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The wall-lamp illuminated Michelle's face in a hue of deep yellow and orange as she turned the sink faucet off, not bothering to dry her face. her fingers gripped edge of the small furniture, palms turning slightly pink at the pressure. There hadn't been much to observe from her view in the mirror, the night twisted the world into an array of black with the moon hanging high above, she could see herself, and her concentrated expression, white sando, horribly messy unkept hair and smudged lip gloss.
She couldn't focus, not properly at least, the whole day;
And the problem lied with her best friends.
She wouldn't trade them for the world, the party is half her lifespan, and most of her heart. But these days she woke up confused, so many mornings she woke up with her lungs parched, throat and lips dry, and ribcage spilling secrets from the circulation inside.
Reoccurring dreams of hands holding each other for warmth, adoring whispers beneath piles of blanket, lights turned off while the tv still buzzed on, anything that could easily be just 'friendship',
If it weren't for the fact that everything in those dreams were romantic.
And it was horribly romantic, of not just one of the party members, but all of them, she could understand lev but- Lucy, Daisy, even Max was there, and of course, the dreams she dreaded the most, Willow's.
Each dream either had one, two or all of them together, doing sappy shit that would make max vomit into Michelle's popcorn bucket if he saw it. Daisy was usually alone or with Lucy, and of course Michelle would always be there, folding under absolutely no pressure everytime one of them asked something. In dreams with daisy, they would be outside, maybe in a park, maybe in a zoo, wherever it could be outside, or maybe the AV Club and Hellfire as well.
Daisy would tell her about a topic she found interesting, and ramble while also wanting Michelle to speak, and speak she always did. their discussions last hours, and if Michelle could guess, probably even a whole day if they forgot what daily necessities was.
At some point, she would look down, daisy's lips in the center of her vision as a short glance, and Daisy would do the same a few minutes later. And Michelle remembered every detail of how Daisy leaned in on her space.
She shook her head rapidly at the memories, a few long strands of her hair's ends touching the sink, wetness creeped onto her slightly as she realized how sweaty she probably is.
Lucy is usually like that, in her dreams Lucy is usually playing something, pursuing sport and gazing out from small hidden spaces.
Lucy understood Michelle's temper, loved her like a pure tiger, passionate and thriving. Even when daisy called Willow Michelle's best friend, she had denied it, and she still will, because all of them are her best friends, and that's final. But lucy knew parts of Michelle automatically, like a bee to it's flower, like mercury to it's sun, like moon to it's planet.
She remembered how daisy gave them all planet and moon names, Lucy was Mars and Titania. The planet of 'war' and known for it's striking red, and the largest moon of Uranus. Lucy threw a pillow at Daisy over Titania's planet joke, but Michelle found herself zoned out at that time, focused on Mars and how well it fit Lucy.
From a visual view, Mars is definitely Max, but It's a planet born out of rocks full of debris, and the coolest out of the rocky planets, with water no longer truly there, it holds a balance between earth and Jupiter, it has the very essence of compatibility and kindness despite its 'colour' being red and so it is associated with war and such.
Perhaps that's why Daisy chose Mars,
Somewhere, in the middle of their teenage-hood, Lucy started to get closer with the basketball team, with carver, and with a few others. Just for being a part of that group, perhaps she became 'popular' or maybe it was after the final shot that scored their goal, Michelle doesn't remember(And she wouldn't like to either, not with how so many strangers were holding lucy and smiling at her as if they knew who she truly is)
Those kind of teams give you a reputation to say the least, and usually the view depends on which person you're talking to, but popular belief is how scary they are and could be, just for being a part of them, lucy could easily be seen as something bad, something stereotyped as cruel
But it was pure bullshit propaganda, rumors will fly, and she can't stop it. But what she can stop is Lucy hugging her Everytime she finishes her workout, the smell of outdoors and musk engulfing Michelle's sense of smell.
But in the dreams, no matter how much Michelle tried to push her off of her, Lucy would just smile silently and before Michelle knew it, do a trick that would get Michelle to laugh out loud and shout another complaint as lucy tackles her to the floor and hugs her tightly, placing her face on the side of Michelle's neck, resting her cheek on her shoulder.
And Max and Lev were usually a pair, always there to annoy her. (mostly Max, but Lev was slowly learning Max's tricks and conspiring against her)
But the dreams were horrifyingly...Normal, like the average sleepover where Lucy and Daisy would be busy, and Willow would reject to focus on a work, in those sleepovers Max would still annoy her with his foot, poking and disturbing her while she would be reading something, and acting as if he did nothing wrong, while Lev snickered, hiding his face with the magazines always near him, and Michelle would be close to kicking both of their heads open.
