Work Text:
Noah pauses just inside their building to be glad he wasn’t planning on running, not in the August heat. He and Kurt don’t have time most days, not for the past two weeks, since Small Town finally opened. They’re both still working in the mornings, they have a few hours off, and then it’s down to the Triad for the night’s show. On Sundays, the routine is different; they barely have time to change between work and getting down to the theatre, and it makes Noah glad they at least have Saturdays off from Starbucks and the shop, and Tuesdays off completely.
Noah grabs the mail and throws it on the kitchen table without reading it, waiting until he’s cooled off and Kurt’s in the shower before sorting through it. Most of it is junk, but Noah frowns at one envelope, addressed solely to Kurt Hummel in handwriting that looks vaguely familiar. Noah shrugs and opens it.
Inside is an invitation to Rachel’s baby shower, which is somewhat confusing. Noah knows that Rachel wasn’t having a co-ed baby shower, because they’ve talked with Finn about that. If someone—presumably Rachel or Carole—wants them to have an invitation as a memento, why was it addressed solely to Kurt?
“K?” Noah calls when the shower stops. “You’re invited to Rachel’s baby shower.”
“What?” Kurt walks down the hall, still drying off. “I am?”
“Yeah, and you’re supposed to be sure to bring a gift for ‘baby girl’ and ‘the new mommy too!’,” Noah says with a slight roll of his eyes. He shows the envelope and then the invitation to Kurt. “See?”
Kurt frowns at them. “I don’t think I quite understand,” he finally says. “It says that RSVPs can go to Carole—I assume that’s indicated for the people from Lima who are invited—so perhaps I should call and ask Dad about it.” Kurt walks down the hall to the third bedroom with his phone, and when he comes back about ten minutes later, his frown is deeper.
“Blue eyes?”
“I’m expected to be present,” Kurt informs him. “My schedule should accommodate my attendance, Rachel told Carole, because of course she has to accommodate plenty of theatre people.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m the one who’s ‘into that kind of stuff’ and they—I assume that means Carole and Rachel, but I don’t know—just didn’t think you would be interested.” Kurt closes his eyes briefly before reopening them. “I didn’t even bother to point out that I was the only male invited, and how exactly that feels.”
“Fuck.” Noah shakes his head. “That’s bullshit, K. You know she’s doing this on purpose.”
“I know. But if Carole’s convinced Dad, I’m going to end up causing another Christmas-dinner level family incident if I don’t go, and I’ll really take the complete blame on this one.”
The thing is that Kurt’s probably right. If everyone’s decided it’s appropriate for Kurt to be the token gay man at the baby shower, there’s not much that Kurt, or Noah, can do about it. “Well, I could go,” Noah says after a minute. “If it’s supposed to be women and gay men, I really should make an appearance.”
Kurt smirks at him, then laughs. “Oh, I think so. Did you notice where it is?”
“Yes.” Noah shakes his head. “At least it’s not our Alice’s, but you can’t tell me that wasn’t deliberate, too.”
“Luckily, Chapter II is the only one that offers the room after hours, and since it isn’t starting until seven on that Sunday evening, it had to be at that location.” Kurt sighs. “I do not want to buy a ‘new mommy’ gift for her.”
“No.” Noah purses his lips and then grins. “We should get a ‘new daddy’ gift for Finn and take it to the shower instead. Unless there’s something really practical to get Rachel as a third gift to take.”
“Water bottle,” Kurt says with the same smirk. “Practical and utterly boring.”
“One down, two to go.”
Finding the water bottle for Rachel doesn’t take long; Noah picks one up at Trader Joe’s near the checkout counter a few days later. On Saturday, Kurt and Noah go to one of the many baby stores in Manhattan and find a baby carrier that Finn can use and that’s both too big and not ‘cute’ enough for Rachel to try to use it herself. They find a diaper bag ‘for dads’ to add to it, but after three stores and nothing jumping out at them for the baby, Kurt grins suddenly.
