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Now look, Anakin is well aware of the rumors surrounding him and Padme.
He's all too familiar with them.
"Do be sure to give senator Amidala my thanks."
"How much you wanna bet the general and senator Amidala have already married?"
"Amidala is quite lucky. I mean military generals aren't my type, nor are Jedi, but Skywalker seems like quite the catch."
"Don't be so gloomy, my boy. I'm certain senator Amidala will be more than happy with you as additional security."
Yeah.
Really the only ones who didn't (and never did) believe or share such rumors were the rest of the Jedi. Which Anakin supposed made sense, they could sense it after all, they no doubt would have sensed if he had any such feelings or affections for Padme.
He didn't. Sure back when he'd first seen her on Tatooine, he'd developed somewhat of a crush. But over the years, they had stayed in contact thanks to senator Organa (who had given Obi-Wan the com codes to contact Padme on occasion, which extended to Anakin himself because Obi-Wan had encouraged it), and ultimately Anakin's crush on her disappeared fairly quickly as if never there. He came to view her like an older sister over time, he never once thought of her in a romantic sense. Not to mention he'd noticed his own growing attraction to those of the same gender as him, and he knew his orientation by the time he was fifteen.
Though while he'd think about potentially falling in love or dating, he was always too focused on his time with the Jedi, and his studies and life at the Jedi temple.
Oh, and trying to uncover whatever Chancellor Palpatine was up to (because hello? Did the man really think a nine year old former slave would fall for gaslighting and grooming techniques?).
Unlike what some seemed to think, Anakin never viewed Palpatine as a friend or a close mentor, he was just playing along until he figured out what exactly Palpatine's whole angle was, because Anakin could've sworn he'd once just barely sensed the dark side of the force, centered around the Chancellor, and if that wasn't a red flag then Anakin didn't know what was.
Though to be fair, the force on Coruscant had been clouded until sometime after Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan brought him to the Jedi. Well, that is until the Sith temple hidden underneath the Jedi temple was destroyed (it had been the result of what had been a harmless prank involving an astromech droid that had gotten angry because it thought Ferus tried to douse it with chocolate, so it chased him through the temple. Somehow they ended up in that hidden Sith temple, which somehow led to an explosion which caused a chain reaction, and the Sith temple had collapsed into ruins and the dark side of the force that clouded the force on Coruscant was lifted. Okay, so somehow the prank resulted in a very good thing, but because he was such a good friend, he let Ferus take the credit for it, although it's clear that masters Yoda, Windu, and Mundi had known it was actually Anakin's fault), so understandable that the Jedi hadn't been able to sense anything. The council could now sense the dark side that covered the Senate building, the Republic Executive building, and 500 Republica, but since the council knew they could simply storm in with hundreds of Jedi if they wanted, and because they simply didn't have the energy to cause a potential galactic incident, they were just waiting for the right moment.
But all that was not the most relevant.
Really Anakin thinks his life took an odd, albeit good, turn after he met Hardcase. Admittedly he doesn't remember where they first met, maybe...Felucia? Or was it during a skirmish on Ryloth? Well, whenever they met, it had gone something like this.
Anakin had introduced himself in typical Anakin fashion, accompanied by a smirk.
Hardcase had blinked and stared.
Then Hardcase made some offhanded comment about having a soft spot for people with dark blonde hair (because yes, Anakin knows his hair looks brunette to many, but it's actually dark blonde).
Then the man proceeded to go on some unrelated rambling about training sessions on Kamino, and Alpha-17 once tossing Wolffe into the ocean for being a brat (how Wolffe wasn't traumatized by that, Anakin didn't want to know so he never asked Hardcase about it), Fox outright blackmailing and threatening Lama Su and Nala Se to save Rex and Bly from being decommissioned for dumb reasons (apparently the Kaminoans, most of them, thought Rex's blonde hair was a sign of defectiveness and that Bly was too...either kind or naive, to be a soldier. What Fox threatened the Kaminoans with apparently none of the clones knew, but they knew it terrified the Kaminoans since the Kaminoans avoided Fox all together from that point like he was the living embodiment of all evil in the known and unknown universe), oh, and something about a bet with Jesse regarding Dogma.
