When Sam was younger all she wanted was to find her soulmate. She was a bit of a hopeless romantic, grew up on rom-coms and fairytale princesses whisked away by Prince Charmings. She didn’t date much, wasn’t interested in anyone who’s name wasn’t on her wrist. She supposed, looking back that some of her obsession may have stemmed from her parents’s divorce. They weren’t soulmates and she clung to that throughout her life as to why they weren’t able to work out. She had clung to that, thinking that if she just found her soulmate she wouldn’t end up like them.

Then she met Jay. Nothing had clicked or sparked when they had spoken, but she had laughed and couldn’t stop thinking about their conversation afterwards. She didn’t really know what that warm feeling bubbling in her chest was, couldn’t explain why her lips were drawn upwards when he talked. She didn’t know. All she knew was that she wanted to talk to him again.

It was a slippery slope after that, as love tends to be. She stalked him kept running into him, they exchanged numbers, went on a few dates, then went on a few more, texted and talked and laughed and danced and moved in together and held each other when the other cried and got married and —

And before she knew it she was Sam Arondekar, married to a man who wasn’t her soulmate. But she didn’t care about that. She was happy with Jay. She loved Jay in a way that she didn’t think she could ever love someone else. He made her favourite foods and she talked him out of slumps and they laughed at bad movies and their conversations went into the night, long after they should have fallen asleep. She loved him.

He supported her when she started seeing ghosts, and she fell a little more in love with him. Every day, she falls a little more in love with him, she thinks. With every blink, every breath.

There’s something a little more romantic about this; about choosing your soulmate. The universe may hold the cards and know everything, but her and Jay? They chose each other. They chose their fate. The universe can do whatever it wants but she knows with a certainty in her bones that nothing in this world will change the love she feels for him. (Besides, the more she learns about the ghosts, the more faith she loses in cosmic forces and the more she wants to throttle them.)

She doesn’t really think about her soulmate too much these days. When she does she feels a sort of guilt about it; like she’s taken something from them. She knows that Jay has met his soulmate - dated her and broke up with her just before he met Sam actually. She had gotten job opportunity abroad that she couldn’t afford to turn down. He had been in the dumps for a while after - when the person the universe says has to love you leaves, it does things to your self-esteem.

But is that fair to anyone involved? Why does the universe get to decide who they’re supposed to love? They’re people with free will, they can choose their own paths. And she chose Jay. Her soulmate will just have to accept that.

The ghosts were split about the whole thing at first. Hetty wasn’t fond of the fact that she married someone who’s name wasn’t on her wrist. (Sam isn’t sure about her and Elias. She never wanted to ask.) Pete thought it was cute; he and Carol hadn’t been soulmates but he had loved her nevertheless. (But she could see a sadness in his eyes after he found out about Jerry.) Thor and Flower were soulmates, as were Nigel and Isaac (though that one had taken a tad longer to figure out). Alberta, Sasappis and Trevor all kept their marks covered, never broaching the conversation and Sam wasn’t eager to do it either so she let it lie.

She and Jay kept their marks covered as well. They both felt safe and secure in their relationship, but the constant reminder that there was someone who was literally made for your beloved but you’re not them, isn’t very fun.

Consequently, she can’t blame Pete. She really can’t. She wants to, but that wouldn’t be fair. She just wants to be angry at someone and Pete is right there.

He’s acting strange when he gets back. But she chalks it up to normal Pete levels of cheerful. A Living walks in, backpack and jeans; just a regular guy. He says his name is Kyle. Sam hums, doesn’t react - its a pretty common name, she’s learned over the years - but she feels Jay stiffen beside her a bit. The ghosts laugh, making fun of him. Thor says that Kyle is a dumb name and she can’t help but snort. Her thoughts exactly.

And then Kyle talks to the ghosts. Kyle can see ghosts.

Because of course the universe that made it so that ghosts had to feel the pain of their death every day would love a sick joke like this. Of course her soulmate could see dead people too.

________

Of course her soulmate could see dead people too. Jay wants to laugh. He wants to scream. He wants to cry.

Sam was an incredibly intelligent, funny, strong, wonderful, beautiful, amazing woman who had died and survived. She was publishing a book. She had superpowers. Of course she was leaps and bounds out of his league, he knew that. He knew they weren’t soulmates because his soulmate had just broken up with him a few weeks before they had met. (But maybe it was for the best, because as much as he cared for her and as sure as he is that he could have been happy, he thinks a part of himself would be eternally mourning if he had never met Sam.)

