Chapter Text
It turns out that Rachel Berry does childbirth like she does everything else: in a crisp, professional, and largely self-absorbed manner. At the same time, Noah takes a grim sort of satisfaction that the baby timed labor inconveniently for Rachel. Finn calls them around seven, just before the curtain’s about to go up, and the evening progresses through both the performance and Finn’s updates. Rachel insists on going to the birth center by nine, and that’s the point that Noah calls into work, and then fires off a message to Hannah and Tina both, because the next day’s a Monday, in the end.
The next time Finn calls, they can hear Hiram and Leroy in the background. “They printed out her heartbeat for me!” Finn says. “It’s on this long strip. They needed it for the chart, but I asked if I could have some, too, so they printed me out two feet of her heartbeat to keep!”
“How fast is it?” Noah asks, even though he can’t remember what’s too fast or too slow or anything for a baby that’s about to be born.
“I can’t make any sense from the paper. It’s just mountains. Her heartbeat is mountains, Puck.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess.” Noah shrugs.
“We’re going to come down near the birth center,” Kurt says. “We’ll find a place to sit for awhile and drink some coffee. Do you want us to bring you anything?”
“Some coffee would be great.” Finn sounds exhausted already, but elated. “I don’t know how long this will take. Apparently it could be hours and hours, or it could be fifteen minutes from now.”
“Okay. We’ll call or text when we’re close.” Kurt pauses and drops his voice slightly. “Love you, darling.”
“I love you guys,” Finn answers, not lowering his voice at all. “I can’t wait for you to meet her.”
“We’ll be there soon,” Noah assures him. “Go watch her heartbeat some more or whatever, okay?”
“I’ll talk to her. Hiram and Leroy say the bottom half’s my job, anyway. They have coconut water ice cubes and portable fans and vegan popsicles for the top half.” There’s a brief pause, and then Finn asks, “How many candles do you think it takes before a room can catch on fire?”
“Did they end up being lotus–flower shaped?” Kurt asks with a tiny sigh. “Or purple?”
“They’re purple and they’re sorta shaped like, uh…” Now Finn does lower his voice. “Vaginas. I’m in a room surrounded by flaming vaginas, guys. And there’s this music, I think it has, I dunno. Whales in it.”
“Finn, you’re not going to convince the gay dudes to come visit with talk like that,” Noah laughs.
“I’ll blow all the candles out before you get here. Maybe I’ll use the portable fans. Oh, I gotta go! The midwife’s got that thing strapped on her forehead to listen to the baby!”
The call ends abruptly, then, and Noah and Kurt flag down a cab, which lets them out near the Starbucks down the street from the birth center. They have just enough time to order drinks before they close, and it probably helped Noah pulled the hey-I-work-at-Starbucks-just-north-of-here card. Kurt texts Finn when they’re in the lobby, and they find a quiet corner to sit down while they wait on Finn to come down.
When Finn does arrive in the lobby, he looks like he’s already been up all night, rather than like his night is possibly just getting started. His hair is standing up at odd angles and he’s rocking the five o’clock shadow. “Over here,” Kurt calls softly.
“Hey,” Finn says to them, holding out his arms. “Come here!”
They set their coffee down and wrap their arms around him. He smells like a hospital, and like Finn, but also like something else. Noah wrinkles his nose. “Lavender?”
“Hiram sprayed it all over the place,” Finn explains. “It’s supposed to be calming, not that Rach’s all that worked up unless somebody’s doing something other than paying attention to her. She seems perfectly calm with her dads.”
“Seems like Hiram would be the one to need the calming,” Kurt quips.
“Yeah, he took his pills in the taxi on the way to our place,” Finn says. “They brought this little vial of stuff in case somebody passes out, but I think it’s mostly for them.”
“They give gays a bad name,” Noah says with a sigh. “But we did bring you coffee.”
“Noah was rather insistent that they serve us, despite the fact that it was already five past eleven.” Kurt grins. “I believe the words ‘I know that you haven’t cleaned that out yet!’ were invoked at least once.”
“Well, I appreciate it,” Finn says. He gives them one more squeeze and then releases them. “You want to see her heartbeat?”
