Chapter Text
Your wretched son has gotten you into trouble before. His conspicuous orange fur shed, celsius IQ and love of screaming have driven you mad ever since you picked him off the street a year ago. You could tolerate not having nice, breakable things and neighbours who hate you, but…
“This is a new low, even for you!” You whisper-shout at the shit who started this mess. Ragdoll still in your hands, Earl blinks up at you innocently. It's a ruse that doesn't work on you anymore. “I should have cut your balls off sooner, bastard.”
“Meow~”
Cheeky shit. You kiss his stupidly pink nose and set him down. Precious time has already been wasted on scolding that lost cause. What you need now is a gameplan.
Jing Yuan and his massive mainecoon named Snowmoon (because of course that's her fucking name) caught your eye since the start of your stay here. He was perfect in the way only a man you've never spoken to can be. Pretty face, jacked dad-bod and well-maintened long hair were a killer combo. This man was fucking lab-grown to unite the genders in wanting to be hugged in those beefy arms.
AND HE LIKED CATS??? FUCKING SCORE TO WHOEVER BAGS THAT MAN!!! GOD I WISH THAT WERE MEEEE~
But the parts after that stop being fun. Who wants to—ugh—talk to pretty people? Scratch that, who the hell wants to talk to people at all? You didn't swipe a kitten off the street because you were socially healthy.
So maybe it doesn't matter much that Jing Yuan definitely hates you now. You never had, nor wanted, a real chance with him anyway.
No, it still sucked. You at least wanted to be on good enough terms to continue petting Snowmoon if you saw her being walked. You'd be lucky now if you were even allowed to look at that majestic creature anymore after what your awful child did.
What exactly does one do when their cat gets their neighbour's cat pregnant? Do you apologise? Probably. But, like, how much? Is there cat child support you're supposed to pay for now? You're not ready to be a grandparent, your boy is still a kitten! A very large kitten! An adult kitten!
Oh, god… were you exhibiting boymom behaviour? Fucking hell, you were.
No– this was your fault for waiting too long to neuter him. You knew you had to eventually, and you always planned to, but you thought you could put it off a bit longer. After all, he didn't seem to have any problems. So you figured you'd wait until something came up.
By ‘something’ you meant, like, spraying. This stupid cat had instead decided to go from zero to a hundred by jumping straight into kittens.
“Earl, you've really done it now,” you bemoan, clutching your shaking head. “How did you even bag her? She's way too pretty for you!” Earl and Snowmoon, what a joke! Even their names looked out of place in the same sentence.
Your cat just lays on the floor, lazily licking his paw without a care in the world. You narrow your eyes. “Deadbeat–”
The doorbell interrupts the rest of your lecture. Earl perks up a second later, getting up with a swaying tail.
Now or never. You open the damned door.
“Greetings,” Jing Yuan inclined his head. “May I come in?”
Snowmoon has no qualms about manners, simply trotting past both your feet and approaching Earl with a happy trill, fallen leash trailing behind her like a bride’s cape.
Girl, you could do so much better…
Jing Yuan stares at you, unblinking. You realise he's still waiting for you to let you in.
…Is this guy a vampire? Eh, would explain the looks.
“Oh, uh– come in, come in…” you laugh nervously, very aware of the sweat dripping down Jing Yuan's neck. You don't even stop to consider why he's sweating, hot people just perpetually work out you assume. Would explain the weird flush he’s sporting.
The man sidesteps you with a dancer's grace. “So, this is the tomcat that captured your heart, Snowmoon?” He kneels down and extends a hand to your Earl.
Don't let me down now.
Earl sniffs his fingers, then turns away, disinterested.
Could've gone better, but definitely could've gone way fucking worse. Good boy!
Jing Yuan chuckles. “My, my, you're hurting my feelings. And you,” he pokes Snowmoon’s cheek, “What did I say about pulling your leash? At least let me take it off.” She swats his hand and he laughs. “Fine, fine. Get comfortable.”
Snowmoon curls up beside the much smaller Earl. Uncharacteristically, Earl leans into her. Which is weird, considering he hates other cats.
You have to close your curtains most days because Earl will hiss what you can only assume are kitty slurs at any unfortunate stray that makes the mistake of passing by the house. The first time it happened you were scared he’d been electrocuted with how much he was yowling.
That was the day you understood why black cats in Halloween decorations were stood up straight with spiking fur.
“He's like that with everyone,” you say belatedly, “Don't take it personally.”
“My heart appreciates your words,” Jing Yuan smooths a hand down Snowmoon's back to her raised tail, then goes to her collar to unclip her leash. “At least the little Mistress seems fond of him.”
“The what now?” you blurt out, wincing at the obvious cracking in Jing Yuan’s back as he stands back up.
Jing Yuan goes faintly pink. “I… It's just a nickname. Forgive me, it must seem strange.”
Oh my god that's adorable. “Not at all…”
Snowmoon settles a limb over Earl and starts to lick his scruffy fur down. Earl closes his eyes in bliss. You vaguely recall reading that grooming is how cats show dominance. …Of course your stupid son is the fucking bottom.
“...I actually think it fits. She's so regal,” you continue. “Kinda like you.”
Jing Yuan blinks, opening his mouth then closing it, before settling on nodding along. “I have heard people say pets look like their owners.”
God, I hope not, you think while looking at Earl. “I think I've heard about that before, haha.”
“I have to say it fits you too.” Jing Yuan smiles fondly at the two cats.
You resist the urge to sucker punch him. “Haha… anyway… you wanted to talk?”
Jing Yuan smirks. “Oh right. My apologies, things slip the mind in good company. I wanted to discuss, for a lack of a better term, the dowry.”
?