“We’re going to go home and get online and order a nice Bucky Badger patch for the carrier,” he announces, “and an assortment of Wisconsin baby clothes.”
Noah laughs. “Yeah, that’ll be good. And it’s not like Rachel can complain in front of Carole, not about that!” For all Carole’s faults, Burt and Carole have remained Wisconsin fans, and somehow Noah thinks that Rachel putting down the Badgers might be taking things too far for Carole to handle.
They do order a Bucky patch, plus some booties, socks, onesies, bibs, and a blanket, all emblazoned with either a Bucky Badger, a ‘W’, or sometimes both. Kurt wraps everything in three stacked boxes with neatly-printed tags, and while the bright red paper is appropriate given their gifts, Noah’s pretty sure it’ll clash horribly with the baby pink decorations that are going to be hung everywhere. Noah’s equally sure that if they really wanted a gay man involved, maybe they should have asked Kurt to plan the decorations or something, because the combination of Carole and Rachel’s tastes is probably not going to be all that pretty.
The remaining two weeks before the shower pass quickly, and after the Sunday matinee, the two of them shower, change, and then decide to take a cab over to the Upper East Side. “Seven-oh-two,” Kurt notes as they exit the cab and Noah pays the driver. “Perfect timing.” There are some other people arriving as well, and Noah almost feels out of place, since he’s not wearing anything floral or pastel.
“I thought there was a rule about white and Labor Day?” Noah asks Kurt under his breath. “I know I’ve heard you talking to Hannah about it.”
“Oh, there is.” Kurt shakes his head. “I suppose they think since it’s just a week after, it’s all fine.” The staff from Alice’s directs them to the party room, where Rachel is already sitting in a decorated chair, chattering about something with the girl that was her maid of honor and a few other people that Noah vaguely recognizes. They stop just inside the door, and Carole comes over a moment later.
“Kurt, it’s good you’re here!” she says, smiling, though it falters slightly as she turns to Noah. “Noah, I didn’t realize you’d be coming all the way over to this little party.”
“Well, since it was women and gay men,” Noah says, a hint of a smirk in his smile. “I figured Kurt didn’t want to be the only one possessing a Y chromosome.”
“Oh, don’t be silly!” Carole laughs. “Hiram and Leroy are here, of course!”
Now Noah almost feels insulted, but he just smiles politely and watches Carole’s face when she sees the bright red of their gifts next to all the pink-wrapped packages.
“Three?” she asks quizzically.
“Oh, we thought there should be at least one ‘new daddy’ gift,” Kurt explains. “Don’t you think? I mean, so many couples are doing co-ed showers now that it’s very common.” Noah has no idea if that’s really true, and chances are that Kurt doesn’t either, but if they don’t know, there’s even less of a chance that Carole will know about baby shower trends in Manhattan.
“Oh, that’s very thoughtful,” Carole says, looking a little surprised. “Is that the small one on top?”
“Oh, no, that’s Rachel’s,” Noah interjects, grinning broadly and using a little bit of his old ‘dumb’ look on Carole.
“Oh. Well. Good things come in small packages, right?” Carole says, and she heads towards one of the Alice’s staff to ask a question.
“Or practical things,” Kurt says to the empty air.
“Do we know anyone here besides Carole, Rachel, and I guess Hiram and Leroy?” Noah asks. “I mean, I sort of recognize some of them, but I don’t know who they are.”
“I wonder if she tried to invite Tori,” Kurt says under his breath. “I know Tori wouldn’t have come, but I meant to ask her.”
After about ten more minutes, they’re all asked to sit down to eat, and Noah thinks briefly that it’s too bad crepes aren’t on the party menu. The non-pregnant attendees do at least get a single cocktail, but it’s not enough to drown out the way Rachel’s talking. Then there are slips of paper passed out, with places for each person’s name and their guesses for the day that the baby will arrive, the time, and her height and weight.