But instead of being the usual bickering, there was also this comfortable and warm atmosphere, as if they all knew something and were mutual of this connection,
and Michelle's concerns were confirmed when Max casually Kissed Lev in a different dream, a simple peck because Lev agreed with Max over Michelle in an argument, and Lev's cheeks dusted a pretty pink while he smiled and landed a small kiss on Max's eyelid as well and at some point in her blurry memories, they kissed her too.
And the solo dreams were worse.
Max and her would be playing something in Michelle's basement, arguing over who won and who was worse in each round, the dusty orange hued sky would fade into dark purple, and in some bruising nights, Max would ask if he could sleep over, and her parents would agree.
Whenever they argued, they fought with fire and bit eachother back with double the words, and somehow, in someway Their lips would collide just as fiercely, some battle they both lost the moment Max looked at her eyes and Michelle looked at his freckles.
Lev was much sweeter, usually they would be in cafes, discussing their classes and how their classmates act, The byers-hopper family were back in Hawkins, and Michelle had never been more glad seeing the two brunettes smile widely at her direction when they came out of the car.
Lev would bring bouquets, to her and the rest of the party too, and while the bouquets he brought for Willow held a platonic meaning, the other members basket of flowers were far more romantically involved, his favourite flowers to gift her were gerbera daisies and lotuses, saying they described her best.
But it wasn't like Michelle did not bring flowers as well, however, unlike Lev, she would buy the flowers based on colour and visuals, Lev on the other hand, would neatly pick out which flowers symbolized whose personality and wrap them in a small bouquet, it felt more personal because he picked them from His and Daisy's shared garden, where a little lake for his duck was placed as well.
Usually they start to drift into a comfortable atmosphere, zoning in together and laughing with the environment bright around them, and whenever Michelle answered one of Lev's questions, he would smile and peck her on the cheek, and would speak honestly in whether she was right or wrong, maybe a bit brutally honest,
but that's a trait of him she has loved for a long time.
Michelle groaned and pushed her head onto her hands, cheeks turning rosy at the thought of the final girl.
Her dilemma turned into a huge storm whenever she dreamt of Willow, short brown hair and fluffy bangs with the sweetest smile she's ever known, she's the coolest woman Michelle has ever met, while also being the gentlest, it wasn't something huge, it was just how Willow was.
But Willow was also an artist, and soon Michelle became her muse, Evenings spent in Michelle posing for Willow as reference, Afternoons of hearing the ducks quack and the dogs bark outside of Willow's window, and Michelle's irregular breathing everytime Willow asks her which pose to perform.
But in her dreams, she'll do anything she wants to her, whether it be finally braiding the sides of her hair again, or staying with her while the world around them turned into pure goo. The small barrier of mixed up communication was almost non-existent, as if everything had been solved.
In those dreams, they all loved her, just as she loved them, and Michelle couldn't find anything normal anymore.
She turned her sink faucet on once more, splashing water on her face extremely fast, uncaring of her hair and collars turning wet due to the speed and untidiness of her act.
Michelle was not in love with her best friends.
And if she was then she-
"-can get her whole head cut off !" Lucy Sinclair exclaimed, glaring at Michelle with fire in her eyes, and Michelle nodded along to Lucy's words about the character on the screen as she bit onto the popcorn, salt on her tongue and mind.
"I don't know, i think she's more likely to survive as final girl instead of dying like an idiot." Lucy hummed and stole a few popcorn from Michelle's bowl, munching on them before debating back,
"C'mon tell me you see how she acts, everything about her screams 'I'm gonna get absolutely butchered by the murderer and instead of running away or trying to fight back I'm gonna hide somewhere they will find in under 3 seconds and then scream like a little girl!'"
"The only person who screams like a little girl is you, we all remember the Halloween incident." Michelle snorted but immediately regretted her decision as Lucy smacked her on the back of her head "Ow! What the fuck dude?"
"You're way too zoned out right now, man, i dunno, try focusing on my words for once this evening? You've been awfully quiet these days."
"I just like observing!"
"That, sure, yeah you do that, but you also whine and complain until Max loses his temper and tries to make you mad so you would shut up about said-topic and instead focus on trying not to lose your cool as well."
"You're the only one thinking this, you're being crazy."
