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Kinger wasnt quite sure why Caine had decided to just throw them all into a gun adventure today. Sure, he appreciated in house adventures a bit more than ones outside of the tent, but still, running around and shooting each other? With realistic guns? Not even laser tag or something? He had to wonder if this was another failed attempt at making a "mature" adventure for the chess piece. Given the last one ended with Jax and Pomni being sent to hell, this one at least has had a better outcome.
He had enjoyed being on a team with Zooble. He'd never really spoken with them, only ending up together as they were the last two remaining, but they were quite an interesting person. He'd love to speak with them more one on one after the adventure was over. Right now though, he, Zooble and Gangle were all having a conversation, currently discussing some of the crazy things that had happened throughout the adventure whilst they were still in play.
"Did you even know she was gonna do that?" Zooble asked Gangle with an amused tone.
"No!" She exclaimed in return. "I didnt even know Pomni had used a gun before, let alone that she could aim that well. I was just as surprised as you guys!"
That early moment had been a shock, when the jester had managed to take a life off of everyone but herself and Gangle before fleeing with the ribbon girl and leaving the rest of them to fight one another. They all knew better than to chase after the two when they had easier targets right in front of them, which was a stark contrast to their original conclusion that Gangle and Pomni were the easy choice for who was going to go out first.
Gangle was too nice to want to hurt anyone and they all very much doubted that she even knew how to hold a gun, whilst Pomni wouldnt be nearly focused enough to actually be able to hit any of them, if she was able to figure out how to shoot the gun in the first place. Whilst their conclusion regarding Gangle held up pretty well, and she did end up getting taken out first, their view on how Pomni would act was quite literally shot to pieces. He was somewhat proud that she had done so well, if not slightly concerned and confused on how exactly she'd managed to pull it off.
They all laughed a little at the absurdity of the moment before moving onto discussing other parts of the match. They'd just about gotten to the point where Zooble had been taken out when they heard the pop-in effect that signified someone new had been teleported to the losers corner, followed by loud, desperate sobs, quiet, unintelligable rambles and deep, ragged breaths that immediatly drew everyone's attention.
At the centre of it all was Pomni, curled up against the wall and desperately clawing at her face, hair and hat as she continued to talk to herself through tears, although what exactly she was saying was lost on them with how far away they were. At the sight of her like this, multiple things dawned on Kinger at once, but the biggest revelation of all was: he'd f**ked up.
He'd stayed away from Pomni for so long in attempts to protect her, and yet she still ended up getting hurt in exactly the way he'd been trying to avoid. If he'd been there for her...
He quickly snapped himself out of that train of thought. There wasnt any time to waste. He rushed over to where Pomni was backed up against the wall, getting just close enough so he could make out the words she was saying but avoiding invading her personal space too much. He had a feeling that would just make her panic more, and he knew if it got too bad she'd-
No. It wouldnt get to that. He'd make sure of it.
"-never be-en real? Di-did he trick me? Or ju-just humour my delusions? Are all my me-memories just as fake as th-theirs? They're so far away..." He barely managed to make the words out through her sobs but each one was more worrying than the last. As he listened to her continue to speak, he was able to piece together the problem. An existental crisis of some kind, although certainly worse than any he's seen before. He'd just have to figure it out as he went along. Its not like it was his first time dealing with this kind of situation.
"Pomni? Can you hear me at all?" He kept the volume of his voice as low as he could to avoid spooking her, although he couldnt speak too quietly as it risked him being completely drowned out by the girl's own words and cries.
When after two or three repetitions she didnt show any signs of recognition of his prescence, Kinger switched it up, beginning to exaggerate a more regulated breathing pattern in attempts to slow Pomni's own accelerated breathing by getting her to match it. Whilst at first she still didnt seem to notice, her breathing eventually started to slow, matching Kinger's own pace despite still being somewhat shakey and ragged.
Now that she was slightly calmer, he decided to try again. "Pomni?" Was all he said, but it was enough for her pupils to snap up towards him, although she still didnt seem all too focused. "Could you name me 5 things you can see? Or as many as you can." He was a bit worried that she wouldnt be able to find enough in the relatively empty room.
"I... I ca-can see you, and the um... th-the big fish tank." Pomni muttered quietly.
"Thats two. Is there anything else?"
"There's, uh... Ga-Gangle and... Zooble are ba-ck there, and behind them is a bi-big banner... I cant make out what it s-says."
"Thats okay, you dont need to. Could you try name 4 things you can feel?"
"I... I can feel my hair, a-and my hat." Her grip around them loosened a little, as if she'd only just now noticed how tightly she was holding them both, and she slowly moved her hands away, one now touching her cheek.
"I feel my face... its wet." She grimaced. "And uh, the floor."
"Thank you, Pomni, you're doing very well. Could you name me three things you can hear?"
