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The bed was warm. Soft, cuddly, and most importantly, warm. What was not warm was the breeze drifting through the window Fareeha opened every time she got up for the morning. Sure, it was an effective method of waking Angela up before noon each day, but at what cost? Angela groaned as she dragged herself out of the bed, taking all the blankets with her as she stumbled downstairs.
“Morning, babe.” Fareeha greeted the bundle of blankets from the kitchen table, a breakfast of corn beef hash and homemade waffles already laying on the table as she sipped her tea. “I already made you coffee. How’d you sleep?”
“I have the unquestioned right to be a complete asshole until i’ve had my morning coffee. I don’t know why, but i’m going to abuse it. Stop opening the damn window, let me sleep.” Mercy shifted into her seat, grabbing the mug with a blanketed hand and taking a long drag. “Now I am no longer an asshole, according to undisputed social norms. Danke for making such a wonderful breakfast, sweetheart~! And making me coffee on top of that, I am just too lucky.”
“.....I’m deleting your facebook, those internet jokes are a bad influence.” Fareeha clicked her teeth with a decisive nod before tearing a waffle in half with her teeth. “Yup.”
“But sweetheart, today’s a monday. I hate mondays. Cut me some slack.”
“Today’s Tuesday, first of all! God, just eat your breakfast.” Pharah touched her forehead in disappointment, shoveling the last few forkfuls of breakfast into her mouth before getting up to wash dishes. Angela silently complied, her face barely peeking through her pile of blankets as she started eating. “So, what do you have planned for today? Dog sledding? Building an igloo?”
Angela coughed, failing to shove an entire waffle into her mouth, choosing to set it back down in strategic retreat. “I’m surprised you even know what those things are, you couldn’t even tell the difference between a wood chipper and a snow blower last month.”
“Hmph!” Fareeha stopped washing dishes in favor of putting her hands on her hips in a prideful pose. “I’ve been doing research. It’s always important to know what your enemy is capable of.”
“Is that why you travelled to Alaska for a week? You said you were visiting your father. Whom I know nothing about. I’m not even sure why I let you go…” Angela descended into a series of mumbles before perking back up. “Anyway! Today we are going to take part in a snowball fight. It’s self-explanatory. I invited your mother and child.”
“She’s a co-worker’s child! Not mine! And why my mom, you hate my mom!”
Angela chuckled innocently, holding a hand to her cheek. “Then why has she started calling both of us mother? And your mother and I….we reached an understanding.”
Fareeha groaned in valid mental frustration, finishing the last of the dishes and setting them aside to dry as she rubbed her forehead. Sure, Hana had been hanging around her more and more at work, but since when had she started calling Dr. Ziegler mother?
The doorbell rang, interrupting the morning silence as Mercy shed her coat of blankets to go answer the door. Fareeha quickly tried to make herself presentable as the door swung open, Ana and Hana standing in the doorway.
“Angela! How good to see you!” Ana cooed. Ziegler smiled, exchanging a warm hug with the old woman, their hands meeting briefly. Angela tucked a handful of photographs into her shirt in the blink of an eye before responding properly.
“It’s so good to see you too, mother dearest! I see you already met Hana here.” D.va was busying herself with a Game Boy, nodding slowly in confirmation.
“Ding dong, bitches.”
“Oh yes, you never told me you two had a child! I was just about to talk to you about grandchildren, but i’m so overjoyed you already gave me one!” Ana Amari smiled proudly, Hana swirling a Werther's Original caramel in her mouth.
“MOM, SHE’S NOT-” Fareeha yelled from the kitchen, whipping off her apron and rubber gloves to join her wife at the door, only to pause at the crestfallen face of her mother.
“She’s not yours?” You could almost see the disappointed tears on Ana’s wrinkled face.
“No….I...She’s ours.” Pharah answered begrudgingly, much to the approval of Angela.
“Damn straight I am.” Hana strolled to the living room without looking up from her game, splaying herself out on the couch as the literal definition of sloth.
Angela clapped, gathering everyone’s attention. “Now that you’ve arrived, let's get right to the festivities! Teams will be me and my sweetheart, and my sweet, dear mother with our child. To the outside!”
“Babe.” The security guard hunkered down behind a modest wall of snow, trying to get her partner’s attention. “ Babe. ”
“What is it, sweetheart?” Angela was busy increasing the thickness and size of their wall, her mitten clad gloves shaking with excitement. “Are you ready to destroy the rats?”
“Look, I just….my co-worker emailed me some adoption papers the other day and-” A snowball whipped right through the wall near Fareeha’s face, ripping a clean hole with a threatening sizzle. Pharah trembled, pressing herself closer to the ground in absolute horror as Mercy did the same.
“Nice accuracy, grandma!” Hana wooed, pumping her arms in confidence as she and Captain Amari stood tall behind a bunker of solid ice, sizable portholes scattered about for precise shots. “I knew building our fort near the hose was a pro strat!” D.va snickered as she looked at the buckets of water they had secured, the iced snow balls she created a lethal weapon. “Mom doesn’t stand a chance! Hah!”
“Never underestimate the opponent, little one.” Ana Amari rolled her shoulder, leaning back before whipping her arm forward and plowing another ice ball through the opponent's weak shield. “Especially one that claims pacifism. Eliminate the enemy with extreme prejudice before they have a chance.”
