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Fukuzawa woke up with dread already pooling in his stomach, today was the day he picked Fyodor up from the airport and followed through with the riskiest decision of his life, letting Fyodor Dostoyevsky into the armed detective agency. He tried to push down the nausea and just focused on getting ready, taking some deep breaths to ground himself.
Ranpo was a hassle to wake up, as usual, but after they'd both had some breakfast, (although Fukuzawa only had a simple bowl of rice due to his lack of appetite for anything) they were in the car and off to the agency. Fukuzawa lived relatively close, but it wasn't really in walking distance for safety reasons, although he doubted it even mattered anymore, their biggest enemy would be living there now. Fukuzawa shut the thought down to prevent anxiety. He dropped Ranpo off at the agency before driving to the airport, preparing himself mentally.
He waited in the lobby as instructed for about twenty minutes until they both appeared, Dostoyevsky's hands were bound by handcuffs at his front, although he didn't really seem bothered. The guard handed him a bag full of Fyodor's necessities, a medical form, prison grade handcuffs, a bottle of iron tablets, melatonin and apatite stimulant, along with a few others, Fukuzawa didn't question it, the guard then told him to not take off the handcuffs until they were home, Fukuzawa wasn't planning on it anyway. The guard left and Fukuzawa gestured Fyodor to follow him, Fyodor did just that, walking gracefully despite having no access to his hands, Fukuzawa worried he might trip.
When they got to the car Fyodor sat in the back being as Fukuzawa didn't want him getting them into a crash, he helped Fyodor with his seatbelt and then drove to his house. Ranpo was staying at Yosano's house for the rest of the week just because he didn't want to deal with Fyodor, Fukuzawa couldn't really blame him, it was unpredictable how the Russian would act. Fukuzawa was planning on staying off with him for a few days just to get him settled before he started doing community service, so he'd already told Kunikida to handle the agency for a bit.
When they arrived home and got out of the car, Fukuzawa undid Fyodor's handcuffs and opened the door, the moment they stepped inside Fukuzawa's two cats started meowing loudly at Fyodor, one scratching on the pants of his prison uniform. Fukuzawa was about to apologise, however Fyodor just smiled contently and bent down to pet one of them. The cat, an elderly tabby that belonged to Ranpo, purred at the touch, rubbing against Fyodor.
"Hmm, you're cats are quite friendly," Fyodor muttered, still smiling.
"I've been considering getting another; Ranpo keeps bugging me about it, what do you think?" Fukuzawa asked him, he'd gotten one when Ranpo started living with him then another when Yosano came for the few months she'd stay, it'd only be fitting to get another for Fyodor's arrival.
"That'd be nice, I am actually quite fond of animals," he replied absentmindedly. The cats eventually got bored and wondered off and Fyodor stood back up, looking at Fukuzawa expectantly.
"Make yourself at home; we will discuss rules after you've had some time to settle in, you can feel free to decorate your room however you'd like," Fukuzawa said, leading Fyodor to his room. He opened the door and showed Fyodor where everything was. He seemed surprised at it, although where he was staying before probably didn't have much privacy or space.
"I'll take you shopping tomorrow, you can pick out any clothes, toiletries or decorations that spark your interest," he hoped that by doing things like this for Fyodor he would be able to build trust.
The Russian thanked him, smiling that enigmatic smile of his and Fukuzawa left.
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Fyodor was pretty happy with this arrangement; If he was to be honest, he had just expected a small, barely put together closet, definitely not this. Their was a cat flap connected to the door, which Fyodor found endearing, and even a bathroom connected. This meant that if he so pleased, he could stock up on food and just hibernate in his room for days.
He surveyed it, looking at the bed, the wallpaper, the bathroom and also the bookshelf Fukuzawa had added. The books were nice, and he found the copy of his holy book quite thoughtful. He scanned through the other books; he'd probably end up reading them all in boredom eventually.
Fyodor decided to look in the closet; changing out of these horrible, thick prison clothes was his top priority right now. Fukuzawa had gotten him some clothes, luckily, mostly neutral because he didn't know what fyodor enjoyed wearing, his interest caught on a mute green jumper. He picked out said jumper and a pear of sweatpants, deciding to have a shower.
When he entered the bathroom it looked clean; it was large and had a shower and a bath, Fyodor enjoyed relaxing while having a bath but he didn't enjoy them to clean himself. The thought of sitting in his own dirt was sickening so he normally preferred to have a shower then if needed have a bath just to relax more.