Didn't take an idiot to come to the conclusion that Hardcase had some kind of mental disorder given how all over the place he tended to be, which he'd actually gotten Barriss to check and she confirmed the diagnosis was ADHD. Of course he didn't treat Hardcase any differently, if anything he viewed it as another thing to like the man for, it was not something that was either good or bad, it was simply something that made Hardcase more unique, more him.
Apparently Anakin had earned the full trust of the 501st with that, especially since clones with mental disorders were also treated particularly badly by most Kaminoans, probably because they saw mental disorders as weakness or a liability (of course Anakin had told master Shaak Ti, and...he'd rather not know what happened, but he had heard Rex mention once something about a comms blackout, and then something about Shaak Ti having interrogated Lama Su and Nala Se for an unspecified amount of time before they both disappeared never to be seen again, so whatever happened to them, Anakin has no sympathy or pity for them).
Truth be told, Anakin thought Hardcase was cute whenever he rambled on and on (something which Kix had noticed and called him a simp for, and yes, unashamedly Anakin was).
And then Ahsoka? She had found out about them during their mission to rescue master Piell from the citadel on Lola Sayu.
Mainly thanks to a comment Anakin made about Hardcase having some fear of being incinerated.
"Ugh...remind me never to agree to be frozen in carbonite again." Echo muttered while all of them had just been released from Carbonite.
"I'll leave a sign on your bunk." Fives responds with a groan while grinning and stretching his neck.
"Hardcase should be grateful I'm here and not him. Me and fire? We're alright. Hardcase and fire? Never a good combo." Anakin remarks.
To which Ahsoka looks at him (and no he wasn't surprised she was here when she was supposed to be back at the temple, Ahsoka did take after him in some ways so he'd be surprised if she wasn't here), with an unreadable expression on her face for a few moments.
"...skyguy, are you and Hardcase, like, married?" she asks with slightly narrowed eyes.
Truthfully he's surprised she hasn't asked about the rumors surrounding him and Padme, but then again, she'd been around both him and Padme enough to know they weren't true.
"Married? No, we've gotta get through the war before we think about going that far. He's my boyfriend, yeah." Anakin replies with an indifferent shrug (meanwhile he feels maybe a little too gleeful that he gets to refer to Hardcase as his boyfriend).
Ahsoka blinks for a minute before she rolls her eyes.
"With how I've caught the Chancellor making references to you and Padme, one would think you were having an affair, if that one were an idiot." Ahsoka responds with a snort at the thought.
Anakin raises a brow. Not particularly pleased that Palpatine just seemed so undyingly of the belief that he and Padme were a romantic couple, but he lets it go because frankly it's too funny that the Chancellor could be that oblivious and presumptive despite the fact he loved acting as if he knew everything.
"No thank you, not a homewrecker."
To which Ahsoka laughs, and then Obi-Wan simply strokes his infamous beard with a hum.
"If you two are quite done with...whatever this conversation is, we do have a Jedi master, an admiral, and several clone officers to save." he points out dryly.
"Please, you act as if we're not gonna cause mass chaos given the involvement of fire and lava." Anakin responds lowly.
...
Well in that case, Hardcase might have potentially been a valuable asset, with his penchant for helping to cause mass chaos in often very odd ways.
Needless to say their mission succeeded. Echo and Master Piell did have close calls, but made it out fine (granted Echo made some remark that Fives better not ever take him to a planet full of fire and lava again), and they even destroyed the citadel for good measure (aka Anakin used the force to somehow yeet a bunch of lava at the facility) so that the Separatists wouldn't be able to use it anymore in case they ever did capture another Jedi.
But oh, the real banger came on Umbara.
That battle had been pretty rough initially, but it slowly got better over time despite the losses they were taking.
But during one break in the fighting, master Pong Krell had arrived, and with the news that the Chancellor had apparently recalled Anakin back to Coruscant.
Really that only served to significantly raise Anakin's suspicions of the man, and regardless of whether it was an order or request, Anakin didn't trust leaving any of his men, especially Hardcase, under the command of Krell (Anakin had seen Krell's casualty rates, and they were atrociously high, higher than any other Jedi's, as in Krell had already gone through five entire battalions worth of clones), so Anakin responded to Krell...not coldly, but with a tight grin and a statement that he wasn't going anywhere, especially not when his men clearly needed him there most. Krell hadn't looked pleased about that, but could tell Anakin wasn't budging, otherwise he didn't seem to care about the Chancellor's request/order either.
