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The first date goes well, but Atsushi can’t remember whether Todomatsu knows that this is their first date.
In his defense, there were a lot of factors at play when he asked Todomatsu out. One was the late hour, another was Todomatsu’s incessant downtrodden attitude, and the other was all of the alcohol they’d downed before.
Er, Todomatsu had downed most of the alcohol. Atsushi had just had a couple of beers.
But they’d been there, stinking up Atsushi’s apartment, and it felt… right. Todomatsu was whining about something his brothers had done, and he’d just wanted to get drunk somewhere without them. Atsushi thought his apartment was the safest place. This was not the first time Todomatsu had come to him in his time of alcohol need. Last month, they’d gone to a bar and Todomatsu had come out sobbing and covered in cracker crumbs. It was a very sorry sight, and he was pissed at Atsushi afterward for letting him do that. Atsushi decided then that they would try to stick to drinking in his apartment.
And he’d been really disgusting and kind of sweaty and gross, and just wailing on the couch, and it was gross. Atsushi knew that it was gross. But he couldn’t shake this feeling that somehow even though this was flat out nasty Todomatsu was still unbearably cute and pretty and worth suffering through grossness for. He’d felt the same way before, but now they were in his apartment, and instead of whining incoherently, Todomatsu was actually telling him about all of the things that bothered him, and everything about this felt so intimate and before he knew it, Atsushi was speaking,
“Todomatsu, can we go on a date tomorrow night?”
“Huh?”
“I want to go out with you. Tomorrow night, because, hopeful this hangover will be done with by then.”
“Why would you…” Todomatsu stopped sobbing but his eyes were still watering as he looked to Atsushi across the kitchen table. “Why would you want to do that? I’m… I’m…”
“Because I like you.” Atsushi said, straight-faced.
“Ah.” Todomatsu nodded and wiped his tears, then put his head back down. “That’s a good reason.”
Atsushi paused, waiting for him to say more. But he didn’t. “So, is that a yes?”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Todomatsu mumbled, and then fell asleep instantly.
Atsushi carried him to his bed and left him there, then went to sleep on the couch. He was ecstatic.
So, the next afternoon came, and Todomatsu “faintly remembered” telling Atsushi he’d hang out with him. Atsushi just told him he’d pick him up from his house. Todomatsu was severely against that, so, instead he would go to Atsushi’s house and they’d leave from there.
Atsushi had panicked about this all morning. What seemed like a good idea in his slightly foggy mind last night was now seeming like a very, very brash decision. He wasn’t sure what to do. Ice cream, maybe? But ice cream was too… too cheap. It would seem like he wasn’t trying. Then, maybe they could go to a zoo or a museum or something? But they were going out at around 6 - most museums were closed by then, or would be closing soon. Maybe they could… do a fun activity? Like go to a cooking class - he’d seen that in movies before. But then again, Todomatsu was inherently competitive and would just take it as a challenge. That might ruin the mood.
He decided that they’d just go out for dinner. Todomatsu loved food. He loved really good food. But he didn’t like terribly expensive or fancy food. He liked to go to restaurants and get food that could be made just as well at home, but the concept of paying for it made him enjoy it much more. So Atsushi picked a restaurant that was just short of 5-star, where Todomatsu would safely be able to pronounce everything on the menu, but it wouldn’t seem like Atsushi wasn’t trying.
He deemed this a good idea when he answered the door, and Todomatsu’s first words were “I’m starving”.
“You look very nice, Todomatsu!” Atsushi blabbed. Which he wholeheartedly believed.
“What are you talking about?” Todomatsu murmured, raising a brow skeptically. He was just wearing a white button down and black pants. This was not his most impressive look.
“Ah, uh,” Atsushi averted his eyes, then closed the door behind himself. “We should go now, shouldn’t we? Or we’ll miss our reservation!”
“Reservation? We’re getting dinner?”
“Yes! I hope you enjoy it.” Atsushi practically yelled and opened the passenger side door for Todomatsu to climb inside.
Todomatsu gave him a strange look before taking his seat.
The ride to the restaurant was awkward. Todomatsu tried multiple times to make conversation, but Atsushi deflected everything he said, focused entirely on the road, and was humming nervously under his breath. When Todomatsu’d had enough of this, he just turned the radio on and stared out the window. Atsushi occasionally glanced at him and thought that he was beautiful.
