Chapter Text
--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carinoGeneticist [CG]—
--gallowsCablibrator [GC] invited grimAuxiliatrix [GA] to convo—
GC: COM3 OOOOON
GC: L3TS DO 1T >:]
CG: OH GOD. WHAT IS IT NOW?
GA: Miss Pyrope Has Been Pestering Me The Past Thirty Minutes About One Of The Disney Movies She Considers To Be Ironic
CG: IRONIC? OH FUCK NO.
CG: WE ARE NOT GOING TO WATCH A SHITTY HUMAN MOVIE AND HAVE IT BE RECOMMENDED BY THE MASTER DOUCHNOZZLE HIMSELF.
GC: BL4R, YOU’R3 NO FUN. WHY DO3S K4N4Y4 4LW4YS G3T TO P1CK TH3 MOV13S?
CG: BECAUSE I CAN GENERALLY TRUST HER NOT TO PICK TRIPE RECOMMENDED BY STRIDER.
GC: BUT 1 W4NT TO SM3LL 1T.
GC: 1T’S 4BOUT 4 HUM4N 4RT1ST STRUGGL1NG TO F1ND H3R 1D3NT1TY 4ND TRU3 LOV3.
CG: THAT…..ACTUALLY MAKES IT SOUND HALFWAY DECENT.
CG: BUT CONSIDERING STRIDER LIKES IT I AM GOING TO USE MY LEADERLY POWERS TO VETO THE HELL OUT OF THIS PROPOSITION.
GC: OH YOU 4R3 JUST S4Y1NG TH1S FOR TH3 S4K3 OF D1S4GR331NG W1TH M3!
CG: I AM ONLY DISAGREEING WITH YOU WHEN YOU’RE WRONG.
CG: WHICH HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THEN NOT.
GA: If You Don’t Mind Me Interrupting Your Little Moment
GA: I Am Actually Kind Of Curious About This Movie Going From Mrs Pyropes Description
GA: Perhaps We Should Watch It Regardless Of Your Contempt For Mr Strider.
CG: REALLY, IT’S TWO AGAINST ONE HERE?
GC: Y3S, TH4NK YOU K4N4Y4. NOW L3TS W4TCH TH1S B4D-BOY >:]
CG: OH GOD HELP ME……..
GC: H3LLO 4G41N OLD FR13ND.
CG: ITS LIKE IT NEVER FUCKING LEFT US.
CG: WAIT A GRUBFUCKING MINUTE. THIS ISN’T ANIMATED.
GA: I Can See That
GC: W3LL 1 C4N’T
CG: NO BUT…..GOD, SEEING REAL HUMANS IS SO FUCKING AWKWARD.
CG: LOOK AT HOW THEY MOVE AND DRESS AND IN SUCH A LARGE FUCKING HERD.
CG: IT’S LIKE THEY ARE ASKING TO GET CULLED.
GA: Really I Think It’s A Joy To Witness A Culture That Has A Slightly Higher Appreciation For Fashion Then Ours
GA: There Are Very Few Plain Black Shirts To Be Seen
GA: Instead Every One Of These Humans Dresses Like An Individual
CG: FUCK YOU MY SHIRT IS UNIQUE.
GC: W3LL Y34H, W1THOUT H3MOSP3CTRUM TH3Y N33D SOM3 W4Y TO ST4ND OUT
GA: So You Are Saying That Clothing To Human Culture Is Like The Hemospectrum To Our Culture
GA: That Is An Interesting Take On It
CG: YEAH, JUST DON’T LET FEFERI HEAR IT OR SHE MIGHT TRY TO GET RID OF THEIR OPPRESSIVE STANCE ON CLOTHES.
GC: 44H SO SH3 1S TH3 ST4R. 1TS H3R.
CG: SHE SEEMS KINA PLAIN FOR A STAR. KINDA BORING AND BRATTY.
GC: YOUR F4C3 1S BOR1NG 4ND BR4TTY.
CG: EVEN WORSE; SHE SEEMS TO MOVE AND EMOTE WORSE THEN THE ANIMATED FIGURES.
CG: SHE MAKES DRAWN AND ANIMATED CHARACTERS SEEM MORE ALIVE THEN ACTUAL LIVE HUMANS.
GA: Perhaps She Will Develop As A Character Throughout The Movie And Discover What Is Truly Means To Be A Star
CG: WAY TO GET YOUR HOPES UP.
CG: SHE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING RODENTBEAST.
