Work Text:
It had been a mostly quiet night for Bill. He was sitting on his computer in his room, typing out some crap for work. It was incredibly boring, and he wanted to be done with it so that he could finally head to bed. It was late, and his back was starting to hurt from sitting in the crappy desk chair he had. Maybe he’d get a new one on his next paycheck.
He finished up his work, trying his best to listen to the music playing on his headphones, rather than the near-screaming voices coming from the apartment next to his. His neighbor -Mark? Was it? He didn’t really care- was hosting one of his game night with friends, where they’d get drunk and scream at Dungeons and Dungeons and More Dungeons.
Why someone would even want to play that dumb game was beyond him. Pointless, that’s what it was. Not like Bill had anything against nerdy stuff, he enjoyed a few things like that, but getting drunk and shouting at a table covered in dice and paper seemed asinine to him.
Once his work was saved, Bill stretched and stood up, the back of his knees pushing his chair away from him. He rubbed his face a bit and took his headphones off, placing them carefully above his keyboard before ruffling his short, blond hair so that it didn’t have an impression where the headphones had sat.
It sounded like Mark or whatever had wrapped his party up, as the front door opened and closed a few times and footsteps could be heard making their way down the stairs of the building.
Bill was glad for it, because after he made himself some food he was going to go to bed, and he didn’t want to have to send an angry text to his neighbor about the noise. No one else seemed to mind it much, but Bill would get mean if it meant cutting his time to sleep.
Things quieted down completely while he boiled some water for the noodles he was making, and Bill leaned against the counter, idly petting his cat while it rolled around on the counter.
A single set of footsteps came stumbling back up the stairs, padding over to Mark’s door. Or, so Bill thought anyway.
From his kitchen he could see his front door, and was almost amused when he saw the doorknob start to move. Luckily he had locked it, so whatever dork had mistaken his apartment for Mark’s couldn’t fumble in on accident.
“Mmaaark, wh-why’d you lock the door? I l-left my hoo-oodie in there,” a voice whined. The man knocked a few times and Bill rolled his eyes.
He’d better go open the door and point the drunken idiot in the right direction.
Before he could even leave his kitchen, a clicking sound made him stare at the door again, and in came a brunet, barely able to keep himself upright.
“Where’d… I left it…” He took a few steps in and closed the door behind himself.
Bill stared in disbelief as the curly haired, actually kind of adorable guy that he guessed was a bit younger than he was, stumble for a few feet before scrunching his nose up and glaring at the room.
“The thing’s fuckin’ bright blue, ho-how th’fuck am I not seein’ it?” The stranger grumbled to himself.
With a huff, Bill stomped over to the guy, ready to pull him out and shove him into Mark’s apartment, so that he could finish making food then go to bed, rather than deal with this drunk guy who broke into his place.
“How the Hell did you even get in here?” Bill stood next to the guy with his arms crossed, trying to look as upset about it as he could. Honestly it was a little funny, but he wanted to sleep.
“Wh-who th’fuck? Are you that weird kind of ro-roommate Mark told us ‘bout? Y-yer taller th’n I thought you’d be. M’name’s Di- uuhhh, Dipper.” The guy stumbled back a bit and nearly fell over, but Bill reached out and grabbed him before he could bash his head in on any of the furniture.
“Dude, no, this is my place. How’d you get in the door?” He knew asking any questions was probably a moot point, but he kind of wanted to know how the guy, “Dipper”, got through a deadbolt that fast.
“So my grunkle-”
“Your what?” Bill blinked at him and furrowed his brows.
“Sh-shut up ‘nd listen. So my grunkle taught me how to pick locks in case… in case’f uuhhh. I can’t remember, but it’s a thing he taught me, isn’t it cool?” He fell up against Bill and hiccupped, not caring that Bill was the only thing keeping him standing.
“Dude.” Bill just laughed a bit and looked down at the big, brown eyes staring back at him through thick eyelashes. The guy’s face was flushed and he had a small smile pulling at the corners of his pouty lips.