He set the temperature, relatively hot, undressed, and got in, the heat of the water soothed his commonly cold skin and helped him relax for the first time in months, while he still enjoyed showers, no matter what he did he still felt unclean after, he wished he could take of his skin and just wash it manually; maybe that would finally ease the filth he felt under his skin. He ended up staying in there for an hour and a half, washing his hair with the unscented shampoo and conditioner Fukuzawa had provided, before reluctantly stepping out and drying himself with a towel.
He was exhausted already; just today he'd had a health assessment, a mental evaluation and a pretty intrusive check of whether he was sneaking anything. His anemia had been acting up all week because he hadn't been eating much, he didn't like to say he got nervous about things, but the little food he ate and how his hands had to be bandaged from him excessively biting them showed how much anxiety he'd had this week.
After looking about his room one more time and rearranging a few things, he went back downstairs. He walked to the kitchen, his steps soft and elegant as always, and checked in Fukuzawa's fridge to see if he had anything that'd make him less lightheaded. He wasn't one to commonly seek out food but he was already exhausted and he wouldn't want to faint and be found by Fukuzawa; anyway, those apatite stimulants that he was forced to take had been working, so he was actually relatively hungry.
he rummaged but couldn't find anything that sparked his interest. Suddenly, another wave vertigo hit him, so he attempted to go to the table in hopes to sit down and compose himself, but as he began walking, his balance shifted and he collapsed. The only thing he could really think of was the embarrassing he'd feel when fukuzawa found him passed out on the floor, he vaguely registered one of the cats coming towards him curiously as his consciousness faded.
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Fukuzawa had just been doing chores around the house for a few hours when he went to the kitchen for some water. He saw Fyodor lying on the floor, cat pawing at his hair, and immediately thought of the worst case scenario that Fyodor had just killed himself. He turned fyodor on his back and checked his pulse, luckily he was still alive, fukuzawa assumed he was passed out from the stress.
He shook Fyodor gently, lightly slapping his cheek and and calling his name, eventually fyodor's eyes opened weakly, he blinked a few times before sitting up slightly dazed.
"Easy, Fyodor, I believe you fainted. Do you need a minute?"
"Uh... No, I'm fine. Apologies, my iron must've been low, I should've been more careful," He muttered, rubbing his eyes sluggishly.
"Don't apologise, it's fine. Sit down at the table and I'll get you something to eat," Fukuzawa stated, realising just how fragile Fyodor actually was. He complied, standing up and pulling a chair out, he swayed a little but managed to balance himself before sitting.
Fukuzawa looked through his freezer and found a salmon that he'd planned on cooking later on, he decided it'd be a better idea to just do it now, it was 1 PM anyway so a perfect time to have something to eat. He unwrapped it from the film it'd been in and put it on a tray and into the oven, he'd been pre-heating it for dinner anyway.
"It'll take about half an hour so I will take that time to discuss my house rules with you, they aren't different for you then they were for Yosano or Ranpo," he began, hoping Fyodor wouldn't completely disregard them.
"You have to eat at least twice a day and are free to grab snacks, I will not let anybody starve themselves in my home, if you are sick and cannot stomach a meal I'll make an exception but otherwise you need to eat." He tried not to make his rules outlandish, but he needed boundaries set, he did change them if needed but he thought they were fair.
"You are completely fine to disagree or argue with me and Ranpo, or anyone in the agency for that matter, but I draw the line at physically fighting. Roughhousing is fine, but you are not to touch someone you are arguing or disagreeing with with."
He took a pause to make sure Fyodor was listening, he seemed to be, so Fukuzawa continued.
"You have to be up and ready for work by 06:30, I'm aware that time is early but if not everybody is up at that time we'll all be late to work. This next rule is slightly different for you, but after a few months of you staying here, if enough trust is built, living in my house is not a necessity. If, say, in 3 months you decide you hate living in this house and you hate me, I'll be able to sort out you living in an agency dormitory," He finished and took a pause to let fyodor say anything he needed too.
"Ah, is that it then?" Fyodor mused, he didn't seem to disagree with any of them luckily.
"Yes, other then your probation rules, which have already been stated to you. However, apparently looking at me was more interesting when they were going through them, wasn't it?" He was pushing it by making a comment like that, he knew, but gauging Fyodors reaction would help figure out how difficult he would be to manage.
"Yes, actually, it was," he smirked, "you were quite nervous, weren't you? It was intriguing to see someone I've heard so much about barely showing emotion so..." He paused, perhaps to think of a fitting word, "Worried."