“Sure,” Noah answers for them. The three of them sit back down, and Noah slides Finn’s cup of coffee towards him. Finn pulls a tightly rolled strip of paper out of his pockets and carefully unrolls it.
“That right there,” Finn says, pointing to a spot on the strip. “That’s a contraction. The rest is just her normal heartbeat. That’s what it looks like.”
“It’s very. Even?” Kurt says, tilting his head slightly to look at the paper. “Except for the contraction part. That’s good, right?”
“It doesn’t have any… whatever it is they’re looking for. Like the batteries, the midwife called them something like, hmm. Decels!” Finn rolls the paper back into a tiny tube and returns it to his pocket. “That means nothing’s getting squished that isn’t supposed to. Now they’re mostly just listening to her with the thing that goes on the midwife’s head, though. Like a stethoscope, but for babies.”
Noah and Kurt both nod, even though Noah’s pretty sure that Kurt doesn’t have any idea what Finn means, either. “Well, good,” Noah says. “So she can come out and have a real name.”
“God, I hope so,” Finn sighs. “I guess I should just be happy that she gets to be a Hudson. I would’ve picked something really pretty, though.”
“We know,” Kurt murmurs quietly, running his hand lightly over Finn’s back.
“We did a great job naming Audrey,” Finn says.
“Oh! Did you call Dad? Or do you want us to do that?”
“Can you? I’m just sort of not up to answering a million questions.” Finn sinks down into his seat and sips on his coffee.
“Would we have offered otherwise?” Kurt retorts. “We’re going to go down to that diner a block from here and get some… is it still dinner if it’s after midnight?” He shrugs. “But call us or text us, we’ll be very close.”
“You guys can go home and gets some sleep if you want to,” Finn offers. “Somebody should, probably. Pretty sure I’m not going to.”
Noah rolls his eyes. “We’ll be at the diner,” he says firmly. “We’ll bring you some more coffee in a couple of hours, okay?”
“Ok, yeah, that’ll be good.” Finn glances down at the watch on his left wrist, something he doesn’t normally wear. “I should go back up. If I miss too much of it, I’m afraid she won’t let me hold the baby after.”
Noah can feel his jaw drop a little, and sees Kurt mirror the action. He wants to protest that of course Rachel wouldn’t be so petty, but he can’t quite bring the words out, and Kurt can’t seem to either.
“Okay, darling,” Kurt finally says. “Let us know if you need anything other than coffee.” The three of them all stand, and Finn waves over his shoulder as he heads back to the elevator, while the two of them walk back outside and up a block to the diner.
“You’ve still got a little makeup on,” Noah says with a little grin, running his finger under Kurt’s jaw.
“I was in a bit of a hurry,” Kurt acknowledges. When they reach the diner, they both order off the seafood menu—solemnly agreeing not to tell Syd—and swap their french fries for sweet potato fries. Noah drives the server crazy with everything he swaps out on their order, but she just rolls her eyes and repeats it all back correctly.
While they wait on their food, Kurt pulls out his phone and presses Burt’s name. “He’s going to ask me what’s wrong, given the time,” he says wryly.
“At least he’s not going to launch immediately into a lecture about how there is a sleeping seven year old in the house!” Noah laughs, changing his voice from ‘sleeping’ onward in a very poor imitation of Carole.
The first time, the phone goes to voicemail, and Kurt disconnects the call before trying again. On the second attempt, they hear the phone ring twice before hearing Burt pick up.
“Everybody okay?” Burt asks, his voice groggy.
“Everyone’s fine,” Kurt says brightly. “We’re just sitting in an all-night diner near Roosevelt.”
“Then can you call me back tomorrow? Some of us keep standard office hours all week,” Burt grumbles.
“Near Roosevelt, Dad. Can you think of any reason Noah and I would voluntarily decide to stay up all night at a diner that’s not even near our apartment?”
“Date night? Out with the cast? Or— oh crap, Rachel’s having the baby!”
Kurt laughs, and Noah has to fight back a laugh of his own. “Indeed. The Berrys are there burning vagina–shaped candles and spritzing everything in sight with lavender, so we decided we’d bring coffee at regular intervals.”
“Sounds like a smart plan. It sounds sort of terrifying out there,” Burt laughs. “One of you’ll call us when the baby gets here, so we can decide when to book the flight out?”
