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God *BOING* it... She'd done it again! No one was even trying to upset her, but just the idea of being in the wrong would always have this effect. It was humiliating to run off teary, but like most of her emotions, it was getting harder to control.
They stumbled into a chair, the nausea turning into confused numbness, their futile way of stabilising. Ribbit thought it was okay, not really feeling anything, but she was told to be honest with her feelings, which sounded healthier, but neither really worked.
It was just a simple comment, asking that if they really were feeling that bad, they could talk to Caine, or Jax and Kaufmo about it. No one else even knew about the fight, and the effects of it anyway, and Caine just... Well, he was a sucker for dismissing problems from what they saw.
At this point, Ribbit didn't think anyone would understand, she thought Jax did, she really did, but what happened was just... Despite the censored cusses they muttered, deep down, they didn't really want to be mad at him, she thought neither hated eachother, it was just emotions running haywire, and Jax did get in an attitude at times...
But did that stop Ribbit's thoughts? Nope. Her body felt heavier, it would be better if she laid down. God, what if the things Jax said weren't a figment of his outburst, what if he really did hate her? Ribbit would feel like she was being lied to about being loved, or being talked about behind her back quite frequently, but now she had proof.
Nausea returned, and the taste of sick in the back of her throat was unnervingly realistic for the Circus. She wouldn't vomit though, any emotional release was impossible for her, good or bad. She laid on her bed, the lily pad blanket barely feeling there.
They did try, they did after the adventure, the hurt look in Jax's eyes like they'd never seen before, and Kaufmo being completely quiet told them everything they needed to know. The few sharp things in her room wouldn't do anything against her digital skin, she couldn't even feel pain on her own terms, there was a complete lack of control between whatever sense of self survived that adventure.
It was too ironic, she was always the one to tell Jax to chill out when he got like this, and here she was, thoughts running into brick walls as she didn't know whether to cry or sleep. Maybe Jax was right, maybe she was a lier, maybe she deserved this! It wasn't like she was a complete victim in the fight, she said some really awful things that just came out, such an immature, selfish, pity partying *BOINK*...
It was either hating themself, or thinking awfully of Jax, and they thought the former was better, why else would everyone be avoiding them? No one was looking at them the same anymore, they really *WHACK*ed everything up...
But *FWOOP* it, she was still aggravatingly upset at Jax, how could he yell at her after all she'd done for him? All those heart-to-hearts? All the things they could do when they escaped together, just blazing through with nothing else on their minds! And all those futures were smashed apart now, all cause neither of them could accept being wrong.
Would things ever go back to normal? Ribbit couldn't see that happening anymore, it had been days since Jax even looked at them. He didn't need them anymore, they failed as a best friend, and he'd rather be happy with others, while they had to just accept that they could never have that same happiness. Jax and Ribbit could still be the happiest together despite both their outbursts, but they supposed it was never going to work out now.
*SPROINK*... These relationship breakdowns happened with her in the real world, didn't they?
Her eyes had seemed to always tear up for the weirdest or most non existent reasons lately, even when she wasn't thinking at all, that didn't make things any easier. But this time, Ribbit didn't feel any tears, just empty numbness with every forced revelation.
Normal friendships never really were a thing for Ribbit, they were either empty, full of exploitation, or a mess between love and hate spirals that racked her brain until they left her numb on her bed like she was now. Maybe it wasn't all her partners fault, she was the constant!
The times they tried to explain what was happening in her brain, was usually passed off as them being hormonal, or young, or anything to dismiss the constant mental anguish. Just like Caine...
Did she even want to go back to the real world at this point? She was motivated the most for Jax and Kaufmo, but she supposed that ship had sailed now. There would be pain either way, and all she found were dead ends and spirals, and it just wouldn't work out, she was so tired!
Tired... If Caine was hiding physical exhaustion behind a psychological barrier, Ribbit had unlocked it. All she wanted to do now was sleep, to not think anymore, another moment of heightened emotions, and she might as well combust.
Well, she wouldn't mind anything at this point, just no more feeling or thinking.
...She missed him so much already...
When Ribbit finally fell unconcious, it was a special and weird kind of relief, no concepts existed to her anymore, it felt amazing, it felt numb, it felt nothing.
When Jax realised how much he missed her too, it was a little too late.