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Everyone had gathered at the Morningstars for Christmas Day with the exception of Dan, who was taking Trixie to his parents later in the day and had no interest in double Christmas. Maze and Lucifer initially stood to the side quietly complaining about being involved in a religious holiday, then Lucifer complained more loudly when Chloe played Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by NSYNC. Maze responded by hijacking the sound system to play Fairytale of New York by The Pogues to Lucifer’s glee and Chloe’s vague horror, acting as if Trixie hadn’t heard it before. Maze and Lucifer were more than happy to perform the duet. As they sang, Amenadiel and Linda softly discussed whether celebrating something God-adjacent was good for any of the brothers at this current time or indeed any time in the future, and Ella explained to Michael how Christmas was celebrated, as he’d never particularly paid attention and had worked every Christmas that he was on Earth.
Everyone else acted, well, normal. Snacks, presents, singing carols. Die Hard played in the living room. Trixie helped eight-month-old Aurora tear at wrapping paper to open gifts carefully curated by Chloe and Lucifer despite the latter’s dislike of the holiday. Trixie got everything she wanted, perhaps even more, Lucifer feeling some lingering guilt for their inability to celebrate Christmas the prior year when Chloe was hospitalized and he knowingly didn’t mention the holiday to his incredibly ill wife.
Eventually, the pairings shuffled, leaving the three brothers sitting on one of the couches across the room from the tree where everyone else was lounging with their spoils.
‘Why did you choose this date for Yeshua’s birthday when the humans were deciding to celebrate it?’
Michael turned to Lucifer and Amenadiel, both looking at him intently. He held his half-consumed glass of glögg to his chest. ‘Me?’
Lucifer nodded, and Amenadiel raised his eyebrows with curiosity.
‘How are you both assuming I had any hand in the choosing of the dates of human holidays?’ he asked into his glass before taking another sip and chewing on an alcohol-impregnated raisin. ‘I expect it from Lucifer, but I feel like you should know what my position in Heaven was better than that, Amenadiel.’
‘I know you and Dad had a lot of private planning sessions about the human project starting way before Yeshua was born.’
‘I was the Voice of God, not an equal partner in decisions,’ he replied with the slightest air of annoyance as he turned to watch Ella holding Aurora’s hands to stand for a bit. She caught his eyes and smiled, and he smiled back quickly. ‘I didn’t even know we had a half-brother on the way until Gabriel started flittering around telling absolutely everybody after she went down to notify Mary that Dad was gonna tap that.’
‘He chose Gabriel to tell Yeshua’s mother?’ Lucifer asked incredulously.
‘This is literally in the Bible, Luci,’ Amenadiel replied. ‘Luke 1:26, ‘God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a city in Galilee’.”
‘Yes, but did He even vaguely want this information held in confidence? Send Azrael or Remiel.’
Michael stared at him. ‘You think the Angel of Death should have been sent to announce to a human that she was going to bear God’s half-human son? Have you stood anywhere near Azrael? She has a vibe.’
Amenadiel and Lucifer stared at him with a bit of confusion.
‘Right, you’re both legitimate psychopomps, not just stand-ins during disasters, so you probably haven’t noticed,’ Michael said slowly. ‘Azrael gives off a gripping feeling that your soul is peeling away from your body. It horrifies most humans which is probably why Chloe immediately acted uncomfortably around her the day Aurora was born. I think the only reason Ella never seemed to notice was her accident left her with such a hidden darkness that she wasn’t swayed by the thought of her soul being extracted and thieved.’
Lucifer furrowed his brow. ‘You’ve been around Ella enough to know she’s not all pep and is actually patently terrifying?’
Michael kicked back the rest of his drink before speaking quickly. ‘Just a guess.’
Lucifer narrowed his eyes but moved forth. ‘Okay, this doesn’t change the fact that he was born in September, ergo his birthday is in September, not December.’
‘I mean, I think you know,’ Michael replied, crossing his legs at the ankles. ‘Pagans didn’t worship Dad, so He co-opted their holiday for Christianity.’
‘To avenge Yeshua.’
Michael snorted loudly and irreverently, looking down at his empty glass. ‘Absolutely not. He just wanted the pagan gods out and big G God in.’