From there, things went downhill almost immediately.
Krell started outright dehumanizing Rex, Fives, and the whole battalion.
But the moment he tried it on Hardcase was the moment Krell made his final screw-up.
Didn't help that Krell kept trying and failing to override Anakin's authority over his own men and kept trying to push them right into the most dangerous fights with the Umbarans for some odd reason.
"Sir, a few of the men have scouted, and we have a fairly clear route to the west." Rex conveyed.
"I will take that into consideration captain, but to go west is to go into the unknown." Krell replied evenly.
"What are we in Frozen now?" Fives mutters, which goes ignored.
"We must take the road that leads directly to the city, it is our only path to victory." Krell added.
"Sir." Rex starts a bit tightly while frowning. "Taking that road would be a death sentence, it's crawling with the enemy, not to mention mines."
Anakin steps in, glancing to Krell with barely concealed suspicion in his eyes as he then turns his attention to Rex.
"We'll take the western route. The less casualties we have, the better. Plus it's a faster route to an airbase that some of Kano's men reported seeing." he says.
To this Rex noticeably relaxes some while nodding. Krell though looks quite displeased, as if Anakin cared about what Krell thought about it. The 501st was his battalion, these were his men, and he wasn't going to let Krell endanger them for whatever reason he was trying to endanger them for.
"Knight Skywalker." Krell began, tone still even but with just a flash of anger and annoyance. "Might I remind you of the chain of command? It would serve you well to keep it in mind."
"I'm well aware of the chain of command, master Krell. Are you?" Anakin begins to reply, his tone firm and borderline cold. "You may be the higher ranking officer here, but the 501st is my battalion. They follow my orders first, and that doesn't change here."
"I certainly wouldn't follow him." Jesse mutters.
"Yeah, I mean general Skywalker's plans are always crazy, sure, but he always tries to keep casualties and injuries to a minimum." Mixer adds.
"Pretty sure if Krell was ever our general, most of us would be long gone by now, if not all of us." Fives joins in, not so quietly.
Krell's eye twitches, and Anakin caught just a subtle flash of yellow (somehow it wouldn't be surprising if Krell had fallen. Anakin knew through master Che that Krell had been going mentally downhill ever since the death of a specific padawan on Geonosis. Anakin might have understood Krell's grief there in a way, but that didn't justify whatever horrible things he was doing).
"This is mutiny." Krell remarks lowly. "You creatures dare to defy a high ranking general? You have only one purpose, to serve those you were created for, to serve those you were programmed to serve. This is not a democracy, you will all do your duty as your superior orders, or I will resort to alternate tactics." he continues on with a darker, more threatening tone.
"Creatures?" Hardcase inquires suddenly with a tilt of his head. "No offense sir, but uh, you know you're not human yourself, right? So, isn't that kinda...what's the word?", "hypocritical?" Kix supplies, "yeah, that." Hardcase nods.
And that's the moment Krell turns to Hardcase, lightsaber in hand but not ignited, but still threatening all the same.
"You are whatever I say you are. As I said before, you were created to serve the Republic and the Jedi. You are little more than templates, blank slates with one purpose." Krell replies, except now his tone is outright cold.
Anakin steps forward, not bothering with being kind or anything, he just takes out his own lightsaber and ignites it. He could sense the darkness surrounding Krell, could sense his intentions (that Krell had just threatened his boyfriend only made things worse for Krell in the end).
"Master Krell." Anakin grins, but it's cold, colder than Krell's whole aura was in this moment. "You'll forgive me, but I take great offense on behalf of my men whenever they're dehumanized or insulted. You know what else I don't take kindly to? Traitors." because yes, Anakin had easily picked up on the fact that Krell was a traitor over the short time that Krell had been with them, his trying to constantly put all the men in danger was too suspicious in itself.
Krell turns and looks to him at this, staring, not doing anything else, except staring.
It was clearly each side sizing the other up. Except Anakin knew he had the advantage because Krell was no doubt underestimating him.
Anakin might not be as powerful or as skilled as anyone on the council, yet, but dare he say he knew he was better in a fight than most Jedi, and he had tricks up his sleeve.
