Work Text:
The war room at headquarters was empty aside from L and Light. Looking up at the surveillance footage, L saw that Misa was asleep in her room. Watari, Wedy, and Aiber were having a discussion in another conference room, planning their roles for the next stage of finding this new Kira. The rest of the task force had been dismissed after a long night fixing Matsuda’s mess.
Matsuda...
Just thinking about everything that had happened over the past few hours gave L a headache. Yes, Matsuda had been reckless, going off on his own and trying to help. But a small part of L had to admit that he had helped. The man had even faked his own death in the most spectacular way, with a stunt that made L’s chest tighten every time he thought about it.
He really was getting a headache. L shifted slightly in his chair, pulling his knees closer and wiggling his toes against the seat. A half-eaten slice of cake sat forgotten beside the monitors, its icing drying out in the air.
Looking over, L saw that Light had fallen asleep, his head resting on his arms at the desk. It had become a common occurrence since the handcuff arrangement began. L didn’t sleep regularly, so Light had to learn to adapt, sleeping whenever he could.
L didn’t feel particularly guilty. He still believed that Light and Kira were connected; there was too much evidence to dismiss.
His monitor flashed an alert; it was an incoming call from the German Police Agency. He had recently helped them with a criminal case, so this was likely a follow-up. Nibbling the edge of his thumb, he considered whether to respond. After a moment, he accepted the call, keeping his voice quiet as he spoke to the chief investigator.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed someone entering the room. It was Matsuda. L continued the call until it concluded, then turned to face him.
Matsuda glanced at Light, still asleep, then whispered, “You speak German too? You really are incredible, Ryuzaki. How many languages can you speak?”
L saw that Matsuda’s eyes were bloodshot. “I can speak English, Japanese, German, French, Russian, and Chinese fluently, but I can converse in most languages. Why are you still here, Matsuda? Everyone else has gone home.”
“Yeah, well, I pretty much live here at this point. I don’t have a family to go home to, like everyone else.”
“Hmmm. So why are you awake? You, of all people, must be exhausted after today.”
Matsuda paused, fidgeting with his fingers, before suddenly dropping into a low bow. “Ryuzaki, I’m so sorry about my behaviour today. I understand if you want me off the task force. I messed up… Damn it, I really did! I just wanted to help with the investigation. I know I’ve been dead weight, and I wanted to do something. I’m sorry for putting everything in jeopardy.”
L reached for a sugar cube from the bowl near the keyboard and rolled it between his fingers, watching the fine grains crumble. He glanced at Light, still sleeping, before replying. “Please, get up. You are not being asked to leave the investigation.”
Matsuda stood straight, though his hands trembled slightly. He looked down. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?”
“No,” L said simply. “I mean it.” The silence stretched. “You just need to realise how fragile things can be, how quickly everything can change after even one misstep. But you are not dead weight. I can see that you did the best you could in a very difficult situation, Matsuda.”
Matsuda exhaled shakily. “I just wanted to do more. I thought if I could contribute, I wouldn’t feel so useless. I thought I could do more than just bring you coffee. And being Misa’s manager doesn’t feel like police work…” He scratched the back of his neck again and shifted his weight, avoiding eye contact.
“You shouldn’t feel useless, Matsuda. I need you here. We all do.”
Matsuda looked up at that, startled into silence. A faint flush coloured his face.
Light shifted in his sleep, a faint groan escaping him as he rolled his head slightly. His eyelids fluttered, but he did not wake. The soft movement drew L’s attention for just a moment, a sharp reminder of how delicate the quiet was.
After a pause, L spoke again, more quietly. “When you fell... from that balcony.”
Matsuda blinked, surprised at the subject. “Oh, that. Yeah, that was... a bit much, huh?” He gave a weak laugh, scratching the back of his neck.
L didn’t laugh. His thumb pushed at his lip, absently rolling the sugar cube in his other hand. “I watched the surveillance footage again, and I keep thinking about it. The way you fell, the angle, the speed. It was far too risky. There were so many ways it could have gone wrong. I came up with the plan, Matsuda, but I keep asking myself if there was a safer way to get you out of the mess with Yotsuba. A way that wouldn’t have put you in such danger.”
Matsuda hesitated, hands fidgeting at his sides. Then, with a nervous grin, he said, “But... I actually felt kind of cool doing it. I mean, I did a handstand on that balcony, high up, looking over the Tokyo skyline, and survived. I could never have imagined doing something like that.” He looked away, avoiding L’s gaze.
L’s eyes narrowed slightly. Cool? He couldn’t understand it. His mind instantly ran through every contingency, every possible disaster that could have happened. The idea that Matsuda treated the stunt lightly made him uneasy, though he said nothing.
Matsuda’s grin faltered under L’s silence, but he continued quietly. “I knew the risks, Ryuzaki. I was willing to do it.”
“Yes,” L said, his voice calm but tense, thumb still brushing his lip. “But my mind doesn’t stop replaying it. The risk was unacceptable.”
Matsuda’s mouth opened slightly. “You... you were worried about me?”