‘He made pagans like He made all of the other humans,’ Lucifer responded. ‘I mean, I feel like a good number of them have something negative to say about me as well, whatever their interpretation of me is.’
‘Yes, but by this point, surely you recognize Father plays favorites,’ Amenadiel said, looking at his brothers’ identical faces carrying identical looks. He gestured at them. ‘I mean…?’
‘More liquor,’ Michael said quietly, standing and taking his brothers’ glasses before heading to the kitchen.
‘I continue to be confused,’ Lucifer said, watching his twin. ‘Which of you was Father’s favorite again?’
‘I’d never tell him because it turns out he’s a good guy now, and I don’t want to hurt him, but it was me. Michael’s absurdly useful and regimented, and Dad took advantage of that,’ Amenadiel replied quietly. ‘He knew Michael would be spiritually weakened by your absence, so he was more… pliable.’
‘Dad told you this?’
Amenadiel immediately looked uncomfortable. ‘It might have come up a couple of times, especially after Mum left.’
There was a long pause before Lucifer acknowledged what his eldest brother had said. ‘… oh.’
‘Please don’t tell him. He’s stopped being either an asshole or a soulless, asocial machine after millennia,’ Amenadiel said a bit desperately. ‘I know you have a penchant for havoc, but—‘
‘I won’t,’ Lucifer interrupted, watching his twin in the kitchen chatting comfortably with Ella after filling their glasses. ‘You’re right, he’s nice and doesn’t deserve that.’
‘Nice? That’s high praise from you.’
Ella pushed up on her toes to meet Michael’s lips for a kind of lingering kiss, and Lucifer raised an eyebrow. Amenadiel followed his gaze.
‘Is there something going on between them?’
‘It’s Christmas. Humans get affectionate,’ Lucifer replied. ‘Besides, Michael and Ella? She’s like his humanity tutor, not… something else. He doesn’t do something else.’
Amenadiel hummed a bit disbelievingly, and they pointedly looked at one another the moment Michael looked toward them. Michael came back to the couch with Ella in tow, handing Amenadiel his glass while Ella handed Lucifer his. Ella leaned forward and kissed his forehead and Amenadiel’s in turn.
‘Merry Christmas, guys!’ she said, flicking her eyes to Michael for just a moment as he sat down before walking back toward the tree to sit on the floor next to Trixie.
‘Anyway,’ Michael said lightly before taking another sip of his glögg. ‘Claiming Saturnalia for Christianity was a centuries-long, very successful effort largely planned by Dad and carried out on the Earth side by me.’
He considered that for a moment before continuing in their native language instead of English which immediately hyperfocused Lucifer’s attention on what he was saying.
‘Except for most of the major holy wars beyond the Crusades to really solidify things, that was unfortunately all me, planning and execution.’
Lucifer raised his eyebrows, continuing in their language. He felt in his core that this was going to get juicy to the point that it would be his Christmas gift from his twin. ‘Do go on. I was under the assumption you kept the battlefields to Heaven and just came down here to study or follow Dad’s instructions.’
‘Pitting Catholics and Protestants against each other has been a favorite of his since that schism,’ Amenadiel said flippantly as he blew across his glögg before sipping.
Lucifer gaped at his twin as Michael glared at Amenadiel.
‘Historically, I’ve been…’ Michael sighed lightly. ‘Slightly more Catholic-adjacent.’
‘They’ve built more ornate temples to Father which he, at the time, thought was the only acceptable way to properly worship Him, and have a singular head who has historically made himself available for direct messaging from Michael instead of him having to disperse the messages ad nauseam to multiple people,’ Amenadiel continued, making long eye contact with Michael. ‘And they sainted him.’
Lucifer was very obviously having a hard time not laughing as he looked down at his glass.
‘Jealous much?’ Michael replied a bit haughtily before furtively sipping at his mulled wine, not breaking eye contact with their older brother.
‘I am really feeling blessed right now,’ Lucifer said, voice strained as he continued to attempt to avoid laughing. ‘I’d heard that Christmas was a prime time for family drama, but learning my asocial twin was responsible for the Thirty Years’ War partially because he liked that one side only made him talk to a single person instead of multiple is an absolute fucking delight.’
