Chapter Text
It starts as a joke.
It always does with them.
Classic Tommy and Määnin, just two tough guys fucking around and not giving a shit what anyone says about them. At sixteen, there’s nothing more tough than stealing alcohol from your dad’s cabinet and getting drunk with a bunch of people from school in some shed.
Tommy didn’t actually steal anything from his house, but Määnin showed up with an S-Market bag that clinked with every step they took towards the shed at the edge of town. Määnin even said that they could say that the alcohol was from both of them, so the older people at the party would think both of them are cool instead of just Määnin.
If you ask Tommy, it is just Määnin who really is that cool, but if his best friend offers to split his dad’s alcohol, he’s not going to complain. Just being in Määnin’s proximity already makes him feel cooler, so much that he sometimes swears he feels it in his stomach- an instant confidence boost just from seeing his best friend.
They’re both pretty drunk after a couple of Karhu beers and some dark looking shots that some older kid seemingly pulled out of nowhere. Doesn’t matter what it was, Määnin drank it so Tommy did too.
The shed smells like old wood and the floor is sticky with spilled beer. The music is too loud for the cheap speakers that are perched on a table that gets decorated with more and more empty bottles as the night goes on. Tommy would know that the music sounds like shit, he’s a musician after all. He has an ear for it.
He wants to share that information with his best friend, to see what Määnin thinks of the shitty sound system and the shitty pop music- he will agree with him, Tommy figures, because Määnin is an even more talented musician with great taste.
Unfortunately, his friend is a little too busy flirting with some blonde girl that Tommy vaguely recognises from the school hallways.
He doesn’t see the appeal, personally. If you ask him, there’s nothing particularly interesting about this girl, nothing that makes her stand out from the others. She’s pretty, sure, but Tommy thinks Määnin can do better.
He finishes his beer, adds it to the ever-growing pile of cans and bottles, and sits back with his legs spread in his uncomfortable plastic chair- one of the many was clearly put in this shed to accommodate the large group of teenagers that has shown up to get piss drunk.
He should find someone to talk to. It looks pretty pathetic, just him sitting by himself, tapping his foot to some music he doesn’t even like. Instead, he looks at Määnin every few seconds. Checking if his friend is doing well, if Tommy needs to intervene and save him from this chick.
That’s how he sees Määnin scanning the room until he spots Tommy. Great, now his best friend can see that he’s sitting alone as well- no other people to talk to, no girls to flirt with. Määnin walks over, the blonde girl trailing right behind. She says something to Määnin, but he doesn’t seem to catch it as he approaches Tommy.
“We’re playing spin the bottle!” The girl exclaims excitedly, clapping her hands together. Her nails are red, just like her lipstick.
“Are we twelve?” Tommy asks, getting up from the chair so he’s at eye level with Määnin. Behind the sunglasses, that is.
It’s not like he ever played that game when he was twelve, since he didn’t even want to kiss girls back then. He’s also not particularly interested in it tonight, he’d rather try and get Määnin back to his little corner with two chairs so they can talk shit about the people at this party. Or sit in silence together. Either’s fine with Tommy.
“Now come on, Toms,” Määnin wraps an arm around his shoulder as he winks at the girl. “It’s just a fun game.”
So they play spin the bottle. Because Määnin wants to, and Tommy can’t say no to him. Now he’s forced to sit cross-legged next to Määnin in a circle with a bunch of people he barely knows, the shitty music still blasting in the shed, and he really wishes he’d grabbed another beer before agreeing to join.
He is definitely not drunk enough to watch his best friend kiss some girl. Or drunk enough to watch anyone kiss anyone, for that matter.
In the middle of the circle, the bottle spins. Määnin stops it so it lands right on himself, the motherfucker- he’s not even trying to hide it. The blonde sitting right across from Tommy giggles. “You gotta play fair, Mään.”
The nickname almost makes Tommy throw up the three beers and the dark mysterious shot. If someone tried to flirt with him like that, call him Toms, he would kick their ass.
“You spin in, then, sweetheart.” Määnin replies easily, leaning back against his arms. Tommy thinks he looks pretty tough like that, in his black shirt and denim jacket, sunglasses still on his nose like usual. Like he doesn’t care who the bottle lands on- Tommy knows that if he was in Määnin’s position, he would be freaking out about having to kiss some weak girl.