“We’ll let you know,” Kurt promises. “No idea how long it’ll be, though.”
“First babies, you never can tell. Carole says she was in labor with Finn for something like two days, but your mom, she barely made a peep with you and it was over in about four or five hours. Tell Finn we love him. Rachel, too,” Burt adds.
“We will,” Kurt says, but he makes a face when Burt says the last sentence. “We’ll talk to you later, and probably see you tomorrow.”
“We might give ‘em a day or two to adjust, but we’ll definitely be out there within a few days,” Burt agrees. “I’m going back to sleep now. Update me when you hear something.”
“Okay. ‘Night, Dad.” Kurt ends the call with a slight shake of his head. “I suppose they’ll have to get Audrey excused from school and everything,” he comments, and Noah nods. Their food arrives momentarily, and they loiter at the diner for two hours, eventually ordering dessert, and when Finn texts them again, they order him a large strawberry–banana–orange juice smoothie and a large coffee, before heading back to the hospital.
Finn’s already in the lobby waiting for them when they get there, looking scruffier and more tired than before. “Maybe we should have gotten you the Red Bull smoothie?” Noah asks Finn wryly when they walk up, handing over the smoothie and setting the coffee on the table in front of Finn.
Finn’s smile in return is wan. “Rach’s way more tired than me, so I’m not complaining. She told me I had to leave, though. The nurse said it was transition and not to take it personally, so I’m just sitting down here not taking what she said personally.”
Noah nods, because he does remember being told, repeatedly, that he sucked. “Don’t you do that even when she’s not in labor?” he jokes after a moment.
“No, I think usually she means it personally,” Finn says, shrugging. “But I guess not right now. I mean, it sorta sounded like something she might say to me anyway, but the nurse probably knows way more about this than I do. I read that book, but most of the stuff, she won’t let me do, because her dads are doing it.”
“Hiram and Leroy Berry, Labor Support,” Kurt muses. “I’m sure they’re just the new business Lima needs.”
“Well, she’s not yelling at them, so I guess they’re good at it. She told me to go and call my precious brothers and not come back until that baby is hanging out of her,” Finn says. “That’s like a direct quote almost.”
Kurt narrows his eyes, and Noah knows it’s a good thing that Rachel is, in fact, in labor, or she’d probably end up in the hospital portion of the building. “How charming,” Kurt says.
“How’re you supposed to… you know, nevermind,” Noah snorts. “You want anything more substantial than that smoothie, darling?”
“Nah, nothing that’s probably, you know,” Finn says, making a face and shaking his head a little, “appropriate or whatever.”
“Onion, garlic, and liver soup?” Kurt suggests brightly. “With an appetizer of broccoli? I think that’s most of the smells you’re supposed to avoid having on your breath.” He smirks. “Is that the kind of inappropriate you mean?”
“No, I think that’s just gross. Different kind of inappropriate. The not–liver kind,” Finn says.
“Ohh, I see.” Kurt grins and Noah does as well. “Probably not right here, though, no, darling.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so, either,” Finn agrees.
“I’d say we could find an empty room, but if we got caught,” Noah laughs. “I can see the headlines now.”
“Yeah, ‘cause they’d lead in with ‘area man found murdered’,” Finn says. “Oh, did you guys call Burt and my mom?”
“We did,” Noah answers. “We’re to call and update them after she gets here.”
“And we’re also supposed to pass on their love to you,” Kurt adds.
“Thanks, yeah. That’s good. Once something happens, you’ll call, and then I don’t have to,” Finn says, nodding. “I’m not sure I’ll be coherent enough to dial the phone after this.”
“Definitely going to find you some Red Bull,” Noah says with a grin. “Maybe a sandwich, too?”
“Yeah, a sandwich might be good.” Finn looks at the watch again and frowns. “I should go see if I allowed back in there yet,” he says. “In theory, Leroy or Hiram would get me, but…”
“Okay, darling,” Kurt nods, leaning over and pressing his lips to Finn’s cheek. “We’ll be back soon.”
“I’ll call you if the baby gets here before you do,” Finn says. “I love you guys.”
“Love you too,” Noah answers, kissing Finn’s other cheek before standing. “We won’t go too far.”
