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Law ground his teeth, sweat dripping from his temples as he picked his way through the underbrush of the insane jungle they were trying desperately to find their way out of.
"Hey, look at that!"
There was a commotion up ahead where Luffy and Zoro were keeping pace with Kid and Killer, though Luffy was on Zoro's back so he wasn't the one doing the work and Killer was using his spinning gauntlets to clear the worst of the thick vegetation.
Law caught up and peered past the group to find a beautiful waterfall with a perfectly sized basin at the bottom for them to rinse off the grime and sweat building up on their skin. Law frowned, glancing around at the trees and ropey vines and unfamiliar flowers. He was tired and hot and annoyed and they had all mostly come to the decision to stop for a minute to rest when Law finally remembered why the oasis was ringing alarm bells.
"I wouldn't linger-" he called out, eyeing the plants along the edges of the water. "The plant life here is dangerous, more so near the small lakes and waterfalls because the plants-"
"Yeah, yeah- Stay sweaty if you wanna itch like fuck for the rest of the walk, I'm cleaning myself and these nasty clothes off." Zoro leaned his swords against a tree on shore and walked into the water.
Luffy shrugged and bounded after him. "If Zoro's going, I'll be fine!"
Kid looked at Killer, question in his eyes. "Go," Killer grunted, nodding toward the water. "I'll keep watch."
Kid flashed him a grin and jogged after them as Killer came to stand next to Law quietly.
"So the plants?" Killer said softly, head inclining slightly toward Law to indicate interest. Law looked up at him in surprise, he hadn't thought any of them had actually heard him.
"Two main types to worry about in this part of the jungle, especially at the water holes. Apparently down about two feet under the silt and dirt there's a layer of sea prism stone that the plants metabolize through their roots. The more common one is found all over the jungle, it's pretty lethargic and slow from what I've observed so far today but the fluid it produces is a potent aphrodisiac which earned it the moniker Cupid's Tendrils on the black market. The one I'm more concerned about is only found at these pools, Ovitentavines is the scientific name of a parasitic vine beast that-"
"Egg Vines?" Killer asked dryly.
"Egg Vines," Law confirmed with a terse nod, eyes scanning the water's edge for movement. "A variant specific to this biome but they absolutely fit the criteria."
"What makes this kind unique?" Killer asked absently, watching Kid wrestle with Luffy in the shallows.
"Can't remember," Law grunted, pausing when something moved swiftly in his peripheral. Cupid's Tendrils, but they were moving much more agilely than they had been earlier. He watched it from the corner of his eye, and his lips parted in shock when it settled at the edge of the pool then buried itself into the sand. "They need to get out right now though. HEY MORONS-"
Killer slipped a hand under his mask and a loud whistle split the sounds of the jungle. Kid's head jerked toward them attentively and Killer indicated the shore with a tilt of his head.
Kid sighed heavily. "Alright, that's Killer's serious whistle. They must have actually found something, we should-"
"No way!" Luffy exclaimed belligerently. "I'm still itchy!"
"Luffy- We're going, come on- Now." Zoro's eye widened as he caught sight of a ripple in the water that was moving toward them incredibly fast.
"What the fuck are you waiting for?!" Law shouted at them. "Don't let any of the vines touch you!"
"Any of the v-" Zoro broke off and backed toward the shore. "Oh hell fucking no, I'm out."
"Whoever leaves first is a loser-" Luffy barked, eyes sparking in challenge as he met Kid's irritated glare.
"You're such a fucking child-" Kid snapped, looking toward Killer as he muttered, "Still on about that shit-"
Luffy dug his heels in mulishly, crossing his arms and grinning demonically while he antagonized him. "Go with Zoro if you wanna be such a scaredy cat!"
"Alright, that's it!" Kid roared, shoving Luffy hard in the chest just as Zoro reached the shore.
"What the fuck are they-" Killer growled and shifted from foot to foot impatiently, emanating annoyance from behind his mask.
Zoro rolled his eyes with a beleaguered sigh. "Whoever leaves first is the loser-"
Law's eye twitched as he watched Kid and Luffy scuffle in the pond, completely unaware of the churning ring of water. Law lifted a hand to swap them back to shore himself and frowned fiercely when he realized they'd both started using their Haki to the point that his ability was having a difficult time locking on. "Are you fucking ki- Goddamit, shambles-"
"Hey dumbass," Law snarled, landing nimbly on Kid's shoulders. "You guys need to get the fuck out."