Or was that weird?
He decided to focus on the road.
They arrived to the restaurant and parked and they were just on time for their reservation and Atsushi was so grateful that he picked this place, because Todomatsu just ordered tonkatsu. He tried to imagine translating French or Italian and then trying to help Todomatsu pronounce things, only for him to get mad that Atsushi didn’t just let him do it, or had embarrassed him in some way. While on most days he’d think Todomatsu was just being silly and cute, he didn’t want to make him that upset on their… “first date”.
….Which, he realized, was something that neither of them had mentioned this entire time. Not that that was weird, maybe. Because, really, how often did people bring up the first date being the first date on the first date? They…. didn’t, did they?
This launched Atsushi into a completely separate train of thought.
He did not know much about first dates, because he’d never had one.
Well no, he’d had them, but the ones he’d had didn’t count. They were mostly with girls or guys he either knew from work or from mixers. Dating co-workers was taboo, so, he didn’t date them (often), but someone always had a friend of a friend who’d taken interest in him. Or, someone at the mixer would think they’d really hit it off, and would ask him out. And most of the time, Atsushi would say yes, more out of civility than anything, and they’d go on a date, sometimes they’d fuck - again, more out of civility, than anything - and maybe twice did he ever go out with them again. Civility could only go so far, after all.
Watching Todomatsu eat, he realized that this was the first time he’d really had feelings for someone since kindergarten, when he made a mud-pie for a girl in his class only for her to accept it, and immediately hand it over to another boy she liked. It was heartbreaking.
But Todomatsu was there, and he was trying to keep appearances while stuffing his face, and Atsushi was thinking that he was cute. Atsushi was thinking that he was cute, and he was kind of bittersweet, and that he wanted to keep him around. Other people were cute in a different way - cute like, they were cute at a distance, but once they got close it became clear that they were only cute when seen with other people. Atsushi thought that Todomatsu was cute enough to make him jealous with other people, cute enough to make him want to be with him when he was alone, and cute enough to want to keep by his side if he ever drew close.
Maybe it was this whole weird, “he’s not playing hard to get - I clearly already have him - but it’s hard to get him to let me say that out loud” dynamic they had. Atsushi wasn’t sure. He didn’t care.
Todomatsu was the only person he’d felt the need to ask out first.
Todomatsu was staring at him.
“Atsushi.” Todomatsu said flatly.
“Hm?” Atsushi’s head perked as he began to pay attention.
“You’ve been staring at me and hardly even eating for the last ten minutes.”
“Oh! Really?” Atsushi looked down. He hadn’t even noticed that his food had arrived. “Ah, I’m sorry.”
Todomatsu sighed. “Listen, I don’t want this to get sobby but something’s bothering you. And if… if you want to,” He groaned. “Talk about it or whatever, I guess I owe it to you to listen.”
“Nothing’s wrong! I was just thinking.” Atsushi smiled to reassure him.
Todomatsu wouldn’t budge. “Thinking? About what? I mean, jeez, if you’re gonna ask me to go somewhere with you, the least you can do is-”
“I was thinking about you.” Atsushi leaned his head onto his hand and grinned. “That’s all.”
Todomatsu’s face flushed. He was pissed.
Atsushi acutely remembered wanting this exact thing to not happen. He cut off Todomatsu’s “Fuck you, Atsushi”,
“No, really! I was thinking about you, and a lot of other things, and I was just thinking that this is nice, is all.” Atsushi rambled.
“Huh?!”
“Being with you is nice. Right now. And also all the time. I don’t know. I was just thinking that I like it when you’re around.” Atsushi shrugged. “With most other people it’s either bothersome or I hardly notice them. But you’re always there - and you’ve always been there - just kind of, standing out. Almost like you sparkle.”
“I sparkle?” Todomatsu asked.
Atsushi’s grin had withered into a dreamy smile. “You just sparkle.”
“Are you calling me gay?”
“…What?”
“I don’t get you.” Todomatsu started eating again. “Thanks, maybe. Either way, quit zoning out and pay attention to me.”
“Fine.” Atsushi pouted. “So how’d all that tequila treat you after I dropped you off this morning?”
Todomatsu tensed. “You’re the worst.”