"Well, you were a terrorist, am I supposed to feel at ease inviting you to my home?" He replied calmly.
"I suppose not, I was just surprised is all," Fyodor stated, shrugging the question off.
"Fyodor, I'm assuming you will need to attend a church, I'm happy to allow you but I'll need to know when and where," he knew how religious Fyodor was, and while he'd been told letting Fyodor go to church wouldn't be the best idea, he found it inhumane not to.
"Ah, well, I've been attending the orthodox church here in Yokohama when I've had the chance, going there on Sunday morning would be fine."
"Alright, I'll get that sorted, is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?" Fukuzawa asked, Fyodor had been very cooperative today, he just hoped it'd stay that way.
"Perhaps a few more blankets and pillows would be nice, but other then that I believe I am fine," God knows why Fyodor needed more when he already had so many, but it was a simple request so Fukuzawa complied.
"Alright, I'll go get those now," Fukuzawa said, standing up and going to the cupboard where he had a concerning amount of soft things, he grabbed out three pillows and blankets and went back to where Fyodor was sitting, placing them on the table next to him then going to the oven.
He put some garlic bread in and made sure the salmon wasn't burning, once everything looked okay he closed the oven ready for the next 15 minutes then food would be in there. He wasn't making anything for himself, he didn't have much appetite for food anyway. He looked at Fyodor again, it was strange how young and feminine he appeared, he was also extremely thin. Surely he wouldn't have been allowed to starve himself for the weeks he was in prison, but he appeared to have not eaten in ages, perhaps it was just a fast metabolism but fukuzawa found himself worrying.
When he turned back to fyodor, the man (boy? He surely didn't look like an adult, Fukuzawa had been debating what to refer to him as) was chewing on the knuckle of his left index finger, Fukuzawa had noticed before that Fyodor's hands were covered in scabs and bites when they'd had the meeting and now we're completely bandaged, his nails short and rough and bleeding. Fukuzawa instinctively stepped forward and pried fyodors hand from his mouth, "you're going to get an infection if you keep this up," he scolded, instead of reacting how Fukuzawa would've expected, fyodor quite roughly pulled his hand back while glaring at Fukuzawa and then proceeded to just look into space.
He wasn't hurting himself anymore, so Fukuzawa just decided to leave it and check on the food again, it appeared to be done so he pulled it out and plated it, placing it on front of Fyodor, "it'll be hot so be careful," he warned before going upstairs to read a book.
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Fyodor stared at the food in front of him with little appetite, since his teenage years he'd found himself never really craving food. When he got on the apatite stimulants he'd noticed himself having waves of hunger at random occasions, although after passing out he had very little wish for food. He wished to try and eat to avoid embarrassing himself again so he decided to forse himself. He commonly struggled to use chopsticks, he preferred to use a knife and fork as that was much easier, but here in Japan nobody really ate with a fork so he just sucked it up.
He felt a slight annoyance at Fukuzawa for thinking he could touch him like that without consequence, he looked down at his hand that he'd been chewing, he'd been far more stressed as of late so he'd been biting them a lot more. He didn't know why he did it, it was just a coping mechanism of his, regardless, he picked up his chopsticks and began eating.
It tasted good. It was probably the best meal he'd had in a while being as he never had enough money to properly feed himself and prison food was practically inedible. He thought about how this was an ordinary meal people had every day and hummed to himself, he'd definitely enjoy the food here, at least.
After he finished, he wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood, putting his plate beside the sink and going back to his room. He had to admit how homesick he'd been, he'd always planned to go back to his home in Russia but now it'd take years before he could do that. It was far to hot already in Japan and it was only the spring, he had no clue how he'd survive the summer without trying to rip his own skin off.
He looked at the sky, it was still just morning but he was exhausted. A nap never hurt anybody so he took off his socks, closed his blinds and swaddled himself with blankets. He struggled to sleep without being held by somebody. It was truly a curse, he despised touch and knew he'd probably never find somebody he loved truly so he was doomed to insomnia the rest of his life. It was his own fault, he used to get so cold in the winter that he'd always make his mother hold him while he slept, he did this until she grew frail and then never found himself able to sleep without her.
Lots of blankets usually gave him a similar effect witch is why he chose to swaddle himself and imagine somebody holding him while he slept. He felt no shame at it even though he probably should've, he would if anybody found out, however nobody had. The best hug he'd ever received since his parents died had been from Dazai, it was a while ago and meant to tease him however it had been the most comfort he'd had for a while, he'd stayed there for about a minute before realising he was meant to fight the embrace, it had been embarrassing afterwards and he hoped Dazai had removed it from his own memory. It'd been the first hug he'd received in a years and part of him wished he'd be held by him again despite how embarrassing it'd be. Thinking about that moment drifted him into a light sleep, and yet again, his dream was horrific.
