Chapter Text
Veronica glimpses at passing students in the cafeteria, reminiscing on childhood in general as she sees a girl wearing an orange, pocka-dot bow in her blonde hair grab another girl's high ponytail and yank it backwards. She then turns to look left and sees a jock push a geek in a wacky-patterned, collared t-shirt onto the ground. She must have some sort of superpower as she swears she can see everyone acting like dicks in slow motion.
"Hey are you okay?" Veronica asks the nerd on the ground, extending her hand to help him.
"Get away nerd!" he yells as he gets up on his own and runs off. Ironic asshole, Veronica thinks.
How did everyone go from sweet, innocent children--
"MOVE!" A girl in all-green, combat clothes and circle sunglasses yells at her. It's Jenny Ricks, who's been shoving people since kindergarten.
... How did most people go from sweet innocent children to this? At least she's still a good person.
Her classmates yell profanities out loud, you know, average high school hallway shenanigans.
CREEP!
SLUT!
CRIPPLE!
HOMO!
HOMO!
HOMOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Veronica's brain halts at the word homo. She's not like thatttttt... nope, definitely not- ANYWAYS COLLEGE! THINK OF COLLEGE! Her brain screams at her.
College letters. Harvard, Duke, Brown, Harvard, Duke, Brown, Harvard, Duke, Brown...
"Out of the way!"
Fuck, it's Ram and Kurt, and she's still caught up on the teens screaming Homo. The other students can't be talking about her, it's impossible! She's straight!
Veronica sees Martha come over, Kurt and Ram do too. They immediately start their humiliation ritual on Martha Dumpstruck. Veronica can intervene... but she has enough on her mind right now. Martha Dumpstruck is used to being.. well... dumped on. Her friend will manageeeee... Wait is this why JD is the only person willing to tolerate her for more than twenty minutes? (Martha's desperate she doesn't count).
Veronica steps back. Letting Kurt and Ram mock Martha before chest bumping and ruffling each other's hair as they head back to the other jocks. For two gorllia-built, hetero, teenage, homophobic, football eager, pinhead jocks, they sure are very friendly with each other.
Nah, they can't be gay, like how she is NOT a lesbian!
Why
Whyyy
Whyyyyyyyyyyyy
She thinks, it's RIDICULOUS! She couldn't possibly--
HEATHER
HEATHER
AND HEATHERRRRRR
Teenagers yell as the three whimsical, color co-ordinated, flawless make-uped, flambunctiously smooth and shiny haired Heathers walk into the cafeteria.
Heather MacNamara, Head cheerleader, her personality as soft and sweet as her lips-- WHICH Veronica doesn't think about.. daily... for the record-
Uhh Heather Duke! She runs the yearbook. Boring personality but her Christmas gift last year was implants and damn, those implants are.. effective. Gross Veronica! Stop thinking about another girls boobs-
AND HEATHER CHANDLER! Thee mystic bitch, she's-
"I'd like to be their boyfriend!"
Exactly. -Wait no!
That would be beautifullll
.... Okay so maybe it's a possibility. Homo? She might be like thatttttt..... NOPE. She's a good person! Good people don't think like that. It's just.. the Heather's effect! Yea, everyone LOVES the Heathers! Everyone's cheeks burn at the SIGHT of the Heathers! Everyone wants to KISS at least one of the Heathers!.
"I'd like to kidnap a Heather, photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats!"
...Ew, Veronica thinks, not everyone wants to do that to the Heathers-- creep.
Maybe she is a creep for sometimes wishing to be in a relationship with all three of the Heathers... nuh uh, nope. Those are just fleeting thoughts, COMPLETELY different from reality.
Veronica has suspected the Heathers being more than just friends for a while, but she's never even talked to them! She has nothing to confirm her suspicion of their... kind of relationship.
Hey! At least if the rumors were true their school could use it as a way to feign being progressive! Yes some teachers still threaten to hit students misbehaving but look! The most popular girls in school are a lesbo harem!
The bell blares. Lunch is over, time for class, Veronica thinks. But instead of Physical Education (or PE), she walks towards the stairs beside the bathroom and sits down. She opts to write in her diary. What date is it again? Oh yea, September 1st 1989...
---
Veronica soon hears a girl throwing up in the bathroom. Very common these days, doesn't Heather Duke know she has a HOT body already... not that Veronica was paying attention to it or anything.
Soon the three goddesses leave the bathroom.
"Grow up Heather, bulimia is SO 87' ," Veronica overhears Heather Chandler say to Heather Duke.
Some more talking happens but Veronica is too focused, she spots a teacher's coming! Thinking quickly, she scribbles her name (along with Heathers' names too) into her diary as Ms. Fleming approaches the girls, faking a note before ripping the page out. She pushes her dairy quickly into her bag.
"A week's detention!" Ms. Fleming yells, and Veronica takes her shot.
