Chapter Text
Something’s wrong.
Kei knew it the moment he heard the sound of someone’s bones meeting the floor. He knew it was bad. It wasn't until he turned away from the net and saw Yamaguchi limp on the orange linoleum that he knew just how bad it was.
Everything stopped. Even the crowd went quiet. The first years froze like they were too terrified to move. Hinata ran so fast that his shoes squeaked on the floor. Kei's feet didn't move as fast as they should have.
“Yamaguchi?” Hinata grabs his shoulder. “Yamaguchi!”
“Get off him.” Kei pulls him away by the shirt collar. “He could have broken something.”
He isn't moving. Kei kneels down beside him as the sound of running footsteps surrounds them.
“Yamaguchi-kun?” Takeda drops to his knees. “Can you hear me?”
Kei glances up to see Ukai and Yachi standing over them, a frown on his face and tears in her eyes. They must have seen it happen.
“Mmph…”
He looks down to see Yamaguchi wincing with pain. He lifts a shaky hand to his head, or at least he tries. Then, he goes limp again.
“We need a medic over here!” Ukai shouts.
“Yamaguchi–” Takeda tries again. “Yamaguchi, stay still, okay?”
Kei watches as Yamaguchi lays lifeless on the floor. Lifeless is the wrong word. He’s breathing, but he isn't himself. One of the medics appears with a first aid kit. He kneels down next to Yamaguchi's head, careful not to move him at all. Kei watches his every move. He watches him lean down to lift one of Yamaguchi's eyelids. He watches him aim a flashlight into his eye. Probably to check if his pupils are blown.
“Young man, what's your name?” The medic asks, putting the torch down to check his neck.
Yamaguchi doesn't answer right away. He opens his eyes one at a time. His pupils look blurry, like he can't see properly.
“What's your name?” the medic repeats.
“Mm… Yamaguchi… Tadashi.”
“How old are you?”
Yamaguchi frowns. “Huh?”
“Do you know how old you are?”
Yamaguchi looks over at Kei, the question in his eyes. What happened?
If only Kei had seen it for himself, he might know how to answer.
“Yamaguchi,” Takeda places a hand on his arm. “Do you know where you are?”
Yamaguchi looks up at him, but his eyes change. They look confused, like he doesn't know how to answer.
“My… head hurts…”
“He landed on his side.” Ukai crouches by the medic. “Seemed to hit his head on the floor as he came down.”
Kei's chest feels tight. Yamaguchi turns to him again, like he’s the safest person to look at right now. Kei holds his stare until his face changes to a pained expression, and his eyes screw tight shut.
“My… head…”
“Let's get him off the court.” The medic gestures to Takeda and Ukai. “He doesn't seem to have broken anything, but be careful with his neck just in case. Can you bring the stretcher, please?”
Another medic carries a red stretcher into the scene. Ukai helps to lift Yamaguchi, while Takeda supports his head.
Kei stands up, taking a step towards them.
“Tsukishima.”
He freezes. Ukai wears a serious look as he keeps a hand on Yamaguchi's shoulder.
“He needs you to finish the game.”
The realisation drops into Kei’s stomach. He looks over his shoulder to see the whole team standing a few paces back with anxious looks on their faces. For a moment, he'd forgotten all about the match.
The match that they're two points away from losing.
He turns back to see the medics carrying Yamaguchi away, with Takeda following them closely. Where are they going? Where will they take him?
“Tsukishima.”
He looks at Ukai, completely dazed.
“I know he trusts you to do this,” Ukai nods. “Takeda’s with him. So, just focus on winning.”
Winning? Yamaguchi just got taken away on a stretcher, and the Coach wants him to focus on winning? He'd laugh if it weren't so sick.
“We'll do it.” Hinata pipes up. “We'll win it for our captain, won't we guys?”
A few of them shout in response. Determined war cries that sound about as believable as they could from a bunch of scared teenagers. Kei feels himself deflate. This is pointless. They won't win against Itachiyama.
Not without Yamaguchi.
“Tsukki, don't give up.” Hinata punches his arm.
Kei glares at him as he rubs the resulting bruise. “Just do your job, Vice Captain.”
Hinata gives a determined nod, before clapping his hands and rallying the troops. He's good at being Vice Captain, Kei will give him that. But he's not Yamaguchi. And they can't win this without Yamaguchi.