Finn trots back to the elevators, and Noah and Kurt walk back out into the relatively warm night, considering it’s already October. “The diner didn’t have Red Bull,” Kurt muses.
“There’s the twenty-four hour Starbucks down in the theatre district,” Noah says with a shrug. “If we can flag down a cab, it wouldn’t take long. Then we can get him a sandwich at the diner.” He laughs. “Maybe some of those onion rings that the guy behind us ordered.”
Kurt smirks. “We’re awful, Noah.”
“Very much so,” Noah agrees. They do take the cab down to the Starbucks, buy out their stock of Red Bull—which is only four cans—and then swing by the diner to get a BLT and onion rings for Finn, plus more coffee for all of them. By the time they arrive back in the lobby, it’s fifteen past four, and Noah pulls out his phone to send Finn a quick text that they’re in the lobby with food and drink.
“We should have bought some champagne,” Kurt muses.
“Gift shop probably sells it once they open,” Noah yawns. “Which is only a couple of hours now.”
The elevator opens and Finn comes sprinting out of it. “Hey, I have to eat fast. I’m not exactly sure how big 10 centimeters is, because it sounds either really big or really small, but that’s what she’s at. She’s having a rest and some kind of vegan pudding, but I think it’s babytime soon!”
Finn looks like he’s about to fall over exhausted, but he also looks exhilarated, so Noah just nods and opens the box with Finn’s sandwich, pushing it towards him while Kurt opens up one of the Red Bulls and places it in Finn’s hand. “Tofu-licious?” Noah hazards.
Finn chugs the Red Bull and then takes a huge bite of his sandwich. “Soy, I think,” Finn says, through a mouthful. “Or maybe almond. Oh my god this is so good, I want this sandwich, right here, for the rest of my whole life.”
Kurt giggles and opens another Red Bull for Finn. “We’re going to ask you about that again tomorrow after you’ve slept.”
“We’ll just stay down here if she’s that close to arriving,” Noah tells Finn. “Just text us a picture as soon as you can.”
“Ok, yeah, I’ll do that.” Finn drinks the second Red Bull in two swallows and then finishes the rest of his sandwich. He crams a handful of onion rings into his mouth and then stands up and jogs back towards the elevator with a wave over his shoulder.
About forty-five minutes pass before their phones buzz insistently and simultaneously. It’s from Finn, a very tiny, squished up baby staring up at them, and underneath it, Finn’s text, which says Wanted to name her Ovaltine. Rach says no.
“She looks like she could fit in a shirt pocket,” Noah says. “I mean – that’s tiny, even for a newborn.”
Kurt laughs. “Yes. Should we try to go up there now?”
“The flaming vaginas shouldn’t be flaming, right?” Noah grins, and they head towards the elevators, riding up to the floor with the birth center. There’s no one behind the desk, so they start trying to follow the scent of lavender before they realize everyone in the birth center must bring lavender.
“Maybe the birth center should supply the lavender to spritz,” Kurt grumbles, and when they return to the main desk, there’s a receptionist there, who points them in the correct direction. They stop outside the door and knock on the doorframe without peering in.
“Hey,” Finn says quietly, stepping up to the door. He puts one arm around each of them, pulling them close. “I’m a dad, you guys.”
“Congratulations,” Noah says quietly, and he can hear Kurt murmuring in Finn’s other ear.
“She looks like a sweet potato wearing a wig,” Finn whispers. “I haven’t gotten to hold her yet.”
Noah pulls back slightly. “She’ll let her go soon,” he says reassuringly, though he has to admit he’s a little surprised that Rachel’s not demanded food and a nap.
“Leroy and Hiram got to hold her. I just haven’t gotten my turn yet,” Finn explains. “Rachel says I’ll get to hold her all the time once we’re home, so, you know… later, I guess.”
Kurt snorts and Noah rolls his eyes, but he’s pretty sure that they aren’t supposed to start trashing someone who just gave birth. “Can we see her?” he asks instead. “And does she have a name yet?”
“Rachel’s still deciding. She says she has to be sure it’s perfect.” Finn grins at them. “She didn’t like Sweet Potato or Lumpy either. I wasn’t really serious about them, though.”
Noah laughs. “We ate sweet potato fries earlier. But no, probably not the best names. They’re bigger than she is, for sure.”