They’d talked about it, the fact that they weren’t soulmates; a lot at the beginning but less and less and less as time went on. They barely even mentioned it in the past few years. It hadn’t mattered. And if Jay was being honest, the more he learned about ghosts and more he studied their rules, he wasn’t sure he wanted a soulmate selected by such a cruel universe. It didn’t matter. Sure, his ears still pricked up whenever he heard the name “Kyle”, more out of morbid curiosity than anything else.

So of course when he heard they’re guest’s name was Kyle, he froze a bit, just because, but then relaxed because he knew that it didn’t matter. Sam loved him. He knew that. And then…

And then he could see ghosts. And Jay just knew, a dread sinking into his chest as he realized that this was Sam’s soulmate. He didn’t know how he knew, he just did, with an intuition that never seemed to help when it came to the ghosts. He tries to shake it off though - to convince himself its just some fucked up coincidence, until Kyle asks about Sam’s full name.

“So, Sam’s short for Samantha, right?” He asks, almost casually.

Sam nods, stiffly, unsmiling. “Yep. But everyone calls me Sam.”

“Samantha,” he repeats the name like he has practice saying it. Like the name is tattooed on his wrist. He smiles and Jay doesn’t like it.

The ghosts strong-arm Sam and Jay into letting him stay the night even though Jay really doesn’t want to, but its the ghosts and they’re dead and he and Sam really can’t say no to them. Also apparently Kyle currently lives in his car and Jay would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little bad. (But also he wasn’t in a very good financial situation which is unattractive trait but then again neither is he really and — why is he thinking about this?)

He and Sam retreat to their room - the master bedroom where they live and sleep and talk and have sex together because they love each other. Sam sits down on the bed, tired. Jay sits beside her and she leans into him. She leans into him, not Kyle. Because Kyle isn’t here. Because she didn’t marry Kyle.

(Was that because she didn’t know Kyle? If things had gone a different way would she have? Would she marry him now if she got a chance? Should Jay just make everything easier and let her go? Because he hates the thought of losing her, but he the thought of her being unhappy is so much worse.)

“There aren’t any ghosts,” she says, because Jay wouldn’t know because he can’t see ghosts.

“Can we talk?” He asks. Does he still have the right to talk to her, to walk on the same ground as her, to breathe the same air as her?

“I love you.” She says, with a finality that leaves no room for any contradictions. That doesn’t change any of the dread Jay is feeling though.

“He’s your soulmate.” He whispers.

“Kyle’s a very common name,” she says.

He looks at her, taking her hands in his own (desperately, as though he’s grabbing for a lifeline in stormy seas that are infested with hungry sharks). “Sam,” he says, in a tone that says everything. Because that’s how they are, a single look, the inflection of a word, and they will be able to translate a novel of unsaid meaning. Because they’ve known each other for years - and they have chemistry and they love each other. She loves him. She does.

“Why does that matter if he is?” She glares, straightening up. “We’ve talked about this before, Jay. I don’t care about my soulmate. I love you.”

“But he can see ghosts.”

“So?” She snaps. “He may see ghosts but he doesn’t know them. Not the way you do. He can’t know them the way you do. He can’t know me the way you do. He wasn’t there for me when I died, or when my mom died and he never agreed to risk it all and move to the middle of nowhere into a haunted mansion just because I wanted to and he doesn’t go on rants about bad writing in sci-fi movies and he doesn’t cook delicious food and he doesn’t have a smile that outshines the sun and he doesn’t get sweaty playing video games and he doesn’t own a first-edition Superman comic from the 50s and he’s not you, Jay.”

She breathes heavily afterwards, winded from her rant and Jay stares at her with awe. Tears prick his eyes and he melts into her, and she catches him with practice. They embrace tightly, in the way that they have done a million times, and will do another million at least. When they pull back (not fully, never fully) both have tear-tracks running down their cheeks. Sam wipes her nose with her sleeve, Jay leans on her shoulder.

After a moment she says. “He’s leaving tomorrow. No matter what the ghosts say.”

Jay nods. “Worst case scenario we can bribe them with extra TV time or something.”

They just sit there like that, in their room while there is an interloper in their home, just a few doors down. Holding hands, fingers intertwined, Jay’s head in the crook of her neck, dark hair tickling her cheek.

After a beat Sam says. “He’s not even hot or anything.”

Jay laughs.