It wouldn't be right.
Ukai walks over to the referee to confirm what happened. Everyone else returns to their starting rotation, leaving a gap for Kei in front of the net. He walks back into position, glancing over to see which player the Coach has subbed in. One of the second years runs onto the court to stand in Yamaguchi's position. Hisashi. He doesn't have as much practice at playing right wing, but he's not the worst either. And it's not like they have a choice right now.
“Oi.”
He looks up at Kageyama. That is his usual way of commanding Kei's attention but it sounded a little softer than usual.
“Are you still good to do this?”
“I'm fine.” Kei frowns. “I'm not the one who just had a head injury.”
Saying the words makes him feel nauseous.
Kageyama nods. Itachiyama's number six lines up to serve. He's not the strongest server. They should be alright.
“Did you see it happen?” Kei glances at Kageyama.
Kageyama nods again, keeping his eyes forward. “Yeah. I saw.”
The whistle blows, and Kei watches the serve come over the net.
“Hisashi!” Hinata calls.
“Got it!”
The receive goes up. It's average at best. Kageyama has to run a bit further to reach it. He sends it to one of the first years, who hits it over with a feint.
That was a mistake.
Itachiyama's blockers adapt quickly, slamming the ball back over the net. Yoshida, the second year libero, manages to receive it, sending it back to Kageyama.
“Tsukishima, move.”
Kei jolts into action, stepping back to get enough approach distance. He runs into the jump, watching the ball only to have it sail over his head to Hinata.
He hates it when Kageyama does that.
Hinata spikes the ball, sending Itachiyama into a scramble. The ball gets received, sent to the setter, then to the spiker on Kei's left. He jumps, mistiming the block. It deflects off his fingers, but not the way it should. The whistle blows as the referee signals a block-out.
One point left until they lose.
“I thought you said you were good?” Kageyama’s voice is hoarse over the cheers from the crowd.
“How?” Kei tries to catch his breath. “You saw it, how did he fall that hard?”
The whistle blows again. Itachiyama’s number six steps back ready to run into a jump serve.
“His shoe slipped.” Kageyama follows the ball with his eyes as it sails over the net. “He didn't make the landing.”
“Slipped on what?” Kei seethes. “That's not good enough.”
“Tsukishima-san!”
He glances up to the call from a first year. Tabata. He sent the ball to him instead of Kageyama. Great. Just perfect.
Kei jumps to meet the ball, setting it to Hinata without really thinking.
Another mistake.
Itachiyama's blockers see it coming. Hinata smashes the ball with full force, but it isn't enough. It comes right back to their side of the court. The others dive to try and receive it, but it's too late. The sound of the ball hitting the floor echoes across the court.
Just like when Yamaguchi fell.
The end whistle sounds, but it doesn't mean what it usually means to Kei. It doesn't mean win or loss. It doesn't mean rest after exhaustion. It means he can go and find the medical room.
“What happened?” Kageyama grabs his shirt aggressively. “You gave up. I saw it.”
“Kageyama.” Hinata looks up, gasping for breath. “Leave him alone.”
Kei doesn't miss the disappointed note in his voice. It's fair. He did give up. He did stop thinking. Kageyama lets go of him roughly, crouching down with his hands over his eyes as he catches his breath. Kei looks over to see Ukai frowning with his arms folded. He looks disappointed as well.
Yachi isn't anywhere to be seen.
“Alright, everyone.” Hinata claps. “Line up.”
They shake hands with the opposing players. Kei does it on autopilot. He follows the team to the end line where they bow and thank the crowd for their support. It's ironic. All the times that Akiteru came when Kei didn't ask him to, and this is the one day he didn't show up. He had a work commitment he couldn't get out of. Kei told him it was fine.
But it’s not fine. It's not fine at all.
The team is deafeningly quiet around him. No one says a word, except Hinata who tries to cheer everyone up as always. It's all a front. Kei knows the minute he's alone with Kageyama, he'll let his anger out. Those two hate losing more than anything, especially at nationals. Kei hates it too, but not today. It doesn’t matter that it was their last match as a team. He simply doesn't care.
“Alright fellas,” Ukai calls to them. “Bring it in.”