Dipper was super cute, what the Hell was he doing hanging out with someone like Mark ? The neighbor that smelled like potatoes more often than not, and quite frankly looked like a potato with a crop of black, oily hair on the top of it.
He laughed at the image in his head, only to be reminded of the man in his arms by a humming sound.
“Yer hoooooot,” he practically moaned as he cuddled up on Bill.
Bill was then the one with a red face, gulping down the urge to cuddle back. Dipper was clearly wasted, and it would be wrong to do anything with him, even if he was the one starting it.
“O-okay, how about we get you moving along to where you need to be. Who’s taking you home?” He shifted Dipper a bit so that he could see his face a little better and waited patiently for an answer.
Dipper blinked at him and snorted. “‘M takin’ myself wiff mah legs,” he slurred as he kicked a leg up, nearly falling again. “I live like t-twoo neighborhoods ‘nnn…” He waved his hand around to his right. “That way.”
Bill’s face scrunched up in anger and he moved Dipper around again, since the brunet was a little hard to hold onto for long, despite being a good deal shorter than Bill was. “You were going to walk home? And Mark was going to let you?” It seemed like he was going to need to have a pretty big discussion with his neighbor in the morning.
“Mmm thi-this- these parts aren’t s-bad. I doubt ‘nyone would even s-see me this late.”
“With a face like this and with how drunk you are, I have a feeling it would become a bad place.” Bill sighed and looked over to the kitchen. He could turn off the stove and take some time to take Dipper home.
He looked down at the the guy to talk to him about taking him home, but found that he had passed out against Bill’s chest, snoring ever so slightly.
Bill groaned. He really didn’t want to try and force the kid awake, drag him out to the car, then try and get directions from him. And leaving him with Mark was a bad choice, seeing as he was clearly a bad friend. And it was his day off tomorrow...
“Looks like you’re staying on the couch tonight,” he mumbled as he hauled Dipper over to the black, suede couch.
The brunet fit perfectly on it and snuggled into the back of it, mushing his face against the cushion and letting out a sleepy groan before snoring a bit again.
“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Bill grumbled. Though he was a bit miffed, he couldn’t help but smile at the guy’s adorable action, and figured he’d get him a blanket before finishing up making his very late dinner.
~~
Thanks to Bill’s inability to sleep in, he was awake bright and early, ready to make coffee and feed his cat before going to the store then library.
When he walked out of the hallway, he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard someone shift around and mumble something.
“Mabel, get your cat offa meee, I’m sleepin’.” The brunet currently sprawled out on Bill’s couch nudged the orange ball of fluff that was Bill’s cat Monstrose, failing at getting the fatty to move off of his chest.
Oh yeah. That had happened. The drunken, adorable, nerd really had passed out and slept on his couch. It hadn’t just been a weird ass dream.
“Monstrose, food,” Bill whispered a bit loudly. He didn’t want to wake Dipper up just yet, and knew how uncomfortable that fat ass cat could be when he was cuddly. Maybe Bill needed to put him on a diet.
After making sure the cat was fed less than he usually would get, Bill started making some french toast and eggs, trying his best to make it something the brunet would want to stay for. Because if this kid was single, (who was he kidding, he’d try anyway if he wasn’t) Bill was going to try and see about getting a date with him.
The food took about an hour to perfect, and Bill took an extra twenty minutes to make the two plates of food and two mugs of coffee look as inviting as possible. He wasn’t going to lie, he never really got out much, and having visitors was something that just didn’t happen, so if Dipper stayed for at least breakfast, it would make Bill’s week.
“Kid, hey,” Bill said as he nudged the younger man’s shoulder. “You should probably get up.”
Dipper made a noise that was a half groan half growl then turned over, pulling the blanket over his head.
Bill rolled his eyes and yanked the blanket away, tossing it onto the seat to his right. “Get up you drunk nerd, I made food.”
