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“Winter’s almost over!” Fareeha punched the air in relief, every fiber of her being hating the cold winter months. She grinned, anticipating the good fruits, lawn chairs, and lack of coats that came alongside summer.
“Winter’s almost over!” Angela cooed at the warmer temperatures, the sunlight lasting longer each day. She chuckled, anticipating seeing Fareeha in more and more revealing clothing, and not much else. Dr. Ziegler liked winter, she was a cold-weather person. It gave her more excuses to drink coffee and snuggle up to her wife under the excuse of being cold. “Which means we have to make the most of it. With proud Swiss traditions, danke.” Angela stood up from the couch where the two were entwined, going to the fridge and pulling a pair of large rectangular chunks of ice from the freezer. Mercy set the bricks on the table as nonchalant as could be, while Fareeha had chosen to close her eyes the moment her spouse stood up, pretending to ignore whatever asinine shit she was going to be roped into.
“Angela. Babe. I don’t know what you’re doing but, seriously, just come back to the couch like a normal human being for once.”
“Proud Swiss tradition, danKE!” Angela yelled from the other room, busy setting down handfuls of chisels and picks for the event. “You think Switzerland has a bunch of magnificent ice palaces as a fucking joke!?”
Fareeha groaned, lethargically falling from the couch to the floor with a dull ‘thud’ . “Can’t we just go to IKEA or some shit? Why’s it always have to be so complicated.” Angela pursed her lips at the notion, Swedish, not Swiss . She took a mental note to bring it up later before returning to the living room.
“Sweetheart, are you saying you don’t appreciate my swiss heritage? That you don’t want to partake in something that’s a part of my culture? How shallow…” Angela hung her head, whimpering with convincing sadness. “Honestly, I expected better from you…” Pharah grumbled as she pulled herself off the ground, her sense of justice more like a sense of appeasing her wife.
“These are literally just a bunch of ice cubes frozen together.” Fareeha stared at the ice blocks with disdain, snarling at the unimposing inanimate object. Angela smiled, ignoring the quip as she took her ice gently in her hands, setting it down before carefully tracing lines into the surface.
“It’s really not that hard.” Said the percieved embodiment of Leonardo Da Vinci.
“Oh, it’s really not that hard. Well fuck me in the ass, I guess i’m just trash.” The short-tempered Major mumbled under her breath as she picked up a chisel, deciding to take out her frustration on the poor piece of ice. With the force of an ex-military juggernaut, Pharah stabbed the brick as hard as she could, a crisp snapping sound filling the room. The ice cracked slowly before shattering all at once, giving way to a perfect replication of the Giza Sphinx. Her mouth fell open, the cartoonish shimmering sound effects practically audible.
Angela picked away at her masterpiece, oblivious to the modern miracle that just happened as she slowly carved out a face. Then a torso, arms, and setting it down to take a break before finally finishing, like a high school senior studying for midterms. Mercy smiled condescendingly as she turned to look at Fareeha’s work. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. It’s never easy….” The doctor slowly stopped speaking as she watched Fareeha slip into a montage of poses, showing off her glorious Sphinx.
“Hah!” Pharah lifted her Sphinx into the air, the ice sparkling in the kitchen light. “Not so high and mighty now, are we?! Look at it! Look at it in all it’s majesty!” Angela tentatively took the sculpture from Fareeha’s hands, looking it over dainty before grinning maliciously at her lifelong partner.
“Ja, it’s very nice.” Angela gripped the Sphinx in her hand, a look of pure sadism on her face. Fareeha reached for the Statue, holding out her hand.
“Babe. No. Give it back.”
“I will do no such thing.” Angela laughed as she trotted away from Amari
“BABE, C’MON!” Fareeha was just about to get down on her hands and knees as she watched Angela open the fridge door, placing the ice sculpture cautiously inside.
“Because, I smell money~” Angela closed the door before diving for the landline, whipping the phone up to her face and dialing the number of the local art museum. Fareeha stopped yelling in favor of shifting in place, very confused, really having no choice but to be swept up in the antics of her greed-ridden wife. “Hello? Mr. Holder? Hi, it’s me. Fuck you. I happened to come across a very special piece, ja. Ice as a medium, constructed better than anyone else. Ja, even you. Fuck you. Price? Hm…..eighteen-thousand euros. Ja, i’ll expect it soon. Danke.”
Fareeha raised her hand in question. “Um, babe? What was that? What did...did you just sell my Sphinx?”
“For!” Angela jabbed a finger in the air, probably right around where she smelled the money. “Eighteen-thousand euros! Imagine how many ice cubes you could buy with that!”
“......” Fareeha rubbed her lips, deep in thought before looking into her wife’s eyes, having reached a conclusion. “You’re going to spend it all on coffee and toys for Dieter, aren’t you.” Angela halted, sweating at the spot-on accusation. Dieter sniffled appreciatively from his cage; Mercy had recently bought him a silk down pillow to sleep on.
“I-I don’t know what you’re saying, I was going to use the money for our anniversary!” Angela smiled, feigning innocence as Fareeha bite her tongue and looked away. She was always a sucker for romantic occasions, after all.
The money came, and the miracle of probability and ice went. Angela had filled the bathtub with euros and insisted they bathe in it. So there they were, two lesbians and a rabbit, chilling in a tub of money with a cooler of beer.
“We deserve a reality TV show, huh?” Angela smirked, polishing her brand new silver sunglasses and sipping her booze. Fareeha nodded slowly, reluctant to agree how much she was enjoying herself.
“I just hope this money lasts for a long time.” The money was all gone the following week; Angela spent it all on luxury coffee beans and really sketchy drugs for her medical experiments. Fareeha made her sleep on the couch for two weeks, pissed.