The team gathers around him on shuffled feet. No one has the energy to do anything more.
“I'm going to remind you,” Ukai smirks, hands on his hips. “You may have lost. But you just placed third in the country at Nationals.”
Kei watches the expressions of his teammates change. A mix of relief and complete disbelief. Kageyama’s as stiff as ever. Hinata’s too exhausted to smile.
“It was a shock to have that happen to your Captain at the last minute.” Ukai folds his arms. “But next time, you need to be prepared for something like that. Even if the worst happens, you need to keep playing as a team. It's what your Captain taught you to do.”
The first years nod. Some of them cry. The second years look at each other as if they just realised that they'll be the leaders soon. They'll have to do what the third years did and not repeat their mistakes.
“That's it for the day.” Ukai nods. “Be proud of yourselves. You've come a long way.”
The team shout their thanks and bow to the Coach, before rushing to gather their belongings. Kei doesn't even remember what belongings he had before the start of the match. His thoughts find a direction when he sees Yachi appear by the court line. He walks over to her, his legs too tired to run.
“Where is he?”
Her expression tells him it's bad. She looks like she's been crying.
“They took him straight to an ambulance.” She wipes her face. “He fell unconscious and they couldn't wake him up. He's going to the hospital.”
“Which hospital?” Kei stares at her.
“I don't know.” She shakes her head. “But Takeda-sensei went in the ambulance with him.”
“He'll be alright.” Ukai appears, placing a hand on Kei's shoulder. “I've seen this happen before. They need to do routine checks if the player loses consciousness, but they're usually fine after some rest. Don't worry about him.”
“He's in a hospital,” Kei says, flatly.
“Like I said. It's routine.” Ukai pushes him gently. “Get your things, and let's head back to the inn. You guys need to eat after two matches today.”
Maybe that's why it happened. Maybe Yamaguchi was exhausted from playing two matches for the third day in a row. Maybe he didn't have his usual reflex speed and that's why he fell.
Maybe the floor was just wet.
Kei follows the others in step, collecting water bottles and towels and kit bags. He makes sure to pick up Yamaguchi's bag along with his own. Ukai leads the team out into the stadium wings, just as they've done all those times before. Kei knows the routine; return to the practice gym and do cool down stretches before piling onto the bus. Cool down is important. If you have any muscle injuries, it helps lessen the damage.
But it seems so pointless now.
He pulls Yamaguchi's bag further onto his shoulder, and takes a left turn away from where the rest of the team is heading. He vaguely remembers where the medical room is from that time in second year when he dislocated his finger. Maybe one of the medics will be able to tell him which hospital Yamaguchi went to. One thing's for sure, he's not going back to the inn as if nothing happened. No way in hell.
He walks through the corridors as fast as his legs will let him. They did an awful lot of jumping in that last set. His thighs feel like they’re on fire. Eventually, he sees the sign for the medical room. There are quite a few players lined up outside, all with minor scrapes and bruises. He pushes past them, stopping when he sees someone in a medic's uniform.
“Excuse me,” he asks a nurse attending one of the players. “Do you know which hospital the players get sent to if they have a head injury?”
“A head injury?” She looks up. “They’re likely to have taken him to TMU. That’s the closest hospital with a trauma unit.”
“Thank you,” he bows, his feet already leading him away.
He pulls out his phone to search for the hospital’s location. Tokyo Medical University Hospital. It's a 42 minute walk, a 24 minute metro ride or a 6 minute cab ride.
Cab ride it is.
The air is cool when he steps outside. The sky is overcast and grey, like it's about to rain. He follows the tourism signs towards the stadium’s taxi rank, where thankfully two cars are waiting. He climbs into the first one, struggling to fold his long legs into the back passenger seat.
“TMU Hospital, please.”
The driver agrees, starting the car and pulling away. Kei wrestles the two kit bags onto the seat beside him, reaching for his seat belt. His mind races with possibilities, but he tries to keep focus on what needs to happen next. He has Yamaguchi's bag, in case it has anything he needs, like spare clothes or his toothbrush. He should have told someone where he was going so they don't try to look for him.
He pulls out his phone and sends Yachi a text.