“Mabel, what the He-” Dipper crack an eye open, staring right at Bill. It took him a solid minute before he opened the other and sat up, looking around while rubbing at his head. “Wh- uhm. Where am I? Who’re you?”
“Yeesh, it’s like the booze gave you amnesia or something.” Bill casually strode over to the table and sat down in front of his plate. “I made food, so come sit down and eat.”
The stranger sat and stared at him for a little while, his lips twitching as if he were trying to speak. The confused look mixed with his disheveled red T-shirt and messy hair somehow made the guy look even cuter, which didn’t seem possible.
Bill just stared back at him and took a sip of his coffee, waiting for the other to do something other than sit and look super cute with his confused face and bed head.
“Did- did we, s-sleep together? Oh god, I was that drunk?” He rubbed his eyes with the heels on his hands then stood up, wobbling a bit. “Who are you?” He asked again when he righted himself.
“Name’s Bill. And you’re Dipper,” he said as he pointed his fork at the brunet. “The guy who drunkenly mistook my apartment for my neighbor Mark’s, broke in looking for your jacket, explained to me exactly two things, -that your name is Dipper and that your ‘grunkle’ taught you how to pick locks- then passed out on me. Like, actually on me, I had to carry you to the couch. Not the guy that slept with a stranger.” He stabbed the fork into his toast and smiled pleasantly while he watched Dipper react.
“Oh god. ” His face paled and he stammered for a moment. “I am so sorry. I-I never get that drunk, I j-just- It was supposed to be a special night last night since a new episode of Starscape- a-and, uh… Well, I got too drunk. I’m super sorry.”
Bill waved a hand at him and motioned for him to sit. “It’s fine. Come sit down and eat some food, it’ll help with the hangover.”
Dipper blinked at him and his eyes flittered to the door before going back to Bill. “You’ve already done more than enough for me, I really should be-”
“Nonsense, I made enough for you anyway, might as well, right? And you’ve got a cell phone I’m sure, you can just text your girlfriend and let her know what happened. I’m sure she’ll understand.”
He chuckled nervously and blushed. “I-I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Then who’s Mabel?” Bill teased.
Dipper scrunched his nose and wobbled over to the chair across from Bill to sit down, ignoring the food and coffee. “Ew, no, Mabel’s my twin.”
“Ah, okay. Boyfriend then?” Bill probed.
“Are you hitting on me right now?” His voice squeaked a bit and he looked up at Bill, cheeks turning beet red.
Bill took a bite of his food and shrugged. “Cute guy breaks into my house and literally fell into my arms, called me a hottie, then he wonders why I’m hitting on him?”
It was amusing to watch the guy quickly look down at his hands in his lap, his eyes squeezing shut in embarrassment.
“Y-you really made me a plate and everything?” Dipper asked, clearly trying to change the subject.
“Sure I did! I figured you might have a bit of a rough morning, so-” he shrugged. “Dig in. The coffee’s a special blend, and the toast is just, well, french toast. Syrup’s right here.” He nudged the bottle with his free hand and took another bite of his food with the other.
“Well, thank you. Like, a ton. I-I owe you one. Lord knows I could’ve ended up in some weirdo’s place…” He gingerly took the mug of coffee and lifted it to his lips, softly blowing on it before taking a sip.
Bill watched him gulp the liquid down with interest, seeing how he responded to the flavor. He had mixed a few of his favorites together and created, what was to him, the perfect blend.
Dipper’s eyes fluttered shut and he hummed at the taste. “This is really good.”
“Thanks, made it myself.” Bill smiled and leaned forward a bit. “About you owing me…”
The brunet nearly choked on his drink and looked up at Bill, his big brown eyes holding a lot of concern for what the blond might say.
“Don’t look so somber, kid! I ain’t gonna ask you to like, strip for me or anything,” he laughed.
To hide his face, Dipper took another swig of his coffee and avoided looking at Bill entirely.
“To make it up to me, you should go on a date with me. I’ll take you out and we can spend time together that’s not initiated by too much vodka. Sound like a deal?” He took a fork full of eggs and stuffed it into his mouth, prompting Dipper to answer with his gaze.