The next spin lands on Tommy.
The red lips right across from him turn upwards into a smirk. “Interesting. It’s kinda hot when two guys kiss.”
Tommy turns to look at her. “Hot?” He repeats, sure that he misheard her.
“Yeah, hot. I dunno, it’s… kind of sexy,” she shrugs, her eyes on Määnin, who seems to snap out of some temporary confusion. “Makes the whole party more interesting.”
Määnin smirks back then. nudging Tommy with his elbow. “Well then… I guess we have to. For you. Right, Toms?”
Tommy groans but doesn’t move away. “This is so stupid. I’m not gay, fyrbanna.”
“Just a joke, man. And the girls like it. Right, ladies?”
There are cheers from the other girls in their little group. Maybe Tommy can take advantage of this, because these chicks really seem to like the idea of him kissing Määnin. He can use it as a way to go talk to one of them, maybe get himself a girlfriend or at least a date after sixteen years of being single.
And okay, Tommy gets the joke- they’re two guys, the toughest guys in Vörå even (especially Määnin), so the thought of them being gay and kissing is pretty funny. It makes sense.
Plus, Tommy’s whole reputation kind of relies on two things: one, being reckless and making questionable decisions, and two, doing whatever Määnin does.
He’s never been able to say no to Määnin. He’s never wanted to. And it’s not just because Määnin’s the toughest guy in Vörå, though that’s part of it, obviously. Anyone would listen to him. Do what he says. But for Tommy it’s… more.
He’s not sure he can pinpoint it himself. Whenever Määnin asks him to do something, Tommy feels this stupid spark in his chest, probably adrenaline or excitement or something like that.
Not that he’d ever say that out loud, especially not to Määnin. He would never let him hear the end of it- he already teases Tommy about his unwavering loyalty to him, though never with any actual bite to it. He thinks.
Tommy just likes it when Määnin looks at him like this- with a challenging smirk, expecting him to go along with the plan, already knowing Tommy is eagerly going to agree regardless. It feels good. Makes him feel like he’s someone worthy of being Määnin Mannerheim’s best friend.
So when Määnin nudges him with that smirk, Tommy’s whole brain basically short-circuits. He’s sure the alcohol isn’t helping.
Basically, he can’t back down.
“Fine, damn it,” he sighs, defeated. The people around them cheer again- not just the girls now, they’ve gathered a bit of an audience outside of the circle as well.
From the corner of his eye, Tommy spots some classmates, not people he necessarily talks to, but definitely people who will remember this. Remember him kissing a dude.
Whatever. They’re drunk, it’s just a joke. Tommy doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about him, except for Määnin. And Määnin will also be kissing him (he ignores the sparks in his chest this time), and no one would think that he’s gay for doing it. So why would it be different for Tommy?
It’s an opportunity for Määnin to impress this girl, and it’s an opportunity for Tommy to…well, apart from the potential date, he hasn’t quite figured that out yet. It’s a little difficult to think when Määnin is really putting effort into making this whole thing look as realistically lame and weak as possible.
Licking his lips. Grabbing Tommy’s hand and putting it to his cheek. Tommy wonders if the room really has gone quiet, or if the ringing in his ears has simply become too loud to hear anything else.
Määnin almost seems to hesitate for a second, but then he leans in. Just before he reaches Tommy’s lips, Tommy remembers something important.
“Shouldn’t we…say something? Like ‘no homo’?”
Määnin looks at him, his eyes visible under the sunglasses thanks to their proximity. Tommy cannot for the life of him figure out what he’s thinking. His expression is unreadable.
Then he smirks. “No homo.” Määnin repeats, almost teasingly, before he pulls Tommy in by the back of his neck.
He kisses back before he can stop himself. Before he can overthink anything. Just a second. Maybe two. Long enough to taste the beer on Määnin’s mouth and to smell the smoke and cologne that seem to follow him wherever he goes.