15:41 Heading to the hospital
15:41 Tokyo Medical University
It's about as descriptive as he wants to be right now. He already knows Ukai will give him an earful for leaving without permission, but enough is enough. He's eighteen. He shouldn't have to go back to that tiny little inn and force himself to eat food when Yamaguchi is lying in a hospital bed somewhere all alone.
Raindrops begin pattering on the windows. The rhythmic sound of the windscreen wipers feels like a ticking clock. Kei tries to undo the knot forming in his chest. Being anxious won't help the situation at all. He needs to remain calm. Think clearly. What needs to happen next?
He scrolls through his contacts until he finds the number for Yamaguchi's mother. Someone needs to tell her. He holds the dial tone against his ear, the knot in his chest growing tighter with each ring.
“Hello, Kei?”
“Oh. Yamaguchi-san,” he fumbles. He hasn't expected her to pick up so quickly.
“Oh darling, I'm so glad you called.” She sounds as anxious as he feels. “Are you with him? I just got off the phone with your teacher.”
“Really?” Kei sits up. “Did he say which hospital they went to?”
“Yes, um…” There's a sound like she's reaching for some paper. “Tokyo Medical University.”
“Oh, good.” Kei breathes a sigh of relief. “I'm heading there now.”
“Kei…” Her voice shakes. “Your teacher said he's been unconscious since it happened. He said they're taking him for a CT scan soon.”
Kei's mouth dries up. “I… I have his bag with me. I can stay at the hospital in case there's anything he needs.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Another sound like car keys. “I'm going to drive down right now, but it will take me a few hours.”
“Okay.” Kei nods, pointlessly. “I'll let you know if I hear anything.”
“Alright. See you soon.”
He lowers his phone, and stares at his lock screen. Calling her was the right thing to do. Who else should he call? Probably Ukai, at some point, but definitely not now. He tucks his phone away and stares out the window as the grey cityscape goes by. He never liked Tokyo. He didn't have a good reason before other than the overcrowding and excess of traffic.
Now, he has a very good reason.
The taxi pulls up to the pavement outside the hospital. Kei taps his bank card to the machine without looking at the price, and opens the door. He squints as the rain gets in his eyes, throwing both bags over his shoulder as he walks over to the automatic doors. His wet shoes squeak on the floor of the marble lobby as he walks in. He looks around through the beads of rain on his glasses until he sees the main desk. Two women in nurse uniforms sit at the desk. One helps a visitor to fill out a clipboard; the other looks up at him expectantly.
“Um… excuse me,” he swallows. “I'm here for Yamaguchi Tadashi. He was brought in with a head injury.”
“Are you a relative of his?” she asks, glancing down at her computer.
Kei suddenly feels small. “No, he's… I’m his friend.”
“I'm sorry,” she keeps an even expression. “We're not allowed to release information to anyone other than relatives and guardians.”
Kei nods. He knew that. It’s common sense. It shouldn't be so difficult to hear.
“Do you…” He grips the bag straps tighter. “Do you know if he's awake yet?”
“I'm sorry,” she shakes her head. “Hospital policy.”
Kei nods again. “Um… Our teacher is with him, I think. Takeda Ittetsu. If you could please tell him I'm here, I'll just… I’ll wait over there.”
She nods noncommittally as he walks away. It probably is too much to ask in such a big hospital. He has Takeda's number for emergencies. This probably counts as emergency circumstances.
He pulls out his phone as he walks through to the waiting area. Rows of three-seater benches fill the space, most of them occupied by people. He wanders over to the first empty bench he sees. It's just about big enough for two bags and himself. He slumps down into the seat, feeling the ache in his legs subside. He'd forgotten how tired he was with everything going on. He sinks down until his mouth tucks behind the collar of his track jacket, blinking at the raindrops that are still clinging to his lenses. He pulls his glasses off his face and polishes them with the hem of his jacket, glancing around as he puts them back on the bridge of his nose. He can't see Takeda anywhere, so he must be upstairs with Yamaguchi.
He looks down at his phone to see a message notification from Yachi.
16:08 Did you find him?
He types out a reply.
16:09 Not yet but his mom said he's here
16:09 I’m in the waiting room
The read receipts turn blue, but she doesn't answer. He scrolls through his contacts and starts a text chain he never thought he'd start. Takeda has all the student's numbers saved in his phone for emergencies, so he'll know who Kei is at least.