“The what?” Shit, did the groom's family give that or the bride's? Were you going to have to pay up? …was this a very polite robbery?
Your rising panic sobers him. “My apologies, poor choice of words there, it’s not really time to joke. I meant I should compensate you,” Jing Yuan explains, “Getting your windows repaired must have been costly.”
Oh, right, the windows.
Despite appearances, you did know better than to let an unneutered cat free roam, especially fucking Earl. Fortunately, he was content with cozying up on some table he wasn't supposed to be on instead of trying to break out.
Unfortunately, Snowmoon was a brilliant prison breaker and a very messy cat burglar; the worst combination. There was so much fucking broken glass, you're surprised no one got injured. Well, except you did while cleaning it up, but better you than the cats.
“How much do I owe you?” Jing Yuan asked earnestly.
You hummed in thought. It didn't really cross your mind to ask him to pay up. After all, it was your fault for not getting Earl fixed sooner. Jing Yuan was gonna have to pay a pretty penny at the vet's because of you. Declining would be the right thing to do.
Then you remembered the cost.
“I spent about seven hundred.”
“Oh, wow. How did you get such a steal?” Jing Yuan pulled his wallet out of his shirt pocket and rifled through the notes. You always assumed your neighbour was rich, but that was a lot of green you spied.
Maybe you should rob him.
He counted seven notes and handed them to you with a friendly smile. “Here you are.”
Okay you were definitely robbing him.
“Thank you.” You pocket the money. “Anything else?”
“Do you… want any of the kittens?”
Much like an ancient oracle receiving a dire omen, you get a vision of a house full of multiple Earls. The future has never looked so bleak. “...No.”
“Ah, that's good. I wanted to keep them all. With how cute Earl is, they’re sure to turn out adorable.” For some reason, he avoids your gaze after admitting that.
Okay, masochist. Let your greed be your downfall. “Guess it makes sense why you never spayed Snowmoon, then.”
Jing Yuan laughed, “Oh, no. I wasn’t planning to breed her, it just slipped my mind.”
We’re both shitty cat owners, damn. Not like you had any room to judge, but you liked to think you would’ve neutered your cat before he got as old as Snowmoon, however old that was.
You pause, turning around to look at the cats. Surprisingly, Earl was the one grooming Snowmoon now. That was… odd. Cats don’t do that unless…
Wait, now was totally not the time. You focused on the massive size difference like you’d meant to. Earl was completely dwarfed by Snowmoon, practically disappearing into her fur.
“...How old is Snowmoon?”
Jing Yuan tilted his head. “One year and some?”
Oh, god. No… No fucking way was she Earl’s age.
Sensing your thoughts, Jing Yuan laughed warmly. “It’s mostly hair, you should see her wet.”
That’s what she said. “God, how big are those kittens going to be?”
“Massive, I’m assuming.”
“My advice? Get, like, twenty lint rollers.”
Jing Yuan shakes his head with a resigned smile. “Thank you, but I’ve already given up on that front.”
You snort. “I hear ya, my hands are full with just this guy, Snowmoon must make it snow.”
“That’s a good analogy,” he laughs, “You’re always so funny.”
? Huh? Always? It wasn’t like you were strangers, but you definitely were not friends. Barely acquaintances, making customary small talk when you ran over to pet Snowmoon or that fluffy goddess dashed over to you for them. It was less agonising than the usual forced greetings you exchanged with your other neighbours, but you made a conscious effort not to overthink it. Overthinking was dangerous business, the kind that got you thinking a guy who was totally out of your league was flirting with you.
No, it was impossible. You knew this. He was just friendly, anything more was wishful thinking.
“Thanks,” you rub your neck awkwardly. “Are we done here?”
His grin falls before springing back up weaker. “...I think that's all,” Jing Yuan extends his hand for a shake, pep noticeably dimmer. “Thank you for meeting me on such short notice.”
This guy is definitely a vampire. While taking the hand, you peer over at the kitties, and your cold heart warms at the sight they make. “Hey… how would you feel about a date—” for the cats?
“—Yes,” Jing Yuan interrupts mid-shake. His eyes are bright again, and a giddy smile stretches over his face as he squeezes your hand.
… “Huh?”
Jing Yuan clears his throat, steadies his expression, then nods seriously at you. “I would love to go on a date with you,” he breathes out, as if a serious weight has been lifted off him, “I was hoping you’d ask.”
TOO MUCH INFORMATION AT ONCE, WHAT? “Jing Yuan–”
He nods again. “I'll pick you up tomorrow. Yanqing can watch the cats, he’s been begging for some more pocket money anyway. Come, Snowmoon, it's time to go home. Your father has to prepare.”
“Wait, Jing Yuan–”
He kneeled beside his gigantic cat and reattached the leash to her sky blue collar despite her death glare. “Come on, little Mistress, you’ll see him again tomorrow. And you,” he leans in to kiss your burning cheek, then whispers like he’s afraid the cats will hear, “Wear something casual tomorrow.”
!!! You sputter, mind buffering like an old computer. That perfect, deep voice still sending involuntary shudders through you even after it’s no longer in your ear.
Snowmoon seems reluctant to leave Earl for some reason, but obliges after some more urging (you suspect the word ‘treat’ did the heavy lifting). She gives Earl a final lick full of yearning, then trots out your door with Jing Yuan. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he swears over his shoulder.
The door shutting breaks you out of your trance. You needed to call him back and clear up the misunderstanding. It was the right thing to do. Grabbing your keys, you rushed over to your shoes by the entrance.
Then you think back to Jing Yuan's pretty face and stop.
“…Earl, teach me your ways. How do I get someone completely out of my league?”
The little bastard walks away to use his litter box, leaving you to deal with your crisis alone.