"...I see I wasn't as subtle as I had hoped. Oh well, minor inconvenience." Krell pulls out his other lightsaber before activating them both, a manic smile on his face now. "Once I defeat you, I think I'll make you watch as I behead your men one by one, starting with the newest members of the battalion, ending with the one you cherish the most." Krell chuckles. "Yes. I noticed you didn't physically intervene until that one who pointed out my hypocrisy spoke up. Hm, or perhaps I'll take you prisoner and bring you to Dooku, and then torture him slowly and painfully and force you to watch-"
Safe to say, Anakin didn't care to hear anymore beyond that. He charged forward, not out of hate or anger like Krell clearly wanted, because Anakin had learned his lesson on impulsiveness and letting anger get the better of him when he lost an arm to Dooku on Geonosis, and it had been thoughts of his own mother that prevented him from giving into anger after his mother's death on Tatooine.
No. He was fighting for the sake of others, because Krell was a threat to his men, and potentially the galaxy as a whole.
Anakin had no intention of letting him escape.
The fight with Krell had been...not very long really.
Because indeed, Krell not only underestimated Anakin, but he'd underestimated the lengths that the 501st was more than willing to go for their general.
A few of the shinies did get minor injuries, but the damage wasn't extensive.
And Krell got stunned from behind by Rex and Fives, and the 501st had moved to quickly place Krell in force suppressing cuffs. Anakin tried to contact Obi-Wan, but failed given Obi-Wan and the 212th had been preoccupied with their own part of the battle.
So he'd contacted master Tiin, who wasted no time diverting course to them, and joined them for the remainder of the whole battle (mainly to keep an eye on Krell to ensure he couldn't escape).
Upon their return to Coruscant after the near fodder show of Umbara, Anakin was met with the Chancellor, whom he greeted and spoke to cordially and managed to easily smooth things over with (though he remained more suspicious of Palpatine than before), and then they headed off to the Jedi temple. Krell was tried by the council and found guilty by a unanimous verdict, found guilty of high treason and breaking the Jedi code, where he was subsequently expelled from the order and put on trial by the Republic Senate (the council hadn't liked it, but Krell had committed treason against the Republic as a whole, not just the Jedi), where he was also found unanimously guilty of high treason but also quite a few other charges including multiple counts of mass homicide and conspiracy (Anakin's pretty sure the council only gave Krell to the Senate to keep the Senate off their backs for now, which easily seemed to be working as the Senate had been all too happy to put Krell on a very public trial with the Chancellor basically serving as the judge and then some of the Senate as the jury).
The council promptly recalled some of their shadows from the field and placed them back into the temple, their new goal was to keep a VERY close eye on the members of the order, to keep an eye out for any more potential traitors.
As a result, Flora Vizsla, newly knighted after Umbara and a close friend of Ahsoka's, was uncovered to be becoming disillusioned with the Jedi order and the Republic (Anakin understood the latter, but the former he didn't get at first), and apparently had been speaking to someone about plotting a bombing of the Jedi temple hangar. It was revealed that Flora was actually being manipulated and pressured into it, though Flora had been too terrified to tell them who had been manipulating her into it (so Anakin now suspected Palpatine had a hand in that).
The head temple guard was revealed to be in contact with a Sith lord, though no one knew who said Sith lord was as they covered their tracks well. Thankfully the head temple guard was being manipulated, much like Flora had been, so they managed to talk him down fairly easily and avert another Jedi from falling, thankfully.
Though they hadn't quite managed to avert everything.
Seeing as the Senate building was bombed only a week after Umbara. The death toll was in the hundreds, although it seemed only pro-war senators and Palpatine loyalists (including Sly Moore and vice chairman Amedda) were among the deceased (Padme wasn't among them, nor were any of her allies or the few who were neutral).
And apparently the public viewed that as a sign of some sort, a sign the war was going on for too long and with no apparent ending in sight. Protests erupted outside the Republic Senate and Republic executive building, a growing number of civilians on Coruscant protesting every day, all demanding an end to the war, all demanding the Senate attempt diplomatic negotiations to end the war instead of lusting after violence with the Separatists.
Twi'lek Jedi master Orrora Lasiz was eventually exposed as the one behind the bombing, and surprise surprise, she had fallen. The funny thing being that even though she'd fallen she hadn't changed her attitude towards the order, according to Obi-Wan she'd still loved the Jedi order even though she'd succumbed to the dark side, but she had grown a deep seated hatred and resentment of the Republic Senate and their warmongering (which...honestly understandable, though even Anakin would never take things that far).