"Tell that to his stupid rubber ass-" Kid snapped, not acknowledging Law's thighs hugging his neck.
"Straw Hat-" Law's eyes landed on him and he ground his teeth. "Get-"
Luffy puffed his chest out and gave him the full belligerent pouty bottom lip frown as he half yelled, "Go ahead and get out if you're so scared of some dumb plants, I'll be right behind you two-"
"I'm not going anywhere until you both start moving-" Kid retorted furiously before Law could react.
"Some dumb pla-" Law sputtered, rage cracking his voice as he reached maximum irritation levels. "Do neither of you have a single fucking brain cell to share? Did you listen to any of the warnings-"
Kid scowled and bent at the waist, hurling Law over his head and off his shoulders into the water. "How's that for a fucking brain cell-"
"That doesn't even make sense you fuckin-"
Kid's hand hit the surface and a wall of water hit Law as Luffy burst into cackling laughter.
Zoro and Killer stood on the shore staring, mouths slightly ajar, as Law started screaming right back at them and no one moved so much as an inch closer to the shore.
"If they don't hurry they're gonna be fucked-" Zoro muttered, mouth settling into a grim line as he squinted at them.
Killer made a nonverbal noise of agreement then said softly a moment later. "Trafalgar said these ones eat sea prism stone."
Zoro's head swivelled to face Killer. "So if they do get their dumb asses caught then Traffy-"
Killer nodded silently and Zoro stared at him for a moment longer before turning back to take in the three bickering captains.
"Huh." Zoro frowned, glancing at Killer. "How willing are you to risk getting caught to save their stupid asses?"
Killer was quiet for another moment then shifted his weight with an irritated ttch. "Not."
"Yeah, me neither," Zoro grumbled, taking his hand off the hilt and crossing his arms.
Law flailed back to his feet, looking around frantically to get his bearings, and glared at Kid. "What part of we need to get out of the fucking water are you not hearing?! Do you wanna get strung up and stuffed with eggs or seeds or some shit?! The vines here aren't a fucking joke-"
"That sure is a lot of words for 'I'm a coward'-" Kid crowed smugly and Luffy laughed loudly.
"Alright fine, you overgrown toddler, fuck the both of you-" Law seethed, stomping through the shallow water toward the shore. "I'm getting out and you two can sit here and argue until you're both being fucked sideways by the dumb plants. Shamb-"
There was a moment of perfectly still, horrified silence as the three of them regarded the slimy purple vine that had wrapped around Law's wrist. Law stumbled, the sea prism stone laced venom already sapping him. "Fuck- Get it off me-"
"And get caught myself instead?!" Kid scoffed, rolling his eyes and not moving a muscle.
"No shit for brains," Law yelled at him, tugging at his arm futilely. "Get me out and I'll shambles us all to shore and we can run-"
"Yeah, like I trust you not to lea-" Kid broke off and his chin jerked down to look into the water in horror. "FUCK-"
Law watched furiously as a vine lifted a flailing Kid a few feet above the water by his ankle.
"Hey, Traffy! What are these ones? They seem real friendly and they smell like strawberries-" Luffy laughed loudly as the vines lifted him out of the water and tossed him around almost playfully. Law squinted and realized there was a Cupid's Tendril tickling Luffy and swallowed hard.
"They are not friendly Straw Hat- Don't you fucking dare eat anything it tries to give you! Goddammit-" Law yanked at his wrist angrily and a second larger vine emerged from the water to twine around his waist loosely, tightening just enough to lift him from the water. "I hope you're fucking happy-"
"Whatever," Kid scoffed with a scowl. "What the fuck are these things anyway?"
Law almost cracked a molar grinding his teeth as an incandescent anger burned through him violently and he snarled caustically, "Ovitentavines and Cupid's Tendrils."
Kid blinked blankly at him for a second before the bellowing started, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME TRAFALGAR?!"
"Oh sure, yell at me-" Law snorted, rolling his eyes as Kid struggled impotently. "I tried to fucking tell you and you didn't liste-"
"I didn't listen?!" Kid roared and Law narrowed his eyes bitchily at him. "I didn't have to listen- You just had to move us all to shore, you've never asked permission befo-"
"You idiots were bleeding Haki everywhere, I fucking couldn't-" Law paused to glare. "Besides, it's not like you'd have thanked me for it, you would have just called me a coward and made me want to dump you right back in."
