Fadoula's gleeful shriek over a video call.
Fortunately, Yaz was willing to share it with her.
"Wait, wait, here she is!" she said brightly to her laptop, one arm gesturing quickly for Sammy to come over.
She obliged, leaning over the back of Yaz's chair to smile at the woman who would soon be her mother-in-law.
"Oh, my darlings!" Mrs. Fadoula cooed, her face lit up with glee. "I couldn't be happier! We need to see each other soon so we can celebrate properly."
"We'll plan something soon," Yaz promised. "The two of us are still processing it ourselves. It feels so crazy that it's finally happening."
"Sure does," Sammy replied. She planted a little kiss on Yaz's head and murmured, "Did you tell her how it happened?"
"Not yet." Yaz chuckled softly. "So, Mom, you're not gonna believe this shit."
She launched into an animated retelling of the trip to Italy; all of the shenanigans leading up to them both trying to propose to each other at the same time. Sammy watched her; watched the bright, shining smile on the computer screen, and felt a small twinge of jealousy. There was no one to look at her like that.
No one to give her that undivided maternal warmth. No moment of proud fatherhood. No celebrating sisters.
No family.
She kept her face as happy as she could, her hand tight on Yaz's shoulder, for the rest of the call, but couldn't keep it up for much longer afterward.
"You okay, babe?" Yaz asked as she closed her laptop so they could clear the space for dinner.
"Yeah," Sammy replied. "Just tired from the day, and... thinking about stuff."
"What kind of stuff?" Yaz's brow furrowed with worry. "Stuff about the wedding? Or... is this about that talk we had last night?"
"No, no," Sammy said quickly. The last thing she wanted was to make Yaz think she was having second thoughts, or that she was upset about last night's conversation, during which they had finally really talked about whether they wanted any children in the future. That was still undecided, with both of them not entirely sure of it, though it was clear that Yaz was a little less sure than her.
That was fine, though. She'd said as much, and she meant it. She didn't need kids to be happy. Just family in general, whatever form that happened to take.
"Then, what's up?" Yaz went on softly.
For the briefest of moments, Sammy was tempted to say it was nothing. But they'd promised to tell each other things, and that promise had quite literally saved their relationship. No sense in breaking it now, when it had served them so well.
"Just... family stuff, I guess," she told Yaz quietly. "I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet, though. I need some time to get my thoughts straight."
Yaz seemed caught between relief and further concern. "Okay. I'm here whenever you're ready."
"I know. Thank you." Sammy gave Yaz one more kiss, and they dropped the subject for the time being.
From there, they simply got on with their night. Dinner. Feeding the animals. Nightly checkup on everything around the ranch before they turned in for the night. A cuddle session with Carmillia, the little black cat Yaz had brought home a couple years ago and never had the heart to part with. A little bit of evening tv, and then off to bed with them both.
Throughout most of the evening, the idea of family stayed in the back of Sammy's mind. How she hadn't spoken to any of her biological relatives in years by now. How she hadn't really been on good terms with them for even longer.
She'd tried once, while Yaz was off in Wyoming, to reconnect with her parents, but it had gone downhill fast enough. With no apology for their reactions to Sammy's vegetarianism and a series of unrelated disagreements on business at the old family ranch, it just hadn't been possible at the time for Sammy to keep up the effort of normalcy.
But things felt different now. She was getting married. Part of her honestly felt like this was some kind of point of no return. If she didn't reach out now and at least tell them, she would be closing the door forever on any chance of future reconciliation.
And really, the thought of getting married without having at least tried to include her family didn't sit right with her.
As she laid down beside Yaz, staring up on the ceiling, she uttered, "hey, uh... I think I'm ready to talk now."
She had Yaz's attention immediately.
"I've just been thinking about family lately," she said. Her eyes stayed directed upward. Easier to say difficult things without watching Yaz's face morph into concern and pity. "And seeing you with your mom today... I feel like I want to try again with mine."
"Are you sure?" A few years ago, when she only had the brief summary Sammy had given her to avoid any difficult conversations, Yaz would have been elated that Sammy wanted her family back in her life. But she understood better now. The arguments. The guilt. The twisting of words and situations so that everything was always Sammy's fault.
I didn't get myself stuck on that island for this ranch just to watch you run it back into the ground.
Oh, here we go. You always thought you were better than us!
The memory still stung. Enough that Sammy hesitated in saying, "yeah... I think so."
"Then I'll support you," Yaz murmured. "Do you just want to tell them about the wedding, or...?"
"I want them there," Sammy replied. "I know a lot's happened, and I don't know if I forgive them, but... I want my daddy to walk me down the aisle. I want to go dress shopping with Mama. I want my sisters to be my bridesmaids like we always talked about. I don't know if they even still care, but I'll never get those moments back. I have to at least try."
Her eyes stung sharply, voice wavering. She hadn't even thought about reconnecting for a while now, but this was just too important to her. And what if she and Yaz did end up having kids? She would want to at least give them the best possible shot at having grandparents that didn't live several states away.
"I feel like if I get married and I didn't even tell them, that's it," she went on. "Then we'll never be able to fix anything. This whole time, there's always been the option to try again if I wanted, but..."
"I get it." Yaz's hand gently gripped hers under the sheets. "If you're ready, I'm with you. Do you want to call them tomorrow?"
Tomorrow felt so far away. Long enough that Sammy would change her mind a thousand times throughout the night.
"I think I have to do it tonight."
"It's... 11pm," Yaz said, cautiously in a way that suggested she didn't want to tell Sammy how to handle this. "Are we sure they're up?"
"I'll text them." Sammy decided. "That's probably easier anyway."
She rolled over and stretched out one arm toward her nightstand, grasping around until she felt her phone. Reluctantly, she sat up and began scrolling through her contacts, choosing her mother over her father since she had always been the slightly more approachable of the two. Part of her kind of regretted leaving her family's group chat in a fit of frustration a few years back, but there was nothing to be done about that now.
Opening up her messages with her mother, explicitly avoiding looking at any previous texts, it hit Sammy that she was actually going to have to come up with a coherent string of words that accurately communicated where she was at emotionally in a way that hopefully invited further dialogue.
She wasn't sleeping tonight, was she?
"Is there anything I can do for you right now?" Yaz asked in much the same tone as before. "I know I can't really write it for you, but y'know."
"Stay up with me?" Sammy requested.
"Well, that was a given," Yaz replied, settling in with her head where Sammy's shoulder and chest met, giving her a decent view of the phone.
"And tell me if any of this sounds bad, I guess."
They sat like that for a while, Sammy writing, deleting, and rewriting entire paragraphs over and over. She wasn't sure if she should open with apologies or expressions of forgiveness. Neither felt entirely genuine. A simple "hey" felt too casual given everything. Nothing really felt right. Eventually, she ended up with:
Hi, Ma. I know it's late and it's been a while, but some big things are happening and it didn't seem fair to keep you in the dark. Yaz and I are getting married sometime next year. I wanted you and the rest of the family to know because I still love you. I miss you. I don't want to leave you out of such a big milestone in my life, and I don't think you'd want to be left out either. If you're willing, I'd really like to talk sometime soon. It would mean a lot to me if you could be there at the wedding.
"How's that?" she asked Yaz after reading through it about a dozen times.
"Sounds fine," Yaz replied. "But I have to ask. What are you hoping to get out of this? Are you hoping to revisit and resolve things, or just move past it? Or are you hoping she doesn't answer, and you can at least say that you tried?"
"I have no idea," Sammy confessed. "I just can't not tell them."
"Fair enough." Yaz shifted just enough to press a light kiss to Sammy's jaw. "I think it's good to send if you do."
Without giving herself another moment to second guess, Sammy hit send and immediately set her phone back on the nightstand. She wasn't really expecting a response tonight anyway. Not when it had taken until nearly midnight to figure out what to say and her parents were definitely asleep by now.
"I'm proud of you," Yaz murmured. "Whatever happens now, you did all you could. You were very brave."
Sammy didn't feel very brave, but she appreciated it nonetheless. At the very least, she could do her best to focus on other things for the rest of the night now that all that was out of the way.
Like snuggling up under the blanket with her soon-to-be wife. Or...
"Do you mind grabbing Carmilla?" she asked. "I think I need some advanced cuddles after that."
"Cat hair on the bed," Yaz reminded her in a sing-song voice, though she was already getting up.
"I'll change the sheets tomorrow."
Sammy thought she heard a "damn right" before Yaz disappeared into the hallway in search of the cat. She was left alone, once again staring up at the ceiling, wondering what she would wake up to tomorrow.
Would her mother respond? Would she be relieved, or offended that Sammy had dared to speak to her? What if she wanted to talk more? Did Sammy actually want that?
What if nothing had changed?
What if it's good? she asked herself instead; a method Yaz had taught her to break out of such spirals. What if you end up fixing things and you get to have them in your life again?
That would be nice. Best case scenario, for sure.
But she wouldn't know until tomorrow. Tonight, all she could do was go to sleep, cuddle up to the ones that were here for her now, and hope for the best.