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Rudo hadn’t meant to wake up Zanka. He hadn’t even meant to end up in the infirmary that night, but it was so, so rare for anything ever to go the way Rudo had intended it.
Rudo had come back from the run-in with the raiders exhausted, like his fellow teammates. The stress of talking with Zodyl and Norede’s final attack left Rudo feeling faintly disconnected from his body as the team was taken back to HQ. Zanka had been brought back in a second vehicle, fussed over by the supporters as they tried their best to stabilize him until they got him to Eishia.
Rudo’s chest squeezed every time he thought back on how Zanka had looked when Riyo had dragged him to the heart of the trashbeast, and despite Guita’s attempt at softening their fall, Tomme said that Zanka had gotten a concussion on the way down. Rudo swore that if he ever saw Jabber again, he’d kill the bastard for hurting his friends.
“Rudo? What the hell’re ya doin’ here?” Zanka weakly rolled over on his side to stare drowsily at Rudo’s stiff frame.
To the relief of many, Zanka's recovery had been a large success, a couple hours of sleep and Eishia's vital instrument helping Zanka to see another day. Despite this, Riyo had looked like she wanted to find Jabber herself and finish whatever she had started, and Rudo couldn’t say he blamed her. There had been something disconcerting about Zanka being wrapped in bandages as he lay lifeless in the infirmary. Zanka was the kind of guy who bounced back from everything thrown at him, too stubborn to get down and stay down.
“Um. Nothing?” Rudo’s voice squeaked under Zanka’s curious gaze.
“Nothing? Then why are ya in ‘ere makin’ so much noise?” Zanka’s voice slurred over his words as he threw his legs over the side of his bed.
“I didn’t mean to.” It was taking a shit ton of mental strength not to double over as his arms throbbed in tune with his racing heart. He hoped the room was too dark for Zanka to see his bandaged arms shaking by his side.
“I’m getting real irritated with ya avoidin’ my questions.” Zanka furrowed his brows, standing up from his seated position to shuffle towards Rudo.
“Wait,” Rudo rushed over to Zanka, shouldering him back towards his bed. “You can’t walk around yet, you still look like shit.”
“First, ya wake me up, then ya call me ugly? What an amazing visitor you are.”
“That’s not what I meant! Eishia said it’ll take a while for your body to heal from whatever that freak put in you.” Rudo was silently and gratefully thankful that whatever medicine Eishia had been given him made Zanka pliable enough to push around without too much of a fight.
Zanka grumbled as his bottom hit the mattress. “I’m sure she also told you ‘bout the importance of me sleepin’, but here we are.”
“I said I was–” A blinding hot pain cut off Rudo’s sentence. It was almost as if searing coals had been thrown down on his arms.
Rudo choked on his breath, falling to his knees, his scream of anguish caught in his throat.
Zanka had grabbed his hand. It wasn’t even a hard grab, much softer than the usual sturdy grasp he used when shaking hands or handling his vital instrument, yet it felt as if Zanka was squeezing him with the intention to break bone.
“Rudo?” Zanka let go of Rudo’s hand as though it had caused him pain.
Rudo groaned, a deep, distorted sound as he tried to remember how to breathe. Rudo’s vision swirled in an assortment of undiscovered colors. Just outside his comprehension, Rudo could hear Zanka’s worried calls.
Worried? Yes worried.
Rudo lifted his head to look at where he thought Zanka’s voice was the loudest.
Zanka was still hunched over in his bed, which Rudo was thankful for. He’d have a real shitty time trying to explain to Eishia why Zanka and he both were on the ground.
Two fuzzy blobs that must have been Zanka’s hands waved around panickedly before settling on the top of his head.
Rudo sighed at the gentle pressure being pressed to the top of his head. Rudo whined silently, urging Zanka to apply more force behind his grip, anything to distract him from the pain.
“Rudo? What was that?” One of Zanka’s hands went underneath his chin, lifting his head to stare down at his face.
Rudo looked up at Zanka through clumpy eyelashes. The moon, or whatever the ground had that was equizalant to the moon, came in from the window next to Zanka’s bed, illuminating his figure.
What was Rudo doing? His mind was suddenly too foggy to remember.
“I don’t… I was looking for…” Rudo’s sentence trailed off as his hand pulsed once more. “Hands hurt. Bad.”
Rudo felt like he could die. It was always just one thing after another for him.
“Rudo, if you’re hurt, I’m gonna call Eisha.”
Rudo shook his head, swallowing down bile at how dizzy the movement had made him. He didn’t want any more people knowing about his hands. “Just need bandages.”