But while understandable, her actions were wrong, both morally and legally, so she was in prison now, facing the repercussions of her actions (though commander Fox had suspiciously insinuated that the guards at the prison treated her well, and that they'd somehow found loopholes to avoid several oddly timed requests from the Chancellor's office in regards to Lasiz).
But yeah, fun times.
As it turns out, this seemed to inspire another bombing, on Serenno. It was later revealed that Dooku's castle on Serenno was bombed, and most of it was destroyed, though no one knew who the bombing was orchestrated by.
But it seems like people had started to grow a shared braincell and were officially tired of the little back and forth going on between the Republic and the Separatists, and whatever was happening, both governments were facing the consequences.
"Surely it was not that important that if affects your role in this entire grand plan." Sidious drawls, low and annoyed, as he speaks to Dooku's hologram in his private office at the Senate.
It was regarding the recent bombing of Dooku's castle on Serenno, and he couldn't understand why Dooku was so infuriated with him over it. It's not like he'd been the one behind it or had been the one to set it up (although he must admit, he had been tempted to do so before), so he just doesn't get it.
But then again, he doesn't get why the collective galaxy suddenly seemed to be sharing a braincell, and oh, that was never good, not for the Sith anyway.
"...I lost every one of my capes and cloaks, as well as the old holograms I'd saved of my grandpadawan's childhood." Dooku responded, tone neutral but his eyes seemed to flash with something foreboding.
...
And force...
Why was it always Kenobi???
Sidious restrains a sigh of annoyance.
"And?"
"Those were all truly precious to me. I especially loved that one cloak that was hand made. Qui-Gon put quite a bit of work into that one, the same one he and Halsey ruined with their little paint prank. How I miss those days..." Dooku trails off for a moment, before regaining himself, shaking his head as his entire demeanor became even more cold.
"...couldn't you just as easily get them off the black market? I'm certain you can find hand made and customized cloaks easily enough for replacement." Sidious inquires.
"Of course not you fool, in case you haven't noticed they don't make clothing and apparel like they used to." Dooku replies with a scoff. "As far as most of them are concerned, our style is effectively extinct and holds no relevance in the modern age." he adds.
...
...
Well...irrelevant as this all was...Dooku had a point.
Younger generations these days often left...much to be desired, in so many ways.
...
But in any case...
"Considering we are running a war, perhaps you require a priority check."
At that. Dooku stares at him.
Or more accurately put, it felt as if Dooku was staring through the deepest and darkest depths of his soul (if he even had a soul, which was highly debatable).
"Oh? We are running a war? I am no fool, Sidious, I know you have been continuing in your pathetic attempts to manipulate the Chosen One of the force itself. Already you have moved on from me and are viewing me increasingly as a liability." Dooku then cackles, and...it reminds Sidious far too much of that old troll (or goblin, or gremlin, or...whatever that insane old fool Yoda even was). "You know what? I'm done. You can continue with your little war game, while you can, but I will no longer be a pawn on your board." Dooku adds, before regaining himself and then humming. "Oh, and I should inform you that Ventress has returned, Maul is dead, and I have adopted both Ventress and Savage as my new grandchildren. Also I tossed Grievous into the vacuum of space, he should be heading towards the location of the unknown regions where...a corrupted and sealed entity...has long been imprisoned by the force itself, so I would not search for remains. Not to mention, I've already reached out to my old master and made amends, for the most part, so expect a visit from him in the very near future. That is all. I bid you farewell, Darth Sidious, or better known as Sheev Palpatine." Dooku then gives an over-dramatic bow before the transmission ends abruptly.
Sidious blinks.
Then blinks again.
Then just stares at nothing.
Then his hand twitches.
Then he uses the force to snap the neck of some poor, random royal guard.
Then he plants his face onto his desk.
Because....
...
...
Why???
Anakin would say the whole situation involving Obi-Wan faking his death started out sad, but that would only be if he was surprised.
Well...he wasn't.
