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“Are you going to come?”
By the way Illi looks at him in confusion Frank understands that she has no idea what he is talking about. It’s not really that surprising — Illi exists in her own little world most of the time, no wonder she managed to miss the flyers pinned to what looks like every wall of St. Anthony’s High, — but still Frank wonders how this could even be possible.
“The winter ball,” he clarifies. “At school. Next Saturday.”
Illi responds with a nonchalant shrug and turns back to her homework. Frank falls back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. He has been thinking about inviting Illi to the winter ball since the day he first saw the flyers (in October. It happened in the middle of October) but never could find the right words, and this really shouldn’t be happening. Illi is his girlfriend. They have known each other since middle school, and they have been dating since they were freshmen, it shouldn't be so hard to invite Illi to a party.
“I’ve been thinking about it,” Illi breaks the silence.
Frank turns to her. Illi puts down her pencil. She looks embarrassed, her cheeks acquire a distinct pinkish shade and she keeps fidgeting her fingers like she is unsure what she should do with her hands.
“I’m not sure I’ll be welcome there,” she admits. “With the whole… you know. Thing. About me.”
“That’s bullshit.” Frank sits up. “You’re a student, they have to let you in!”
Illi doesn’t look convinced.
“You know what this is about,” she says quietly. “I wanna go, but I don’t want it to be like the last homecoming.”
Frank averts his gaze. He still feels ashamed of himself for being an idiot that night: he left Illi alone just for a few minutes to get them drinks and somehow managed to completely miss the way some assholes from the football team had been looking at her all night. He got back right after the fight broke out, so of course he had to join it, and then Ray and Mikey came to the rescue, and all four of them were kicked out. And Illi can say that she doesn’t blame him and she could stand up for herself all she wants but Frank knows that none of this would have happened if he hadn’t left her alone.
And now Illi is having second thoughts about attending a party that she otherwise would have been excited about.
Frank slides to the floor and rests his hand on Illi’s back. She shivers and moves closer to him, rests her head on his shoulder.
“It’s not gonna be like the homecoming,” Frank promises her. “I’m gonna make sure of it.”
Illi smiles at him and closes her eyes.
“You don’t have to,” she murmurs.
Frank plants a soft kiss on her forehead. Illi giggles and buries her face in the crook of Frank’s neck.
“It’s gonna be okay,” he whispers. “I promise.”
***
“I’m afraid Miss McMillin cannot attend the winter ball.”
Frank stares at Ms Pesci with wide eyes. All he wanted was to find out what counted as ‘formal wear’ by school standards — and if there was any way he could pass the face control and sneak in some booze but nobody in the school administration has to know about that part, — he didn’t expect this kind of confrontation.
“Why?” he asks bluntly, because this is the only response that seems somewhat appropriate.
Ms Pesci sighs.
“The school can’t provide proper security for her,” she tries to explain. “After what happened at the homecoming…”
“So what, she has to stay home while everyone else has fun because of some assholes?!”
This is unfair. This is so unfair, and Illi is already getting trouble from what sometimes feels like the entire school, they can’t just prohibit her from going to the party. She has been looking forward to it. She hasn’t told Frank anything but he is almost certain she has already picked the dress she wanted to wear.
“First of all, please mind your language,” Ms Pesci replies with mild annoyance in her voice. “Second, Miss Mcmillin is already causing trouble—”
“They started it!” Frank protests. “She was minding her own business, and they started it!”
“You need to understand…”
“Understand what?” Frank scoffs. “That you’re punishing an innocent person because it’s easier than dealing with the people that attacked her?”
He should have expected this, really. If there is one thing the school has taught him, it’s that adults care more about themselves than about students, so of course the administration would decide that it would be easier to make Illi the problem instead of dealing with the entire football team that has been bullying her for years.
Ms Pesci is saying something else, probably about his attitude, but Frank doesn't listen. He is thinking about how he should break the news to Illi, if there is any way he can soften the blow.