Michael turned his glare to Lucifer.
‘The French Wars of Religion because so many of the Catholic Churches of the time were more blinged out than a drag queen, a shinier offering for Father,’ Lucifer wheezed, and Amenadiel put a hand over his mouth, tears gathering at the corners of his closed eyes. ‘The War of the Three Kingdoms because a man with a fancy hat who rules over a holy city decorated with a bunch of naked dudes proclaimed him a performer of miracles and gave him a snazzy title.’
Amenadiel and Lucifer lost it at the same moment, laughing loudly enough that everyone stopped and looked at them. Michael, face red, stared back at them.
‘Brotherly things,’ he answered tightly, which made Lucifer and Amenadiel laugh harder. He turned to them and muttered. ‘You are both the worst.’
‘Whatever you say, Saint Michael,’ Lucifer replied, still laughing, with Amenadiel’s arm draped over his shoulders.
Chloe stood and crossed to them holding Aurora, brushing at Amenadiel’s arm until he moved it before squeezing between the two of them.
‘Seems like you’re in the spirit of the holiday,’ she said, looking with raised eyebrows at the tears running down his face.
He sighed then chuckled a couple of times, reaching over to take their daughter, looking sideways at Michael. ‘Sometimes celestial family secrets are hilarious instead of traumatizing.’
‘I have a feeling the thousands killed in Michael’s sacramental whining would consider it all pretty traumatizing,’ Amenadiel replied dryly in their language, and Lucifer started guiltily laughing again, holding Aurora to him with one hand and clapping the other to his mouth.
‘Amenadiel!’ Michael said in a chastising tone as Lucifer said the same unbelievingly through laughing.
‘That’s so fucking dark,’ Lucifer added in English, throwing his head back.
‘Care to share?’ Chloe asked Lucifer.
He shook his head quickly. ‘No, no, I’ll be kind to Michael on this one. It’s not information humans necessarily need to know. We celestials have to maintain some air of mystery.’
She elbowed him, and he snorted before putting an arm across her shoulders. Michael sighed and downed the rest of his drink before leaning back, and Amenadiel leaned forward onto his knees, assessing Michael. Lucifer exhaled a bit forcefully, and Michael turned to stare at him.
‘The worst, the actual worst,’ he grumbled, looking at both of his brothers.
‘I’m not judging,’ Lucifer responded. ‘Much.’
‘It was a few hundred years ago,’ Amenadiel said matter-of-factly.
‘Yeah, before you were cool,’ Lucifer continued.
Michael closed his eyes and sighed. There was a long silence when Amenadiel focused entirely on his drink, Lucifer focused on Aurora, Chloe stared at Lucifer with the intent of making him interpret what had been said, and Michael died a little inside.
‘Well, this has been delightful,’ Lucifer finally said with a grin. ‘Togetherness and family lore.’
‘A reminder that I’ve flipped on the ornateness for Dad's benefit belief, no longer appear to the Pope, and have quietly given up my sainthood,’ Michael said with exhaustion, marking each item with a raised finger.
Chloe gaped a little. ‘Come on, you have to tell me what that was about. That list is wild. Michael!’
He exaggeratedly shook his head. ‘There’s something Ella has told me that human adults don’t ever want to have happen, and that is seeing their classmates from high school again, as they know they’ve majorly changed as people since they last saw one another and don’t want to linger on the embarrassments they were as adolescents.’
‘I didn’t go to high school,’ Chloe replied, and Michael narrowed his eyes at her. ‘But I’m pretty sure I understand what you’re getting at. The three of you have truly lived multiple existences, and I can understand not wanting to spill about the more mortifying moments.’
Michael opened his mouth to speak.
‘Besides, it looks like your brothers have the razzing absolutely covered.’
He sighed yet again as he stood. ‘Liquor.’
‘Something harder may be in order,’ Lucifer spoke after him. ‘As long as you’re confident your body won’t betray you and pop hot if they test you at work.’
‘No, Lucifer.’
Amenadiel finished his drink. ‘Honestly though, the three of us being together is pretty nice, even if it’s a weird holiday.’