From the get go, he knew something wasn't right about it. The timing that Hardeen had attacked them had been too strange, not to mention how Obi-Wan lacked any real concern about the whole situation they'd proceeded to somehow get themselves into (really that's what gave it away, Obi-Wan's lack of real reaction. Ironically, Obi-Wan was actually not a great actor, at least not whenever around Anakin or Ahsoka, both of whom had grown to know him far too well, the same thing extended to Cody).
Of course that they then later confronted Hardeen and he proceeded to lose himself in...what was a daydream relating to Obi-Wan, well, Anakin knew the man had somehow fallen for his master and fallen too hard, so no way he actually killed him (plus Obi-Wan would never die in such a simple way, Anakin liked to think Obi-Wan would probably go out in a way only Obi-Wan could...probably by doing something far more insane than Anakin himself would ever even think of doing).
Which led to a whole situation where they chased down Moralo Eval and Cade Bane after an attempt to kidnap the Chancellor (conveniently during the Festival of Lights on Naboo), with a disguised Obi-Wan catching Bane off guard before master Windu arrived with commander Ponds and some of his battalion.
And somehow it all ended with Hardeen getting down on one knee in front of Obi-Wan (and a rather jealous and angry Cody), presenting him with the head of general Grievous (no one questioned where or how he'd gotten it) while asking for his hand in marriage.
Anakin just silently stood off to the side and smirked, Ahsoka plotted with master Plo on potentially helping to set up a poly relationship, master Yoda cackled as usual (when did he ever not cackle, honestly?), master Windu just rubbed his forehead while muttering something about a potential stroke, and master Mundi looked as if he wanted to disappear from all planes of existence if it meant not having to deal with all these crazy people anymore.
So in the end it was a good day.
...
Well, Cody and Hardeen did briefly try to murder each other, and neither won that fight, but it was still a good day.
If there's one thing Anakin has finally decided, it's that he really wants to...redecorate...the Chancellor's office, honestly, why so...bland...when it could be more...explosive?
...
Well, hopefully those couldn't be legally classified as treasonous thoughts, since he's never acted upon them, despite how tempting it was.
Although he did have a recent dream that involved him and Padme throwing Palpatine off the top of 500 Republica while they both sang "Chandelier" by some music artist from Earth named Sia (Anakin thinks that song "let it Go" by Idina Menzel was more appropriate for the situation, but eh, same effect).
So when he walks into the Chancellor's office and sees the Chancellor with Padme standing far too suspiciously close, his reaction is.....
...
Really...this doesn't surprise him.
Master Yoda did mention something about Dooku, and how Dooku complained about losing old holo footage, and then went on an endless rant about losing his cloaks and capes, so Palpatine deciding to suddenly act erratically wasn't a surprise since Dooku no longer had inclination to help keep his secret.
Didn't even take an idiot to see it.
"...so you're the Sith lord?" Anakin inquires with a bored tone, as he stares at Palpatine, who blinks but recovers quickly.
"Count Dooku told the Jedi then, I take it?"
"No, I already figured you out." Anakin replies indifferently. "Wasn't hard. Honestly, when you really think about it, you weren't all that subtle, which is ironic coming from me."
Palpatine sputters.
"W-what do you mean I wasn't subtle? I remained hidden for decades!"
"Not really. The council was already suspicious of you after Naboo and Chancellor Valorum's ousting over a decade ago. All those passive aggressive comments and not very subtle threats you made to the council over the years, which they just yawned at by the way, didn't really help hide you. It was the way you kept acting towards me all this time that gave it away though, because what upstanding man or politician meets with a nine year old child in their office, alone? I mean really, hello? I grew up in slavery for nine years, I grew up on a planet around people like you, manipulators and gaslighters, back on Tatooine. I know all the tells. All those people hid themselves far better than you, I gotta say." Anakin responds while looking around at the office, disinterested.
Palpatine shakes his head, apparently not ready for all that.
"There was also your behavior in the Senate over the past three years." Padme joins in after a moment, a smile on her face that didn't reach her eyes as she looked back at Palpatine. "You supported bills that continued the war, yet tried to act as if you were against them. It never worked, since your attempts to play it off always came across as forced and, frankly, cringe."
"It is not wise to say such things to someone who holds a deactivated lightsaber to your back, senator." Palpatine remarks with something that almost sounds like a dangerous purr (which comes across as far more cringe that Anakin and Padme give him disgusted expressions). "I do wonder how your dear husband would react if I were to slaughter you in front of him."