Then Määnin opens his mouth, his tongue running over Tommy's bottom lip, and before he knows it, it’s a real kiss. If Tommy wasn’t so busy kissing him, he would wonder how many times Määnin has done this to be so damn good at it.
The room explodes in cheers and laughter, someone yells “holy shit!” and someone else claps. It snaps Tommy out of the world where it’s just him and Määnin- him and Määnin’s mouth and tongue to be exact.
They pull apart. Tommy swears he feels Määnin’s hand stroke the back of his neck, just once, before that same hand reaches for a beer bottle.
Objectively, kissing another guy should be kinda gross. The laughter around them definitely indicates that it’s a funny thing, but Tommy’s brain hasn’t quite caught up yet. It’s fuzzy, and he can at least partially blame that on the drinks he’s had.
It’s not like Tommy has a bunch of experience with kissing people. He’s only kissed one girl before…well, whatever just happened, and that wasn’t exactly a huge success (the one with the girl, that is. The one with Määnin feels like a huge success). Tommy obviously didn’t know what he was doing and went in tongue first, and this girl somehow managed to make his lip bleed. They never spoke again after that. Not like he wanted to anyway.
The thing is, the kiss with Määnin was good. Suspiciously so. Määnin is such a good kisser that Tommy didn’t even think about how funny it was while they were doing it. Apparently Määnin is just so annoyingly talented at everything, the show-off, that even a kiss with his best friend doesn’t make him seem weak.
It shouldn’t surprise Tommy that he’s a good kisser but well, he never really considered it before. Never thought about kissing Määnin before.
Now he hopes that he can forget the way his mouth felt on Tommy’s, because it’s never happening again. And he’s fine with that, of course. Surely there’s enough people out there who kiss just as well as Määnin, right?
For a second, Tommy wonders if Määnin thought that he is a good kisser as well. Tommy didn’t even think about what he was doing, he just…went along with what Määnin did. Like he always does.
“Alright, alright.” Määnin says, amused, his eyes no longer on Tommy but back on that stupid blond girl, who’s giggling again. “I’m taken for tonight, ladies, but my friend Tommy here is more than happy to talk to you. Or kiss you. He did a pretty good job, if you ask me.”
A wink, aimed at him this time. Tommy laughs, a little too loudly, and rubs his neck. He hopes he hasn’t turned bright red at the praise of his skills that eases his worries from before about being a good kisser, or from the fact that he can still taste Määnin on his tongue. “Fyrbanna, Määnin, givin’ them high expectations, man.”
Everyone cheers again, and Tommy gets a slap on the back from someone. When he walks away to grab another beer, he sees a girl lean over to her friend and catches something that sounds suspiciously like “going to talk to him now” followed by giggles.
That’s when it clicks.
This is what people like. No one actually thinks he’s gay, they just think he’s the life of the party.
Kissing Määnin is funny. It’s tough. It’s proof that they’re best friends, close enough to get drunk do stupid shit like that and laugh it off just as easily.
Tommy leans against the white plastic table full of alcohol for a minute and sips his beer.
He can still feel it, though, the kiss. Not just the press of lips, not just the taste of Määnin on his tongue, but the part right after, where it wasn’t funny yet. The second Määnin’s hand was still on his neck and they were both waiting for someone to laugh.
He shrugs that thought off when he sees some girl approaching him. She’s pretty, with dark hair and a low-cut white top. Tommy can’t help but notice that there’s a stain on it. He takes another sip, feels the alcohol running through his body, and prays that Määnin somehow transferred some flirting skills to him through their kiss.
Tommy gets two phone numbers from two different girls that night. Older girls, even, from the years above theirs. Like he’s just as cool as Määnin.
He also walks in on Määnin and the blond girl making out in the bathroom, so he supposes it’s been a good night for both of them.
Not a bad party trick, after all.
It happens again several times over the next few years.
First, for invites to the coolest parties, those hosted by the students who are already getting ready to graduate. Tommy exaggerates stories about how cool the parties are to Freppa afterwards, just to see the look on his face. And then look on Määnin’s face when he knows Tommy is lying and he’s trying not to laugh.
They do it for free shots after that. Then, once they’ve graduated themselves, it becomes their trick for getting hookups (mostly Määnin). They do it because when they kiss, people cheer and laugh and pat them on the back. Like they told them a funny joke instead of shoving their tongues down each other’s throats.
