Chapter Text
As Derek woke up, he expected to be in an unknown apartment in bed with a girl he had picked up just the night before. A normal morning after a normal night out, he thought with a little sneer as he turned around and opened his eyes, surprised to see the walls of his own bedroom surrounding him. Yet there was someone lying next to him, something that was a tiny bit unusual. It was always easier going with the girl and sneak out long before she was even considering getting up. This, however, was certainly not what Derek had expected.
With a little frown, he tried to recall what had happened the night prior; one too many drinks and beer, dancing with Penelope and a joke Emily had made about how he could even teach Reid some tricks. But no matter how hard he tried to come up with a face that could belong to the lithe body next to him, his mind drew a blank. This was quite unusual for him and he started to wonder what else was different.
Propping himself up on an elbow, Derek looked at the figure next to him. Her back was turned to him, sheets covering the lower part of her body and still, Derek was able to notice her long legs. He was a sucker for long legs but it didn't explain him why they were at his place.
Pushing that question back, he put his focus back on her and her pale smooth skin, his eyes wandering over her back up to the mess of unruly brown hair. He couldn't even remember a name and Derek knew there was nothing more embarrassing than not remembering someone with such a body. To avoid any drama that could occur because of his loss of memory, Derek knew there was just one way to make up for it.
Reaching out, Derek laid his fingertips gently on her skin, waiting for any reaction. However, the only thing he noticed was how her body tensed just a tiny bit as if she was waiting for his next step. With a crooked smile, he scooted closer and started drawing patterns on her back. If there was one thing no women could resist it was cuddling and little affectionate gestures, but she seemed to be different. Instead of melting into the touch or trying to get even closer to him, she slipped away and Derek wasn't so sure if that was okay for him. For some unknown reasons, he felt a bit offended. He couldn't have been that bad.
Being the person he was Derek didn't give up. Maybe she wasn't even fully awake by now and needed some time to remember, and he wanted to make sure she did just that. Leaning closer, Derek pressed his lips against her shoulder blade, smiling as he heard her taking a deep breath in. Gotcha, he thought, letting his hand gliding over her spine and down to her hip. She was pretty skinny; something he actually wasn't the biggest fan of but it suited her. Or, well, it suited that bit he could see. Still peppering her skin with little kisses, Derek grew bolder and let his hand slip under the sheet.
As it seemed this wasn't exactly what she expected and what Derek didn't expect was the tight grip on his wrist to stop him from taking it any further. And before he could ask any kind of question, she slipped away from under his touch and reached
for the sheets, covering just the lower part of her body as she stood up.
That was the moment Derek noticed something was off. The way the person in front of him wrapped the fabric only around the hips, the tension in the shoulders and the curve of the neck. There was something about the person that reminded him on someone and yet he couldn't come up with a name. Another second passed by until the person moved, turning around slowly. There was a slight limping in the movement and finally it clicked. Derek's eyes grew wide as he recognized...
"Reid?"
Derek felt as if someone had knocked all air out of his lungs as he stared at his friend, his shoulder length hair obscuring his eyes, head bowed so that Derek wasn't able to look him in the eye. It wasn't necessary to ask any questions; Reid's whole demeanor was yelling everything right into Derek's face without saying a word. However, Derek couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. Maybe he was drunk but surely not that drunk that he slept with one of his closest friends. This had to be some kind of joke.
Still looking at Reid, who hadn't moved or spoke, Derek came to the only reasonable answer. This was a joke. Shaking his head with a smile on his face, Derek sat up and chuckled.
"You nearly got me, kid. Okay, where is everybody else? Living room?" he asked, eyes roaming around in hopes to find any hint that he was right with his assumption, but couldn't find anything. There was no sound coming from the other rooms nor did Reid show any sign that they were pulling a prank on Derek's expense. In fact, Derek thought he saw him wincing as he spoke, wrapping his arms around his upper body as if he wanted to protect himself from his words.
Both stayed silent and Derek was sort of glad that Reid didn't try to explain anything. Right now he'd to think, trying to remember what had happened. Closing his eyes, Derek took a deep breath in and thought back to the night before. Tags of memories were flashing before his eyes, Reid driving the SUV back to his place, Derek leaning against him as they made their way up to the front door of his house, the woof of Clooney as they entered. The next thing Derek remembered was them on the couch, Reid asking him questions and Derek's hands on his button-down. Shocked and confused, Derek pressed the heels of his hands against his closed eyes, drowning the questions out that were running through his mind. He needed answers and yet he was too afraid to ask the questions.
"I-I will make coffee so we can, well, talk. About this, that is," Reid finally spoke, ripping Derek out of his thoughts. For the last couple of seconds Derek had nearly forgotten that he was still with him in the room. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at him, who still avoided returning the gaze. And before Derek could say anything, Reid turned around and left, giving him time to breath.