Lucy stayed silent, keeping an eye on her
"You're being crazy! What else am i supposed to say?"
"Michelle, you do know that you can tell me everything, we've been together thick and thin."
And Michelle's eyes softened at the reminder, shivering at the view of Lucy looking worried for her, as if something was wrong, and Michelle is painfully reminded of Mars as well
Mars she is.
Lucy looked bright under the lights, hair lightened and skin softer, her small hint of muscles peeked out under the jacket and her lips were in a frowned position, gazing at Michelle with an unbearable kind of love she didn't understand.
"...I'm fine, Lucy. if i ever need help, i'll tell you."
"You better, we all care about you"
And Michelle smiled, a gentle small, but one full of adoration she wish Lucy could've seen, but the girl only scooted closer to Michelle until she was able to hug the taller girl's waist with her arm, leaning on her. Michelle sighed, deep and quiet, but found herself subconsciously leaning behind so she was closer to the girl's arm as well.
Lucy definitely understood that Michelle was conflicted about something, but decided that now was not the time to talk about it, and Michelle felt a wave of relief hit her at the idea.
She can keep it a secret, for the sake of the vacation arriving soon and Lucy's birthday. For everyone to carve pumpkins without a singular molecule of tension, for Willow to teach Lev about overlays, for daisy and max to compete in the pool, for Michelle to take pictures from Jolene's camera, for lucy to make a wish.
But as she kept gazing at her face, she realized it with the greatest crash she's felt the whole year.
Oh
Oh.
Michelle Wheeler was in love with Lucy Sinclair.
Lucy turned to look at Michelle's frozen expression "Do you have this movie? I can give you the name soon, the plot is-"
"-Amazing." Daisy Henderson stood, irritated at Michelle as she opens the dressing room curtain and finds her wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts , the bright flamingos on the shirt winking at the shorter girl almost comedically, Michelle stood surprised, deer caught in headlights. "You could've at least said something !"
"I've been waiting for 20 whole minutes at the girls section! What are you doing here?"
"Look, i was just browsing through recommendations Max gave, he said it might help me with figuring out what i want for the vacation!"
"And you're trusting Maxell?"
"He-....Fair point." Michelle grumbled, and Daisy snorted, throwing a gum pack at Michelle who grabbed it before gripping the edge of the curtain. Daisy was about to leave, when Michelle grabbed her arm suddenly, "Wait- one second, I need help, really urgent."
"Can't you just ask it outside?" Daisy asked, brow raised. Michelle shook her head frantically "No, I can't, it's private, and i don't want the others to hear."
Daisy sighed and nodded, inching slightly closer so other people don't find out, thankfully Michelle picked out a pretty secluded spot and the last stall of it for change, but unfortunately it was why Daisy had to search for her for so long, until she noticed Michelle's sneakers poking out from the curtain.
"What is i-"
"How do you feel when you're in love?"
"Dude. What."
Daisy thought she was joking, until she saw the slight desperate look Deep in Michelle's pupils, filled with worry and question, and snorted.
"Chill out first."
"I 𝘢𝘮 chill, i just look messy because i was changing until someone barged in."
Daisy blew a kiss in her direction and she swatted it away, but she took it seriously for a few seconds.
"Okay, what do you want to know first from your wise love guru?"
"Signs, like maybe, how you knew you loved Suzano Back when we were 13."
Daisy nodded, and clicked her fingers. "First is a slight wanting, like you want to do this with them, and want to do that, or maybe always wanting to stay with them. Then comes happiness just by seeing them most of the time, it doesn't happen to everyone, always being happy, but whenever i talked to him, I felt incredibly happy because we shared so many interests and he's just always been a rowdy person, you know? And the most important was Adoration, how much you yearn for someone, all falls in adoration."
Michelle felt dizzy over the similarities, every sign and word which further drowned her into the shallow pool of her feelings.
She wanted to punch max, maybe blame him for all of this, or hug willow, telling her about the issue with everything pouring out. Either way, she wanted to die.
The flashes of Daisy and how the summer made her look more sparkly, or how her dimples were sweet to kiss, the sun and ice cream falling under the beach umbrellas, the very adoration Daisy just spoke of made the taller girl burst inside with overwhelming ideas.
Michelle needs to get a grip.
"Do i explain more orrr..."
"No it's okay- I got it. "
Daisy smiled, dimples brightening her face just like- No.
