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Neil is slammed into his locker with an enthusiastic tackle, as other voices laugh and cheer. He blearily blinks — it’s far too early for this.
“Congrats, dude!”
“Finally!” another voice booms, “took you long enough!”
“Good job!”
“I would say I was surprised, but it’s been a long time coming.”
The applause turns shrill in his ears. Their voices mash into steel, the same boisterous decibel level that should be reserved only for locker room talks before an intense game. God, he really needs a coffee right now. “Good morning too — What are we excited about?”
The group — the school’s varsity football team, his teammates, Neil finally registers — falls silent. “You know, you’re finally putting yourself out there!”
“We always assumed you had some academic or self-esteem shit going on, so you didn’t date — which is mental, by the way — I don’t think there’s a girl in Welton that doesn’t want you.”
“Even guys,” one chirps up, “he’s definitely been many, many gay awakenings.”
“You speakin’ from experience right now?”
Someone punches him in the arm, that’s totally gonna leave a bruise. “You scored big time, Perry! She’s perfect for our captain.”
“Yeah, you two look great together!”
“I’m sorry-” Neil laughs incredulously, “who the hell am I dating, exactly?”
When Chris arrives to the locker rooms before practice, she expected a handful of teenagers changing into cheerleading uniforms, a soft chitter of gossip that only thrives in changerooms. She expected the quiet dread before every intensive practice, from those who joined when constant enjoyment was a pipe dream and they had yet to wake up. She did not expect squeals, laughter, and hugs.
“Oh, congratulations!”
“We’re so happy for you! Now that’s a man who’s worthy of you.”
“You should’ve told us!”
“I know you pride yourself on putting everything above fleeting high school romances, but really, who could resist him?”
“You two are so cute together.”
“Did he confess first? I bet he did— he’s a gentleman, after all.”
Chris squirms out of surprisingly tight arms and motions for everyone to settle, which is only half-effective. “Who’s he?”
They shoot her a look chartered for the psychotic, “uh, Neil Perry? Football captain?”
“Are you sick?” one of them rests a palm over her forehead.
Chris waves their hand away, gritting her teeth to stop from snapping. “I’m fine. So, what is it about me and Perry?”
(“So, how long have… you two been going on?”
“Cassie, we haven’t talked ever.”
“Oh, still keeping it quiet, then? Don’t worry Chris, I can hold a secret!”
Good God.)
“Neil—fucking—Perry,” Knox greets him when he settles across from Todd at the table. His voice is cold, the simmering rage well-restrained under disappointment and inferiority. It’s most logical — Neil could easily tackle him over the table and knock him out in the process. Despite both of their spots on varsity football, only one of them is captain. “Are you actually dating Chris? You knew I really liked her. Please tell me you’re not dating her.”
Right. Knox’s obsession with the cheerleader. That’s why he wasn’t a part of this morning’s rendezvous. Neil wasn’t originally going to take advantage of his physique, but at the whirlwind rate of empty assumptions, he just might.
“Knox,” Todd chides, “We’re nowhere near the 1800s anymore. Chris Noel can date whoever she wants and she doesn’t belong to anyone. And besides, Neil doesn’t owe us anything about his personal life. I don’t see why everyone’s making it such a big deal.”
Neil feels his heart intumesce. Thank you, Todd. Astute as always.
“He can date Chris privately if he wants to,” Todd finishes.
Goddammit. So close. “I’m not dating her.”
Neil almost wishes it wasn’t just a cast of them, that there was someone else to buffer this conversation. Charlie has band hours to fulfill, Meeks and Pitts are probably sneaking into the science labs, Cameron has a make-up test to finish. If only one of them were also here.
Or if Knox left. Neil wouldn’t mind having Todd to himself, simply listening to him passionately ramble about novels. He’s marvellous when he talks. Perhaps next time Neil could ask Todd to the library or stairwell or the quiet backstage in the theater and leave Knox to wallow alone in his lovesickness.
Knox sighs, melodramatic and sorrowful, “Well, if Chris was to be seeing anyone, Neil is the best-case scenario. At least I know you’ll treat her right.”
Well, Knox, you don’t have to feel that sorry for yourself. “That’s flattering; it would mean so much more if we were actually dating.”
“Anyone would be lucky to date Neil,” Todd chews absentmindedly. The statement is so surreal Neil almost thinks he’s imagining things, but the sudden blush that infests Todd’s neck proves otherwise.
Todd’s eyes are inhumanly wide as he scrambles for any heterosexual, platonic explanation. “Uh,” he begins, but the words fall flat on his tongue. “I mean, Neil and Chris are in the same league! They’re perfect for each other; it’s only natural that they would eventually get together.”
Is he completely non-existent to this lunch table? “We’re not dating.”
Instead of providing an adequate response, Knox only finds humour in Todd’s little slip-up, “Hey, Todd, maybe you can take Neil instead, then I’ll have a chance with Chris again!”
