Chapter Text
Ponyboy sat up, groaning and rubbing his poor back. Curly’s treehouse was nice to watch the sunset and all, but not to sleep on. Christ, he hadn’t even meant to fall asleep out here, Darry was gonna have his head.
He looked to the peacefully sleeping boy next to him, smiling at the slight pout of his lips. He shook him awake gently. “C’mon Curls, I have to go.”
Curly growled, grabbing his hand. “It’s too early. Just stay here.”
He kissed the top of his head. “Bye Curly. Love you.”
The other boy paused, grinning entirely too softly. “Yeah. Love you too, Pone. Get home safe.”
He climbed onto the Shepard’s roof, stepping around the patch that was slapped on to keep the rain out after Curly put his foot through it once trying to jump out of the treehouse.
He shivered in the brisk air, regretting his choice to only wear his flimsy jacket. He should’ve asked to borrow Curly’s, he mused, tossing his ball into the air.
He thought of excuses that Darry might believe. He couldn’t rely on Johnny, he may be there already, and the little hater took pride in ratting him out if it involved Curly.
He took a bracing breath before opening the front door. “I’m ho-”
He was immidiately met with Soda throwing his arms around him. “Ponyboy, we were worried sick! Glory kid, where have you been? It's nearly sundown!”
He felt a familiar pit of guilt in his stomach. “Uh… was hanging out with Curly. Fell asleep. Sorry.”
Soda frowned, his nose wrinkling slightly in disgust. He hated Curly Shepard almost as much as the Socs, though Ponyboy never really knew why.
He sighed, running his fingers through Pony’s hair. “You know, Darry thought something bad happened. Nearly sent out a search party to go looking for you. He’s real upset, but it’s cuz he loves you.”
Ponyboy groaned internally, but nodded. “I know.” And he does. He just doesn’t get why Darry was allowed to sneak around with his football buddies when he was in high school, but he got reamed for staying out once in a while.
He flopped onto the couch, right next to Johnny, who gave him a knowing look. “Have fun?” He whispered, looking way too pleased for Ponyboy’s taste.
“Have fun telling Dally about the weed? Oh wait.” He hissed back, smirking victoriously when Johnny flipped him off.
Darry came into the room and the smile slid right off his face. “Ponyboy. You can’t scare us like that, we thought some Soc had jumped you, or- something worse.”
Pony stared at the floor. “I know. I’m sorry Dar.” Darry sighed heavily. “And with Curly? After that stunt he pulled with that substitute, I thought I told you to stay away from him.”
He had to bite back a laugh at the memory. Seeing the old bat covered in itching powder, glue, and glitter had been so satisfying.
“She deserved it.” He muttered back. Darry frowned sharply. “That’s not the point..” He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just. Try to come home on time.”
Pony nodded, relieved. “I will.”
Dally walked in from the bathroom, drying his hair. “Oh hey. Ponykid’s back.” He nudged Darry in the ribs. “Told you he was fine.”
Darry looked a bit more at ease than a few moments ago, but there was still tension in his shoulders.
“I’d agree with you, but he was with Curly again.” Pony had to fight an eye roll with nerves of steel.
Dally whistled, biting back a laugh. “How could he stoop so low? Come on Darry, what’s your problem with the kid? Curly’s better than Angela by miles.”
Pony held back a shudder. He really didn’t like Angela, especially after she tried to get with him a few months ago. Curly thought it was the funniest fucking thing.
Darry looked at Dally, then at Ponyboy. “I just know he can do better than that. What about that girl, what’s her name? Sherry?”
Dally got a dirty grin on his face and Pony spoke up before he could say anything. “Yeah. Cherry. She… doesn’t talk to me much anymore. Curly’s- he’s my best buddy, ‘sides from Johnny.”
Darry looked almost desperate. “Pony, baby, Curly isn't going anywhere in his life. He’s a bad influence. He’s in reformatory every other month, and he’s only going to get worse. He’s gonna be dangerous. You have to understand.”
Ponyboy clenched his hands into fists. “You don’t know him. You don’t know what he’s like.” He stood up, ignoring Johnny’s worried “Ponyboy…” in favor of glowering at Darry.
“Curly was there for me when I needed him. You have no idea what his situation is. You want to tell me he’s dangerous? Dally is more dangerous than him. No offense, Dal.” The blonde shrugged as if to say ‘none taken.’