Michelle had tried to smile back, but it definitely came out wobbly and weird, it was not her fault for turning so dizzy at the memories of a long-gone dream, dancing the night away in her stupid brain which overworks for no reason.
"Cheer up, whoever you like, they're lucky."
Nevermind overworking, Michelle's brain has been fried and rotten and it escaped from her body a thousand years ago.
"What-..." Michelle responded, not exactly a question not a statement, and daisy snorted, "I'm just saying, someone caught the eye of Michelle wheeler, it's not like it's rare, considering Lev, but even so, I think they'd be lucky to date someone so courageous and passionate about her love."
Michelle brightened at a particular sentence and jumped to question, "But I'm dating Lev! I shouldn't be loving someone else, I'm basically betraying him."
"You aren't. But...Whatever man, just so you know, it's fine."
Daisy's curly brown hair brushed against Michelle's hand as she moved away a little, she looked dim under the small shade of lighting, but the light from Michelle's dressing room made her face visible, and perhaps between the poor few minutes and shared glances for months, Michelle realized,
She is in love with Daisy Henderson as well.
"Alright, we had enough talk, I'll move and tell the others I found you, but before that, what-"
"-The fuck are you wearing?" Maxell Mayfield asked, cheeks dusting a light shade of red as Michelle opened the door further, the night was young, and Nathan knocked on her door not long ago, saying Max came over. Problem was, she was already in her night clothes,
which translate to wearing only her bra and underwear, it was just better and more comfortable, and it's not like anyone comes to her room at night, unless it's her little brother knocking and asking if she could read him a story.
But she couldn't even properly change when the knocks on her door became frantic, the best she was able to wear was high stockings and Willow's bright yellow jacket which the girl accidentally left in the afternoon, to say the least she was more than just underdressed, but her sleep was interrupted, and she really couldn't give a shit.
"Sleep clothes."
"That's a fucking black bikini."
"Dude, it doesn't matter! It's just underclothes, I've been cursed to see you and other men in their boxer more than a hundred times, and you've seen me in a swimsuit multiple times as well!"
"Yeah, and they didn't exactly show you wearing black stockings as well!"
"Why do you care so much?! You're here for a damn sleepover, not an interrogation! I'm about to wear shirt and pants anyway!"
"I'm just saying! Beside you...You.."
Michelle raised an eyebrow, pissed off at how lunatic Max sounded, it didn't even make sense, why was he making such a scene of her wearing this? she'll put on a shirt as soon as she can anyway. so his stupid mouth doesn't open about her again.
"-You look ugly in these. Keep them."
"What-" Michelle asked, incredulous and surprised at Max's comment. The boy in question shrugged, "I was just shocked, you can wear them if you're comfortable with it, i don't care, I just need your floor to sleep on again." Michelle pinched her own forehead in stress over the situation.
"You're allowed to use my bed, I'll sleep in the basement."
"Why the fuck would i do that?"
"So you can sleep better!"
"If anything, i would be better not being left alone in your bright room, and we've shared beds before, what's the fuss this time?"
Max was, unfortunately, right. In many sleepovers they Sleep in trios or pairs, and many times Max and Michelle had to lay together over space issue. She was acting out over her issues in the dreams. But of course, before she could just say yes, she opened her mouth and-
"Sure, sleep with you."
"You have a new screw loose in your head Wheeler, I know I'm attractive but you're not that special."
"You-! You are not attractive, Mayfield, you're a parasite that infected Lev, Daisy and Lucy!"
"And definitely not you as well, Noted."
Michelle grumbled something under breath, but max did not hear her, and instead went inside her room.
"You added a new light." Max commented as he played with Michelle's bed-side drawer lamp, and Michelle nodded, taking off her jacket and placing it gently on her chair before collapsing back into bed. Max frowned "You're just gonna sleep?"
"What else am I supposed to do? This is like your second home, i don't need to treat you like a guest, if you're so bored, henry is still awake and would appreciate it if you played action figures with him."
"No you're usually active in the night like an owl, one that cranes it's neck in an extremely stupid way." Michelle only nodded, kicking her feet until she felt her white comforter-blanket, and quickly yanked it up to her stomach, long hair messily falling everywhere on the bed.
Max sighed, and decided to take his shirt off and threw it on Michelle's chair as well, trying his best not to make too much noise, and when Michelle saw him she frowned, eyebrows pinching, at least he still wore a white tank-top, "Why are you sleeping without your shirt?" Max shrugged, "Same reason as you, it's more comfortable. And force of habit. Be happy I'm still wearing something instead of being completely shirtless."