CG: HOW LONG IS THIS MOVIE?
GC: 4S LONG 4S 4NY D1SN3Y MOV13 >:]
CG: OH DEAR GOD THIS IS GONNA BLOW.
CG: LOOK AT THAT.
CG: THOSE…..SURE ARE SOME SHENANIGANS SHE’S GETTING IN TO.
GA: I Think This Scene Was Intended To Be Humorous
GA: But For What Audience
GA: Because It Kind Of Eludes Me
GC: W3’V3 S33N TH4T 4DULT M4L3 HUM4N 1N 4 F3W SHORT 34RL13R SHOTS. TH1NK H3 W1LL B3 IMPORT4NT?
CG: NAH.
CG: YEAH THIS….. REALLY ISN’T FUNNY.
CG: OR CHARMING.
CG: OR EXCITING.
CG: OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN BE COUNTED AS POSITIVE.
CG: LEAVE IT TO STRIDER TO PICK THE ABSOLUTE NADIR OF DISNEY MOVIES.
GC: YOU JUST DON’T G3T TH3 SUBTL3 1RONY OF TH3 MOV13.
GA: Terezi You Continue To Use That Word
GA: But I Think The Underlying Meaning Of It Is Not The Same As You Think It Is
GC: L4M3
GC: 1 SM3LL 4 LOT OF COLORS
GA: The Protagonist Is In A Make-up Room To Undergo Her Transformation
GA: I Fear My Analysis That She Would Turn Into A Star Was Inaccurate
CG: YEAH, JUST LISTEN TO ALL THOSE FUCKING PRE-TEENS SCREAMING
CG: SO THIS MOVIE FOLLOWS A STAR AT THE HEIGHT OF HER CAREER BEFORE SPIRALING DOWN A VICIOUS CYCLE OF DISAPPOINTING SHOWS, SOPOR ABUSE AND WRIGGLERFUCKING?
CG: CAUSE THAT WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE EXCUSE THIS DREADFUL OPENING SCENE.
CG: MY GOD THESE ACTORS ARE DREADFUL
CG: WHO IS THAT GUY? WHY DOES HE CALL HER BABY-GIRL AND DOES SHE CALL HIM DADDY AND WHY DOES IT ALL SOUND SO INCREDIBLY FILTHY.
GA: What Is The Purpose Of Her Wig
GA: It Looks So Incredibly Fake
GC: OH 4CCORD1NG TO D4V3 1TS TO H1D3 H3R 1D3NT1TY B3C4US3 D33P DOWN SH3 W4NTS TO B3 4 NORM4L G1RL 4ND V13W3D FOR WHO SH3 1S 1NST34D OF H3R POPS1NG1NG SUP3RST4R 4LT3R 3GO.
CG: THAT. IS. STUPID.
GA: It Really Is
GA: Her Face Still Closely Resembles That Of A Rodentbeast
GA: And She Looked Better With Brown Hair
CG: AND WHAT IS THAT BULLSHIT OF WANTING TO BE A NORMAL GIRL?
CG: IF YOU WANT TO BE NORMAL THAT BADLY YOU DON’T GET ON STAGE FOR A GAZILION OF PEOPLE. IF YOU WANT A QUIET LIFE AND BE JUDGED FOR YOU ARE DEEP INSIDE YOU WOULDN’T PURSUE THIS LIFESTYLE TO BEGIN WITH.
CG: LETS FACE IT, SHE ISN’T DOING THE DOUBLE-LIFE ACT SO SHE CAN LEAD A NORMAL LIFE.
CG: SHE DOES IT BECAUSE IT MAKES HER LOOK ALL MYSTERIOUS, WHICH SHE ISN’T.
CG: SHE’S AS FLAT AS CARDBOARD.
CG: HOW FAR ARE WE INTO THIS MOVIE?
GC: F1V3 M1NUT3S
CG: FIVE MINUTES!? OH DEAR GOD PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.
GA: This Song She Is Singing
GA: Why Does It Sound So Incredibly Fake
GC: ONC3 4G41N, TH3 4N1M4T3D HUM4NS 4R3 MOR3 HUM4N TH3N MRS MONT4N4.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A MONTANA!?
Approximately 90 arduous minutes later.
CG: HOOF.BEAST.MANURE.
CG: WORST DISNEY MOVIE PERIOD.
