Chapter Text
The circus at night is a terrifying place. Without the light that normally illuminated the overstimulating and cartoonish interior of the circus, oversaturated with color to the point it could almost be described as gluttonous, it loses its fragile polychromatic facade. It looks like if someone had drawn a picture of a rainbow and shaded it over in its entirety with a pencil. The lighting is dim enough that one could make out colors that resembled dark shades of green and purple, dimly lit derivatives of the circus’s normal primary colors, and could see only just enough to avoid running into anything. A noticeable eerie silence falls over the place, seeming to weigh so much yet also somehow so little in the air, as one’s ears are liberated from being forced to constantly hear sound yet begin to hallucinate noise to maintain familiarity and comfort. A silence in which the only sounds produced come from one’s own mind. The closest possible way to describe it is like a once well-used playground that had been completely abandoned because a child had died while playing on it—a reminder of what has been lost.
Ragatha remembers venturing out from her room her first night in the circus. She had felt such an overwhelming mix of negative emotions that day—anxiety, regret, frustration, confusion—but absolutely refused to lose hope, not even entertaining the idea of there being no exit. But it was seeing the circus in the dark of the night, feeling its deafening silence, that immediately crushed every ounce of hope inside of her, and that was when she knew for the first time that there truly was no way out.
“And THAT, my friends, is why bees are actually very intelligent animals that should be granted legal suffrage rights in the United States of America! Any questions?” A boisterous, overly enthusiastic voice booms, with the corresponding anthropomorphic oversized mouth now floating in front of the group with his arms outstretched.
It was like the lights had suddenly switched on in Ragatha’s eyes, transporting her back to the reality that was directly in front of her.
She felt as if she had been spontaneously teleported from another dimension, as the normal familiar faces and eye-straining bright colors contrasted so sharply with the empty, dark, deathly silent circus she had just been seeing in her memories.
“Great idea, Caine! Bees are very intelligent animals! Though I don’t know if they know how to cast a ballot…” A familiar, carefree voice chimes in from the back of the group, the chess piece scratching his head with a sad and confused expression on his face as he trails off.
Everyone else just looks tired, annoyed, or both, not even bothering to humor Caine. Jax, especially, looks off, with visible lines under his large yellow eyes that weren’t normally there and the tips of his ears drooping slightly towards opposite sides.
“Well, Kinger, we won’t know until we give them the chance to try, won’t we?” Caine joyfully pumps his fist across his body as his staff, which he had let go of minutes ago, continues to slowly drift further away from him midair. “Anyways, I know you’ve all been patiently waiting for another one of my a-MAZ-ingly charming and exhilarating adventures, and the good news for you guys is, you no longer have to! I’ve finally devised an adventure for you all that is truly the thrill-of-a-lifetime, heartstopping, unforgettable, potentially-psychological-shock-inducing adventure I’ve been looking for all this time! Prepare to undergo an experience inconceivable by the human mind, so dissident from modern ethical standards that the APA would simply faint at the mere idea of it! It’s bigger, longer, and crazier than anything any of you have experienced before!”
The comment catches Ragatha by surprise, as she can’t tell if Caine is referring to their time in the circus or to their entire lives both in and out of it, making her question whether Caine knows more about the circus members’ lives before entering than he leads on.
“Is that true, Caine?” his deranged, spherical floating assistant interjects, leading Caine to shift his gaze towards the creature.
“It most certainly is, Bubble, and you ca—“ Caine begins to explain ecstatically, before being cut off mid sentence.
“Cause I love big, long, and crazy!” Bubble further widens his already huge grin, leaning in closer towards the ringmaster.
“Well, you’ll love this adventure then, Bubble! If big, long, and crazy is what you’re into, then this’ll be right up your ally!” Caine replies excitedly, failing to pick up on Bubble’s insinuations.
“Cause I really want something that’s big, long, and crazy!” Bubble somehow grins even wider.
“Splendid then, because that’s exactly what this will be!” Caine pumps his fist proudly, still naive as to what the oversized bubble-like creature was implying.
Bubble opens his mouth to speak again, but Pomni quickly interrupts. “Okay, okay, we don’t need to know any more,” there’s a clear uneasiness in her voice as it rapidly changes pitch as she speaks, almost like the way someone would sound if they were holding back laughter except that clearly wasn’t the case this time. Bubble, without changing his expression at all, slowly closes his mouth. “Can we just finish talking about this adventure then, Caine?” Pomni offers with a slight smile, holding out her hands as a mix between a shrug and a hand gesture that says “let’s move this along”.