Michelle nodded and turned to the side for privacy, before realizing Max was tugging on the blanket she had (Very comfortably, mind you.) wrapped herself in, and she made a groan of protest, tugging the blanket to herself.
"Oi, stop hogging it, Wheeler!"
Her tired eyes oozed with dripping exhaustion, eyeliner probably ruined by then, and an entire back of cramps made her extremely sleepy, and no matter what the man near her said, she will not get up, share her blanket or respond.
Max became silent "Do you have any experience in making out?"
Well, her statement was quickly proven wrong.
Michelle sputtered and her eyes blew open as she turned over to look at Max, who was resting comfortable, back to the bed and arms behind his head while he looked up at the ceiling with crossed legs. "Of course I do! I have a partner."
"That doesn't count, I mean other experiences, with other people, Not just Lev." Max answered, and Michelle turned silent, before replying swiftly, "No, no one else."
Which was a blatant lie, she made out...With Lucy once, in their previous summer, to 'improve', and she also made out with one particular jock she regrets quite deeply, it was an accident. But no one needs to know about those incidents.
Max hummed, not calling Michelle out on her bullshit, instead he simply Un-crossed his legs, swiftly stole half of her blanket and closed his eyes.
"Goodnight then."
Michelle kept staring at him, eyebrows pinched until she saw Max's Eyelid twitch and Him moving up as well. "What is it, Wheeler?"
"Are you asking me to Make out with you?"
Max blushed Extremely hard at the question, and threw a pillow at Michelle who Silent-shouted a Complain.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
'I'm just saying! You asked me about making out randomly, obviously anyone would assume that you wanted to make out!"
"Uh yeah, People who are called Michelle Wheeler. And I wasn't Trying to" But Max muttered something under his breath, and Michelle Sat upright, one hand on her knee as she glared at the other.
"What? What did you say?"
"Nothing! Jesus, stop getting all personal on me Wheeler."
"Okay."
Max was about to Thank the gods until Michelle opened her annoying mouth once more
"TellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellMeTellM-"
"Holy shit I just said I Kinda wanted to! Piss off!"
Michelle's Brain buzzed, but for the first time in this whole week, it felt good.
"I'm just asking, no harm in that, Mayfield." Michelle Smirked in victory sitting back down.
Max stayed silent, keeping his eyes on the girl Almost begrudgingly. "...So do you want to?"
"... Jesus-" Michelle realized quickly, that she can not dodge this question, and Sighs in exasperation. "Fine. Make it quick."
"Chill out, It's just practise and Experience." Experience her ass, but she couldn't deny anything, not unless she stopped have those dreams.
Usually the scenarios there are different, or maybe in her dreams the two have already escaped whatever ongoing tension this is. Either way, when her 'rival's lips brushed against her's, she sighed once more, finally relaxing.
First it was normal, only just kissing and getting closer, until Michelle nipped at his bottom lip, hinting 'This is a make out, not some tender kissing session' And Max responded Enthusiastically
His tongue departed to pry open Michelle's mouth, and she shut her lips tight, just to piss the other boy off, but he simply grinned and bit her bottom lip, hard, and she Gasped in annoyance and shock, shoving the ginger on the shoulder before placing the hand on the back of Max.
His hair was not long, at least, not as long as she remembered when he was first introduced in their class, back when Willow was back, but Lev was gone.
Even so, it was long enough, on the neck, for Michelle to play with it slightly while Gasps of air Tuned into the room, ringing in her ears.
The AC muted their hushed breathing from others hearing it, but it unfortunately meant Michelle might become cold soon, but perhaps she didnt have to worry about that as Max wrapped his arms around her waist.
Maybe she wrapped a leg around him and his back, maybe not, she couldn't notice, and didn't dare try and see what's going on under.
The rest of the night had turned blurry, room and lights swimming around her vision, but Max had his eyes focused on her face occasionally, before closing here and there, as if he was trying to watch every reaction.
Michelle shortly closed her eyes, focusing on the exchange of spit between them.
But after a few moments (Perhaps 5 minutes, seeing the clock) Max moved away, and if Michelle was pathetic enough, she would've tried leaning in again(She did almost do it, but not knowing equals to no harm)
"You're not a bad kisser, guess Lev was right." Max breathed out, he had red cheeks, freckles dusting his cheeks more vividly, as he rubbed the saliva from his mouth with his wrist, before rubbing said saliva on his wrist- into Michelle's bedsheets.