“....Babe...You know my mom was a sniper in the war...we’re fucking dead.” Fareeha hugged her knees, sitting on the ground and waiting for the inevitable. Angela laughed in the face of certain death, pulling something from her pocket as she rolled another snowball.
“Nein! Pull yourself together, you insubordinate dog! This is war!” The peaceful doctor rolled the mysterious item into her ordinance, cackling. “If they cheat, we can cheat too!” Angela popped over their mediocre wall for a split second, launching the snowball into the enemy base with surprising accuracy. “Now, we wait.”
“.....Was that a bomb.”
“You could say that.”
“Oh, hey, they returned fire.” Hana laughed, a smug grin on her face as a single snowball landed softly between grandma and herself. “What a bunch of low tier fucks.” Ana threw her arm forward again, carving out a hole in the top left corner of the lovebirds’ fort before taking a break.
“Hmmmh...Perhaps they gave in..” Ana sat back on an ice stool, massaging her shoulders. She glanced at the fallen lump of snow Mercy had thrown, noticing something sticking out of it. Ana brushed away the snow, retrieving a photograph from the lump. A picture of Angela and Fareeha, except Fareeha was bound in a blindfold and handcuffs. Angela was making a peace sign, licking her lips and holding her wife by the hair. Captain Amari stiffened, a low sound of shock gurgling from her throat in response.
“What? What is it?” Hana jumped over to see what caused such a ruckus, but was halted as Ana tore the photo in half, her teeth gnashing and eyes wide.
“Start making ice balls, child.” Ana threw herself into a flurry, blood boiling as she started throwing ammo as fast as possible, her arm a blur as she launched ice after ice.
“....So, what exactly did you do?” Fareeha bit her nails in anticipation, ten seconds before Ana started destroying their base. Angela had been laughing evilly for a good thirty seconds, never a good sign.
“Just some psychological warfare~” Said the person who had the terror tactics of Vlad the Impaler running through her veins. The laughter stopped when an orb of ice came plowing through the wall, smashing into Angela’s face with a sickening ‘ smack ’. Mercy fell back like a wet napkin, her body crumpled in the snow and eyes rolled back in her head.
“.......Babe?” Fareeha reached out slowly, recoiling as several more snowballs crashed through the snow, their wall looking like swiss cheese. Pharah clenched her fist, internally swearing to avenge her fallen wife. “For the love of……” Fareeha jumped the wall, a snowball clenched in her hand as she sprinted for the enemy base.
“Oh, dear.” Ana lowered her arm, unable to strike down her own daughter as Hana looked up from her midday snacks.
“What? Nothing’s wrong, we already won!” Hana grinned as she tipped the Mountain Dew back to her lips, pretty self-satisfied for having done nothing. Fareeha grunted as she threw her only snowball, catching D.va on the side of the head. Hana spat the green soda everywhere as she fell to the snow, the power of Ana Amari definitely hereditary.
The two Amari woman stood, Ana holding a final snowball as Fareeha stood unmoving out in the open, breathing hard. In place of a tumbleweed, the snowman Mercy and Pharah had built earlier was kinda placed in the middle, but still a little off center towards the left side. “Fareeha, I couldn’t be happier that you married such a brilliant woman, and you have my blessing but..” Fareeha cocked her head, not quite able to hear the words through the impenetrable ice bunker. “I always knew Angela was a twisted girl but..but...She better be making you hAPPY!” Pharah cupped her ear, trying to listen right as a snowball hit her in the gut, knocking the air out of her in a wheeze.
“This was an awful idea…” Fareeha groaned as they all sat inside, tending to their various wounds.
“Agreed.” Angela laid on the couch, a bag of ice sitting on her face.
“I can’t believe I spilled my fucking drink.” Hana whimpered, eating candy out of Ana’s purse.
Ana laughed cheerily, sitting in the recliner with one leg over the other, the soft lump that was Dieter snuggled in her lap. “Well I, for one, had a great time! Thanks for having me, Angela!”
“You’re welcome, mother.” Angela mumbled in pain. No amount of pictures of Fareeha would convince her to let this happen again, but that was a lie.
“Well then.” The victorious Captain stood tall, patting Hana on the head as she gathered her things. “I told Hana I’d take her to the park, and we don’t want to be late. Take care now, I love you both!”
“I never agreed to that!” The gremlin protested as grandma dragged her out the door, closing it behind her. Angela breathed a sigh of relief, sitting up and letting the ice bag drop to the couch. A huge bruise covered most of her face, and she touched it, wincing.
“Your mother really hasn’t changed at all, has she.”
Fareeha held her side, sitting sorely on the ground trying not to hurt her possibly-bruised ribs. “Not at all, dammit.”
“I think that next time she’s over we’ll have to bring riot gear.”
“ Next time? There’s going to be a next time?!”
Angela smiled unwillingly, reaching into her shirt and looking at the various photos of Fareeha the old lady had bribed her with. “I did kind of agree to that, yes. But don’t worry, i’ll protect you.”
Fareeha cursed under her breath, the next few hours spent lying in bed as Angela treated her bruises, among other things. Strict bed rest and plenty of soup, doctor’s orders. The couple laughed, enjoying their warm dinner from the comfort of their bedroom as they watched old animated movies, the sun slowly sinking beyond the horizon as winter drew to a close.