“I mean his hair,” Sam continues and Jay dissolves into giggles, tears running down his face. Clearly whoever said the phrase “You can laugh about it or cry about it.” had never been in a situation as fucked up as this.

________

They’ve been betting on it. Of course they’ve been betting on it. Sasappis doesn’t even know why he’s surprised. If the situation was reversed he’d be betting on it. That’s just what they do. He tries to tell himself he doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter, but eventually it all gets to be too much and he goes to sit outside and wait for the tree branch to fall.

He threw Joan out the side of the house. He didn’t mean to throw Joan out the side of the house, he’s not that much of an ass. But… But. But there was a distinct feeling of relief after that. A strange feeling of peace with the fact that maybe they could avoid each other for a bit. He just needs some time. To get his thoughts in order.

Hence, sitting by the tree.

Most of the other ghosts are at the restaurant. Something’s up with Jay. It doesn’t take a genius to realize what; Kyle. As one of the only ones that can actually talk to the guy on a regular basis he knows how much he feels left out from the ghost-stuff, and having this person here, that can see them, would probably bring up a lot of emotions for him. He’ll talk to him tonight about it - the night before he had let Sam and Jay have the conversation they needed in private.

If he’s being completely honest, he doesn’t really see the big deal, or understand why the others are so excited about Kyle. It’s not like he can do anything that Sam can’t. Really he’s just a shittier version of Sam because Kyle has never made him pizza or encouraged him to tell his stories to the ghosts or watched romcoms with him when he was having a bad day or made him hot chocolate after a nightmare (alleged, he may have been trying to sneak into Sam’s dreams but she caught him and then he lied about having a nightmare so she wouldn’t be pissed at him but the gesture still counts).

So whatever. The others can obsess about the shiny new thing until they forget about it or whatever but Sasappis doesn’t particularly care. He’s not paying a whole lot of attention when the front door opens and Kyle jumps down the steps, over to where his car is parked. He blinks.

Kyle unlocks the car and looks around for a moment. He meets Sass’ eyes. His face twists into a glare and he jerks the door open before getting in and driving off, without saying a word. Huh. So that was… anticlimactic.

He sits there for another few minutes, thinking about what could have sparked Kyle’s abrupt leave of the mansion - maybe he just finally got fed up with the other ghosts. If so, he couldn’t really blame him.

But its quiet right now. Too quiet. Sasappis frowns, standing up. Why is it so quiet? Why was Kyle in such a hurry to get out of there? Where’s Sam?

He can’t explain coherently the panic that comes over him in that moment, can’t put into words the feelings of fear that grip him, the terror that propels him through the house, searching desperately for Sam. But the manor is worryingly empty of ghosts and Livings alike and that just makes everything so much worse. Who thought it was a good idea to leave Sam alone in an isolated place with a guy she didn’t know?

Finally, he finds her in the office, (why didn’t he check there first?) head in her hands. It sounds like she’s crying. His panic rises even more. He falls to his knees in front of her, hands hovering helplessly around her, searching for any sign of injury or blood or hurt. If he had a heart he’s sure it would be beating out of his chest right now.

Sam looks up, eyes wide and red and confused. “Sass?” She whispers uncomprehending.

“Are you okay?” He practically shouts in her face, but the ghost-equivalent of adrenaline is pumping in the ghost-equivalent of his veins and he doesn’t think he’s gonna be able to calm down until he has an answer.

“Hey, hey,” she says softly, reaching up to catch his hands but they just go right through her own. Her expression falls when that happens, as it so often does when she reaches out to touch a ghost and then remembers that she can’t. And then she remembers why she can’t.

But she swallows that emotion down and plasters on a smile. “I’m okay. It’s okay. What’s going on?”

He looks at her, eyes darting over to make sure that there are no bruises, no cuts, no signs of injury. When he looks in her eyes all he sees is concern. For him

“I - I saw Kyle leaving and - and it was to quiet and you were alone and I didn’t—“ he sounds stupid. He knows he sounds stupid but Sam’s eyes widen to show that she understands nevertheless because of course she understands because she’s Sam.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. We got into a bit of a fight and he’s gone now.”

Finally he starts to feel himself calm down a bit. Sam moves over to make room for him on the couch and he sits down beside her. She doesn’t look at him. She’s rubbing her wrist a little, and after a second notices that her name-bracelet is gone. It’s metal, a steel band, that shines from its place on the floor of the office a few feet away. He blinks.