It was probably unfair on Reid thinking that, right now, he just wanted to be alone, but he knew that they had to talk, no matter what had happened between them. Finding enough courage and strength, Derek stood up and walked to the drawer on the other side of the bedroom, taking some old sweatpants he put on. There wasn't a lot he could do to prolong his stay in the bedroom and he knew Reid good enough to know that, if Derek would take any longer he would torture himself with thousand of questions.
Heaving a deep sigh, Derek followed Reid to the kitchen, taking one of his zip-up hoodies from his closet. On his way he passed the living-room. A rather disheveled living-room. Magazines, which usually were piled neatly on the coffee table, lay messily on the ground. Some of the cushions were on the floor and he found some of his own clothes discarded carelessly. It wasn't hard to tell what had happened judging from the chaos, and still Derek had a hard time believing it no matter how it looked like.
Reid's cursing coming from the kitchen ripped Derek out of his musing and so he turned around and followed the voice until he found him at the kitchen counter, fighting a battle with the coffee maker.
"I need a new one. I never came around to replace it," Derek said as he stepped closer, feeling his mouth going dry. As it seemed Reid had found at least some of his clothes, one of his mismatched socks on his left foot, corduroys and his sweater vest. The button down was missing, leaving Reid's arms naked. For some unexplainable reasons Derek had a hard time to not stare at his arm and how the muscles relaxed and tensed underneath the pale skin.
"Clooney." Derek's eyes snapped up as Reid mentioned his dog.
"What?"
Instead of an answer Reid nodded towards the direction of the dog basket where the French mastiff was lying, right on top of Reid's shirt, drooling on the fabric while he snored contently.
"Seems like he found a new cuddly blanket." Derek's tone was light, trying to ease the tension around them that made it nearly unbearable to breath. Yet he had no idea if it was okay for Reid. All the time his hair hid a huge part of his face while he fumbled with the coffee maker. Just by the way his hands were shaking Derek knew how nervous he was. He himself didn't feel any better.
Without a second thought, Derek reached out, nudging with his shoulder against Reid's. "Let me try it."
Reid didn't argue. Instead he stepped away, wrapping his arms in the familiar manner around his upper body. This gesture broke Derek's heart every time. It made him look even more fragile and it was probably never truer than in this moment. Derek could feel Reid's eyes on his every movement, but every time he tried to catch his eyes he turned away. And it started to frustrate Derek to an unreasonable point. Reid was insecure. It was a part of him he had teased and knew for years. Right now it was dissatisfying.
After some rattling and shaking the coffee was brewing, leaving nothing left to do for Derek to prolong the talk between him and Reid. With a sigh, he turned around and looked at his friend. His breath caught in his throat as he found him looking him in the eye for the first time this morning and he could see how much it cost him to not avert them again. Derek didn't know if it was because of his job that he could sense his inner turmoil Reid was going through or because he knew Reid so well. For some reasons he liked the latter explanation a lot better.
"So," Derek started, knowing that Reid would never bring the matter up first. And he himself had a hard time coming straight to the point without being too blunt. What if he would ask if they had had sex while there was a really good answer to the question why they were both naked in the morning? As it seemed Reid was already embarrassed enough for some reasons so there was no need to torture him even more. "What had happened?" The question was simple without implying something or jumping at conclusions and still it made Reid wince.
Derek watched him closely as he loosened the grip around his body and tucked some strands of hair behind his ear. Reid was a miracle to him. Socially he seemed inexperienced, shying away from any touch and advances of women and extremely awkward in any sort of conversation that didn't include science or there job. But giving him statistics and an Unsub, he could talk all of them silly. Now was definitely one of the more awkward moments and Derek had to sooth him at least a bit to make him feel less uncomfortable.
"You don't have to go easy on me. I made some stupid stuff while I was drunk; I think this can't be any worse." Derek chuckled, bracing himself on the kitchen counter while he waited for an answer. He had expected Reid to relax, at least a bit. Instead he got even more flustered, his eyes switching around as if he tried to find a way out of the situation, looking like a cornered animal. On any other day Derek would have teased him, making some jokes. Right now it didn't seem the best idea and so he just stayed quiet and waited. And waited.
The seconds turned into minutes and Derek already lost hope that Reid would say anything at all, but then, "I think it's pretty obvious what had happened don't you think?" The slight trembling sound in Reid's voice alarmed Derek more than the worried frown on his face or his labored breathing or the way he crossed his arms over his chest. It told him that this was really no joke. This was reality. This did happen. His grip on the kitchen counter tightened as Reid's words slowly sank in and as if his voice was the key to the night events, Derek slowly started remembering more. Clothes tossed carelessly aside, hands roaming over Reid's naked skin, his long legs wrapped around his hips.