Illi is waiting for him by the door. Both Ray and Mikey are with her, desperately waiting for what Frank has to say.
“Did she say we can bring our own booze?” Mikey whispers.
Frank gives him an annoyed look. He still has no idea what he should say to avoid upsetting Illi. Some part of him wants to lie, but he knows it’s useless: Illi is going to find out anyway, and it’s better to tell her the truth now than bring her the heartbreak when she arrives to the ball only to find out she has been banned from attending because of something that wasn’t even her fault.
“They don’t want you to come,” he breathes out, looking Illi in the eyes. “I’m sorry.”
All Illi can say is, “Oh.” She doesn’t look upset just yet, but Frank knows better than to trust her facial expression: Illi is extremely good at hiding her real emotions, and he is almost certain that when she gets home after school she is going to have a full-blown meltdown.
“Like, all of us, or—” Ray frowns. “Frank, what happened?”
Frank takes a deep breath.
“Ms Pesci thinks that the school can’t ‘provide enough security’,” he makes an air quotes gesture. “So she said that Illi can’t come to the party.”
Illi lowers her head and slumps her shoulders. Frank wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her closer.
“This is bullshit,” Ray grumbles. “Why don’t they punish the guys that started it?”
“Because this school sucks,” Mikey replies nonchalantly. “It was probably gonna be a lame party anyway, so whatever. I don’t care.”
He cares. Not so much about possibly missing the ball himself but about his sister being excluded once again.
“It’s okay,” Illi says. “If you wanna go, then go, I’ll be fine.”
“No,” Frank grumbles. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“Frankie…”
“You’re my girlfriend,” Frank says and does his best to ignore the dramatic eyeroll Mikey gives them both. “I’m not gonna leave you behind because of some idiots. What am I supposed to do there without you anyway?”
Illi shrugs. “Have fun?”
“Right, because it’s so fun to hang out with jocks that got my fucking girlfriend kicked out.”
“I don’t wanna go without you either,” Ray chimes in. “It’s not fair.”
“Same,” Mikey adds. “If you’re not going, then I’m not going.”
Illi smiles weakly.
“Thanks,” she murmurs. “But I really don’t mind if you go without me.”
Frank minds. Frank minds it a bit too much, and his heart breaks a little when he sees how Illi is trying to conceal how upset she really is. And the worst part is, he has no idea how he can make it better for her. If there is any way to fix this. And he knows he is too small and insignificant to change the world, and it’s too late for him to fight against such blatant injustice in school — this is their last year here, and then it will be over and Illi will finally be free, — but he has to do something.
If only he knew what this something was.
***
You: guys
You: I think I have an idea
Mikey: im listening
Raymondo: god please no
You: it’s a good one I promise
Mikey: just say it already
You: we should make a party for illi
You: a proper party that won’t suck ass
Raymondo: how do u imagine that
You: idk
Mikey: did you find a place?
You: no
You: it's just an idea
Raymondo: btw
Raymondo: my parents won't be home this weekend
Raymondo: just fyi
You: i love you so fucking much
***
The hardest part is to keep everything secret from Illi. She still seems disappointed, and no matter how hard she tries to hide it, it's becoming more and more obvious with every passing day. She has also noticed the way her friends are growing distant and must have decided that they’re going to the school ball without her. She never says anything but Frank knows what she really thinks.
It hurts. Frank doesn’t want to admit it, but it hurts, and he is doing his best to keep his mouth shut as he watches his girlfriend slowly fall apart on the inside.
When the big day comes Frank wakes up too early for himself and spends the next few hours trying to figure out if he should be getting ready now or if it can wait until evening. Sometime during the day Mikey texts him that Illi accepted the invitation. He doesn’t give him any details and ignores all the questions but Frank imagines Illi being confused, at least a little bit; he spent an ungodly amount of time trying to make it look good enough with his extremely limited art skills and too much glitter at his disposal. He lets out a relieved breath when he reads Mikey’s message — only now he realises that Illi could have mistook the invitation for a trap set by her bullies and refused, and the last thing Frank wants is to make Illi any more upset because of some stupid party.