“She’s so tiny,” Finn agrees. “Smaller than I realized she’d be. Aud was so big, you know?”
“Yes,” Kurt nods, bouncing a little bit. “But can we see her?”
“Yeah! Come on in!” Finn leads them into the room. Rachel’s holding the baby, and all three Berrys look a little too wide-eyed as they beam. Rachel nods a little at them, but doesn’t say anything, and Kurt and Noah walk over to the bed, more or less ignoring her, too.
“Oh, Finn,” Kurt says softly. “She’s beautiful.”
“She’s making that face you and Carole both make,” Noah laughs quietly. “Guess that answers the question of learned or inherited.”
“It’s a biological imperative,” Hiram says from behind them. “Her features could change and she could end up the spitting image of Rachel!”
Kurt turns his head slowly towards Hiram and raises one eyebrow, and Noah has to hide a snicker. The look on Kurt’s face is the one he uses when he can’t decide if someone is deeply stupid or just really adept at putting their feet in their mouth. Hiram shrugs slightly and Kurt turns back to the baby, muttering something under his breath.
“She’s born now,” Noah says pointedly, looking directly at Rachel. “We can’t all keep calling her ‘She’ you know.”
Rachel giggles a little. “I know, I know. I had a few names in mind,” she says, and she exchanges a quick look with her dads. “But I think she’s an Eliza.”
“Are you going to go with Bette for the middle name?” Hiram asks, sounding a little too knowledgeable considering Rachel had sworn up and down that no one was going to know the names she was considering.
“She’s just not a Barbra,” Rachel sighs, nodding slightly. “Eliza Bette.”
Noah shakes his head slightly. She wouldn’t talk about names with her husband, but she would her dads? He can’t even imagine how Finn feels at the moment; Noah can tell Kurt’s itching to hold her as much as Noah is, but Finn’s got to be feeling it even more.
“E.B.H.” Kurt tilts his head. “No horrible spellings on either style of monogram, at least.”
“That is important,” Noah says gravely.
“That’s right, she’s not a Berry,” Hiram says suddenly. “It’s easy to forget when she clearly has such talent already!”
Leroy grabs Eliza by her foot, or where her foot probably is in the bundle of blankets, and gently jiggles it. “Just like her mommy!”
“And on that note, we’re going to take our leave,” Kurt says. “Finn, we’ll be back after we make those calls and grab you some breakfast? Let us know when.”
Finn tears his eyes away from the baby long enough to nod at Kurt, managing to somehow look excited and happily overwhelmed but also sad, all at once. Kurt steps away from the bed first, stopping in front of Finn and giving him a long hug, and Noah does the same after Kurt releases him, pulling Finn tight against him. After Finn whispers ‘love you’ into Noah’s ear, Noah shifts just enough to put his lips close to Finn’s ear.
“Love you too. And that little baby girl loves her dad.” Noah squeezes Finn one more time and releases him, heading for the door without looking directly at Finn’s face.
When Kurt and Noah walk outside, Noah drops Kurt’s hand and pulls him into a long hug. “We’re going to make sure they’re gone when we come back, right?” he mutters after a minute.
Kurt giggles. “God, yes. I’m starving. Let’s go get some breakfast. We’ll start making phone calls on our way there.”
After they call Syd and Hannah, and then Burt and Carole, they eat their breakfast and debate what to get Finn. When they finally decide, they place the order and then almost immediately get a text from Finn.
COME SEE MY BABY.
“Oh, good, they must have left!” Kurt says, then laughs. “I sound far too happy for someone who’s been awake all night.”
“At least we have tomorrow off. Are you taking tonight?”
“Maybe.” Kurt shrugs. “We’ll see how much sleep we can get this afternoon.”
When they get back to the birth center floor and head to Rachel’s room, Rachel is asleep, and Finn’s sitting in the middle of the couch–bed thing along the wall, staring at the small ball of blankets in his hands, looking absolutely blissed out. Noah exchanges a grin with Kurt, and then sit down gently on either side of Finn.
“Hi,” Kurt whispers. “Is she asleep?”
Finn turns his head slightly in Kurt’s direction, his smile growing. “I think she’s thinking. If you wait, her eyes will open again and she’ll check you out.”