CG: I AM GOING TO MY RECUPERACOON AND SLEEP THIS FILM OF LIKE A BAD HANGOVER
GA: How Do You Know What A Hangover Feels Like
CG: IT CAN’T FEEL WORSE THEN WHAT I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW.
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
CG: I ACTUALLY HAD A SMALL SEMBLANCE OF HOPE FOR HUMAN CINEMA FOR A MOMENT BUT TEREZI HERE THREW THAT RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.
GC: OH 1T W4S NOT TH4T B4D.
CG: NO, IT REALLY WAS THAT BAD.
CG: THE ACTING WAS DOWNRIGHT ABYSMAL.
CG: THE MUSIC WAS SHALLOW AND JUST SOUNDED AS FAKE AS YOUR DOUBLE HEADED CEAGAR COIN ONE HALF OF THE TIME AND AS PAINFUL AS A RODENTBEAST BEING HIT BY A COMBINE HARVESTER THE OTHER HALF.
CG: AND THE VISUALS WERE UNINTERESTING, DO YOU KNOW WHY?
CG: BECAUSE THEY SHOT MOST OF THE SNOREFEST OF A MOVIE IN THE MOST BACKWATER HUMAN TOWN THEY COULD FIND, COMPRISED FOR 90% OUT OF MEADOWS.
CG: AND THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO PLAN A SHOPPING DISTRICT ON ONE OF THOSE FIELDS?
CG: SHOCK AND AWE, THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY GET TO DO SOMETHING IN THAT PLACE AND WE SURE AS HELL DON’T WANT THAT PLACE TO BE ANY LESS BORING NOW DO WE?
CG: IMAGINE THE HORROR OF HAVING A SHOPPING DISTRICT ON A CONVENIENT WALKING DISTANT INSTEAD OF LORD-KNOWS-WHAT-MEASUREMENT-OF-DISTANCE AWAY FROM THEIR CURRENT LOCATION.
CG: GOOD GOD, IT MIGHT EVEN PROVIDE THEIR WRIGGLERS AN OPPORTUNITY TO WORK AND PROVIDE A BETTER ECONOMIC SITUATION FOR THE VILLAGE.
CG: BUT NO, LETS GET A HIGH PROFILE HUMAN POPSINGER TO SAVE THE FUCKING EMPTY FIELD INSTEAD.
CG: I AM SURE THAT IT IS THE BEST IDEA FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED AND WILL WORK OUT PERFECTLY FOR EVERYONE FOREVER.
CG: AND WHAT WAS WITH HER UNMASKING OR UNWIGGING HERSELF IN FRONT OF A AUDIENCE OF HUNDREDS IF NOT THOUSANDS AND THE ENTIRE MASS OF PEOPLE IS JUST LIKE;”NO FUCKING WORRIES, WE’LL KEEP YOUR SECRET. ALL FIFTY THOUSAND OF US.”
CG: WHAT ARBITRARY NONSENSE! THESE HUMANS CANNOT BE A STRANGER TO WIRELESS INTERNET OR TELEVISION. THERE JUST NEEDED TO BE ONE WRIGGLER NEEDED TO POST AN UPDATE ON CRITTER SAYING;”OMG MILEY CYRUS IS HANNAH MONTANA” AND THE WHOLE POINT WOULD HAVE BEEN MOOT.
CG: BUT THEY WON’T CAUSE EVEN THAT FUCKING WRIGGLER WOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT NO ONE ON THEIR ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET WOULD GIVE TWO AND A HALF SHITS ABOUT IT BECAUSE SHE HAS ALL THE INTEREST VALUE OF WET CARDBOARD!
GC: 4R3 YOU DON3? >:/
CG: GIVE ME A MOMENT, I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO THE LOVE INTEREST YET.
GA: Oh Dear
CG: BLANDEST PIECE OF COW-HERDING SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN.
CG: I WOULD SAY THE TWO OF THEM HAD NO CHEMISTRY BUT I ACTUALLY THINK THEY WORK PERFECT TOGETHER.
CG: WITH HOW UNINTERESTING THE BOTH OF THEM ARE THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY REACH A SINGULARITY OF ME NOT GIVING A SHIT!
CG: LET THEM RIDE OF INTO THE SUNSET TOGETHER AND MAKE THE MOST BORING BABIES IN EXISTANCE.
CG: AND I…..
CG: I……
GC: BR34TH K4RK4T. DON’T OV3R3X3RT YOURS3LF.
CG: THAT’S IT. I AM DONE WITH DISNEY.
GC: OH NO!