They’re always drunk, or at least very tipsy before they magnetically find their way towards each other. Obviously. All Määnin has to do is wiggle his eyebrows at Tommy, and he’s stumbling over, ready to put on a show. For all the free stuff, and the phone numbers, and the applause, of course.
It doesn’t always happen. They spend way too much of their time getting drunk in those years, and if Tommy were to kiss Määnin every time he’s drunk, he’s pretty sure he’ll spend half of his week making out with his best friend. Nonetheless, it remains a great party trick when they do it.
A party trick.
That’s all it is.
The Tommy-and-Määnin-show, a live performance taking place every Saturday night at some point between 1 and 4 am. The audience loves it, and Tommy loves the attention. It’s like being on stage without having to sing a single lyric or play a single chord. All he has to do is kiss his best friend for a few seconds, and they get whatever they want.
Like real artists, they learn to finetune their craft. They get better with practice. Tommy is busy kissing a girl one night, in some dark corner of a hallway. He’s not even sure whose house he’s in, not that it matters. What matters is, he finds himself caught off guard by how she’s kissing him. Or maybe how he’s kissing her.
Because when he does that thing with his tongue, the thing where he runs it over Määnin’s bottom lip, Määnin always responds by tightening the grip on his neck. She doesn’t do anything, and Tommy doesn’t realise he’s anticipating it until he doesn’t get what he wants from her.
Suddenly, he’s not that interested in her anymore. Fyrbanna, Tommy hates to admit it, but Määnin is the best kisser he’s had at any party.
That’s not gay or anything, because his eyes are closed anyway when they kiss, but at this point it’s a fact. He wonders if Määnin ever thinks the same thing about him.
Tommy surprises himself, and tries to push the thought away from his mind, but he really wishes he could get his fix with his best friend instead of this random girl. At least Määnin still knows what to do with his tongue even when he’s drunk out of his mind.
Which he is almost always is.
At some point, and Tommy has no fucking clue when, it turns into a habit.
All he knows is that their older friends from high school have moved to Vasa or Helsinki, their other friends don’t party as much as they did before, and while their show still has its popular moments, even the two toughest guys in Vörå making out loses its appeal at some point.
Unfortunately, like a Pavlov reaction, Tommy starts tasting Määnin on his tongue with every sip of his beer.
Tommy tries to remember what this Pavlov guy was talking about. Something about connections in the brain. He doesn’t pay enough attention in school to really care, but he’s starting to think the guy might’ve been on to something. It seems like his brain has connected getting drunk and kissing Määnin.
Every time he has alcohol in his system, he hopes that someone asks them to perform their little party trick. Just so he can get it out of his system and stop thinking about kissing his best friend when he’s supposed to be hooking up with some girl.
It’s not gay. Just science.
At least he’s not the only one struggling with this. Last weekend, he and Määnin somehow found themselves alone on someone’s sofa for a couple of minutes. They hadn’t done their joke, not in a while, and as soon as Määnin’s arm clumsily wrapped itself around his shoulder, Tommy felt the air in the room shift. If he was in an MRI machine, a specific part of his brain would’ve lit up. That damn Pavlov part of his brain, or however that shit works.
Määnin had come close enough to whisper in his ear. For Tommy to feel his hot breath against his skin and to smell the mix of beer and vodka that betrayed what he’d been drinking that night.
“I want to kiss you so bad right now.” Määnin had slurred.
Tommy swallowed. His brain stopped working completely, not able to think of a single joke or response suddenly. He had felt a bit of relief too, that he wasn’t the only one dealing with these crazy feelings- that science had fucked with both of their brains.
Finally, he’d nodded.
Määnin had leaned in, Tommy had already closed his eyes, but it never happened. Their friends came back from wherever they’d disappeared too, chatting loudly, and Määnin had let his head fall on Tommy’s shoulder instead.
Tommy had laughed, murmured something about bad habits and not telling anyone, making Määnin huff out a laugh against his shoulder.
Between Määnin’s smoking or Tommy’s cursing, they’re both not very good at breaking habits.