“She’s so small,” Noah murmurs, reaching out and trailing his pinkie finger down one cheek. “How much did she even weigh?”
“She started out at six pounds, two ounces,” Finn says, grinning even wider, “but then she pooped and she’s down to like five fourteen now.”
Noah laughs. “Poor Eliza, you can’t tell everyone that story.”
“Did you see her little mouth? It’s all crooked,” Finn says. He touches his fingertip to Eliza’s lips and she makes a face and opens her eyes again. “Hi Eliza, you have to open your eyes up and meet some people now.” Finn glances up at Noah and then over at Kurt. “Ok, who gets to hold her first?”
“You go first, K,” Noah answers, nodding his head slightly at Kurt, who shrugs but grins.
Finn carefully hands Eliza to Kurt. “Ok, Eliza, this is…” Finn pauses and his smile falters momentarily. Kurt’s own face is sort of frozen, like he can’t figure out what to say, either, his arms settling Eliza more securely.
“That’s your Kurt, or maybe your Uncle Kurt,” Noah says quietly, as the silence stretches just a few beats too long. “He’s going to take you shopping and make sure you have nice clothes. Among other things.”
“And you should always do what he says, because he’s the bossofus,” Finn adds, his voice serious. “Even you. Even though you’re just a baby.”
“But all you have to do for now is grow,” Kurt says with a tiny grin. “Just grow and eat and play and poop. Oh, and you can cry, too.”
“But only for mommy,” Finn whispers. “Shh, don’t tell her I said that, ok?”
The three of them all laugh quietly, but Eliza looks as unimpressed as ever, her eyes blinking again. Kurt holds her for a minute more before passing her back to Finn. “Your turn, Noah.”
Finn cradles Eliza in his hands for a moment, then hands her to Noah. “And this is your Puck. Everybody’s gonna lie to you and say his name is Noah, but don’t believe it for a second. You and me, we know the truth, right?” Finn says to Eliza.
Noah snorts and tucks the blanket more tightly around Eliza. “You and your dad can be the only two, Eliza. Later today and tomorrow you’ll meet so many people, so you have to remember us, okay?” He looks up at Finn. “Hannah decided she’s Aunt Hannah.”
“Duh. Who else would she be?” Finn asks. “Tell her I’m just disappointed Eliza doesn’t look like a lizard like her Aunt Hannah.”
“Tell her yourself later,” Noah retorts with a laugh. “Seriously, Finn, she’s beautiful,” Noah says. “Tiny, but you did good.”
“I thought about throwing her back and seeing if I could catch a bigger one, but when I said that, Rach got really mad at me,” Finn says. His hands sort of twitch in Eliza’s direction, like he’s not aware they’re doing it. Noah grins slightly and leans towards Finn, transferring her back.
“You need one of those burp things on your shoulders, right?” Noah asks, grin getting a little wider.
“Do I? Even if she’s not on my shoulder?” Finn holds Eliza in his hands, most of her fitting in one hand, just her head resting in the other.
“I think it’s required. All the cool dads are wearing them.” Noah shrugs.
“Oh, definitely,” Kurt agrees, nodding. He laughs slightly. “Syd’s bringing up champagne when she comes, by the way.”
“I don’t think Eliza’s allowed to have champagne yet, you guys,” Finn says. “Just mommy milk for you, Eliza, sorry!” He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, and when he speaks again, his voice is very soft. “I couldn’t leave her. I had to stay.”
“Darling.” Kurt’s voice is equally soft. “Oh, darling.” Noah slides his arm around Finn’s back, squeezing Kurt’s hand as he finds it.
Noah leans his head over on Finn’s shoulder. “We love you.”
“If I could take her and run away with her…” Finn brings Eliza in close to his body. “But I couldn’t leave her. Now I can’t ever leave.” A few small wet spots appear on Eliza’s blanket, and Noah looks over at the silent tears running down Finn’s cheeks before Finn leans over Eliza, partially hiding his face.
There’s nothing really to say to that, for either of them, but they press a little more firmly against his back, and Kurt leans his head onto Finn’s other shoulder.
“Love you,” Kurt whispers quietly a long moment later. “We love you too, Miss Eliza.”
“She loves you, too,” Finn whispers back. “She doesn’t know it yet, because she’s new, but she does. We love you both so much.”