“Whoever gets each category right, or the closest to right, will get a prize!” Rachel says excitedly.
“What if you get more than one category correct?” someone asks.
“There’s a different prize for each category,” Carole says over her shoulder. “So you’d get two or more prizes!”
“How exciting,” Noah mutters under his breath to Kurt. “When’s the exact due date again? I’m putting down two weeks later.”
Kurt presses his lips together, obviously trying not to laugh, but the two of them dutifully fill out their slips of paper. Noah’s suggests a birth weight of nine pounds and a length of twenty-two inches, born at 2:45 in the afternoon two weeks after Rachel’s due date, and he’s pretty confident that he’s not going to win a single category.
Rachel says something quietly to Hiram and Leroy, and Leroy says something to Carole, who jumps up just a few moments later. “And now it’s time for gifts!” There’s some general applause and Noah shrugs. Once the gifts are opened, there’s just cake and they’ll be free, with a couple of hours left to their Sunday evening.
The first thing Rachel unwraps is a set of what are, apparently, nursing pajamas, though Noah would have thought satin or whatever wasn’t a practical choice for that. The accompanying baby gift is a bunch of onesies that proclaim ‘I love my mommy’ along with two bibs with the same slogan.
The next gift is a huge box, and the giver says “This is for both you and the baby!” It’s a breastpump, which Hiram makes sure to tell everyone is the top of the line on the commercial market. How, exactly, Hiram Berry knows that, Noah isn’t sure, unless he actually listens to everything Rachel talks about.
A group of women that Rachel apparently knew at Juilliard pitched in to get her a stroller as well as a set of gift certificates to what is, Rachel assures them, her favorite spa. “I’ll get at least one more prenatal massage,” she tells them. “And these will be so nice after the baby’s here, too!”
Carole hands her the gifts Kurt and Noah brought next, and Rachel looks at the stack of three quizzically. “They’re from Kurt and Noah,” Carole explains. “One of them is for the new daddy, of course!”
There’s a collective sigh from the attendees, who apparently think that’s the greatest idea, and Rachel smiles, though Noah knows her well enough to know she’s not pleased that hers is the smallest.
“Oh. A water bottle!” Rachel’s smile is tight, but apparently one of her friends has had a baby, because she speaks up.
“Is it one of those insulated ones? That’s so great for nursing or pumping!” she says, oblivious to the tension.
“Well, let’s see what we have for the baby,” Rachel says, her smile brightening a little, but it falls again when she sees the assortment of Wisconsin baby clothes.
“Oh, that’s so nice!” Carole says, genuinely beaming at Kurt and Noah. “Of course she needs some Wisconsin gear, Rachel. This is so nice. ‘I drool red and white’,” Carole reads off one of the bibs and laughs.
“I’m sure she’ll look lovely in it,” Rachel manages, setting the box to the side. “What should I do with Finn’s?”
“Oh, we want to see!” several of the women say, and Noah and Kurt nod.
“Of course,” Kurt says. “I’m sure Finn would want you to be able to see it. It won’t take away his surprise later.”
“Right.” Carole smiles at them and then at Rachel. “Oh, that’s so adorable!” she exclaims as Rachel pulls out the slightly-modified carrier. “With a Bucky sewn on. Finn will love that. Remember how much he loved carrying Audrey, Rachel?” Carole says.
Rachel nods and reaches back into the box. “A diaper bag?” she asks, even though Noah’s pretty sure that’s obvious.
“Messenger bag style, like his schoolbag,” Kurt answers her. “Less strain on his shoulder that way.”
“Oh, that’s so thoughtful of you,” Carole says, and she looks genuinely excited. Noah supposes that the Wisconsin gear and remembering Finn’s shoulder injury is enough to bring her back around, at least for the evening.
Noah tunes out the rest of the gifts, and they stay until after everyone’s eaten some cake. Their early morning wake-up provides an out, at least, but it’s still nearly ten before they climb back into a cab.