Maybe she recognised his handwriting. It would have spoiled the surprise, sure, but it’s better than making Illi feel even worse about herself than she already does.
In the evening, when Frank arrives at Illi's house in his car (it’s old and isn't as presentable as Frank would like but he doesn’t have any other option), the light in her room is still on. Mikey has already left so it’s impossible to tell if she’s still getting ready or waiting for Frank to come downstairs.
And then Illi appears at the porch and Frank hurriedly gets out of the car to greet her.
She looks absolutely stunning. She clearly decided to go for a darker look, which is opposite to what Frank had in mind (he would have found something more appropriate instead of his only suit). A black skirt that goes slightly below her knees is combined with heavy military boots and a Victorian-style burgundy blouse with high collar.
Illi smiles at Frank and runs down the stairs. She slips on the last step and nearly falls but manages to catch herself at the last moment.
“You came!” she shrieks in excitement.
“‘Course I did,” Frank smirks. He opens the door on the passenger side. “M’lady.”
Illi gives him a light slap on the shoulder. “Dumbass,” she murmurs fondly and gets into the car.
She can’t keep herself still for most of the ride, but her enthusiasm somewhat fades when they get closer to Ray’s house. Frank gently holds her hand.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
Illi nods.
“Yeah,” she replies. She doesn’t look at him, instead staring at the suburban houses, heavily decorated with Christmas lights, outside the car window. “It’s just— you didn’t have to go through all this trouble.”
Frank parks his car in front of Ray’s house and turns to Illi.
“Look at me,” he says quietly. Illi obediently turns to him. “It’s worth it. You deserve to have a party just like everyone else, and if those idiots think that it’s easier to kick you out than deal with the actual problem, then fuck them anyway,” he scoffs. “They were probably gonna make me wear a suit, and that sucks.”
“You’re wearing a suit right now,” Illi points out.
“Because I wanted to. That’s different.”
“You still didn’t have to do it,” Illi says. “It’s just a party.”
Frank slightly squeezes her hand.
“I want you to have fun,” he says softly. “I want to have fun with you. So yeah, I had to do it, because I love you and I want you to be happy.” He pauses. “And, okay, it’s probably not as big and fancy as whatever they have going on at school right now, but it’s for us, right? Not for the popular kids and their friends.” He leans closer to her. “I want you to go to a party and feel welcome there, so if it means I have to go through the ‘trouble’ of organising my own party for, like, five people, then whatever. It’s worth it.” He makes another pause. “And just so you know, it wasn’t just me. I mean, Ray is letting us crash at his place. And Mikey helped. And Bob. And Brian,” he shakes his head slightly. “I mean, everyone chipped in, so. It wasn’t only me doing all the heavy lifting.”
Illi’s eyes glisten with unshed tears as she smiles at Frank. She quickly turns away to wipe her eyes.
“Thank you,” she whispers. “Frankie, really, it’s—” she lets out a shaky sob. “Fuck. I don’t know why I’m crying,” a short laugh escapes her throat. “But it really is so much, and— thank you.”
Frank caresses her shoulder as she tries to calm herself down. He has no idea how to react, if he should try and comfort her or let her deal with her emotions at her own pace. This isn’t the reaction he expected at all. Some part of him wonders if he made a mistake and accidentally ruined everything.
Illi takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a few seconds.
“Okay,” she breathes out and glances at Frank. “I’m okay. Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Frank tries to reassure her.
“And I like this party,” Illi continues.
“We’re not even there yet.”
Illi tilts her head. “Can I pick my own music?”
“Whatever you want,” Frank grins.
“Then it’s perfect.”
Illi grins and presses her lips against Frank’s cheek. Frank smiles back at her.
“Well,” Illi says and flips her hair. “Let’s not keep everyone waiting.”