"Ew! Gross Mayfield, Get that away! And also- He said what?" Michelle said, incredulity Shining in her blown pupils.
Max smirked, cheeks turning a normal shade normal slowly. "Oh you know, just asked him how good his girlfriend tastes, and he answered."
"Why the fuck did you ask that."
"Why not? I also gave him some experience of his own anyway."
Michelle Gasped, blood turning steel and Body nerve-wrecklingly Frozen at the implication.
"What the Fuck Max!"
"Oh shut up! I know well you definitely made out with someone else at least once!"
"Why does that matter?! And why did you even kiss me then?! Are you just- I don't know- kissing every party member in your direction?!"
"No way! Just because I kissed you, Lucy and Lev, does not mean I kissed many people."
"This is the worst. This is actually the worst!"
And it was the worst, finding out that She is in love with Maxell Mayfield by making out with him.
"I don't know how you didn't catch on. But I was desperate enough to get your acceptance to the party, and because I genuinely liked your friend group. " Max explained, looking away and Moving back into his side of the bed, Laying down. "Besides that, you were the most-"
"-attractive out of them all." 'Lev' James Hopper explained, as he carved another slice into his Pumpkin and Michelle tried as well.
"But those flowers are hard to find from what I remember, are you sure you can bring them in time for Lucy's birthday?" Michelle asked, carving a little left eye on her pumpkin as she had done so.
Lev hummed, "I'm bringing them with the help of you, we're going on vacation soon, so I hope you're ready for that, love, since we will be using the specific days to celebrate her birthday."
Michelle smiled and nodded warmly, letting the new-found autumn breeze collapse and rewind around them, but she couldn't focus.
After her encounter with Max that particular day, she was scared to say anything, guilt and fear gripping her like a knife close to cutting her neck open to spill the secrets out.
She couldn't concentrate at all, Not when she knew Max not only made out with her, but also Lev. Meaning they both hadn't said anything about it, and she needed to speak about it sooner or later.
"Stop fidgeting around the topic so much Mich, you're staring daggers at my pumpkin, you're gonna give it a permanent scar with that stare."
And Michelle flinched hard, falling down onto the ground of reality, harder than a brick wall, and her mind stung at the impact, but at least she only dropped her knife onto the wooden bench's table and nothing else.
Lev, who sat opposite of her, kept his gaze stern on his partner, waiting for that to say something.
Maybe she should start practicing her expressions more instead of just repressing them so they wouldn't understand her thoughts so quickly, but who is she kidding, all five of them know her the best, they would eventually find out.
"Lev- I don't know. It's just, things that are there okay? They're annoying stuff in the back of my mind"
"Then.. Maybe give those annoying stuff a chance to speak, and yknow, come out." Michelle Almost visibly shuddered at the last words.
That was a huge problem as well, Wasn't it? She liked both boys and girls, and she doesn't know if her friends would agree with this view. She's 50% sure Max is the same, but she really isn't sure of the others, Lev included.
"It's going to...well- Affect us."
"Let it?"
"Lev, Fuck this is- I need a minute." Lev nodded, going back to carving his pumpkin as if nothing happened. Michelle watched him carve a cute button nose on the little guy he Called 'Tegu'.
"Lev."
Lev Looked up from Tegu, "I'm listening."
"Have you ever... Liked more than one person?"
"... Isn't that, normal? I like father, mother, willow, Jolene, You, Max, Lucy, Daisy, etcetera. "
"No not Like, I mean like like, how you like me. You know? Me and you type of like, Max and Lucy type of like."
"Ohhh, well... Kind of. "
"What do you mean kind of?"
"You're everything I could've asked for, so are Max and the others, you all make me happy, but you not only told me about kindness, you showed me what kindness is. So you've always been special, and Max is his own kind of special. I think I like all of you, except Willow, I Don't see her as anything romantic, she is... My twin, My sister and most importantly one of my best friends."
Michelle gently allows Lev to hold her hand when he brought his own closer, and glanced at him with A small hint of adoration and worry.
"But are you- in love with them?.."
"I think so. Why?"
"So you don't- you wouldn't care if someone liked their own gender?"
"Why would I?"
"You don't get it Lev I- I like girls."
Lev gazed at Michelle who had her head turned low, her words wobbly and throat bubbling, as if every sentence will have choked up breathes.
And he could only truly be confused
"... So do I?"
Michelle choked back a laugh and sob.