“We should call Finn and let him know to look for his gifts,” Noah points out wryly.
“Now or wait until we’re home?” Kurt asks, and Noah shrugs.
“Might as well wait, we’re already in the park.”
“True.” They wait until they’re in bed, twenty minutes later, before Kurt hits Finn’s number and speaker.
“Hey!” Finn answers. “Where were you guys all day?”
“Party crashing,” Noah jokes.
“I was not. I was actually invited,” Kurt says, then snorts. “But Noah wasn’t, so I suppose he’s right.”
“Oh. Did you guys go to Rachel’s baby shower thing?”
“It just didn’t seem fair,” Noah explains. “I was the only gay dude not invited, so I thought I should show up anyway. All the women and the gays.”
Finn laughs. “So I bet you had a great time, huh?”
“Fabulous,” Kurt says dryly. “On the plus side, we seem to be back on your mother’s good side. Make sure you ask Rachel for your gift. It only seemed fair, since the invitation said a gift for baby and a gift for Rachel.”
“I’ve got a gift?” Finn asks. “What’s my gift?”
“You don’t want to be surprised?” Noah counters. “I mean, it’s already unwrapped, but you could still be surprised.”
“But you won’t get to see me be surprised, so you should just tell me so you can at least hear me be surprised!” Finn argues.
“Fine,” Kurt says with an overly dramatic sigh, winking at Noah. “There’s two things. One of them’s a diaper bag that is not covered in baby print.”
“That’ll be nice, at least,” Finn says. “Thanks, you guys.”
“And a nice bright red baby carrier with a Bucky on it. Okay, K added the Bucky,” Noah admits, “but it’s still on there.”
“Sweet! My baby’s gonna have Badger style,” Finn says. “That’s so awesome, you guys.”
“Oh, definitely Badger style,” Kurt says, laughing. “The gift for her was an assortment of Wisconsin clothing items. She wasn’t impressed, but your mother was.”
“Well, she couldn’t be impressed. She’s still in uterus,” Finn says.
Noah suppresses a laugh; it’s not surprising that Finn didn’t catch Kurt was referring to Rachel. By the first of August, Finn had seemed to be able lose some of the worry about something going wrong. Finn’s pretty much exclusively focused on the baby, which probably makes everyone happier, in the end.
“In utero, darling,” Kurt corrects him. “But we know what you meant. Just make sure that at least once you dress her in all of it head to toe.”
“I’ll dress her in it all the time!” Finn promises. “I’ll take lots of pictures of her in it, too, so you can put them on your phones and all over the apartment.”
“Maybe backstage at the theatre, too,” Noah says. “But yeah, sorry we missed you today, darling. What’s your day look like Tuesday?”
“I’ve got to put in some hours at Nordoff-Robbins. Nothing much else.”
“Before or after lunch?” Kurt asks.
“Before,” Finn says. “I’m going in kind of early to go over some papers.”
“Well, come over here, and we’ll feed you lunch,” Noah says. “It won’t be fancy, but it will have meat in it.”
Kurt grins and laughs a little. “Company’s not bad, either, or so we hear.”
“Meat and company, check,” Finn says. “Sounds like fun.”
“Good.” Kurt leans his head on Noah’s shoulder. “We miss you, darling.”
Finn sighs loudly into the phone. “Yeah. I miss you guys, too. I’ll come see the show again later in the week. Thursday, maybe?”
“Sounds good,” Noah says, then shakes his head at Kurt stifling a yawn. “We’re going to be boring old people now and go to sleep. Love you.”
“’M not boring,” Kurt protests. “Love you, Finn.”
“Love you guys,” Finn says. “See you Tuesday.”
“See you Tuesday,” they echo, and then Kurt ends the call, putting his phone beside the bed and flipping off the light.