"The water... you... and uh..." Her face screwed up a little as she began to try and concentrate a bit more. "Thats it, I dont-"
Curse this room. At least it wasnt too overwhelming for her but, still. He was about to tell her it was okay and move onto the next thing, but then he heard a slow, rhythmic tapping behind him. Zooble had moved their arm from under their cloak and began tapping gently on the glass of the fish tank. Whilst in the real world he would be against that, he was pretty sure the digital fish wouldnt mind.
He gave them a grateful look as Pomni mumbled: "The tapping. I-I can hear that."
"Thats great. This next one is probably gonna be tricky too, so just give me one thing you can smell, yeah?" It was rare Caine actually gave things a scent in the circus, so it wasnt like there was really much for her to smell here.
"I can uh... smell... is that... sap?"
Ah, right. That was his substitute for blood. Although, it disappeared when his body had reset. Had there been some kind of glitch where the scent somehow remained? It wouldnt surprise him. "Mhm. And could you give me one thing you can taste?"
"Uh... t-tears. They're salty... why would Caine even do that?"
"Who knows why Caine does anything, really. Are you feeling a bit better now, Pomni?" Whilst he would love to continue to question the inconsistent consistencies with real life that the circus had, he was far more focused on the jester girl's wellbeing. He'd never seen her like this. Sometimes he thought he heard her crying, but this was the first time he'd ever seen it, or could actually confirm that was what was happening. Whenever he'd go to check on her, her room would be dead silent.
"I guess? I- I dont know. Its all... a lot." She still looked terrible, and now incredibly exhausted. She clearly wasnt okay, but at least she was more aware now. Far more aware than he'd ever seen her. Whilst he didnt know what she meant by 'a lot', as he had yet to find out exactly what the issue is, he nodded solemnly in response.
"Could, uh... whats going on?" Gangle piped up from behind them, and Kinger turned a little to the left so he could see both her and Pomni in his peripheral vision. The ribbion girl turned her attention to Pomni. "You seem very... different. More um... here?"
"Yeah, that kinda just uh... happens when Im in the dark? Something about being away from all the bright lights and colours in the main tent just makes it easier for me to focus. Im not even gonna pretend I know why." She half sounded like she was going to fall asleep, and she looked it, too. Kinger couldnt really blame her.
"Oh, um, alright then. What... would you be able to tell us anything? About you? I know its really sudden, but... we've never really gotten to speak to you before." Gangle asked hesitantly. Whilst it probably isnt the best time, he had to admit that he was also curious.
"What would you wanna know?" Pomni tilted her head a little, as if she were confused by the ribbon girl's curiosity.
"Everything!" Gangle exclaimed.
"But uh, we can start with more simple stuff, right, Gangle?" Zooble reminded.
"Oh! Right. So um, how old are you?"
"Dont remember."
"Okay... how long have you been here? Like, rough estimate since uh, none of us really know."
"Your guess is as good as mine. Way longer than any of you, though."
"I kinda figured that but, its nice to have confirmation? I guess? We can try figure that out another time, maybe... what about... gosh, Im really blanking here..."
"Is there anything you do remember about yourself? Like, just, basic stuff?" Zooble took over.
"Nothing that comes to mind really, no. Ive been here for so long, that..." Pomni trailed off as she buried her face in her knees, one eye barely peeking out but not looking at any of them, instead facing the wall to their left.
"So there isnt really a point in asking, huh?"
"The answer is just gonna be "I dont know" or something you can guess yourselves." She shrugged.
"Do you remember what happened to you at all...? When you got here, I mean. Something had to have for you to..." Kinger stopped himself, not really looking to accidently insult the jester right now. "Or, if you cant remember that... would you be able to tell us why you panicked just now? I dont think any of us would want to see you suffering like that again." Whatever it was, they could try and put some kind of precautions in place to avoid such a scenerio occuring in the future.
"Those kinda have the same answer, actually..." Pomni sighed, shifting her gaze to the floor where she had moved one hand to fiddle with the end of her hat. "I guess you deserve to know, but... do you really want to? Im warning you, like really warning you, its not very pleasant." She exaggerated the warning heavily, although Kinger wasnt sure exactly why. Maybe the only way to know was to hear her out, or just have been there for the context that made this exaggeration necessary.
"I do want to. Ive known you for so long but... I feel like I dont really know you. Anything you can tell me... Id like to listen." Kinger assured her.
"And... you guys?" She lifted her head a little to look towards Gangle and Zooble.
"We'd like to hear, if you dont mind." Was Gangle's response.
"Only if you're alright with telling us..." Zooble added on. It felt like more of a question than a affirmation, or at least a question was implied, but it wasnt one Pomni would answer.
As the jester began to speak, guilt and sorrow coiled his gut as she recounted her experience as the circus' first beta tester and what had occured to her both in her time alone within the circus and the times where she had been surrounded by others, whether they be human or NPC. The whole idea of Caine making Pomni believe that NPCs had been actual players... whilst he understood the AI's intentions, Kinger wished that he had realised the flaws in his plan and stopped. Maybe the jester would be a bit better off. But, he couldnt sit there stewing in what-ifs. The fact of the matter was that Pomni had been hurt, and hurt deeply at that. It wasn't a suprise that she spent most of her days completely detached from reality, whether it be of her own volition or not. If he were in her position, he'd likely be the same.