“Isn’t this kind of a date right now?” He set the mug down and finally looked Bill in the eyes, his brows scrunched up in an unreadable expression.
Bill laughed and had to be careful to keep his mouth shut so that he didn’t spit out his food. After swallowing his mouthful, he shook his head. “This still counts as me being nice. The date will be a separate event on a different day.”
With a bit of a scowl, Dipper leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Why is this sounding more and more like some weird contract?”
“Well I write a bunch of legal warnings and shit for a living, so I’m used to working things out a bit more official-like,” he shrugged.
A few beats passed with Dipper just staring the other down, but eventually he loosened up and leaned forward to take a bite of his food. “Fair enough. I drunkenly broke into your home, you get to take me out on a date. But it’s just one date. Unless I decide that I like you, then maybe there will be more. Also this toast is really good.” His “stern” voice was adorable, and the way he looked all bothered made Bill smile.
“Also made it myself. My dad taught me his way of doing it when I was like ten, and I still use it to this day.” He slowly took another bite, nervously thinking about whether or not this guy was actually going to like him. Bill was pretty weird compared to other people. “Do you have anything that you would prefer we not do while out on a date? Like are you opposed to anything?”
Dipper shrugged, still eating his food, clearly enjoying it immensely. “Not really. So long as you don’t like, drag me to some orgy or something.”
“Darn, you’ve ruined my plans. Looks like I have to call the boys and tell ‘em it’s off,” Bill teased.
The laugh that earned from Dipper made Bill’s breath hitch and he stared at the brunet, watching how his eyes closed from his wide smile and how his shoulders bounced with each breath. This guy was way too cute for his own good.
“We’ll work up to the orgies. For now, I’m thinking the classic dinner and a movie?” He smiled at Dipper, propping his head up on his hand. He was too enthralled with staring at the adorable stranger to focus on eating.
“Sounds good to me,” Dipper chuckled.
They chatted about little, mundane things while they finished their breakfasts. Bill found out that Dipper was an editor, and most oftenly dealt with small-time authors trying to get their first books out. It apparently wasn’t always the funnest job, as some of them were just hard to get through, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.
Once they were done eating, they exchanged numbers and Dipper claimed that he needed to go grab the things he left at Mark’s then head home. He got up and helped put the dishes away before heading over to the door, waiting in front of it to say his goodbyes.
“Mabel probably figured that I had stayed the night at Mark’s. Which is kind of true, it’s only a few feet away,” he laughed.
Bill nodded. “So you two live together then?”
“Yeah, just until she’s done with school. I finished up faster than she did, so I have no problem bunkin’ with her ‘till she’s done.”
“Aw, so sweet,” Bill teased as he playfully pinched Dipper’s cheek.
Dipper swatted his hand away and blushed. “Shut up,” he laughed. He looked at the door then back at Bill again while biting his bottom lip. “Sorry again about breaking in. Wow that’s a sentence I didn’t think I’d ever- actually, no, I’ve said it before. My grunkle wasn’t the best guardian at times.” He laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. “Anyways, I guess I’ll text you later then?”
“Yes, and I will let you know when I get our date set up. And don’t worry about it. It’s at least been entertaining.” Bill patted Dipper on the back and opened the door, resisting the urge to flat out kiss the brunet. Maybe if the date went well he could do that.
“Okay. See you later.” He gave a short wave then stepped out, walking over to Mark’s door before disappearing inside the other’s apartment.
Bill closed his door and fell against it, sighing in victory. His weird night had turned into a great morning, and he was excited to go out and think of ideas for their date. The crazier, the better, because he was going to take Dipper out on a date he would never forget and get that kiss he had been wanting all morning.
“The guy’s gonna be mine Monstrose, so I’m glad you got along with him.” Bill patted his cat on the head before heading into his room to get ready to shower and get better dressed to go out. He had a long day of chores and planning ahead of him.