"I'm a queer Lev. Youve definitely heard of them, gay people...Holy... Shit." She dropped her head down, low hanging and Hair covering her face. Lev immediately dropped the knife on his other hand and brushed her bangs with them.
"Michelle- wait...It's okay."
Lev Left his seat to accompany Michelle's on the other side, gently taking her left hand away from her face to see her Fear stricken expression, she wasn't crying, but she was still quiet, trying her best to hide herself.
"I don't mind it, you're still you."
It was idiotic, telling Lev such a deep part of her in a stupid park for carving pumpkin, a public space where people could hear.
"I don't mind it, you're still you."
The words ringed in her ears like sirens.
Lev didn't care about who she was, as long as she is Michelle, the same one he's always known, he doesn't need her to be something to be herself, he did not find it bothering, saying it so casually.
Of course he would, He's Lev, One of the kindest boys she's ever known, and yet she still couldn't believe nor grasp it.
"No matter what happens, I'll support you, I don't know how it must feel... But everything will work out in the end, because you were able to say it. I'll still support you, between whoever you love."
Michelle closed her eyes, trying to dry the exhaustion, relief, and sadness away, dripping from her soul and Spitting into the sea.
"You know... Lucy used to be jealous of me."
"...What?" Michelle asked, turning her head towards him, confusion apparent.
"Back when Willow was still, well, absent, and you used to always stay by my side. A year ago, in the Snowball, when you and the other two left to help Daisy with her outfit in the bathroom, Lucy and I were standing together near the drink section. When she told me about it. She said she was Jealous of how you prioritized me, how her own best friend was now suddenly 'head over heels' over an unknown boy in the woods, and she said it all with melancholy and A small smile, I remember we talked about you a lot that night."
"Why would she be jealous? You were new, and you needed my help just as much as I needed yours." It was more of a question to herself, but Lev shrugged and Leaned back.
"But you were kind, and your heart has always been big, open for everyone. She likes you a lot Michelle, she admitted that her first crush was you."
Michelle stood up knife on her hand stabbing the wooden table fast. Lev laughed and swatted Her hand away from the knife handle.
"Calm down, Mich!"
"What do you mean 'First crush'?! "
"Don't most of the party have you as our first crush? I know Lucy did, Max did as well, so did I, I'm not sure about Willow and Daisy tho." Lev smiled and Stared into her soul deeply, searching for words.
"It would be be better if you talked to them yourself, but it's not anything embarrassing, I treat crushes like Attraction, and the other three have been my crushes as well. Lucy told me about how she fell in love at first sight over you- you helped her on an injured day, right?"
Michelle remembered, It was like yesterday.
Lucy's knee was bruised, and she was lying on a pile of dirt under the trees, hiding her in shade, when Michelle saw her and frantically panicked over her.
She knew the other girl, that was her classmate after all, and she wasn't one of the mouth breathers, which meant in total it meant she was someone Michelle would help without a doubt(She would help those mouth breathers too maybe, but it didn't matter, she knew she would doubt in those situations)
So Michelle Sat down quickly, uncaring of the dirt on her own bare knees as she Asked the girl many question, Lucy took time to respond, before replying her answers in a calm manner.
Michelle had taken her to the nurse's office, the bruise gashing blood pretty bad.
They became quick friends as Lucy Sat on her bed, the nurse leaving for more antiseptic, Willow also meeting her shortly a few days after.
It was a warm memory, full of Giggling and introductions, their friendship grew stronger when they realized they are neighbors as well.
"Max liked you as well, I think, because you bit back swiftly while also getting embarrassed easily, both Lucy and Max like teasing you a lot, until you turn red, I think you just... Attract those kind of people? Passionate ones?"
"That just makes it worse Lev, especially if you knew. "
"Know what? Who you like?"
"Yes."
Lev hummed, and rested his head on Michelle's shoulder as she sat beside him, watching their unfinished pumpkins and how a small leaf falls on top of Tegu.
"But i think i feel better, for the people i like, knowing you are okay." Michelle spoke, and Lev nodded.
"I think you love all of us, And even if you don't, it's-"
"Fine." Willow Jennifer Byers replied, Michelle turned away, concentrated on the statue as if she could blow it with her mind. Willow's small back-bob-cut Bounced slightly as she tilted her head at the Taller girl, mischief glinting in her eyes, but expression still gentle, jaw relaxed and eyes lazed.
"I thought you would like it more if we saw it visually. It's for the project, right?" Willow asked, scooting closer to the statue.