The worst part was hearing how she had struggled to know whether anyone who entered the circus was human or not, and eventually if she herself was ever human, which had been the cause of her panic attack just now. He wished he had known that was what was going on, so he couldve helped to convince her of her humanity, but she seemed to have been able to knock herself out of that train of thought. Whether it could come back to haunt her in the future, he didnt know, but he would have to try and figure out how to aid her better in such a situation if she were to ever struggle with it again. She shouldnt have to suffer alone. Not anymore.
As Pomni finished her story, Kinger couldnt help but pull her into a hug. "Im so sorry... I spent so long thinking you weren't able to handle it here but... nobody can, really. And what you were able to do, what youve been through... you're so strong, Pomni. I wish I'd realised it sooner. I thought youd be better off without me, but... you needed someone in your corner all along."
"I thought..." Pomni paused for a second, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I thought you stopped talking to me because you blamed me for Queenie-"
"Pomni, no. Its not your fault. It was never your fault. None of this is your fault." The knowledge that Pomni believed that he had believed her to be the cause of Queenie leaving made him feel even guiltier than he already had. He couldnt stop hurting her, even when he was trying to protect her. What's wrong with him?
Although she was originally tense, she slowly melted into his hug and began to cry all over again, burying her head into his cloak as her hands clung to it. Even as her tears began to soak through the fabric, he held her just as tight, whispering apologies over and over as she cried. He wished he could do more, but, hes already done enough. Everything that happened to her... it wasnt Caine's fault for trying to help, or Pomni's fault for putting on that headset... it was Kinger's fault for helping to create this hellhole in the first place. Its all his fault.
"What...?" Pomni let go of him, pulling away from his embrace as she raised her head to look him in the eyes. "What do you mean its your fault?" Her gaze searched his own as she tried to understand what he must have said out loud.
"Oh... oh, Pomni, I... how do I even... Queenie and I... we worked on the circus for a while. I think we left a few weeks before you would've been brought in. I remember there being talks about hiring outside beta testers. Thats how we knew so much about the circus, because we were part of the team that had developed it, or well, I was a part of the main team and Queenie was a freelancer, her main job was actu- no, no, thats not the point. We... we wanted to tell you, but you were so far gone even when we arrived. We didnt want to be the thing that pushed you over the edge. You needed people you could trust, and if we weren't those people, who would be...? I already doomed you to a lifetime in this circus, I couldn't be the person who made everything worse for you. Im-"
Before he could finish, Pomni got up and rushed past him, beginning to slam her fist into the door of the losers corner whilst attempting to open it from the handle with her other hand.
"CAINE! LET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE, CAINE!" Screams ripped from her throat as her panic increased and she continued to try and break down the door. "I CANT- GET ME OUT!"
Gangle and Zooble were stuck in a heated whisper-discussion as they looked at eachother, to Pomni, and back at each other, trying to figure out what they should do. Kinger remained at his spot on the floor, watching her as she continued to scream and fight and beg, yet he was unable to do anything. He knew he would just make it worse. After all, it was his stupid admission that had caused it. He knew he never shouldve told her, and the proof was playing out right in front of him. All he could do was watch everything he did wrong coalesce at once.
The others mustve decided what they wanted to do, as they slowly approached Pomni and began to try and calm her down, but it didnt last long as the door finally snapped from its hinges, causing light to flood into the room. Pomni just stood there for a second, silent and shaking, before collapsing onto the floor.
"S**t, Pomni!" Zooble exclaimed as they knelt down on the floor, moving her slightly so they could see her face. She seemed to have passed out, and the toybox character sighed with relief that that was all it was. They picked her up in a bridal carry, something quite easy to do with how small she was, before turning around to face them. "We... Gangle and I are going to take her to her room. You can come with us if you want, but, if she wakes up..."
Kinger nodded. Whilst it hurt to hear, he understood. After that... she probably wouldnt want to see him anytime soon, if at all. He was shocked Zooble was even acknowledging him right now. It was far more than he deserved. He selfishly hoped this wouldnt be the last time they looked his way. He had enjoyed their chats today. They hadnt spoken for long but, it had been years since he'd truly had a nice conversation with another person here. He didnt want to lose that so soon.
As they began to walk towards Pomni's room, though, his thoughts turned back to the jester, and how he could only hope that she would be able to move past this, even though he knew his chance to help her do so was long gone.
Everything he'd done had only ever hurt her. He knew that now. Everything he deemed right had only ever been wrong. At least this time, him leaving her alone would help rather than hurt. On her end, that was. But Kinger could endure a little pain if that meant he could finally do something right. It was a worthy sacrifice, one he would take up time and time again if it had even the smallest chance to alleviate her suffering.
Whether it would actually do anything was a mystery to him, but that couldnt be helped, could it? As long as he didnt make things worse for her, everything would be fine. She would be fine.
Right?