“I think ya need more than just bandages, brat.” Zanka patted the top of Rudo’s head like he was a pet asking for attention. An action that only brought more attention to Rudo’s embarrassing position between Zanka’s feet.
“Not a brat.” Rudo weakly argued.
“Could have fooled me,” Zanka grunted as he rose back to his feet, shuffling around Rudo’s hunched-over form to dig through the medicine drawers Rudo had been trying to wiggle open.
Rudo pressed his forehead against Zanka’s heated mattress that was quickly growing damp with his sweat. Rudo wasn’t sure how long Zanka searched for– whatever he was looking for. Time seemed to stretch on forever during nights like these.
“I found something that should help, but you're gonna have to put up with me touching your arms.” Zanka dropped an assortment of material on his bed before falling heavily onto it. Eishia was really going to be unhappy with him if she found out about this.
Rudo winced at the thought of letting Zanka touch his arms again. The only person he’d allowed to take care of him when his body turned against him like this was Regto. Regto always made him feel better.
“Come on, Rudo. If you’re in pain, something’s gotta be done ‘bout it.” Zanka patted his lap, reaching his hand out for Rudo’s.
Rudo swallowed a thick glob of bile that had tried to crawl out from his mouth. Zanka already had a lot of shit going on with his body; having puke ejected on him wouldn’t make either of them feel better.
Zanka picked up a white bottle, shaking it around, making whatever was inside rattle. “Open your mouth and try not to choke on these.”
Zanka spilled two white capsules onto his palm, tilting Rudo’s head further back so that he could dump them into his mouth.
Rudo bit down on the pills, scrunching his face up at their chalky taste.
Zanka’s hand hung over his bedside table awkwardly as Zanka spuinted at the boy. “If you had waited a bit, I would have given you some water. Pills are typically swallowed, Rudo.”
How was he supposed to know? He’s never had a pill before. Rudo blushed, turning his face away from Zanka’s loopy gaze, his face still lax from medicine and sleep.
“You’ve never had a pill before?”
Rudo snapped his face back towards Zanka, who had slipped a pair of gloves on and was now brandishing a glass jar.
“Did I– uhh?”
“Say that out loud? Yeah.” Zanka nodded his head, twisting the jar's lid off. The jar emitted a sterile odor that reminded Rudo of the chemicals he would use on the sphere to clean metals of rust. Zanka pinched a tiny peak onto his gloved finger.
“What the hell is that?” Rudo shuffled on his knees away from whatever mysterious gloop Zanka had scooped up.
Zanka locked his heels behind Rudo’s back, pulling him closer. “This is a numbing cream, a strong kind. Eisha usually hides it and only pulls it out for serious injuries, but I managed to find it last time I was in here.”
Rudo held his shaking arms over Zanka’s knees. He wasn’t sure how confident he was with whatever Zanka was doing. The pills tasted weird, and he still hadn't been told what those were supposed to do, and now he was being given a numbing cream?
“The bandages need to come off for me to put the cream on. I’ll also have to apply a test swab, just to make sure it doesn’t cause you to break out.” Zanka swiped the sample of numbing cream onto one of Rudo’s exposed shoulders, leaving a line of goosebumps as he massaged the cream into the flesh.
Rudo jumped in his kneeling position, no longer as eager as he once was to receive help. No one on the ground has seen his arms before, not even Riyo, who had a habit of sneaking into his room late at night.
Rudo swallowed a whimper as he rose to his feet, arms getting heavy from keeping them elevated for so long. “You don’t need to do that! Like I said, I only came for bandages.” Rudo pranced around Zanka’s legs on his way to the door; years of trash collecting and running from the Apostles made him light on his feet.
Zanka scowled, reaching out for Rudo’s shirt but missing by a thread. “Hold up, I ain’t done. I’ll rebandage ya after I apply the cream, so stop squirming.”
Rudo distanced themselves using another one of the infirmary beds. “There’s no need, leave me alone!”
Zanka opened his mouth to yell at Rudo, but folded over, clenching his abdomen. A scratchy cough wracks Zanka’s body. Rudo could hear Zanka spit out curses as he wiped his mouth with the cuff of his pajamas. “Ungrateful brat, try doin’ sum nice for ya, an this is how ya act,” Zanka pressed the back of his palm to his forehead, swaying in his seated position. “Way to treat your mentor.”
Zanka pushed himself back onto the bed, leaning his weight against the wall, sighing heavily, rubbing at his bandages.