"Dude, fuck the project" Michelle breathed out "It's better to talk to you about it. Visualization won't bring me anything except more ideas for our campaigns."
Willow giggled and looked back at the small statue on the center of the art room, warm under the sun's light. "You totally could've drawn something."
"No way, I'm not you."
"Really? Are you saying I can draw this?"
"Totally, I mean- you'd add shades, lighting, you'd even draw the Background perfectly!"
"Sure" Willow replied, smile enhancing her features like the sun from the window. Michelle hinted a smile back but trapped her gaze away.
If there was one person she guarantee would've liked, it would've been Willow. But Willow... She didn't like girls, Michelle saw those boys who flirt with her a lot, the men are annoying but Willow has always said she can handle it just fine - Handle it being rejecting them indirectly.
But there was some sort of painting, a reflection, Lev mentioned it was for a boy, and Michelle tried her best not to deflate like a balloon when she first read it.
But maybe she had nothing to fear about that boy, especially when Willow gave her that art. The painting- yet never mentioned it.
If Lev knew about the painting, he would ask about it excitedly later, wanting to see her reaction. But even as Michelle waited for an entire month, gave hints, asked him certain topics, Lev acted as if he did not know anything she was talking about.
But Lev can be secretive sometimes.
"I wanted to, spend time, since we haven't been able to be alone from the party a lot." Since we became distant.
Willow nodded, smile tugging at her lips, but she moved to stand near her personal space in the art club, filled with mixed paint brightening the small area.
"That's a lot of- colours."
"It's an art room, Michelle."
"You know what I mean."
Multiple shades splattered around Palettes, Colourful wooden sticks, and A heavy dose of...
"Blue and Yellow?" Michelle asked, quietly approaching the canvas and tracing the lines of two colours wrapped around her heart.
"Oh- Well. It's not anything big, but Blue and Yellow fit well together."
Michelle's lack of response flattened Willow's tongue, but she slightly leaned towards the canvas and Continued to speak.
"Van Gogh often used Yellow and Blue because they complimented eachother, there is no blue without yellow and without orange."
"He wasn't wrong." Michelle added, "They really do make the paintings more..."
"Vibrant." Willow finished the sentence for her, looking closely at the sunflowers and forget-me-nots mixed in a hue of orange.
Michelle dropped her smile, afraid of her next words, choosing to change the topic instead. "You should bring some materials in the vacation, so we could have competitions maybe, like painting ones... "
"You and Max would be throwing paint at eachother, Daisy would splash something on Lucy's Canvas and Lev would draw a horror movie concept." Willow explained with a cherry tone.
"True, do you have everything prepared?"
"Some." Willow answered, "I'm mostly packing the larger things and saving the smaller for last, it's a month long vacation and You can be the one to fret over items." Michelle huffed, pupils dilated.
She never had to say it.
Nor did Willow.
Maybe she knew, that Michelle loved her ever since she learnt how to breathe.
"I think it'll be Cool, we're celebrating Lucy's birthday there as well. As long as Max doesn't push me into a pool again."
"I mean- it was pretty funny."
Michelle nodded, before her eyes widened and she Turned over to a smug Willow Byers.
"You're agreeing with him?! "
The bedroom was dark, the bathroom lights had turned off, and the blanket was messily thrown down onto the floor hours ago. Michelle's bare feet Loudly slapped the Carpeted floors and created a rhythmic sound she was turning sick of.
Three more days, and she will live with five friends for an entire month.
And three more days before the trumpet calls for her doom. It wouldn't have been such a problem if she didn't receive those dreams, if she kept her feelings inside.
And no one else needs to know, Lev can keep secrets. No one else will know.
But the aggravating pressure kept rising and the bile in her stomach laughed at her demise, hydrochloric acid rolling in between restless nights and gloomy weekends.
The bags were half prepared, she'll probably be late and Nathan would knock on her door loudly, but she won't pay attention, will she?
After the five encounters, she needed to accept it, and swallow the bile back, but it doesn't work out. It won't work out between six people, and she can keep her mouth shut tight.
Michelle Groaned, head hitting the pillow with a loud thud, her fingers gripped the sheets and Teared through her skull.
The same bed all six of them have shared before, and she can't keep it out of her head.
She would say she's sorry, if it changed their minds but this time she really can't escape nor deny how she's said too much, and will soon.
The lamp flickered off, and Michelle Wheeler slept with her face messy, and Clothes unkempt.
She should not be in love with her best friends.