To that, Anakin looks to Palpatine and stares again.
Padme also stares at Palpatine.
Palpatine notices their blank expressions and looks between them.
Even the two royal guards nearby stared at Palpatine.
There's a very weird silence that hangs in the air for a while.
Until it's finally broken when Anakin snorts, while trying and failing to hold in his laughter.
Though he gives up and collapses to the floor in cackles and giggles.
"Oh...oh my force...you thought...you thought....that Padme and I were...together?"
Anakin could swear he heard one of the royal guards mutter something that sounded suspiciously like 'wait, they aren't?' while the other says something about having lost a bet of some sort.
"...you're sorely mistaken." Padme speaks, a grin on her face but unlike Anakin she remained composed while looking to Palpatine with a raised brow. "Wait a minute...all this time, all these attempts of manipulation, and you didn't even catch a hint of it?"
Palpatine just looks back to her, so she continues.
"You do realize that Anakin is dating a man, right?"
To which, Palpatine stares but seems to freeze.
The royal guards exchange looks, before one over-dramatically faints, and meanwhile the other one sighs and mutters 'I don't get paid enough for this. Wait, what am I talking about? I don't get paid anything.' before he exits the room (and presumably was moving to exit the building).
"Beg pardon?" Palpatine finally managed after several moments of overly awkward silence.
And apparently...something chose that moment to come through the ceiling, as Padme simply stepped forward as if unbothered, and then something fell on top of Palpatine while he seemed to be doing the equivalent of buffering.
After a minute, taking what seemed like forever to recover from his hysterical laughter, Anakin finally rose and started to regain himself, as he looked to see Hardcase, who was now standing on top of an unconscious Palpatine, and the ceiling above had a hole in it.
...
Huh, wonder how long he'd been there.
"...um..." Padme said, expression blank as she looked between the unconscious Palpatine and then to Hardcase. "Not that I'm not grateful for your...timely arrival...but what are you doing here? Tho-commander Thorn, mentioned the 501st was being deployed to the mid-rim." she corrected herself quickly mid-sentence.
Anakin though internally cackled at that little slip up.
He'd always thought it suspicious how much time Padme spent with commander Thorn (commander Fox pretended it never happened and acted oblivious to whatever Thorn was up to, but everyone knew Fox was somehow just all knowing).
"What?" Hardcase questioned, with a confused tone and tilt of the head, as if he wasn't currently standing on top of the unconscious Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. "Oh...right..." he looks down and finally seems to notice he was standing on top of the unconscious Chancellor (and Sith lord), but he looks back up and doesn't seem to really care. "Etain said if I was looking for good blackmail, I could get it from here. She said it would be 'especially juicy', but I don't know what that means."
Padme just grins before looking to Anakin.
Anakin just snorts and smiles sheepishly. "I can't really comment on that, Etain sort of passed on some of her tactics to me, only fair Hardcase picked those tactics up at some point." he replies.
Then the doors to the office open, as master Windu apparently chose that moment to enter the room, with masters Yoda, Plo Koon, Shaak Ti, and Ki-Adi-Mundi right behind him (they had come to confront Palpatine, aka Darth Sidious, but instead they got...whatever this is).
Mace looks to Anakin.
Then to Padme.
Then to Hardcase.
Then over to the unconscious royal guard.
Then back over to Palpatine's unconscious form.
Then to Anakin again.
Then Hardcase again.
And Padme again.
Then to Yoda.
Yoda just looks up to him with a smile that was far too innocent to be real.
...
Then Mace pinches the bridge of his nose, while shaking his head with a sigh.
A sigh that could put even Plo's 'disappointed father' sigh to shame.
"I should've known." was all he said.
Palpatine begins to regain consciousness, only for Plo to use force judgement (basically the light side version of force lightning) and knock him right back out.
"No need for concern, master Windu." Padme responds, tone light but clearly sounding a little too amused. "We had things well in hand."
"Clearly." Mace replies with a deadpan stare directed at both her and Anakin.
To which Anakin can't help but raise his arms in confusion at.
"What did I do?"
"What you always do, give me a migraine." Mace replies tiredly.
"Hey! Hardcase was the one who did this, how's it somehow my fault?" Anakin inquires, sounding appalled but his heart wasn't in it, since he was also finding this all too hilarious.