“It can’t be any worse than you throwing up on me after Futsuumaru’s party.”
“That was so embarrassing.” Todomatsu covered his face.
Atsushi laughed. “Futsuumaru only wanted to help you, but you were so determined not to let him… you clung to my leg for half an hour, then vomited on my crotch.”
“I know!” Todomatsu groaned. “Why do you let me make bad choices?”
“I only very recently realized that it’s my duty to stop you.” Atsushi tried to hide his smile. “I’ve been doing my best since then.”
For a moment he pouted, but then Todomatsu looked up at him. He muttered. “You’ve been doing a good job.”
Atsushi was stunned. Compliments (sincere ones, anyway) were hard to come by with Todomatsu. He stored that one in his memory.
Dinner went on. Atsushi’s thoughts continued to be invasive, but Todomatsu was there. Todomatsu was there, and Atsushi couldn’t turn his attention away from him again. With Todomatsu, things were easy. Atsushi didn’t have enough easy things in his life, and he was grateful. As Todomatsu argued with him over paying for the meal, he was grateful. As Todomatsu complained that they should tip the waiter more, he was grateful. As Todomatsu gushed about the tonkatsu, he was grateful. As Todomatsu started to fall asleep in the car on the way home, he was so, so, so grateful.
“Before you go,” Atsushi started after he’d pulled up to the Matsuno household. “I just wanted to say that it’s been fun. This was a really good first date, I think.”
Todomatsu blinked at him. “First date? What?”
Atsushi blinked back. “…What?”
He hadn’t been overreacting. Todomatsu didn’t know. Todomatsu had no idea that this, and he’d just, and, oh god, oh god -
“This is not our first date.” Todomatsu screwed his face into a frown. “We’ve been dating for like a month.”
“…What?”
Todomatsu gaped. “Did you not think we were dating all this time? Atsushi! I introduced you to my mom!’
“And… And I introduced you to my dad?” Atsushi said, bewildered.
“Atsushi, we’re already dating!” Todomatsu shook his head. “Did you - did you not think that this whole time? Did you think we were just hanging out?! Do you not even like me?!”
“I definitely like you!” Atsushi, who was still confused, jumped to talk about the one thing he was sure of. “I definitely like you very very much! So much! So much that I want to spend all my time with you!”
“Do you take all of your friends out for romantic dinner dates?” Todomatsu moaned, slamming his head back into the headrest. “Atsushi.”
“Yes? Maybe not romantic, but I, I go out with friends.”
“Okay, listen.” Todomatsu closed his eyes. “You can keep ‘going out’ with your friends, but let’s make it clear that you aren’t dating them, okay?”
“Okay.”
Todomatsu opened his eyes to glare at Atsushi. “You can go out with them, but you can only date me.”
“Okay.”
“And only I’m your boyfriend!”
“…Okay!”
“And please.” Todomatsu sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but try not to kiss anyone else but me, okay? Because, I’d get jealous.”
“Okay.” Atsushi nodded firmly. The implication was that Todomatsu could be kissed now. He was ecstatic. “Even my mom?”
“You can kiss your mom.”
“Okay!”
“Okay.” Todomatsu folded his arms. “Are we clear on everything now?”
“Yes!” Atsushi was so happy. He was so happy they could skip the awkward part of dating.
“I mean, seriously, if we’re going to pick random dates to be our first, I want the one at the summer festival. At least there were fireworks at that one.”
“Ah, you’re right! That was a good one!”
Todomatsu eyed Atsushi, then shook his head. “You’re too excited. I gotta go.” He reached for the door.
“Um, wait.” Atsushi grabbed Todomatsu’s shoulder.
Todomatsu stopped and turned to him. “What?”
Atsushi leaned over the console and kissed Todomatsu, very quickly, very nervously, and pulled away very happily. “I love you, goodnight, Totty!”
Todomatsu stared in shock. He recovered. He couldn’t help smiling. “I love you too. Good night.” He opened the door and got out of the car, closing it behind him.
Atsushi watched as Todomatsu headed toward his house, then turned back and dashed toward the car, knocking on the window. Atsushi rolled the window down.
“Boyfriend!” Todomatsu yelled into the car, practically giddy, then turned and ran into his house a giggling mess.
“Boyfriend!” Atsushi yelled back after a moment, breathless.
…They were boyfriends.