Kid flailed in his direction ineffectively and growled, "Get the fuck over here so I can fucking strangle you-"
Luffy's voice rang out in the increasingly humid air of the pond and Law fought back the urge for violence. "Hey Traffy! Are you sure I can't-"
Law's eye twitched and he thrashed around until he was facing Luffy. "I said don't fucking eat anything so you better not be about to ask me if you can-" Law's eyes caught on the violet pink smudge at the corner of Luffy's mouth and he ground his teeth, inhaling slow and deep as he mentally counted to ten. "Do you know what a fucking aphrodisiac is?"
"A what?" Luffy asked dumbly, eyes vacant of comprehension as he looked back at him with his head tilted curiously.
Kid rolled his eyes with a hoarse snicker and told him bluntly, "It's gonna make your dick hard, Monkey. For a long time."
"Ohhhhh- Really?" Luffy cocked his head for a moment then asked, "What for?"
"What for?" Kid repeated incredulously. "For fucking, Monkey, it lets you fuck for longer and it feels better-"
"Holy fucking shit-" Law blurted out, watching the vines with a sort of impressed horror. "It's- They're symbiotic- Or maybe- Fuck, maybe it's worse than that- They could be the same species and this could be a mating thing- I guess we'll know when we see if it's eggs or seeds."
"Speak fucking english Trafalgar-" Kid snarled.
Law's expression pinched and he bit out, "Sorry, forgot I was speaking to a simpleton-"
"What's all that mean, Traffy?" Luffy asked, cutting in and averting the fight that was about to break out.
Law sighed heavily. "It means they rely on each other to survive. Cupid's Tendrils are reported to turn a user's ejaculate a vivid purple for up to twelve hours-"
"So? Get to the fucking point-"
Law leveled a glare at Kid and deliberately paused before continuing with a vindictive, petty smirk. "The Cupid's Tendrils hijack the hosts sperm in order to gain something, likely motility, which means- Assuming it's eggs, the reason it makes the host aroused is most likely to allow them to fertilize the ovitentavine eggs inside the-" Law paused, eyes dropping to Kid's stomach for a split second then he screwed his eyes shut as he flushed and said in a rush, "-Inside the host that's incubating the eggs."
"Why the fuck did you look at me before you fucking said that shit?!" Kid shouted, flailing against the vines irately.
"Well, Straw Hat's tiny and I've got narrow hips-" Law said defensively, cheeks flushing a deeper red.
Kid looked apoplectic as he screeched, "Which makes me what? The de facto egg host?!"
Law scowled. "Well they're not gonna try to incubate them in someone with a small pelvis and risk them breaking on the way in or out-"
Kid shot him an incredulous outraged glare and Luffy giggled in the background as the vines swung him back and forth over the water.
"Don't blame me for pointing it out!" Law snapped, "It's not my fault I'm not the one with birthing hips and a large abdominal cavity."
The words 'birthing hips' echoed into infinity in Kid's silent brain as he blinked at him, speechless with rage and horror for a long moment before he roared, "KILLER GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW-"
Killer crossed his arms back on shore and didn't respond. Zoro cackled behind him and hollered, "He says he tried, not his fault you ignored the warning whistle. And you know, Traffy, for someone so damn smart- Why the fuck didn't you bring them to you to yell at them instead of putting yourself in danger?"
"Oh my God, he's right-" Law said numbly, realizing in hindsight that he should have teleported them out the second the haki had lessened in potency. "You two are making me dumber."
Kid's head swung to fix him with an affronted glare. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?! I literally just said that to you, don't act like h-"
"What're they doing?" Zoro called out while he shaded his eye with a hand and squinted. "Why are they just hanging on to you?"
"I'm not sure-" Law paused as a faint rustling became audible, slowly growing louder. "Do you hear that? Something's coming-"
About two dozen Cupid's Tendrils appeared at the edge of the clearing on the other side of the pool from Zoro and Killer, toting a huge misshapen deep green and violet bulb.
Kid made a disgusted face, watching its progress intently. "The fuck is-"
"A seedpod," Law said grimly. "Or an egg sack- No way to tell without seeing them."
"What?!" Kid stared at it in steadily mounting horror.