‘It’s not weird,’ Chloe said a bit defensively. ‘It’s stripped down and commercialized, really nothing to do with your Dad or your half-brother anymore to a lot of people.’
‘All of Michael’s work for naught,’ Lucifer replied. ‘Unfortunate.’
‘Don’t think he feels that way,’ Amenadiel responded, tilting his head. ‘It’s probably easier for him that he doesn’t have to see blatant evidence of what Dad made him do.’
Lucifer watched his twin walk to Linda and begin to chat as he sipped at his fifth glass of glögg. He’d always given Amenadiel grief for taking commands from their Dad and had called him out for it a fair bit over the years, but he supposed he didn’t know the depths Michael had been sunken in over the same time, as he rarely saw any evidence of him as he hid behind their Father. Neither he nor Linda had managed to get Michael to go to therapy with Linda to discuss what Lucifer had easily identified as a different kind of abuse of his twin by their Father when they’d reconnected the year before, but it was going to have to happen eventually. Lucifer knew from personal experience that avoidance couldn’t be sustained indefinitely.
‘You got pensive fast,’ Chloe said, reaching up to lace her fingers in his hand at her shoulder.
‘Ah, you know, Michael,’ he said nonchalantly. ‘Never entirely sure what to do with him. A tall, awkward enigma.’
‘He was kind of weird when I met him last year, but he’s grown on me more than you can possibly imagine,’ Chloe said, leaning against him a bit.
‘He’s adjusting,’ Amenadiel added. ‘He likes to say he’s been on Earth longer than us, so he knows how to human better, but I think it doesn’t really count when you only interact with humans on a professional level. It’s very… superficial.’
Amenadiel looked over at Lucifer, who stared back quizzically.
‘The twins have had an interesting existence,’ Amenadiel continued slightly contemplatively, as if his brain was trying to turn over a thought he didn’t like. ‘Different than the rest of us, and different from each other.’
Lucifer pinched his lips a bit before looking away from his eldest brother. ‘I’d like to go back to making fun of Michael for liking bedazzled holy relics, please. You’re edging into far-too-serious territory.’
‘Bedazzled holy relics,’ Chloe echoed with some confusion, not requesting clarification.
‘Glad you two are together again,’ Amenadiel said softly.
‘Glad you’re with us as well,’ Lucifer said carefully.
Michael walked up to them again, glass drained. ‘Feels a little less asshole brothers over here now.’
‘Love you too, dear,’ Lucifer replied before looking down at Aurora, who was fiddling with one of the buttons on his waistcoat. ‘Amenadiel was simply remarking on how you and I have been broken and readhered into multiple versions of ourselves over the last few hundred thousand years while the others have stayed largely unbothered.’
Lucifer expected some clapback from Amenadiel, but apparently his interpretation was surprisingly apt. He looked at his eldest brother again, and Amenadiel was looking at Michael rather seriously. Lucifer was pretty sure Amenadiel was going to jump the bandwagon of kindly shoving Michael into therapy soon.
‘This all seems like a 2020 problem,’ Chloe said softly as she looked at each brother in turn. ‘Why don’t we move Die Hard to the theater and improve our Christmas by watching Hans Gruber fall off of Nakatomi Plaza?’
‘It’s not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off of Nakatomi Plaza!’ Ella said excitedly as she ducked under Michael’s arm, holding it as she pressed against his side. ‘Michael hasn’t watched Die Hard before.’
‘I swear,’ Lucifer grumbled as he stood, Aurora in one arm then transferred to his hip. Chloe stood up as well. ‘Calling yourself familiar with humanity but skipping out on the best Christmas movie. Unbelievable.’
‘I have literally spent every Christmas besides this one working in hospital, Lucifer. Fifteen years when you deduct those I spent in Heaven since 1999,’ he replied, watching his brother head down the hallway before following, Ella’s arm across his back as they walked. ‘It doesn’t seem entirely work-appropriate.’
‘Your life changes today,’ Lucifer replied lightly.
Amenadiel followed far behind, contemplating his wildly disparate little brothers while being incredibly thankful he could be with both of them on Earth now instead of anywhere near their family in Heaven.