Chapter Text
‘She needs us, it’s what it wants.´
‘Wilderness wants us to fuck Shauna?’ Mari’s eyes widened in a mocking expression.
A round of murmurs in different tones swept through the clearing where they had all gathered… Except for the subject of their debate.
‘No one said anything about sex,’ Natalie cut in.
Lottie hummed, ‘Of course, I'm talking about intimacy.’
‘Like when you let her mount you like an animal in the middle of the cabin in front of everyone?’ Mari retorted again.
Any opinions were immediately cut off. They never talked about that day in the cabin. No one, ever. No one talked about Lottie's mistake of offering the already rejected blanket to a mourning and starving mother, or Shauna's fury, or how Lottie spread herself out on the floor with her legs open in front of everyone, in front of Shauna, and begged her to take it out on her. To use her, to let her be useful. Nor did they talk about how Lottie's moans made it clear that she enjoyed every minute of Shauna hammering her soaked pussy three fingers deep, biting her neck until it bled.
Nor did they talk about how the rest of the group hadn't said a word, hadn't looked away from the situation, or how more than one of them writhed with their thighs pressed together.
They all pretended nothing happened the next day. The only clues that something was different were Shauna's unusual calmness and the care with which she finally accepted Lottie's gift while mourning her death child, and the angry red bite mark on Lottie's neck, proudly uncovered.
Then the force of winter tripled and nature chose. The butcher had to sacrifice herself in life for them - others sacrificed themselves in death - in a way that no one would ever fully understand, when she hadn't even had time to mourn her losses, although no one was sure that Shauna would ever have been able to grieve properly for Jackie and her son, even if she hadn't had to do what she did. By the gods, what she had to do.
They all saw her become more abrasive, more irritable and distrustful... violent. How she was slowly losing that kind heart that a few months ago made her risk her life to try save Van or hug Mari when she cried over the silliest things on that few first weeks.
‘Shauna needs us, she's made her sacrifices, now it's our turn,’ Lottie insisted, because it was true.
Mari snorted sarcastically. ‘I'm sure it would be a terrible sacrifice for you, Lottie. Look, if you want to fuck Shauna, just do it, don't drag us into your weird exhibitionist plans.’
‘No one's forcing you to do anything, Mari,’ Melissa jumped in unexpectedly. ‘Not that you have a chance, Shauna wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.’
‘As if!’ she scoffed in response. ‘Shipman would be lucky if I let her fuck me.’
‘Why does everyone keep talking about sex?’, Natalie blurted out. Lottie said ‘intimacy’, as in those sappy things like saying nice things, braiding hair, hugging and kissing on the cheek that they do in cheesy films. What was intimate about sex? If it was, she hadn't experienced it with any of the boys she'd slept with. It was all more of a process, hopefully getting to that point and nothing more. Sex wasn't intimacy, all those other things have to be, and Natalie would know because she'd never felt it.
‘Maybe Lottie is right, Shauna was calmer for a while after... you know.’ Misty's thoughtful voice, tinged with interest, caught the group's attention.
YES! Lottie thought. YES, she was! Because she needed it! She needed Lottie, and now she needs all of them. And Lottie is sure that when they feel Shauna's lips or her fingers buried inside , they will all realise how sacred the act is. To serve and be served by the same hands that ravaged and fed them every night.
‘Yes, of course, but that doesn't mean that...’ Tai speaks for the first time from where she was holding Van's hand in silence, and is interrupted by angry footsteps and the sound of a bucket crashing to the floor.
Shauna appears with her hair tied back and wielding her knife with bloodied hands, a few careless splatters staining the hip bone that was slightly exposed between her too-small T-shirt and too-baggy trousers.
‘What the fuck is this? Now you’re having secret community meetings?’
The voice echoed through the forest, sharp and with that constant growl it had acquired, as if her jaw were clenched all the time and her vocal cords couldn’t stop vibrating. ‘I don't know what the hell you're playing at, scurrying around like insects while I spend all day cutting off rabbits. And the water? Who was responsible today?’
Mari squirmed in her place, surely with many words in her head but too stunned by the conversation and the subsequent surprise appearance of the topic of debate to utter any of her witty comments.
No one said anything. In fact, they all stood stiffly in place, staring at the newcomer with mixed intentions and emotions.
Shauna clenched her teeth so hard that Lottie could swear everyone heard it, her fists tightened around the knife handle and her eyes narrowed with anger and suspicion as she took a threatening step, looking at them one by one.
‘Well? Is anyone going to open their bloody mouth?’
Silence.
She doesn't like it. They all realise it, but no one is willing to take the first step. They all want to, but they're scared.
Lottie knows it.
She is the prophet, the one who guides their spirits. She lit the spark, and now she must light the fire.
‘If you don't tell me what the hell is going on, I swear Im gonna fucki...’
Lottie takes two quick steps and cups Shauna's face in her hands before kissing her.
A full kiss, mouth open and without preamble, Lottie can barely pay attention to the tip of the knife digging into her hip when Shauna hugs her by the waist with her free arm, kissing her back, hard.
Lottie relaxed, glad she hadn't been rejected, and then Shauna embraced her.
It felt all consuming, an after life experience, almost celestial; and then she knew she was right, Shauna was the one who had the most of it in her, she was completely filled with it, in the same way that Natalie was the favourite, the most cherished and cared for.
Shauna kissed as she handled her knife, precise in her disorder, with force and violence and the subtle hidden care around all that, mixing teeth that bit till bleed and tongues that soothed.
It was completely silent when they briefly separated, the knife still half pressed between her ribs and a thin thread of saliva connecting them. Shauna's eyes were wide open, and... there it was, that chocolate brown, so open and adorable, completely confused. The scowl disappeared.
Lottie smiled slightly and reached out her thumb to carefully wipe the corner of her lips, where a drop of her own blood had seeped into Shauna's. Slowly, she bent down and picked up the bucket that had been thrown on the floor, then took a couple of steps back, still smiling at her butcher's adorable confusion.
‘I'll go get you some water, back in a second.’
Then she left, paying no attention to the group's absolute silence or Shauna's heavy gaze.
The girls would do their part willingly, sooner rather than later. They could lie to themselves and hide their desires all they want, but they could not lie to the prophet.
She did not hear a single shout on the way.