"Actually Ms Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass, yearbook commitee," she nervously hands over the sheet, hoping their kooky teacher buys it, she does.
"Hurry up, and get where you are going," Ms. Fleming sighs in defeat, her shoes from the 70's clinking as she strides away.
Heather Chandler strides up, taking the note, and looks Veronica up and down, her eyeline landing briefly on Veronica's lips. Veronica tries talking but Heather Chandler shushes her, putting her index finger on Veronica's mouth.
"I don't know who you are, or what your name is, but this is one fine forgery,"
"It's Veronica Sawyer," is all she could muster in the Heather's presence, gulping as Heather's finger moves from her mouth to her cheek.
"Well, for a greasy, little nobody, you do have good bone structure,' Heather Chandler states, her finger running down Veronica's sharp jawline.
"And a symmetrical face, if we took a meat cleaver to your face, we'd have to two equal halves," Heather MacNamara pipes up as she walks over behind Veronica's left shoulder,"That's very important," she practically whispers the last line in Veronica's ear.
"And you know, you know, you know-- this could be beautiful," Heather Duke says, striding over. Did she just look me up and down?! Veronica thinks as Heather Duke positions herself at Veronica's other shoulder. Veronica slightly shivers as she realizes the Heathers formed a Bermuda-Triangle-stance, with herself in it's dead. centre.
"Veronica, you should sit with us tomorrow at our lunch table," Heather Duke starts.
"-That's if you can deliver what's required of you in this group of course," Heather Chandler finishes.
If I can deliver????? WHAT! Oh-shit-oh-shit-OH-SHIIIIIIIIIIIII--
"And we'll need to get you some new--," Heather MacNamara halts her sentence as the three Heathers stare intently at Veronica.
"Everything," Heather Duke finishes her sentence.
"It's the perfect excuse for us to skip.. whatever class we have next," Heather Chandler announces as her mind forms a blank on what she was actually supposed to be doing right now in school.
"Coolll- cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool," Veronica quickly replies, her nervousness affecting her speech like five pints of alcohol.
"...That's uncool," Heather Chandler states after a beat of silence, her eyes showing near digust, but it quickly dissipated.
"Got it," Veronica responds hastily, keeping her mouth shut for the rest of that hour as they Heathers meticulously worked on her.
---
Ohh-KAYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Veronica thought as she finally arrives home from school. She still doesn't recognize herself fully as she passes the mirrors in her house, with her hair perfectly poofy and crimped, her lips a perfect rouge-red, and her face melted into a constant dazed-expression from her current thoughts. Her wide-eyed reflection trys to find a way to comprehend what just happened at school.
Veronica jumps head first onto her bed as soon as she reaches her room. After three (million) deep breaths and some MTV, Veronica writes down her new revelations in her diary.
A) The Heathers are 100% a polygamous couple.
B) The Heathers acknowledged her existence today and gave her a FULL MAKE-OVER!!!
C) The Heathers just casually invited her to join their throuple.... HUHHHH!?!?!?!
Okay Veronica, THINK! You have two choices here. You can either A) join the Heathers at lunch tomorrow and casually accept their “invitation” or B) Join the Heathers at lunch tomorrow and avoid anything to do with the invitation and accept still being a virgin despite JD teasing you about it— WAIT JD!
Veronica has been friends with JD since he moved to Westerburg High last year. He ALWAYS has good advice! — Except when he “ “jokingly” advised that they should blow up the school together after neither were invited to a party — that was shitty advice, and a waste of a good slushie as Veronica had to talk JD into going to a shrink for so long that her slushie had watered down.
ANYWAYS she will one HUNDRED percent go talk to JD. He’ll know which choice to make!
—-
“I don’t know which choice to make,” JD replies to Veronica on the phone.
”What do you mean? You always know what to do!” Veronica replies.
”This is a decision that YOU have to make Veronica, I’m sorry,” JD says, the phone clutched against his ear as Veronica can hear a staple gun go off in the background.
”Oh shit, are you still at work?” Veronica asks.
”Yup,” JD responds casually, popping the p,” double shift until 11pm BUT on the bright side. 7-11 is dead right now so I can call you without the interruption of annoying customers complaining about the bathroom,”
“What’s wrong with the bathroom?” Veronica cautiously asks.
”I was supposed to clean it but the new bleach order hasn’t arrived yet, my shitty manager is cutting the costs,” JD makes air quotes with one hand.
”Ew, that’s gross,” Veronica replies, chuckling.
“I know, he’s the worst kind of cheap skate,” JD laughs back.
Veronica hears muffled yelling through the phone, before JD tells her.
”Mr. Cheapskate has returned, got to go,” and the line hangs up.
Veronica giggles before remembering her situation, oh shit, she thinks.
Great. Her conversation with JD has given her no further information — except a confirmation to NEVER use the 7-11 bathroom.
She’ll have to sleep on it, Veronica decides, as she gets ready for bed.