Work Text:
Roman and Dennis start hanging out again.
Roman doesn't entirely forgive Dennis. Who can, after he lied to him for their entire friendship. Lied about having a twin. Lied about Rocky. Lied about what happened. Roman knows it was an accident. That Dennis didn't mean to. That Rocky should've looked both ways. But that doesn't change anything. And Rocky is still dead.
Roman does wonder what life would have been like if they had met under different circumstances. Or just past circumstances. If Rocky had called Dennis back and they had met when Rocky actually introduced him to one of his boyfriends.
But he didn't.
And Roman and Dennis had met under the circumstances that they had.
Roman doesn't know how to move on.
Not really.
He doesn't know how to live in a world without his twin.
But he's learning how, day by day.
Roman and Dennis both get a To Go bag. But they end up not leaving the restaurant and keep talking. He likes having a real, honest conversation with Dennis. Not that some of the conversations with Dennis before weren't real or honest, but now that he knows the truth it's better.
"You really like the version of who you were when we were hanging out?" Roman asks Dennis from across the table.
"I think so." Dennis says. "Yeah. I think I - I want to try and be that person. You know, people have layers. People are complicated, sometimes. They're like onions."
"Was that a Shrek reference?" Roman asks.
"It was. Yes." Dennis can't help but smile a little.
"That's a great movie." Roman says.
"It is." Dennis says. "And I - It's like you don't ever stop discovering yourself, or - Realizing yourself. Who you are. And I - I usually hate myself, but, because of you I'm - I'm trying to find versions of myself to like. So I can not hate myself anymore."
Roman doesn't say anything for a few seconds. "Well I'm glad I can - Help. I guess."
"I really am sorry." Dennis tells him, his tone sincere.
"I know." Roman says.
He knows. But it still hurts. And Rocky is still dead and Dennis still lied. Forgiving him is hard. He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to. Knows Dennis didn't mean to cause the accident. But still. The grief is there and he doesn't think he'll ever move on and taking it day by day is difficult. And he knows Dennis is sorry. But it still happened. And it hurts to breathe sometimes. And his twin is gone. But Dennis is here.
And he's trying.
And Dennis is trying.
"Do you wanna - " Because Roman thinks back and even though it's messed up he thinks about his relationship with Dennis and the moments they had together and the friendship and love that was there and he wants that back even though now he knows what happened.
And people are complicated. And feelings can be complicated. And he misses what he and Dennis had. And even though it's changed, he wants that back. And he doesn't know if he'll ever forgive Dennis. But he didn't mean to. And it was an accident. And he wants Rocky back. But Dennis is here.
"Get coffee... Or something." He'll start off small. Because he's so sad and so angry and feels so alone. And he doesn't know what to do with all these emotions and wants to punch a wall and he feels terrible for punching Dennis. But he thinks maybe they can build their relationship back up to what it was. Somehow. Someway. Despite everything that happened.
Dennis smiles a little. "I'd like that."
Roman finds himself smiling a little too.
-
They go for coffee.
They go for brunch.
They eventually get back to grocery shopping together again.
It almost feels like old times.
Can you lie to yourself and pretend it is despite everything?
No.
But it's something.
It's human connection.
It's their third technically-like-eighth time grocery shopping when it gets brought up.
One conversation falls into another and Dennis asks, "You really kissed a guy because Rocky liked guys?"
Roman's pushing the cart and Dennis is walking next to him.
"Yeah." Roman says.
"You never said if you liked it or not." Dennis comments, looking at Roman as they walk.
Roman shrugs. "It was okay."
"That's not an answer." Dennis says.
Roman doesn't know what to say. "I mean, it was a kiss."
"And did you like it?" Dennis asks.
"I dunno. I guess." Roman says.
Dennis stops walking. "You guess?" They've made it to the lime section.
Roman stops walking too. "What?"
"What?" Dennis asks. "You said 'you guess' to kissing a boy."
"Yeah. And?" Roman asks.
"Do you - " Dennis pauses, thinking. "You said you like boobs. But what you're saying to me now, is that you maybe liked kissing a boy?"
Roman's not following. "And?"
What is Dennis even talking about?
"Did you like the guy you kissed?" Dennis asks.
"It was just a stupid kiss. I just tried it to see what Rocky - Why he liked kissing guys. I didn't - I was just trying it out. To see." Roman fumbles.
"And I get that. I totally do. I'm just - " Dennis pauses again. "Trying to determine if you - You know - If there was anything else."
"Anything else?" Roman asks, still now following.
"You kissed a boy and you liked it?" Dennis just asks. "And yes, I'm basically quoting Katy Perry." He pauses. "Could you see yourself with the guy that you kissed? Or did it matter that he was a guy? You said you like girls but, I'm asking if you think you might like boys too?" Dennis asks.