“Sam?” He questioned, horrified as pieces of the puzzle began to slip into place.

He had known that Sam and Jay weren’t soulmates. When he first heard that he was certain the relationship was doomed, as most non-soulmate unions were. It had been a fleeting thought, he hadn’t particularly cared. But as he watched them - as he spoke with them, because he could do that, he could talk with them, interact with them, and they would answer - he learned how much they loved each other. (And then how much they both cared for him). And in that some hope bloomed in his chest. He places a hand over his own grass-braided bracelet.

Sam and Jay weren’t soulmates. They had been acting weird ever since Kyle came and it seemed more than just shock that there was another person out there with powers like this. Sasappis had thought that Sam’s discomfort with the whole situation was out of character - Jay sure, but he’d have expected Sam to be excited to find someone like her. Unless…

“Kyle is my soulmate,” she says, without him even having to ask. She lifts her hand, four damning letters tattooed in black on her wrist.

Time stops. It’s one thing to kinda know and another to see it for yourself.

Sasappis blinks. He may not have been fond of Jay at first, but he’s really warmed up to him; become a better friend than even some of the ghosts which is scary to think about especially since it could all be taken away now and —

“He thought that meant something.” She says, glaring darkly at her bracelet.

Oh. Of course. He’s an idiot. This is Sam and Jay that he’s talking about. Something as silly as a universal decree couldn’t stop them from loving each other, the sappy bastards.

“He’s not coming back,” she continues. “If he does, he’ll have another thing coming.”

“Are you okay?” He repeats.

“I -“ Sam sighs, leaning back against the couch to stare at the ceiling. “Yeah. Maybe? I don’t know. I just— I don’t love him. I don’t even know him. I love Jay. And why does some mysterious all-powerful force get to think that it can just tell me who I have to love and I don’t have any say in it? Huh? Do my feelings - my consent - not matter at all?”

Sasappis laughs. Sam blinks, staring at him.

“Sorry, its not funny. It’s just… Kinda been thinking the same thing myself.” He picks at the grass. He hasn’t taken it off since he died. Hasn’t talked about it, except with Thor. Thor knew but had enough sense to keep that to himself - soulmarks were sacred, and Sass doesn’t know if he could ever come back from that kind of breach of trust.

But Thor found his soulmate and loved her. He didn’t get it. Sam might. Which is why for the first time in five hundred years, he reveals his bare wrist to a Living soul.

“Oh.” Is all Sam says at first, processing the blank skin before her.

“Yeah.” He says dryly. “Never got one. Never knew why.”

“I’m sorry, Sass.” She says.

He shrugs. “You know its kinda funny. It didn’t bother me that much when I was alive. I mean it was weird yeah, but not everyone found their soulmate and not everyone ended up getting with them so it’s not like it mattered. I guess it wasn’t until I died that it really started freaking me out. I mean who doesn’t have a soulmate? What is that supposed to mean? That I’m just destined to spend eternity alone?”

“You’re not alone.” Sam tells him, softly.

He brings his knees up to his chest, feet on the sofa just the way Hetty hates it. “Then why does it feel like I am?”

“Because the soulmate system is incredibly stupid.”

He laughs, wetly.

Sam hums. “You know you aren’t the only person in the world to not have a soulmate, right?”

He nods. “Yeah. But I know what people say about them.”

People without soulmates were shunned, exiled, ridiculed, seen as wrong. He’d heard some of the other ghosts talking about the subject. They were never particularly nice about it. And if their reaction to the whole virgin thing was an indication of how they’d react to this? Then he’d keep his wrist covered for the rest of eternity. He’d do whatever it takes to makes sure they never find out.

“They’re wrong. They don’t know anything. You can still find someone.”

He picks at the grass in his hands. “What if I don’t wanna?” He mutters.

“What?” Sam blinks, and he’s not sure if she’s shocked by his admission or just couldn’t hear him.

“What if I don’t want what you and Jay have? What if I just wanna be me?” He asks, releasing the question that’s been plaguing his mind for the better part of the past five centuries.

“Sasappis,” Sam says. “Look at me.”

He obliges, uncurling a little, to meet her eyes.

“I can’t say what the universe was thinking when it did this. I can’t explain it. But what I do know is that people’s feelings are so much more complicated than names tattooed on wrists. We choose who to love with your hearts and our heads and that’s how other people choose to love us. I love Jay. I love you.” She blinks. “Platonically. Its been a long day and I really don’t want any other miscommunications.”