16:10 Sensei, I'm in the waiting room downstairs
16:10 Please let me know how he is
16:10 I have his kit bag. I’m here if he needs anything
He closes the message thread awkwardly. It's strange texting a teacher, even under these circumstances. He sighs as he tries not to look around the room. No one in a hospital waiting room wants to be looked at, including himself. He decides to spend the time researching on his phone, googling question after question so that he might understand exactly what happened when Yamaguchi's head hit the floor.
Various websites explain that a loss of consciousness happens when the brain experiences trauma, like a knock to the head. Essentially, the brain goes into emergency mode and switches off its neuro-electrical activity. It's a protective mechanism to limit further injury. Either the brain switches off, or a surge of electrical activity happens, otherwise known as a seizure. Of those two options, Kei is glad that Yamaguchi’s brain chose the first.
He pinches the bridge of his nose to stop his mind trying to recreate the fall. How it sounded, how he hit the side of his head, as Ukai described it. The look on Yamaguchi’s face afterwards… he really was in pain. The memory makes his eyes sting.
It's so unfair.
He swipes back to his contacts, calling the number at the top. It only takes three rings before she answers.
“Hello?”
The sound of his mother's voice makes his throat hurt. “Mom…”
“Kei?” She sounds less relaxed than when she answered. “What's wrong?”
“Yamaguchi…” he swallows. “He hit his head during the last set. It knocked him unconscious.”
“Oh no…” she says quietly. “Is he alright?”
“I don't know.” Kei pulls the sleeve of his tracksuit. “I'm at the hospital, but they won't tell me anything. They're not allowed to because I'm not family.”
“Oh, sweetheart.”
He blinks furiously to clear his vision. “It was his last tournament, Mom. It wasn't supposed to go like this.”
“No…” she sighs. “It wasn't.”
Kei doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know why he called her. It's not like there's anything she can do.
“Does his mother know?”
“Yes.” He picks at the cuticle on his thumb. “I called her to make sure. Our teacher told her already, though.”
“Okay. And are you alright?”
“M’ fine,” he mumbles.
“Do you want me to come and get you?”
“Mom, you'd have to drive four and half hours.”
“I know that.”
“No…” he shrinks into his tracksuit jacket. “Thank you. His mom's driving down, so I'll just wait for her.”
“Oh, good,” she sighs. “Is anyone else there with you?”
“No.”
“The others didn't come with you?”
“I only told Yachi I was going.” He folds his arms over his waist. “I just had to be here.”
“Of course you did.”
He glances around the waiting room again. There must be about fifty people, all waiting for loved ones. It makes him feel singular and unimportant. Everyone else is here for the same reason he is.
“I can stay on the phone with you,” she offers gently. “As long as you want.”
“That's okay…” he looks down at his lap. “I just… needed to tell you, I guess.”
“I'm glad you did. And I will come and get you, if you want me to.”
“I'm fine.” He tugs at the zip on his jacket. She still treats him like the baby of the family. Normally it's annoying, but it isn't today. “I might… call you later.”
“Anytime, sweetheart.”
“Okay. Bye.”
He lowers his phone, resting his head on one hand as his eyelids grow heavy. Two matches a day, three days in a row. It's too much to expect of a normal human being. No wonder they never made it to the finals before.
He keeps a firm grip on his phone, so that he might feel it vibrate when a message comes in. He closes his eyes and lets himself drift. It's impossible not to think about Yamaguchi, so he tries to think about good things. The way he laughed when they woke up this morning and Hinata's hair was a mess from sleeping. The way he made sure to sit at the end of the breakfast table with Kei, so they were only flanked by noisy teammates on one side. It doesn't seem fair that someone so kind should get hit on the head. Even if it was an accident of his own making, he never deserved something like that.
This is exactly why Kei doesn't believe in fate. Why would something so unfair be predestined by a higher power? It doesn't make any logical sense. He won't believe in something so cruel.
His head is light and swimmy with sleep when he feels a hand on his arm. He jolts awake, looking up to see Yachi smiling softly at him.
“Found you,” she whispers.
“Yachi–” he looks around, regaining his bearings. “What time is it?”
“Almost six.” She moves a kit bag to sit next to him on the bench. “Sorry I took so long.”
