Chapter Text
The best part of the day, in Satori’s opinion, was in the mornings, when he got to leave for school. At school it was so very loud. The collective ruckus of students laughing and talking, of chairs scraping across the linoleum flooring, of bells ringing and so many other noises; Satori found it grounding. He loved the controlled chaos of being surrounded by his friends, everyone trying to speak at the same time, their voices reaching obnoxious volumes. He loved the background noises of papers rustling and pencils scratching. He even loved listening to his teacher’s lectures.
He wished he was at school right now. Instead he was at home, alone, and trying really hard not to panic.
At home, the silence was stifling. He felt suffocated by it. His breath was coming in short gasps as he curled into a ball on the corner of the couch, squeezing his eyes shut and telling himself to get a grip. He didn’t understand why this was happening and why he just couldn’t handle the quiet.
He fisted his hands into his hair, gritting his teeth at the overwhelming pressure in his chest. The room felt too big and too small at the same time. He itched underneath his skin. He needed noise. Something, anything.
Satori practically leapt off the couch, stumbling forward and pressing the power button of the television with shaking fingers. The screen flickered on and sounds start pouring from the stereo, filling the room and Satori slumped in relief, collapsing in front of the tv in complete exhaustion.
He closed his eyes, sucking in deep breaths and feeling the tension melt from his body. The show playing on screen became white noise, soothing and reassuring.
It’s a few hours later when his parents return from work to find their son sleeping on the living room floor. It’s not the first time they’ve come home to this sight, and it hurts to see.
It hurts more to know that it’ll happen again.
---
Satori couldn’t concentrate on his homework. He was antsy and refused to sit still, and his constant shifting didn’t go unnoticed.
“Is something wrong?” Ushijima asked quietly, looking up from his own schoolwork. His face was blank, which was normal, but his dark eyes held a note of concern.
Satori shrugged, tapping his fingers against the table, ignoring the annoyed glance from another student trying to study as well. He wasn’t sure why he had agreed to study with Ushijima in the library. It was too quiet in here. He didn’t like being hushed every five minutes. Honestly, breathing too loud was probably an offense.
He was aware of Ushijima’s eyes still on him, but he couldn’t help his fidgeting. He needed to get out of here. He stood quickly, taking no notice of the angered looks from other students when his chair screeched against the floor. He gathered up his things, shoving them in his pack before practically running from the room.
He kept going until he was outside the school, near the entry gates. He could hear car horns blaring, bike bells ringing cheerfully, people on the streets talking. He sighed, letting the sounds wash over him. He rolled his shoulders, allowing himself to relax completely and to just listen.
He had hoped that he’d eventually get over this fear. He was in his first year of highschool, for crying out loud. He wasn’t supposed to feel so wound up, or feel this underlying itch in his skin when things got quiet. Most people found silence soothing. Satori felt like he'd be completely swallowed up by it.
At least he didn’t fall asleep in front of the tv at home anymore. He usually managed to make it to his room before he had a breakdown.
“Tendou?”
Satori turned around at the sound of his name to once again catch Ushijima’s worried and confused gaze. His friend was frowning ever-so-slightly, and his hands twitched at his sides as if he was unsure what to do with them.
“What’s up, Wakatoshi?” Satori asked with a smile, as if he hadn’t just bolted from the library with no explanation.
“Are you… okay?”
Well, that’s a stupid question, but at least he’s trying. Satori snorted, stuffing his hands in his pockets to hide the way they still trembled slightly. “Sure,” he replied easily. He didn’t like admitting to his fear to anyone, but to tell Ushijima, who was tall and intimidating, and who probably wasn’t afraid of anything? Yeah, no thank you.
“You’re really pale,” Ushijma told him, “Are you feeling sick?”
Satori was really done talking about this. He started walking back to the school’s front doors, keeping his eyes trained ahead when Ushijima fell into step beside him. “I’m just peachy. C’mon, let’s go back inside.”
Ushijma hummed but said nothing, and Satori was glad for it.
----
This is a swell time for you to go and die on me, Satori thought, glaring at the black screen of his phone and trying to ignore the rising panic clogging up his throat. He sat up on the futon, yanking the earbuds from his ears and resisting the urge to throw them across the room along with his cellphone.
His teammates all slept peacefully around him, everyone equally exhausted from the day of hardcore volleyball training. Satori’s eyelids felt heavy, but sleep wouldn’t come. It was too quiet, which is why he usually fell asleep listening to music, but now his phone was dead.
He lay back down and tried to calm his breathing, but his chest felt too tight. He stared up at the ceiling, biting down on his lip, paying no heed to the coppery taste of blood on his tongue. His skin itched.
Suddenly someone was lying down beside him, and Satori could just barely make out Ushijma’s silhouette against the darkness. He tried to speak, to tell Ushijima to go back to his own bed, he’d be fine in a minute, but the words wouldn’t come. Then, to his horror, he felt tears leak from his eyes to trail down his cheeks.
What a time to have the worst panic attack he’s had all week.
Ushijima scooted closer, lying on his side so that he faced Satori. “The silence?” He asked in a voice barely above a whisper, and Satori could only nod, screwing his eyes shut in embarrassment. He shifted to scratch at his arm, unable to restrain himself, but Ushijima caught his hand and began rubbing soothing circles into the knuckles.
“Don’t scratch,” Ushijima admonished quietly. He was silent a moment before speaking again, this time with understanding. “Is this why you sleep with your earphones in?”
Satori nodded, taking his hand back and scrubbing at his face, wiping away the tears before turning his head to look at Ushijima. “My phone died,” he explained.
Ushijima hummed and stood, stepping over a few sleeping teammates to get to his own futon, digging around in his overnight bag. Satori watched Ushijima make his way back over, and blinked in surprise when Ushijima handed him his own phone.
“You can use mine if you want,” Ushijima offered, “it's fully charged.”
Satori stared down at it for a moment before turning to his friend and whispering a touched “Thank you, Wakatoshi-kun."
Satori fell asleep quickly after that, with the phone clutched against his chest and his favorite song playing in his ears.