Rustling noises ripped him out of his thoughts and as he looked up he saw Reid fighting a useless battle with Clooney for his shirt. As it seemed Reid realized pretty soon that he couldn't win and gave up, reaching behind the dog and retrieving the missing sock. Still paralyzed Derek continued watching him pulling it on and checking his pockets.
"It would be nice if you could bring the shirt to work tomorrow," Reid finally spoke, eyes cast down.
"Wow, wait. Don't you think we…" But Derek didn't come any further.
"There is not much left to talk about. I shouldn't have brought you home. Or come in with you. It was my fault. I-I took advantage of you and…"
With every word that tumbled out of Reid's mouth Derek's head felt like it would explode. Lifting his hands in surrender, he looked defeated at his friend. "Hey, look. I'm here. I want to talk. I don't know how or why it happened, but I certainly don't want to shrug it off. We have to deal with it." Although it was true, Derek was surprised why he was so calm and didn't go crazy.
As soon as he said the last words, Reid's head snapped up, eyes looking almost hopeful at him. Or at least that was how it seemed to Derek, but he couldn't think about it any further right now. They had to take one step after the other and the first one was to ask Reid what had happened after they had left the bar.
"Come on, kid. Help me out. I'm lost right now and have no clue what is going on. You were taking advantage of me?"
Seemingly Reid realized that Derek wouldn't let him go that easily and Derek was glad that he didn't have to argue about it. Pointing at the chairs, Derek waited for Reid to sit down before he took two cups out of the cabinet and poured them some coffee. He placed both mugs on the table and got the sugar before he sat down himself, waiting for Reid to explain him what had happened.
He watched him as he poured with shaking hands the sugar into the cup, stirring his coffee and taking a sip of it before he finally spoke up.
"You didn't seem that drunk as we left, but not sober enough to drive. You asked me to bring you home and that I did. I walked you to the door and you ask me to come inside. The moment we entered you dropped on the couch and I got you a bottle of water and Advil. You took both and then," Reid trailed off, getting caught in his own memory. But it wasn't really necessary for him to continue.
With a sigh he ran his hands over his shaved head, eyes closed as he tried to calm his racing heart down. It was one thing to have a romp with a girl he probably wouldn't see again in his life. Another one if it was a girl he worked with. But it turned his whole world upside down if it' was one of his closest friends. Actually the only friend he would trust his life with. Literally.
Not only would it make things awkward at work, but it also brought up questions. Questions Derek never wanted to deal with again and had locked away for years.
"I see now that this isn't mutual. It's okay."
Derek's eyes shot open. "Wait a second. Do you want to tell me…?"
The bit color that was left on Reid's pale cheeks vanished and the way he pressed his lips together answered Derek's question without verbalizing it. Completely confused Derek stood up, pacing up and down as his mind was overrun with more questions and more insights.
Reid's voice was soft, excusing as he spoke up again. "Before it gets any more awkward…"
It was hard for Derek to contain the snorting sound by Reid's words, but he regretted it immediately as he spoke up again.
"It's for me just as confusing as it is for you, Morgan. And your reaction is actually the reason why I never said anything. You don't have to worry that I'll tell anybody about it and you can forget that it had happened, okay?" Each word that came from Reid's lips was like a slap in the face, voice hard and the complete opposite to only seconds ago. Derek was aware that his own reaction wasn't appropriated and yet he couldn't hold back his amusement about Reid's choice of word. 'Awkward' was probably the understatement of the history.
Without giving Derek the slightest chance to answer or even make amends, Reid got up and walked with long strides to the front of the house. And before Derek knew what was happening he heard the door slammed shut and the engine of Reid's old car roaring to life as he drove away.
Not even an hour ago Derek wanted nothing more than being alone and thinking about the whole situation all by himself. But now that Reid was gone, he wished he hadn't acted the way he did. Apart from his own inner battle he wanted to make up for what he'd done wrong and it nettled him that he'd to wait until Reid would calm down. Thinking of it, maybe it was better this way. There were a lot of questions that sort of worried Derek. Questions with rather easy answers, but finding the solution to a problem and to accept the outcome were two different pair of shoes.
There was one question, however, that did worry him and he knew the answer wasn't that easy to find. It was the same question he had asked himself for the last couple of years. This time it was already on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn't ready for it. Not yet. He wasn't even sure why not; maybe because it would mean to face old demons or maybe because he was afraid of the answer. Nevertheless Derek knew he had to deal with it first before he could talk with Reid. He could only hope Reid would understand that in order to get things straight between them again he needed time.