L lifted his eyes to meet his, unusually vulnerable. “The way you fell, and the possibility of your death... it scared me, Matsuda.”
Matsuda stared, stunned. “I didn’t think you ever got scared.”
L tilted his head slightly, considering. “I’m not completely inhuman. I do feel fear at times. And I suppose now I do, where you are concerned.”
Matsuda’s face flushed deeper, and he let out a small, nervous laugh. “Wow. I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Say you won’t do anything rash like running to Yotsuba without instruction again,” L said simply.
“I won’t,” Matsuda replied at once. “I promise. I didn’t mean to make things harder. I just wanted to prove I could be useful.” He shifted his weight, glancing up briefly at L, a hopeful flicker in his eyes.
L’s gaze softened. “You are useful. You always have been. You bring something that keeps us balanced, a kind of human insight the rest of us overlook. It’s a quality that’s vital to this task force.”
Matsuda’s eyes widened with disbelief and hope. He twisted his hands together. “You really think that?”
“I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”
As silence settled, L found himself studying him again. The Yotsuba incident replayed vividly in his mind: Matsuda sneaking into the company building alone, armed only with his nerve and the emergency signal on his belt. A foolish plan, yes, but executed with surprising courage. If he hadn’t pressed that signal when he did, L realised, Matsuda might have been killed before anyone could reach him. The thought sent another shiver through him.
And yet, even knowing the danger, Matsuda had gone anyway. That, L thought, was both infuriating and admirable.
“You shouldn’t underestimate yourself,” L said finally. “You are far from useless, and you are far from an idiot. You are valued here.”
Matsuda blinked rapidly, as though holding back tears. “Thank you, Ryuzaki. That... means a lot.”
L plucked another sugar cube from the bowl and popped it into his mouth, letting the sweetness dissolve slowly. “Now, go and get some rest. You’ve earned it.”
Matsuda gave a genuine smile this time, the kind that reached his eyes and made them light up despite the exhaustion on his face.
L felt it in his chest. A strange, sharp ache that made him catch his breath. The smile, the courage, the readiness to be helpful, they had jolted something awake in him. He thought, absurdly, that Matsuda had just shot him clean through the heart.
“Oh,” he whispered before he could stop himself.
Matsuda blinked. “Did you say something?”
L quickly looked away. “Nothing. Goodnight, Matsuda.”
“Goodnight, Ryuzaki,” Matsuda said softly before turning to leave.
As the door closed behind him, L leaned back, squeezing his toes into the edge of the chair. His mind whirled, trying to stay focused, but something had shifted. Matsuda’s vulnerability, his near-death, his courage and smile, they had struck L in a way he wasn’t prepared for.
He stared down at his hands. ‘I need you here.’ He had said it earlier without thought, but now the words echoed louder in his head.
L exhaled sharply. No, he couldn’t afford to think about it. Matsuda was just another member of the task force. The investigation came first. But even as he told himself that, the image of that smile lingered, and with it, the uncomfortable warmth in his chest that refused to fade.
Light blinked groggily, finally waking. “Hmm... are we still at work, or did Kira finally kill me?”
L didn’t respond, eyes staring into the middle distance.
“Hey, guess what,” Light said with a mischievous smirk. “I am Kira.”
L still didn’t react. His thumb pressed to his lip, his expression completely unreadable. Light tugged on handcuff chain, making L’s hand slip from his mouth. He finally turned to Light.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
Light yawned and stretched, frowning slightly at the lack of response. “I see someone’s been guarding the monitors all night. Need me to check anything for you?”
“Can you review the street surveillance footage from after the Yotsuba group left the premises this evening? I want to observe all of the men’s movements.”
“Got it. Hey… are you okay? You’re acting strange.”
“I’m fine. Please, if you are awake, get to work.”
L turned back to the screens. On one of them, Matsuda appeared as he walked down the corridor, shoulders slightly hunched but a faint smile still on his face. He paused for a moment, glanced back towards where he’d come from, then continued towards his quarters.
L’s eyes lingered on the screen, fingers hovering over another sugar cube. ‘Focus on the investigation. Be professional. Be L.’ Kira was still out there. Light was right next to him.
And yet, the longer he watched, the less convincing that inner command became. Logic told him to turn away, but his gaze stayed fixed.
It wasn’t just Matsuda’s smile that got to him. It was his courage, his readiness to act, the way he risked himself to help. The clumsy optimist had somehow broken through L’s defences.
L exhaled slowly, drawing his knees closer, bringing the sugar cube to his mouth. ‘Focus. The investigation comes first.’
Even so, he watched until Matsuda disappeared from view, unable to look away.
L’s File Notes:
Matsuda Touta, 27
Likelihood of being Kira: 0%
Revision: Matsuda remains impulsive and underestimates his own value. I find myself observing him longer than necessary. He demonstrates courage and a readiness to take risks to assist the investigation. He is distracting. His desire to contribute is commendable. I must ensure he is engaged in tasks appropriate to his abilities and monitor his safety closely. He remains a useful and devoted member of the team and I must not let him affect me.