The difference between the Pomni she sees in front of her now and the Pomni from the jester’s first few days in the circus was astounding to Ragatha, as she went from an anxious wreck to one of the group’s leaders and spokespeople within such a short time. It really hasn’t been that long since Pomni arrived, as least as far as Ragatha believes, since only God knows how the passage of time really works in the circus. The members have all basically come to assume a day in the circus is the equivalent of a day in the real world, though no one can prove whether or not this is actually true.
Ragatha remembers that day like it was yesterday—the jester’s sudden appearance and her frazzled reaction. And Kaufmo. She remembers the eerie red “EXIT”s written all over his walls, like a scene right out of a horror film, and the ragged, black creature covered in multicolored radiating eyes that towered over her and Pomni, its overpowering shadow engulfing them in the doorway. The agonizing pain of being thrown into the walls at speeds too great for her vision to keep up with, leaving her being able to see nothing but the blurry motion of the abstracted monster and her own limbs as they threatened to rip off from her body. How, after the final blow, she was left helpless in the corner of the wall, the pain from being whipped around still present but barely noticeable compared to the pain brought about by the jumbling effect the abstract Kaufmo had inflicted on her. She felt every possible sensation all at once in her body, as if there were several colonies of fire ants crawling all over her and biting her, people grabbing her and pulling every extremity on her body in all possible directions, and her insides were being crudely knotted into a messy crochet project. The most real-world-synonymous way she could possibly describe it was like the painful tingling feeling you’d get in your feet, arms, or legs after they had fallen asleep as the blood rushes back into the limb, except the sensation engulfed her entire body all at once and the pain of it was amplified to a level that might send a normal human into a state of shock. Her vision looked the way it would when you close your eyes in bright lighting, with a cascade of colors swirling and exploding in her sight, though with an added glitching and static effect like that of the screen on an old computer, and she still was able to make out the distinct shapes of some of her immediate surroundings. Her hearing was also impaired, as it was difficult for her to hear much of anything over the sharp, overwhelming ringing in her ears, only being able to hear the monster’s loud stomping and the shouting of a voice she believed to be Pomni’s. At least, that was the strand of hope she had clung onto, until she saw the bright red, blue, and white blob in front of her run away down the hall, leaving her entirely alone in her near paralyzed state.
The memory makes Ragatha visibly shiver, sending a cold, tingling sensation down her body. She never wants to experience that kind of agony ever again, and she never wants any of the others to have to go through it, either. The thought of that level of pain being able to even exist in this virtual world, without killing its victim in the process to free them from it, makes her feel physically ill.
And, on top of it all, the pain of knowing he was struggling and needed help, but not having done enough to save him.
Doesn’t that make her a horrible person? She wants all this love and acceptance from others so bad, yet she doesn’t even show it to them first. What does that say about her, about the kind of person she truly is? Does she even really care for the others at all? Is the facade she put up doing its job and convincing herself that she’s a good person, or does she still not believe that?
“Ragatha?” A familiar high-pitched but soft voice echoes, genuine concern in her tone.
Pomni stands right in front of the rag doll, uncertainty in her red-and-blue pinwheel eyes and her hand beginning to reach up slightly from her side, as if it were preparing to tap Ragatha on the shoulder next if she didn’t respond to her name. Ragatha jumps slightly in response and directs her eyes down to the short jester, causing Pomni to smile slightly.
“Oh jeez, I’m sorry Pomni, I didn’t see you there! I’m glad to see you!” Ragatha insantly perks up, putting on her signature friendly smile. “I’m doing great today, how about you?”
“Um…good, thanks…” Pomni awkwardly replies, giving Ragatha a slightly confused look. “You just looked really…out of it, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“That’s really sweet of you, Pomni! Thanks for looking out for me, really,” she beams. “By the way, Pomni?”
“Oh, yeah?”
“I just wanted to let you know I’m really, really proud of you. For how well you’ve been adjusting to the circus. I know it can be pretty tough at times but you seem to be handling it really well, which is great! But don’t ever be afriad to let me know if you need anything, okay?”
The jester just awkwardly smiles and giggles. “Thanks, Ragatha, I…appreciate it!I’ll see you around!” There’s a hint of some emotion on her face that Ragatha can’t quite seem to identify—maybe fear, annoyance, confusion—as Pomni turns around and walks away towards the rooms.
“See ya later, Pomni!” Ragatha shouts a little too loudly after her, waving despite knowing the jester’s back was already turned.
The ragdoll, seemingly now alone in the main area of the circus, just sighs and lets her smile fall as that terrible heavy silence of the night begins to fill the air once more, despite it still being daytime.