“At least we keep busy?” Kurt offers, and Noah laughs.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Noah and Kurt wait until Eliza is officially five weeks old before they decide it’s time for her to have a day out with them. Or mostly a day in, since there aren’t that many places to take a five week old, and they’ll probably end up at their apartment with her, but it’s still not in Eliza’s own apartment. Neither of them warn Finn about the plan. They just get up on Tuesday morning, grab a quick breakfast, and take the train down to the 28th Street stop.
Kurt gets them into the building and they head up to the correct door, knocking twice and then waiting for someone to answer it. Noah figures they have the element of surprise, since most people don’t get visitors at seven-thirty in the morning. They know that Eliza is usually up for the day by seven, though, so they’re not worried about waking her up.
Finn opens the door, Eliza cradled in his right arm. “Hey, you guys!”
“Oh, good, she’s dressed,” Noah says with a grin. He reaches out and scoops Eliza up. “You’re coming with us, sweet potato.”
Kurt walks past them, into the kitchen, and Noah can hear the refrigerator door open. “How many of these will we need for her?”
Finn still has his arm held in a baby-cradling position, and he looks confused. “Guys? Uh, what’s happening?”
Noah shrugs. “We have the day free, so we’re kidnapping Eliza. Figured Rachel wouldn’t mind, and you’ve got your hours this morning. I mean, come find us after that, if you want to.”
“Are you sure you’ll be ok with her?” Finn asks. “She wants to eat kind of a lot, like every hour and a half. And she’ll poop like every single time she eats.”
“That’s what these are for, right?” Kurt says, walking back towards them with what looks like a couple of soft-sided coolers. “And the diaper bag for the other end?”
“We’ll be fine, won’t we, Eliza?” Noah says to Eliza, who doesn’t look at all alarmed by the situation. “Oh, but we do need her coat. And an extra couple of blankets.”
“Her coat’s in the— yeah, where Kurt’s already looking,” Finn says, as Kurt opens the coat closet and takes out Eliza’s tiny coat. “And there’s extra blankets by the sofa.”
Noah picks up one of the extra blankets and tucks it around her, then hands two more to Kurt, who is organizing everything in a diaper bag. “I think that’s it. Good thing she already had her hat on.”
“There’s not really that much to do with a five week old, so we’ll probably head back home after a bit,” Kurt says to Finn. “But check with us if you’re looking for us.”
“Ok, so I’ll just plan to come to your place after I’m done with my hours, then,” Finn says. He stares longingly at Eliza. “Be good, Eliza.”
“She’s always good,” Noah says. “Just look at her.” He grins at Finn and then he and Kurt leave, Eliza still unprotesting.
There really isn’t much to do; most of the winter holiday decorations aren’t up yet, though Noah figures the week after Thanksgiving, they can take her over to see the tree at Rockefeller Center and some of the store windows. The three of them do go to Zabar’s and Eliza stares at all the cheeses and then all the fish before they do go home and sit with her in the middle of the living room floor.
Finn manages to wait to text them for thirty minutes, but then continues texting, so by the time Eliza’s had a bottle and Noah’s changed her diaper once, they have three texts to respond to. “I’d call him and let him talk to her if I thought that would work,” Kurt says, shaking his head and smiling slightly.
“Well, she’d recognize his voice, but it’s not like she could reassure him.” Noah digs through the diaper bag and finds one of Eliza’s toys, though she doesn’t seem very interested in it. “Your dad’s having separation anxiety, sweet potato. Don’t worry, he’ll figure it out.”
“Is that a real thing?” Kurt asks dubiously. “I thought separation anxiety was the other way around.”
“We can ask Finn later,” Noah says with a smirk.
Noah suspects that Finn leaves a little early, based on when they hear his key in the door. “There’s Dad,” Kurt says to Eliza, who’s only been awake for a few minutes. “He’s going to grab you from me as soon as he gets in here, I suspect.”
“Finn? Nah,” Noah laughs, grinning at Finn when he appears in the room.