“You didn't have to come.” He rubs his eyes.
“Yes, I did!” She frowns. “And I brought you something.”
He watches her dig into her own bag to pull out a bento box.
“Here.” She holds it out for him. “Ukai said you need to eat something after all that jumping.”
Kei blinks at her, looking down at the lunchbox in surprise. “He's not angry?”
“Only a little, and only because you didn't tell him where you were going.” She pushes the bento against his chest. “But I handled it.”
He takes it from her quietly. “Thank you.”
“Hm,” she nods, like she would have given him a talking to if he hadn't taken it.
He unlocks his phone to check for missed messages, but there aren't any. He pulls up his message to Takeda to see the read receipts are blue.
He stares at them, as the room starts to feel heavy. “He didn't answer.”
“Who?” Yachi peers at him.
“Takeda,” Kei sighs. “Why wouldn't he answer me? What does that mean?”
“I'm sure he'll tell you when he knows something,” Yachi says, reaching out to take the lid off the bento box in Kei's lap. “Now, eat.”
Kei lowers his phone to stare at the neatly packed box of rice, salmon and vegetables.
“Eat.” Yachi pokes his arm. “You know that's what Yamaguchi-kun would tell you to do.”
Kei frowns, reluctantly picking up the chopsticks. “You don't have to talk about him like he's—”
“I'm not,” she cuts him off. “I'm just trying to take care of you.”
Kei looks at her apologetically. She sighs, leaning back against the bench seat.
“I wish I hadn't seen it.”
Kei stares at her, before looking down at the lunchbox again. “I wish I had.”
“No, you don't.” She shakes her head. “It wouldn't have changed anything.”
“No…” Kei picks up some rice. “Guess not.”
They sit in silence while he eats. He doesn't want to eat. He's just doing it because he theoretically should. Yachi’s right; it would bother Yamaguchi to know he hasn't eaten anything after two matches. Kei finds himself wondering if Yamaguchi has eaten anything yet.
But then, he'd be awake. Surely then, they would have heard something.
“What's the plan?” Yachi looks at him.
“His mom's on the way.” He places the lid back on the half empty box. “I’m going to wait until she gets here in case he wakes up.”
Yachi nods. “Do you know what time she left?”
Kei tucks the lunchbox into his kit bag. “Think around four.”
“And if it takes four and a half hours in good traffic…” She looks up at the ceiling. “She might get here by eight-thirty?”
“I would guess nine or ten.” Kei leans back, folding his arms across his chest. “Traffic in Tokyo is the worst.”
“But…” She points at a poster on the wall. “Visiting hours close at 8pm.”
“What?” He looks up, aghast. “That's not fair. They can't hold her to that. She can't physically get here before then.”
“I could go ask?” Yachi looks at him anxiously. “It might not apply to family members.”
Kei huffs as he sinks lower on the bench. “What's the point? She gets here when she gets here.”
Yachi copies him, folding her arms and sinking down to lean against him.
Kei swallows past the lump in his throat. “I'm glad you’re here.”
“Yeah…” She rests her head on his shoulder. “Me too.”
Kei's eyelids grow heavy again. The warmth of her against his side is comforting enough for him to drift off to sleep. Waiting is the worst. Actually, not knowing is the worst. He doesn't mind waiting for Yamaguchi. He just wishes he knew what was happening to him.
His mind picks up different unresolved thoughts, turning them over like stones. What did Yamaguchi leave behind at the inn? His wash bag and his pajamas. Kei left the same, along with his book. It's just as well. He wouldn't have been able to concentrate on reading while waiting here.
What else?
Kei remembers the way Yamaguchi took hold of his sleeve before they played that last set, tugging him close so he could whisper something away from their teammates. Something about what they would do if they won. That's right… he wanted to try that crêperie he saw a few streets down from where they are staying. Just the two of them, nobody else. He said they had matcha crêpes and strawberries and cream. Something for each of them. Kei thinks about how they would have found a bench where they could eat and people watch. He thinks about the way Yamaguchi would have kicked his feet the moment he tasted the sweet matcha cream. He shouldn't have let Yamaguchi's offer be contingent on winning. They should just go. It's not like they'll be coming to nationals ever again, anyway.
Maybe they can do it when they're out of this stupid hospital.