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"Well, come on, Edwin," Crystal burst out after far too long watching Edwin flip back and forth through the same few pages. "You said we were idiots and you'd have the answer in a couple seconds. Do you have it or not?"
Edwin's eyes flickered away, off to the side. "That is not what I said," he answered, "and..." His eyes flickered away again, and Crystal realized they were going towards Charles. Of-fucking-course they were. "I am afraid I was incorrect, regardless. This book does not contain a suitable solution." He closed the tome with a resounding thud.
Crystal snorted and turned away and got ready for a snarky answer, but Charles's voice made her turn back around. "Wait," Charles said. "Why'd you read it over and over, then?"
That was about what Crystal had been going to say, but Charles was saying it like a legitimate question, not an insult, and it occurred to Crystal that that actually was kind of weird. Edwin was an ass but he was a fast-reading ass, it shouldn't've taken him more than thirty seconds to read what he'd been flipping through for ages.
Edwin stood up and went to put the book back on the shelf. "There is a ritual which I believed we could use, but I was mistaken," he said.
Charles blocked him from the shelf. "What's wrong with it?"
Edwin tried to dodge around Charles to put the book away, which didn't work at all. Crystal snorted. "It requires more energy than I possess," Edwin said quickly, and made a final dodge around Charles, succeeding thanks to the distraction.
The book got up on the shelf and Edwin stalked back to his desk, grabbing another book up seemingly at random and preparing to stick his nose in it. Charles put his hand on it and pushed it down. "That's what I'm for," he said, which Crystal didn't understand at all. Stupid magic boys.
"What the fuck are you two talking about?"
They both turned to her like they'd forgotten she was there, which they probably had. "I get that you're having some sort of old-married-couple thing where you could immediately tell he was lying," she said in Charles's direction, "but if you could explain what he was lying about to the class, that'd be great."
Edwin started sputtering and Charles crossed his arms and frowned down at him. "I'm not sure what he's lying about, to be honest," he said. "This is pretty standard, dunno why he's making a fuss. Rituals can take a lot of spiritual energy, and Edwin's got a shit-ton, so he can do most anything on his own, but when he can't safely, he uses me, as, like, a battery." He shrugged.
"A what?"
"'S'not a big deal," Charles said. "He provides almost all the energy himself, and he's got great control. I just give a little top-up to make sure he doesn't stretch too far. More to him than to the spell, like. It's perfectly safe, and we do it all the time, except - "
He swung back to face Edwin. "Except we haven't been doing it all the time, have we? 'Cos Crystal doesn't know about it, and she's been here, what, half a year now?"
Edwin pretended to read the book that was half-covered by Charles's hand, still holding it down on the table. "Coincidence, I assume. We've gone far longer than that between powerful rituals before; it's not like they're required terribly often. And your assistance would not be helpful in this case. Thank you." He paused. "I would be able to find a new solution more quickly if you moved your hand."
Charles looked down at the book under his hand. "This is an Agatha Christie collection, mate," he said. "Pretty sure it doesn't have anything to say about rogue monoliths."
Edwin huffed loudly and sat back in his chair, arms crossed, glaring up at Charles.
"Hey, it's not my fault you're lying unusually badly today, that's on you, mate," Charles said with a grin. "Do better next time, don't take it out on me."
"Hang on," Crystal said, wheels turning in her brain. "What'd you call it, the spiritual energy thing? At first? How'd you describe it?"
"Um," Charles said, thrown out of his rhythm to look at her, "he uses me as a battery."
This time, Crystal was watching Edwin. So she saw him wince. It wasn't a small wince, either. She wasn't sure how she and Charles had both missed it the first time.
"Charles," she said carefully, "could I maybe speak to you in the closet for a moment, while we let Edwin, uh, check for any rituals Poirot might know about?"
Charles looked between them in confusion, but followed her to the closet. She made sure the door was firmly shut, clicked on the lightbulb, and brought her voice down to a hiss that, Death willing, would actually be inaudible from outside.
"Charles," she whispered, "do you think there's maybe anything that happened to Edwin six months ago, right around the time you met me, that might make him feel uncomfortable with using a loved one as a battery?"
Charles frowned. "I dunno what you're..." His eyes widened. "Oh shit."
Crystal started to say something else, but Charles was already phased through the door, back to Edwin. Crystal rolled her eyes. Fucking typical.
By the time she got through the door the normal way, Charles was already sitting cross-legged on the desk, leaning down over Edwin, who looked vaguely cornered. "Edwin," he said, and Edwin looked up at him with slightly wide eyes, "are you - like. Are you worried about, I dunno, hurting me? Or something?"
Edwin's eyes flickered to the side, but this time it was away from Charles and to Crystal. She considered rescuing him, and then decided against it. "I simply," Edwin said, and then broke off to tak e a deep breath, "I simply know, now, what it is like to have your energy drained by another. And... I shan't be doing that to you."
He said the last part with an attempt at firmness that sounded more like defiance. Charles frowned down at him. "It's not remotely the same, Edwin," he said. "You don't hurt me. Or, like, drain me, or... use me up. Or anything."
"Mm," Edwin hummed doubtfully. "Yes. But you wouldn't tell me if I did, would you?"
Crystal almost laughed. Edwin had him there.
Charles sighed and looked up at the ceiling, firmly refusing to look at either of the other people in the room. "Look. It. I. It." He screwed up his face for a minute, and Crystal was about to push when he spat his words out in a rush. "It feels nice, okay?"
Edwin's eyebrows went up. "I beg your pardon?"
"It feels nice!" Charles snapped at the ceiling. "With your, like - oh, fuck. With your hand in my chest, and the - energy flow, it - stop fucking laughing, Crystal!"
Crystal bit down on her fingers. "Sorry," she snickered, "I just. Keep talking about your kink for being used as a power source, don't mind me."
Charles buried his face in his hands and mumbled something that was probably "it's not a kink".
Edwin was blushing rather wildly, but kept his eyes on Charles, and brought a hand carefully onto his knee, waiting to ask his question until Charles's eyes were back on him. "Are you sure, Charles?"
"'S'really not like - not like that," Charles mumbled, glancing at Crystal before locking his eyes back on Edwin, "but yeah. It's not like that witch, either. It's nice. The connection. Like lying down in the grass in summer and getting all sleepy, except... being hugged while you're doing it."
Edwin smiled. "That sounds nice."
"It is," Charles said. "So can we stop the nonsense and go finish up the Case of the Wandering Monolith?"
"It wasn't nonsense," Edwin said. "And it's a megalith."
"You didn't even put the book back on the right shelf, mate," Charles said, and now that he mentioned it Crystal realized that the book on ancient Celtic traditions was most definitely on a shelf of comic books. "But sure. Can we stop the perfectly reasonable behavior, and go deal with the Case of the Wandering Megalith?"
"We can," Edwin said, and they did.