Soda placed a hand on his shoulder. “Pony, honey, I think what Darry is trying to say is that you just spend a lot of time with Curly, and we’re worried that it’s influencing you, like you staying out this late. It ain’t a secret the kid does drugs. What if he talks you into them, y’know?”
Ponyboy looked at him, hurt evident in his gaze. “You’re agreeing with him. Seriously? I make one friend outside the gang, and y’all act like I killed somebody!”
Darry slammed his hand on a table, meeting Pony’s eyes when he flinched and looked at him. “Pony. Listen. If Curly Shepard is the hill you wanna die on, then fine. We’ll be here if it goes wrong.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He grumbled. “I”m going to my room. Homework.”
He poured himself into an assignment he didn’t care about if only to avoid the others. His mind was racing. If this was how they reacted to him and Curly being friends, how the hell would they react to-
The door clicked open gently.
“Pony, you okay?” Johnny asked, nudging the door closed before wheeling over to him.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I just don’t get it. I know you don’t even like him, but you aren’t freaking out about us. And you- you know.”
Johnny was quiet for a second. “Yeah. I don’t know, man.”
He shuddered, his breath catching in his throat. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Johnny. What if they find out? What if- what if Darry throws me out? Shoot Johnny, what if they kill me?”
Johnny shook him by his shoulders. “Pony, listen to yourself, would ya? You think Darry would hurt you like that? Sodapop?”
He scrubbed at his face, willing himself to not cry. He was sixteen now, for fuck’s sake. “...no.”
Johnny sighed, letting him go. “I know you’re scared. It’s natural, I think. But your brothers are gonna love you no matter what, and that’s special.”
Ponyboy sighed quietly, looking at Johnny with wide, wet eyes. “Do you think I should tell them?”
Johnny shrugged. “If you feel ready. Think about it.”
He nodded, drumming his fingers against his desk. “Thanks, Johnny.”
The other boy gave him a smile before leaving him with his thoughts.
He knew he wouldn’t tell Steve or Two-Bit. He wasn’t particularly close to them, even after everything, and Two-Bit had a big mouth.
He desperately wracked his head to try and remember if Soda or Darry had ever said anything bad about queers before. They made the usual jokes, sure, but even Curly did that.
He doesn’t think they’d ever truly been hateful towards them. Besides, Angela and Tim accepted them, why wouldn’t his brothers?
He gathered his nerves. He could have a talk with them- after Darry had cooled off.
Maybe they’d understand him better.
_________________________
Pony walked into the dining room, his heart beating out of his chest.
Dally was sitting on the couch, his arm around Johnny’s shoulders as he yapped about something. Pony caught Johnny’s eye, who gave him an encouraging smile.
Darry was sitting at the table, a stack of bills in front of him. Soda was making dinner. The food in the pan was suspiciously blue.
He sat in one of the chairs quietly, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “Can I tell you ‘n Soda something?”
Darry set his pencil down, looking at him. “Anything. Are you okay?”
Ponyboy stared at the table. “And- and you promise not to get mad?” He cursed himself for how small his voice was.
Darry looked worried. “I won’t. What’s wrong, Pone?”
Pony took a deep breath. “Darry. You, uh, you know how I was with that one girl for a bit, but it didn’t work out, ‘n I haven’t been with anyone since?”
Darry nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“Well, you see, uh- it’s cuz I realized I wasn’t into her. I-I never really was. I haven’t been into girls like- like that. What I’m trying to say Dar, is um…” He was choking up.
Darry huffed a laugh. “Pony, if you ain’t into greaser girls, that isn’t something I’m concerned about.”
Pony ran his fingers through his hair. “Darry, I’m queer.”
Soda dropped something in the kitchen.
The house fell silent.
Pony felt his heart beat faster.
“And- and that’s why I’ve been hanging around Curly more. We’re-”
Darry stood up, the chair making an awful screeching noise. “Stop,”
Pony’s blood went cold. “Darry?”
Darry didn’t respond.
Pony stood up too, shaking. “Darry, please.”
“What the hell are you thinking!” He snapped, Ponyboy flinching back. “Dar, I-”
“No- No, you’re not thinking. I thought you knew better than this. It ain’t natural, kid. I don’t know what to do with you.”