Sasappis can’t help but laugh. “I love you platonically too.”

She beams at that - and wow, is that really the first time he’s told her he loved her?

“The ghosts love you too. All of them. And just because you just wanna be you, doesn’t mean you’re gonna be alone, because you have all of us.” She tells him.

“Yeah, ‘cause you can’t leave.”

“I could leave.” Sam says, and Sasappis’ eyes go wide at the bluntness of it. “But I’m not going to. Because I make my own choices and choose to love in spite of what the universe wants to tell me.”

“You are really bad at following the rules of the universe,” he teases, lips turning up a bit.

“I’m just cool like that,” she smiles.

It’s moments like these where he wishes he could hug her. That he could lean on her. Rest his head on her shoulder and just relax. But he can’t.

“Maybe you should talk to Joan.” Sam suggests.

“Yeah.” He sighs, letting his bracelet zap back into place. “You gonna go talk to Jay?”

She stands up and frowns. “Yeah. Thanks. I think I needed that conversation.”

He smiles. “Me too.”

“We’ll do pizza, popcorn and romcoms later.” She promises. “Just you and me.”

“Tonight?” He asks, hopefully.

She sighs. “How about after you talk to Joan and I talk to Jay?”

He winces but nods nevertheless. “Fine.”

Sam smiles. “There we go.”

________

Jay’s in the restaurant with Bela, surrounded by the ghosts. She had wondered why none of them were around the house, but had been too thankful to really question it. She’d rather keep the argument that she had with Kyle, and the conversation she had with Sasappis private. For all of their sakes.

“Hey.” He says, lighting up when he sees her, because of course he does.

“Hey,” she replies, much quieter, glancing at the ghosts. She’s not gonna get to have this conversation alone, is she? Maybe that’s for the better. Maybe everyone needs to hear this.

Jay takes notice of her somber mood almost instantly and drops what he’s doing to take her hands. “What’s wrong?”

She won’t mince words, dance around the point. Jay doesn’t deserve that. Honest and direct communication has always been a hallmark of their relationship that’s not gonna stop now. Why should it? Nothing has changed.

“Kyle made a pass at me.” She says, honestly.

“Oh.” Jay’s face falls in a way that breaks her heart into a million pieces.

The ghosts, (and Bela) gasp from behind him, leaning in, asking how far she let it go. She glares daggers at them.

“I face-palmed him immediately,” reassuring Jay and answering the others’ questions in one. “He’s gone now.”

Jay blinks. “Why?”

Sam’s lips part in shock. “What do you mean, why?” She demands.

“He’s - “ He stops, he doesn’t turn around but his eyes dart meaningfully to the side where Bela and the ghosts stand. “He can see ghosts.”

“I told you,” she says, stepping forward, taking his hands in her own. “That doesn’t matter. I don’t care about that. Any of that.”

He doesn’t look like he believes her. She sighs, closes her eyes. “If the roles were reversed,” she starts. “If your soulmate came back and asked to try again, would you?”

“Of course not.” He says immediately, offended that she would even ask.

“Then why do you think I would?” She says. The ghosts look at each other, eyes wide as pieces of the puzzle begin to fall into place for them. Bela looks at her like she’s seen a ghost.

Jay sighs. “It’s not you.” He says.

Sam raises an eyebrow. She knows this line and its not gonna fly with her.

“I just — The house is yours. You can see the ghosts. You have a connection to them. They love you. I’m just some… random guy who lucked into all this.”

“Jay…” She breathes. “This isn’t random okay? How many times do we have to talk about this? We make our own choices, and that means that we think about them, and we make them with intention. If anything, the whole soulmate system is random because we have no clue how that works - for all we know, cosmic forces are just playing the lottery with our hearts. What I do know; what I will always know is that I love you. I chose you. I choose you. I chose you all those years ago when I… when I stalked you in that coffeeshop. Okay? I knew you weren’t my soulmate then but I still did it.”

He laughs, a genuine one, but his eyes are still shiny. “You did do that, didn’t you?”

She reaches out to hold his shoulders. “See? I stalked you, you put up with the haunted house. Some ‘soulmates’ argue when it rains, I think we’re pretty solid all things considered.”

He takes her face in his hands, and leans in. “I love you.”

“I know.”

He understands immediately, lighting up at the Star Wars reference and leaning in to kiss her. Yeah, Sam thinks. This is good. And in the end she did get what she wanted. She found her soulmate. But she also found someone she loved.