Law bit his lip and frowned. "Yeah, if Killer and Zoro are serious about not helping then you might wanna try and figure out how to get Killer in the water cause if they decide to use me for the leftovers then I won't be able to help remove them until I get my powers back."
"And how long would that be?" Kid demanded, an edge of hysterics creeping into his voice.
Law shuddered and shook his head. "Really depends on how long it takes to get them back out and how many there are-"
"But Jaggy wouldn't die right?" Luffy piped in, sounding distractedly concerned.
"Unaided delivery would be-" Law floundered for the right words. "Undesirable but ultimately survivable, so long as they're eggs rather than seeds."
"Why?" Kid asked miserably. "What's the fucking difference?"
"If it's eggs, we're fine, they won't grow so if they go in, they'll come out but if they're seeds then they're gonna go in small to medium and come out who knows how big-" Law paused to shudder. "Either being inside of me is going to maintain my inability to use my fruit, which means whatever goes in is coming out the same way until I can use it again."
Luffy looked thoughtful for a brief moment then nodded decisively. "Hey, listen up viney buds! Traffy says no putting any seeds or eggs or whatever in him or he can't make sure we're safe- There's two more people with us but they're still on the shore!"
Law and Kid froze when the entire oasis of plantlife seemed to pause and refocus on Zoro and Killer. They both stiffened and readied their weapons while Law said quietly, "You know, if we were over there with you it would really limit how much they'd be able to fend you off- They may not be willing to rescue us but I doubt they'd risk injuring us directly."
"You two are my kinda bastards-" Kid growled with a menacing grin. "If they won't help us then we drag them down with us."
"We should probably leave Roronoa alone though," Law murmured, looking reluctant but sure. "If the vines stop being so alarmingly accommodating, he probably won't actually let us die-"
"Zoro!" Luffy called out cheerfully and Zoro's eye snapped to him as the vines dragged the three of them toward the two on the shore. "You'd try to get us out if we were really in trouble right?"
"Really in trouble?" Zoro repeated calmly, thinking it over. "You mean like if it was gonna kill you or something?"
"Yeah!" Luffy exclaimed, hanging upside down a few feet in front of Zoro from a vine that was curled around his ankle. "You wouldn't let it ki-"
"Of course I wouldn't let it kill you, moron!" Zoro growled, brandishing his swords at the entirety of the writhing vine covered surroundings. "But I'm not gonna risk getting caught and fucked by that thing when Traffy gave your dumb ass plenty of warning and you decided to hang around like an easy target."
"Hey asshole!" Kid snarled, glowering at Killer with as much indignance as one could muster up when being dangled half upside down by a writhing mass of tentacle vines.
Killer's eyes narrowed behind the mask. "Did I whistle?"
"Killer-" Kid growled, glaring through the holes of his mask into his unsympathetic eyes. "I swear to-
"Did I whistle?!" Killer snapped, "What did I say last time? What did I say was gonna happen if you ignored me again?"
"Killer-" Kid's voice was a raw graveled promise of violence when he snarled, "If you seriously let this fucking thing put fucking eggs inside me to prove a fucking point-"
Killer scoffed, the sound dripping with condescension, then retorted, "I fucking should, maybe you'd fucking listen next time."
Kid stared at him, so angry he felt like he was having an out of body experience. If he could just get his hand free and wriggle a couple inches closer he'd be able to reach Killer's hair and-
The vine on his arm receded and Kid's eyes widened slightly when it swayed just a little closer to Killer, arm shooting out so he could tangle his fingers into Killer's hair at the base of his skull. Killer squawked, thrashing as he tried to get free. "Kid!"
"Gotcha." Kid's grin was vicious and biting as he glared at Killer. Before Killer could say anything else, the vine holding Kid took off back toward the center of the pond with Killer in tow.
"I can't fucking believe you-" Killer snarled, struggling as several extra vines rose up out of the water to catch his limbs. "You better ask Heat to watch your ass next island cause I'm not doing this shit anymore."
"If you two would have just gotten Trafalgar free, we'd be back on our way out by now but NO! It's Killer's life lesson time at the fucking tentacle pond- Serves you fuckin' right!" Kid bellowed at him scathingly.
"You know, I hate to agree with idiots but-" Law clicked his tongue in judgement. "He's right. It seems a bit like instant karma to me."
"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes-" Kid snarled mockingly and Killer sputtered in outrage as he shouted, "That's what you're supposed to be learni- Goddammit!"