Soda walked over to them, his face pale. “Pony, are you serious? You and Shepard?”
He nodded, bile rising in his throat. “I- I just don’t understand what’s wrong about it. I love him. Same way you’d love a girl-” Darry hit the wall, making Pony jump back.
Dally got up from the couch, storming to Darry. “You need to calm down, man.”
Darry whipped around to face him. “My brother’s a f- a queer, and you want me to be calm? Get the fuck out of my house Winston, this doesn’t involve you.”
Dally bristled. “Yeah, your brother’s a queer, it ain’t the end of the world. I’m not leaving you with him if you’re gonna act like you’re gonna hurt him.”
They started yelling at each other.
Soda took Pony by the shoulders. “How long…?”
Pony blinked. “Being queer?”
Soda shook his head. “You and Curly.”
Pony took a shuddering breath before speaking. “Almost a year.”
Soda let him go, tears in his eyes. “Fuck.”
Pony felt something break in his chest. “Sodapop?”
Soda shook his head, his hand covering his mouth. His shoulders started shaking. “I can’t do this right now.” He walked away.
He watched Soda storm out the back door, desperately calling after him. “Soda! Soda, come back!”
The door shut.
He cursed, sobbing, before going into his room and grabbing his school bag, dumping out it’s contents and shoving a spare change of clothes in it.
His door creaked open, and he looked up. Johnny looked pale.
“I’m so sorry, Ponyboy.” He whispered. Pony just stared at him, still crying.
“You’re going to Curly’s, right?” He asked gently. Pony nodded, tugging on his backpack.
Johnny sighed, his eyes flooded with tears. “Call Dally later, please? So I know you’re okay?”
Pony nodded.
Ponyboy climbed out of his window and ran as fast as his legs could carry him.
His lungs were burning and he was still crying but he needed to be safe and that house was the furthest thing from safe.
The place he called home, where he’d sheltered in the hardest moments of his life, had all of the warmth and kindness sucked out of it, leaving an empty void.
He knocked desperately at the door, his heart racing.
A man shouted at him from inside but he couldn’t hear the words over the tightness in his chest.
The door opened as he raised his fist to beg again.
“Ponyboy? What the hell are you doing here?” Tim asked, clearly disgruntled.
Pony couldn’t even speak over the rapid rise and fall of his chest. Tim ushered him inside, calling out in the house.
Moments later, he was enveloped in a tight embrace. He inhaled deeply, clinging to his only comfort.
His heartrate slowly returned to normal, and he could at last hear out of the fog of his thoughts.
“There you are, Pony. Holy shit, what’s wrong?” Curly asked, still holding him like he would run away any moment.
He cleared his throat, his voice breaking. “My brothers… I trusted them and- and I shouldn’t have and now they’re saying that something’s wrong with me, that- that I’m not right and Darry was screaming and Soda just left, and- and-”
He swallowed so he wouldn’t start sobbing again.
Curly kissed the top of his head, though he looked furious. “Oh baby, that ain’t your fault. Let’s go upstairs for a sec, yeah?” He nodded miserably.
Ponyboy let himself be guided wordlessly, his fists clenched so tightly, his nails were nearly drawing blood. His only comfort was the steady hand on his back, grounding him in reality.
As soon as Curly's door clicked shut, Curly faced Ponyboy.
“I don't know what I could say that would…help. I mean, fuck, Pones. What are we gonna do?” Ponyboy had never heard Curly sound so unsure.
He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Can you just…hold me?” He asked wetly, wincing, as that sounded pathetic even to his own ears. Curly had seen him at his worst before, but his worst hadn't even touched on how distraught he was right now.
Hell, he hadn't been this worked up since Johnny killed Bob.
Curly was silent for a moment before taking his hand and sitting on his bed. Pony followed him, being drawn to Curly's chest in a tight embrace.
He nearly started crying again when Curly began running his fingers through his hair, but he turned to hide his face. He had been gross enough around Curly for one day.
“....we'll figure it out, Pony. Later. You need to calm down, ‘kay? Be here as long as you need.” Curly murmured. Pony nodded weakly.
His head was throbbing, but the fingers scratching against his scalp felt good, and it was nice to get some peace and quiet, even if it was just for a moment. Later sounded good.