Neil feels his face heat up, blood rushing all over his cheeks to the tip of his ears. The only consolation, albeit trifling, is Todd, who now sports an equally, if not larger, flush on his nape. Neil only burns further when he realizes how much he wants to press both his lips onto the velvety, rose-tinted skin, surely warm from all the blood that rushes through.
Todd laughs, “that could never work out.” His voice is icy and ignominious like he didn’t just shatter all of Neil’s fantastical delusions in one fell swoop.
It takes Neil all his power not to let it worm into his head, intrusive and ugly. It doesn’t even end up working that well; if Todd’s distressed gaze is anything to go by, his upset has washed over the table when he stood abruptly to leave. His stare lingers heavy on his back.
“Chris!” Ginny calls from the stage, school bag slung over her shoulder. She hurries down the steps to meet Chris, Mary Janes in a rapid tap-tap-tap on the wood panels.
Deep blue curtains frame her like a painting. She’s dazzling, ethereal, gorgeous under the soft stage lights. Chris thinks she falls a little bit more in love.
Ginny looks pleased as ever to see her, but there’s no colliding hug between them. Instead, she bites at her cheek, wringing her hands behind her back as though to restrain herself.
“I heard the news. Congrats.” Chris can tell Ginny is trying very, very hard to imbue her words with sincerity. “Neil’s a good guy. He’ll be good to you.”
“Gin, it’s not what you think it is-”
“No! It’s fine! I’m happy for you two! Sure, I wish you had told me, I could’ve set you two up ages ago, but-”
“Ginny.” Chris stares into those infinite mahogany irises. “Neil and I aren’t dating.”
Ginny gazes back, eyes shining with a pain she so desperately tries to mask. Her inspiriting smile is plastic. “Chris, you don’t have to lie to me. I’m perfectly fine with whoever you decide to involve yourself with. Your love life is none of my business.”
It’s entirely your business when you’re the one who holds my only heart, Chris wants to scream. Her mouth is sewn shut, bound and soundless.
“Look. I’m really happy for the both of you, alright? Truly. I just… need some space.” Ginny pats her arm awkwardly, tears her scrutiny away from Chris like it hurts to simply look at her, before dashing out the double doors of the auditorium.
“Seriously, I barely know her. Why does nobody list- Ow!”
Chris grabs Neil harshly by the arm and drags him away in a thundering storm, leaving spectators to coo and awe at the “lovebirds”. She looks anything but affectionate. The stairwell door slams behind them.
“Neil Perry, I don’t give a fuck what you or your stupid football gang have decided to come up with, but this made-up bullshit between us has to stop,” Chris stabs him accusingly in the chest with a threatening stiletto nail, “just because you assholes are decent at chasing balls around a 120-yard field like dogs does not entitle you to spread baseless lies.”
Wow, dogs? That wounds more than the sharp poke, but he manages through the fog of offense to come to one delightful realization. “I didn’t start those rumours.”
Chris furrows her brows, “well, it clearly wasn’t me. I assumed the other party,” she gestures up and down at him, “had the power to retract the statement.”
“Yeah, no, I wish. No one will listen when I say we aren’t dating.”
“That’s exactly my case! Which is awful, because this is ruining all of my chances with somebody else.”
Neil’s eyes blow wide. “Oh, no way, same!” then, his face falls, “please tell me that someone isn’t Knox. I’ll never hear the end of it.”
Chris winces, “Oh God, no. He’s… nice. I just… don’t play for that team.”
Huh, Neil is finding far more in common than he expected. It’s regrettable that they had to meet under these circumstances, but at least they’re on the same side of this issue. “Just curious — who have you got your eye on?”
“Er.” A flush spreads over her cheeks. She drops her head and voice to a soft mutter, “Ginny. Danburry.”
Neil’s jaw drops. “That makes so much sense. Oh, you’re lucky. I learned so much about you when we did Clue together; she’s completely whipped. Talks about you at every given moment like a proud girlfriend.”
Chris goes silent and scarlet at those words.
“Okay, if you’re both into each other, what if-” Neil’s pupils go bright with intent, “oh, isn’t prom’s next week? Why don’t you ask her to that? A big, public statement that clearly shows we aren’t involved.”
“A- a public promposal. Neil, are you sure she’ll even say yes?” Chris chokes out.
Neil grins back. “You should see the way she is when she talks about you. It’s like you made the sun with your bare hands.”
Chris purses her lips. “Fine,” she relents, “but you better know your stuff.”
“Trust me,” Neil feels a ton lift from his chest. “Thank you for doing this. I didn’t want to drag Todd into this whole mess. He’s not a fan of all that attention.”
“Todd- Todd Anderson? You were gonna ask him to prom?”
“I’ll still try — preferably less public.”
Chris’s smile dissolves into something fond, “oh, I know how he is. I’m glad he has you now. You two are perfect for each other.”
Neil glances at Chris, skeptically, hopefully, “really?”
“I’ve known Anderson long before you transferred over, Neil,” Chris’ voice is soft and reassuring, “and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happier than he is with you.”
(“How did this mess even start?”
“There’s a photo floating around — apparently I looked a little too lovingly in your direction while I was on the field. