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Beth wrinkles her nose at the first two cards her mom puts in front of her to choose from. “No, too babyish,” she decides.
“She’s only seven,” her mom reminds her.
“Audrey’s in second grade now,” Beth says, shaking her head. “And besides, I’m nine and in fourth grade. I can’t give her a babyish card.” She looks through three more cards before she finally finds a card she can put with her gift to Audrey. “She’s even having her party at the bowling alley, just like everyone in my class does.”
Beth insists that they get there a little early, so she can make sure she’s on the same lane as Audrey. Audrey is one of her best friends, but most of Audrey’s classmates are not. She doesn’t even know most of the people on the list Audrey showed her!
When Beth and her mom get to the bowling alley, Carole is near the front, waiting for everyone, and after Beth gets her bowling shoes, her mom keeps talking to Carole and Beth goes to find Audrey.
“Audrey! Happy birthday!” Beth says, happy to see that the only person near Audrey so far is Burt, and obviously, Burt’s not going to be bowling with them.
“Beth!” Audrey says. “Be on my lane!”
“Okay,” Beth agrees, grinning at Audrey. “Are we playing with bumpers?”
Audrey makes a face and rolls her eyes, which makes her look like Kurt. “Bumpers are for the little kids.”
Beth keeps grinning, because the thing with bumpers is that you almost always knock down a pin at least, and it’s fun to guess where the ball will bump. “Okay, cool. Cake after bowling? What kind of cake is it?”
“White cake with pink frosting. It’s fancy!” Audrey does a little twirl. “Do you like my birthday clothes? They’re new!”
“They’re very nice,” Beth says diplomatically, even though she’s pretty sure they’re what Kurt calls ‘one of Carole’s monsters’. Beth’s mom says that Audrey has about three times more clothes than a little girl needs, between Carole and Kurt. “Oh! Happy birthday!”
“It’s really tomorrow, but Mom says I can’t have my party on a Sunday because some people couldn’t come,” Audrey says. “Did you want to meet Dickens? He got here early but he had to go get bowling shoes on.”
“Sure,” Beth says, shrugging. “Is he on our lane?” Beth has heard quite a bit about Dickens from Audrey before, but Audrey insists that she does not have a crush on Dickens. Beth’s mom says that Dickens’ parents must be English majors.
“He might be on the next lane over with Sophia and Olivia J.,” Audrey says, scowling. “He likes Olivia J., and Olivia J. and Sophia always sit together, so he’ll probably be with them.”
“Matt and Alex always try to sit at my lunch table,” Beth says understandingly. “Because Alex likes Ella. Ella and Chloe and I all think he’s annoying, though. Alex is the really tall one that played the Beanstalk last year in the play.”
“Ohhh, he was a bad Beanstalk,” Audrey says, shaking her head. “He didn’t stand still or anything.”
“I know! And he snorted.” Beth laughs. “Who ever heard of a snorting Beanstalk?”
“That is sooo loserly,” Audrey says.
“You sound like Finn,” Beth giggles. “Just like him.”
“Good!” Audrey grins. “I like to sound like my brothers, ’cause they’re cool.”
“What’d they send you for your birthday?” Beth asks, because her dad and Kurt and Finn always send great presents.
“Finn sent me Tasha from American Girl and all her stuff,” Audrey says. “Kurt and Noah sent me some clothes, but Mom wouldn’t let me wear the shirt I wanted to wear to the party, and they sent a big bag of M&Ms in all the pinks and purples, and the new Nintendo game-thingy and some games. Oh and,” Audrey lowers her voice, “Finn put a giftcard inside one of the boxes with a note that says ‘don’t tell Mom’ so I could get more games or music for my Click.”
Beth laughs. “Cool. Did you get the new update for Monkeyjam yet?”
“Not yet. Mom found it on my Click and deleted it, but I just re-downloaded it,” Audrey says. “She says it’s too violent.”
“Huh?” Beth makes a face. “Mom and I play it together sometimes!”
“She says it encourages fighting as a solution to my problems,” Audrey rattles off in a good imitation of Carole.
“Does she think you think you’re a monkey?” Beth asks, giggling. “I’m pretty sure you don’t throw bananas at your dad!”
“I don’t know,” Audrey says, shaking her head. “I think she read that on a website or something.”
“That’s so silly!” Beth shakes her head. “Maybe she should read fewer websites. My mom reads a lot about vocal coaching and new music that’s been released. So different websites, maybe.”
“My mom goes on a lot of mom websites, and baby websites now that Rachel is having a baby,” Audrey says, making another face. “It’s Finn’s baby, too, but only Rachel got to have a party about it. I don’t think that’s fair.”
“That’s weird,” Beth agrees. “I never have to see Rachel. I think maybe I’m not allowed to meet her, but Kurt says that’s ‘not exactly the case’.” She makes the quotes with her fingers just like Kurt does.
“Well I have to see her too much, and she always talks to me like I’m a baby,” Audrey complains. “She’s probably gonna talk to that baby like it’s a dog.”
“I want to know what the baby’s name is going to be, but my dad said that Rachel’s telling everyone she hasn’t decided yet or something. I think he thinks she’s lying. My dad’s really good at telling when someone is lying, like me or Aunt Hannah.”
“I think Rachel’s gonna name it Rachel Junior,” Audrey says.
“Ewww!” Beth wrinkles her nose. “What’s her middle name? She’ll probably call it whatever her middle name is and then Katherine, after the part she played sometimes in that musical my dad doesn’t like.”
“Kurt always calls her ‘Rachel All-About-Me Berry’, so I guess they’ll name that baby All-About-Me Hudson.”
“Poor Finn.” Beth shakes her head slowly, like her mom does when she just can’t stand whatever she’s talking about. “His daughter’s going to have a weird name.”
“Poor me!” Audrey says. “I’m gonna have a niece with a weird name!”
“Ooh, what’s the baby going to call your mom?” Beth asks. “I call my grandmother ‘Grandma’.”
“I don’t know! I think Mom wants to be Grandma, too, but Dad says the baby will decide what she’s gonna call people,” Audrey says.
“That’s nice, since she’s going to have such a weird name,” Beth says matter-of-factly.
“Poor baby,” Audrey sighs. “Let’s bowl now.”