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He was hung from the neck, swaying in the breeze, his mother and father cried looking at him there, his body limp, hanging from a dead tree. He had only wanted medicine for them, that had been it.
He had many regrets in his life. He'd never expressed his feelings enough, never been religious enough, he hadn't paid enough attention in the education his parents spent all of their money on and he'd had to disappoint everyone in his last moments on this earth. He'd tried to be sneaky, tried to not get caught because he knew the consequences for stealing medicine this important, he'd only wished for his parents to get better, that was all.
He felt drool slip from his lips as he gasped for breath, his village had had hope for him and this was how he died? He was barely 17 and he was being executed, it was almost laughable if he wasn't so devastated. He felt his vision fade, one more prayer slipped my his lips as he passed.
"my God... My God,why hast thou forsaken me..?"
A silly question indeed. He had been punished for his actions, that was how life went, how it would always go. He was just another person executed, another reminder to follow the law, yet he felt it was unfair. He'd only wanted his parents to get better, was that really punishable?
His vision was gone, he couldn't feel, couldn't taste, could barely hear, he wished he'd been a better person, cared more. He hoped he'd go to heaven, he'd tried his hardest to be good, he truly had, but he never really had much of a life to show it.
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He opened his eyes, 'I'm in heaven', he thought, before looking around, he saw himself hanging. Confusion flooded him before he registered screaming. A rock flew at him, he was being called a demon, he instinctively ran to his mother to protect her, for her to protect him. Her eyes were filled with fear and she stepped away from him.
"Mama... It's me, please, I'm scared, please stop looking at me like that," he cried, he tried to reach for her but he was thrown to the ground, people were calling him evil, someone held a spear to his chest. "Stop it, please!" Why did nobody recognise him? Why could nobody realise from the anguish on his voice that he was also scared, also confused?
He stood and ran, he didn't know what else to do, he'd always been a fast runner so he managed to run deep into the forest. He tried to understand what had happened, he'd surely died, but he was back? He could only register the hated in his mother's eyes. Why did this happen? Why did God give him a second chance? He cried these questions into the forest, falling to his knees in agony.
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He sat up quickly, sweating from the memory. He knew why he'd been given a second chance, to clear ability users from this world, God has chosen this task for him. It wasn't as much of a nightmare as a reminder, a reminder of why he couldn't stay in the agency, of why he had to leave, to complete his goal.
He sighed, lying back down, he normally listened to classical music as a form of escapism when his memories plagued him, however his phone had been taken so he had no way to. He closed his eyes and imagined his mother comforting him, after a few minutes he managed to fall back into a comfortable sleep.
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Fukuzawa hadn't seen Fyodor since lunch, several hours had passed and fukuzawa had a few more things he needed to give to Fyodor. He didn't want to bother him if Fyodor was just settling in but he decided he'd just check on him to make sure he didn't need anything.
He walked to Fyodor's room and knocked twice on the door, a few seconds passed and then rustling from within the room, another second row two passed and the door opened. Fyodor stood at the door looking exhausted, his eyes were red rimmed with sleep and he looked considerably disheveled.
"Mmh... Yeah?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"I'm sorry if I woke you, I just wanted to check in and give you a few more things," he said, holding a flip phone and some headphones for Fyodor.
"It's fine," Fyodor said, taking the items from Fukuzawa then inspecting them, "thank you."
"It's fine, there are controls on the phone because the government needed me to put them on," he explained, "I have to approve the apps and contacts you have, and technically you're not allowed social media either but I believe that rule is unfair so I'll allow you to have it."
"Alright, thank you," Fyodor replied, already going back into his room and shutting the door, Fukuzawa stared for a few minutes. Fyodor seemed so intimidating when you heard about him and saw him for the first time, but it was just sad when you properly met him, he was so young, so thin, sp tired all the time, it made Fukuzawa wonder how he'd gone down this route in life when he should've been in school.
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Eventually, night time arrived. Fukuzawa went off to bed without worry, locking his door behind him. In the other room Fyodor was probably reading, unable to sleep from insomnia. Fukuzawa wondered how fyodor would act tomorrow, they were going shopping, so at least he could get some fresh air. For the first time since Fukuzawa made this agreement, he finally felt hope.