“There’s my girl!” Finn declares, leaning down to swoop Eliza out of Kurt’s arms. “Did you have fun with your Puck and your Kurt?”
“I knew it,” Kurt says mournfully. “I won’t get to hold her again for two weeks.”
“’Course she did. We’re very fun people. She wanted us to buy some haddock at Zabar’s, but we told her that Aunt Syd would be really upset.”
“Eliza, you can’t tell them to buy overfished fish!” Finn tells Eliza, who looks entirely unimpressed by the scolding. Finn glances over at Noah. “I hope you told her some good haddock substitutes.”
“I took her to gaze in wonder at the cheeses. I think that distracted her,” Noah says, grinning. “She’s probably ready to eat again.”
“But everything went ok? She was fine?” Finn asks, sitting down on the futon with Eliza.
“I think she wasn’t a big fan of that outfit she was in this morning,” Kurt says, wrinkling his nose a little. “Poop everywhere.”
“At least we know her bowels work.” Noah shrugs. “She had fun, didn’t you, Eliza?”
“Did you soak it? You’ve got to soak it or it’ll stain bright yellow,” Finn warns. “Poor Eliza and her exploding butt.”
“It’s already drying,” Kurt says, gesturing down the hall towards the bathroom. “Oh, she didn’t seem distressed at all. Rather pleased with herself, actually.”
“I think that was because she almost managed to pee on me, though,” Noah points out.
“She likes to pee when she’s naked,” Finn says, nodding. “She likes her freedom, I think.”
“Yeah, I’ll give her a bath the next time,” Noah says wryly. “Instead of her trying to bathe me.”
“Ha! Good idea,” Finn agrees.
“You want some lunch, darling?” Kurt asks. “We can get some Chinese or something.”
“Yeah, that would be good. Where did Eliza’s milk go? I’ll feed her.” Finn stands up again and walks towards the kitchen, Eliza cradled in his arm.
“It’s warming up,” Noah says. “In the pot with the warm water next to the stove.”
“Cool.” Finn comes wandering back out of the kitchen with the bottle, then sits back down on the futon between Kurt and Noah.
“See? You have to tell him you were fine,” Kurt says to Eliza. “But don’t worry, darling, you have two full weeks before we steal her again.”
Noah looks up from ordering the Chinese and nods. “Yeah, and by then we can let her see all the decorations going up.”
“As long as you give her back when you’re done with her,” Finn says. He starts to feed Eliza, sitting her up a little against his arm. “Or if you don’t give her back, you have to warn me ahead of time so I can sneak over here, too.”
“Eliza Hudson, Secret Agent,” Noah muses. “I guess that goes with Finn Hudson, Orange Juice Ninja.”
“We’ll get her something sleek and black to wear,” Kurt says, laughing.
“She doesn’t need anything slimming, though,” Finn says, with a slight frown. “She’d disappear.”
“She is a bit smaller than you’d expect from your offspring,” Kurt concedes. “I’m sure she’ll hit a growth spurt soon.”
“Tell them you need more fat in your diet,” Noah whispers to Eliza. “We’ll try to find you some high-quality lard or something.”
“I told her I was going to melt a stick of butter and put it in her bottle, but Rachel heard me and yelled at me,” Finn says. “I wasn’t really going to put butter in her bottle.”
Kurt rolls his eyes. “She shouldn’t yell around Eliza. It’s probably bad for her ears.”
“What’s the pediatrician say? Just that she’s little?” Noah asks.
“She’s just small,” Finn says. “I mean, I know Rachel’s really short, so I shouldn’t worry about it. She’s just so little compared to Aud.”
“Yeah.” Noah brushes his fingers against the top of Eliza’s head. “Well, the way we calculated it, we’ve got enough milk to last until at least five.”
“And diapers until about midnight,” Kurt says, laughing. “More than enough diapers.”
“You think you have enough, but then there’s always just one less than you think you need,” Finn says. “Wait and see.”