Roman blinks. Because yeah, he kissed a guy. But plenty of straight guys kiss guys, right? To like, see? Or if they're playing Spin The Bottle or something. Just cause he kissed a guy and yeah, maybe liked it, doesn't mean he's bi or something.
"Plenty of straight guys kiss guys to see if they, y'know, like guys." Roman says like it's a fact.
"Do they?" Dennis asks, faking that he clearly doesn't believe him.
"Yeah." Roman says. "Right?" But now he's thinking maybe they don't. Or maybe they do. He's sure some straight guys do. "Some straight dudes do."
"Okay yeah, they do." Dennis says. "But I'm asking about you. Did you like the kiss? Did it matter that he was a guy?"
Roman thinks for a few seconds. "I guess not." He shrugs. "I mean, the kiss was fine. It was, y'know, a kiss. Kissing's great."
Dennis nods.
"I guess I don't - I never really thought about it. I never really had anyone to talk to about it." Roman says. "I like girls. I definitely like girls." He pauses. "I guess it didn't really matter that he was a guy. It was just like kissing a girl. When I did it to see what Rocky - Why he liked being with dudes - I thought it wasn't really that different to kissing a girl."
"So you never thought about it? After kissing that guy?" Dennis asks.
Roman shrugs. "I dunno. No one ever asked so I never really thought about it."
"Fair point." Dennis says.
"I mean, I'm with Marcie." Roman says. “Everything about Marcie is awesome.”
"Right, but if you weren't - Hypothetically - " He pauses, changing his wording. "If Marcie was a guy, would it matter?"
He likes her. He definitely likes her. Her boobs are great. But if she didn't have boobs, would he still like her? He thinks for a second. "I guess... Not."
Dennis' eyes light up like Christmas. "So..."
"So?" Roman asks.
"You could possibly like guys." Dennis says.
"Yeah, but - I like girls. I definitely like girls. Just because I kissed a guy and would date Guy-Marcie doesn't mean I like guys." Roman says.
"It doesn't mean you don't like guys." Dennis says.
Roman gives that a thought. "Okay. Yeah." He agrees. "How do you know?"
"What? How do I know that I like guys?" Dennis asks.
"Yeah." Roman asks. "It seems so complicated. Like how can you be so sure?"
"How can you be so sure you're straight?" Dennis asks. "You just do. Look - Straight guys can be close, like, touchy feely and all that. Doesn't mean they're gay or bi or pan or whatever. They can kiss another guy to see if they're not straight and like the kiss yet still be straight. The only way for someone to know their sexuality is for them to know themselves. I've realized you can't - Judge a person by... Anything. Well, I mean some things you can. Obviously. But not this."
"You can't judge a book by it's cover?" Roman says.
"You got it." Dennis says, proud Roman got it right.
Roman smiles, knowing he got the analogy right. "So you're saying, people have to figure it out themselves?"
"Yeah." Dennis says. "Do some soul searching. Realize your feelings. Who and what you like. Who and what you don't like."
"Yeah." Roman says, agreeing. He thinks for a few seconds. "I think... If I found the right guy, I could maybe see myself dating him or whatever. But I'm with Marcie, and I like her. I like boobs, but I guess guys sort of have boobs too."
Dennis looks like he's questioning the statement but doesn't say anything. But he's glad Roman's realizing some stuff about himself. "Well, four percent still counts."
Roman looks confused.
"Shameless." Dennis explains.
Roman still looks confused.
Dennis sighed. "There's an episode where Lip and Ian are talking and the characters - and the audience - realize Lip is bi. Ian asks Lip a hypothetical question if a girl is going down on him and a guy joins the party what would Lip do and says he wouldn't mind it. And Ian says he's like ninety eight percent straight or something and Lip says more like ninety six percent. Meaning that Lip is four percent not straight. Meaning Lip is a hundred percent bisexual."
"Oh." Roman says. "Okay, cool."
"I should've just asked you that question." Dennis says to himself. Then asks, "What would you do if a girl was going down on you and a guy joined the party?"
"I guess nothing." Roman says. But Dennis looks a little confused. So Roman explains. "The guy can join the party... Or whatever." Because metaphors, man.
"I think that might make you bi." Dennis says.
"Does it?" Roman asks.
"Do you think it does?" Dennis asks.
Roman thinks for a second. Thinking back on their conversation. Doing a little bit of soul searching. Thinking of Rocky. Thinking of kissing that guy. Thinking if Marcie was a guy. How all of that made him feel. "I guess... I guess it does."
"Congratulations!" Dennis says and fake throws confetti.
Roman smiles a little. "Thanks, man. For helping. Talking it out."
"Glad I could help." Dennis says. He genuinely meant it.
They continue on with their grocery shopping.