Rudo stared wearily at Zanka as he took in labored breaths of pain.
Rudo should leave before Zanka tries to move around again.
“You’re a real piece of work, Rudo.” Zanka rubbed a hand down his face.
Rudo grumbled in his throat. He knew that tone. Regto used to sound the same whenever Rudo came back from another trash raid.
The sound of disappointment was poorly hidden behind stress.
"Well, I didn't ask you to start messing with my arms." Rudo glared at Zanka, tucking his arms behind his back.
"You came in here making hella racket, must I remind you?"
"Yeah, but that wasn't on purpose, turdface!" Rudo stomped his foot, crying out as his body was jostled.
"Just look at yourself. Being a stubborn asshole isn't going to make anything better for you." Zanka reached forward to pick up the container again. "Whether you're using us for revenge or not, we're a team now, and we need to help each other out."
Rudo knew that. He knew, and he wanted to trust the cleaners, trust Zanka, who, despite being a pompous jerk, was a great person.
An amazing one.
But Rudo couldn't do it. His hands have brought nothing but harm to others. They killed his dad and got him thrown into the pit; they've gotten Zanka tossed into the infirmary twice now.
One look at his arms, and Zanka would want nothing to do with him past tonight. Rudo wasn't willing to lose anyone because of them.
"You don't get it. You'd hate them, and hate me. They're disgusting."
Rudo waited with staggering breath. Zanka's heavy gaze seemed to stare through Rudo, similar to Semiu's eyes.
"How shallow do ya think I am?" Rudo swallowed, lifting his head to meet Zanka's steel gaze.
Zanka was gritting his teeth so forcefully that his jaw ticked occasionally. "Everyone here has gotten and seen scars. Despite the jokes Enjin and Riyo make, I'm not some rich prick that can't handle a little body horror."
Rudo's shoulders fell as Zanka's speech came to an end.
"Just let me help you, Rudo."
Rudo whimpered as his chest seemed to squeeze around his heart. For a brief moment, it was as if Regto was the one urging him closer.
Rudo walked back to Zanka's side, holding his arms out to him. With a tenderness that was once only offered by his father, Zanka took off one of his gloves.
The rise in pain came instantly. Rudo collapsed onto Zanka's bed, nothing more than dead weight.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Rudo cried out as Zanka began to spread the cold substance across his arms.
"You're alright, Rudo. Just give it a minute." Zanka's steady voice cooed in Rudo's ear as he made quick work rebandaging Rudo's arm, placing 3R back on him.
Rudo could faintly feel his body being moved around on Zanka's bed. His right arm was tingly and a little clammy, but the pain was becoming distant static.
Zanka was rubbing circles on Rudo's chest, shushing him like one would a fussy baby.
When Rudo managed to calm down, Zanka used the corner of his blanket to wipe the sweat off his forehead. "Feeling any better?"
Rudo swallowed thickly, nodding his head. He was shaking like a leaf in the wind and couldn't see the ceiling, but he was feeling less like shit for the most part. "...Yeah."
Zanka hummed, staring at Rudo's twitching fingers. "Those don't look like normal scars. Or anything I've ever seen before."
"Get that a lot."
Zanka reached out for Rudo's second hand, beginning the process all over again. Removing the glove, unwrapping bloody bandages, slathering the skin in numbing cream, then rewrapping the wound, and slipping back on 3R. Rudo clenched his teeth, thankful for Zanka's rapid work.
"Done. You can stop lookin' like you just shit your pants." Rudo weakly flipped off Zanka, too tired to raise either hand from where they rested on his chest.
Zanka scoffed, grumbling about Rudo's ungratefulness as he slipped back down the bed and pulled his blanket over the two of them.
"Turdface."
"Scuzzball."
Rudo and Zanka lay side by side, the knowledge of Rudo's arms weighing heavily in the atmosphere. Maybe if Rudo got lucky, he could slip out of the infirmary after Zanka fell asleep and leave Zanka to believe that the entire night had been a weird dream.
"Whatever you're planning, don't try it," Zanka interrupted Rudo's thoughts, nudging one of his hands against Rudo's hip. "I'm not going to make ya tell me what happened to your hands, and I don't want you telling me somethin' you ain't ready to share. But whenever you are ready, I'll be there."
Rudo sniffled, hoping the action didn't sound as wet as it felt. "Okay."
Rudo drifted off, the gentle inhale-exhale of Zanka's lungs lulling him to sleep. In the morning, he'd have to thank Zanka properly.
Or pick a fight with him.
Either option works.