"Because he's your boyfriend, therefore you share the blame, but most still falls on you, therefore why you get the look." Mace responds.
...
Yoda cackles.
And master Mundi blinks before speaking in a neutral tone.
"...would you all excuse me for a moment?" he says, before he suddenly rushes over to the office window and shatters it with a force push before jumping out.
Mace didn't even acknowledge that.
Plo was too busy being proud that two of his many, many, adopted sons had somehow defeated a Sith lord.
Shaak Ti barely even cared and would much rather be back at Kamino than be here dealing with...whatever this was supposed to be.
And Yoda was too busy cackling like the probably insane old troll (or goblin, or gremlin, or whatever he was) he is.
As for master Mundi, well, clearly he just really had no more patience to stand around and deal with all these unhinged, crazy people.
Somehow Anakin got to live out that little dream he had.
As later, Palpatine was in force suppression cuffs, and he awoke and screamed bloody murder as Anakin and Padme proceeded to yeet him off the top of 500 Republica while singing the lyrics to "Chandelier" (Padme had also been a little too happy about that, but oh well).
Master Windu and the other council members pretended that they had no clue what really happened to Sheev Palpatine that day.
And Hardcase was too busy getting lessons from Fox on how to blackmail galactic senators to care much (but he was happy Anakin got to live out his dream and fulfill it, oh, and eliminate who was apparently the puppet master of the whole war while he did it).
"...-and then Hardcase comes crashing through the ceiling, effectively falling on top of Palpatine and knocking him out, and then some of the council arrives, and then master Plo knocks Palpatine out again, and then master Mundi throws himself out the window, and then master Windu blames you per usual which isn't surprising, and then master Yoda proceeds to...well given it's questionable whether he still has a mind to lose...go fully insane, and then you and Padme took Palpatine to the top of 500 Republica and proceeded to yeet him from the very top of the building to his death while singing 'Chandelier' by Sia." Obi-Wan recites, via hologram form, the whole story that Anakin told him, sounding as if he were contemplating putting himself into a medically induced coma. "Is that everything?"
"Of course. Oh, and don't forget, my boyfriend learned how to blackmail people, so that can be something we do together now to further bond as a couple." Anakin replies with a smirk.
Obi-Wan blinks.
Then sighs, reminiscent of master Windu's own sigh, but different in its own ways.
"Sometimes I wonder how the galaxy continues to function with you in existence."
"Hey! If anything it functions perfectly because of you. At least, that's what I've heard master Yoda say once, and I agree and so does the council as a whole." Anakin responds with a nod, as if it were final.
"...so your future husband saves the galaxy...by falling through the ceiling..." Obi-Wan muses dryly. "Who'd have thought..."
"Please, you have no room to talk. I could easily point out the things your future husbands do." Anakin replies, just as dryly.
"...h-how...I haven't told anyone that I was going to marry both..."
"You're you, Obi-Wan, and with the way Hardeen was already taken with you, I knew it would end up being a poly relationship. Everyone did."
"Anakin..."
"I mean in your case, your future husbands almost caused a galactic incident, what with them throwing each other across Mandalore. Luckily the duchess was more entertained by it than she was annoyed...but then again, it had practically been a free reality holonet show, so why not take advantage of it..."
"Anakin..."
"And you say my future husband is out of control..."
"I never said that."
"Really? Well then, what did you say?"
"I was merely pointing out his more unhinged tendencies, that does not constitute as me saying he was out of control."
"...I'm tempted to summon my inner Windu right now..."
And to that statement from Anakin, Obi-Wan falls silent.
Whenever someone says that, it's common knowledge among the Jedi by this point that you should shut your mouth and not say another word until you'd gotten as far from the danger zone as possible.
Lest you be thrown off planet and into the endless vacuum of space and the universe.
Meanwhile back at the Jedi temple in his quarters, Mace Windu secretly smiled to himself (the force itself wasn't sure if it should be proud or disturbed) as he could sense that someone was in danger of being yeeted.
...
Okay...maybe Skywalker's antics weren't so bad if he continued the longstanding tradition that Mace had started decades ago.
As long as that tradition continued to thrive, then so would the Jedi.
One doesn't reach the rank of master nowadays without a proper yeeting, after all.