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Lupin the Third wasn't, by any means, a lightweight. He drank a lot, usually a scotch with Jigen, wine with Fujiko, what impressed the ladies, whatever he could get at a cold dark bar by himself. This constant drinking, although it didn't rival Jigen's by any way, meant it was hard for him to get completely smashed. His tolerance to alchohol was strong after years of dealing with it. That's what made times like this so rare, times where Lupin lay across a much too small kitchen counter close to falling out of his chair, babbling incoherently with a bottle firmly grasped in his hand.
"Y'know, I love Fujiko but she's a real bitch." The thief slurred, hands shooting up over his head in a combination of frustration and emphasis.
"Uh-huh." Jigen replied from the spot on the couch where he was currently lounging. Lupin didn't get drunk very often, but when he did the only one to see it was usually his bearded partner. They did live together for years afterall.
"I dunno why I never listened to you! She's the friggin' worst!" Lupin moaned into the marble. "But she's so pretty..."
Jigen scoffed. "Maybe if you didn't think with the thing in your pants we'd never be in messes like this."
The gang had went after the largest ruby in the world only hours ago, after about a month of planning they had finally gotten the priceless gem in their hands.
Only to have Fujiko swoop in and take it from them in the last second, leaving them to deal with consequences of the theft while empty handed as per usual.
"But Jigen," Lupin drawled in a way that made the gunman wince in annoyance. "she's hot. Like capital H-O-T hot. Have you seen her tits? They're like. Soft mountains. Beautiful fleshy twin peaks. Amazing bazungas. They're-"
"Shut up." Jigen rolled his eyes under the brim of his hat. This is a conversation he never wanted to carry out. Lupin liking Fujiko was bad enough, but talking about her boobs? Oh barf.
"Y'know you wouldn't be so grumpy if you got laid!" Oh boy, this again. "I know you're not very popular with the ladies, but this isn't healthy. Your dicks gonna explode!"
"Ok, doc. I'll be sure to get right on that." Jigen replied.
"No really man! I think I saw it on like... the history channel. Some dudes dick just blew up because he never had sex! Just-" Lupin sat up and began making wild hand gestures. "-KABOOM!" He dropped back to the counter with a light thump. "Just like that. Trust me."
Jigen snorted, slowly getting off of the couch. "Okay, I think you've had enough to drink."
"No YOU'VE had enough to drink." Lupin grumbled.
"Lupin, I haven't even touched the stuff since we got back. You've been hogging it all night."
"I'm drinking for two then!"
"Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think you're pregnant." Jigen said with a smirk, gently pulling the bottle from his partners hand.
"I meant for you." Lupin reached up lazily in a half-hearted attempt to get the liqour back from his friend.
"Uh-huh." Was all Jigen said in response as he began helpin the thief to his feet. "Let's just get you in bed."
Lupin allowed himself to be guided from the kitchen down the hallway, towards what was his room in this tiny hideout.
"I'm not helping you get undressed." Jigen said, crossing his arms as he watched Lupin fumbling dumbly with his tie. This continued for about 2 minutes before Jigen broke with a sigh. "You're so frigging hopeless when you're drunk."
The gunman worked at helping his partner strip down to his boxers, then laid him down on his bed fit for two. The size was definately because he wanted Fujiko to join him in it, Jigen realized with a roll of his eyes.
"Jigen-"
"Hm?"
"I think I'm gonna-" Lupin leaned over the edge of the bed and began to puke. All over Jigen's clothes.
"Are you kidding me?" The raven haired man shouted, looking down at his soiled suit. He groaned, glaring at the thief as he turned to leave.
"Wait. I didn't mean to barf on you!" Lupin cried out. "Stay here."
Jigen turned to look at his partner, visibly annoyed. "What?"
"Sleep in here."
The gunman rolled his eyes, but turned back anyway. "You're frigging hopeless when you're drunk."
Soon Jigen was also in his boxers and out of his dirty clothes, laying om the edge of the bed in a very uncomfortable and stiff manner.
"Sorry I puked on your suit." Lupin mumbled into the pillow.
"Uh-huh."
"Move over here."
Jigen glanced at Lupin, who was currently laying on his stomach. He sighed, obliging.
The thief grinned. "Hope you don't mind I'm always the big spoon!"
"I'm only here to make sure you don't choke on your own puke and die."
"Don't be so stiff." Lupin laughed, wrapping his arms around Jigen's waist.
"Ugh." The gunman groaned, turning his back to Lupin. The thief let out a happy noise at this, and curled up close to the others back. "I swear to God if at any point you get a boner I'll shoot you."
"No promises!" Was the last thing Lupin said before practically passing out.
Jigen sighed, a large smile on his face. "You're frigging hopeless."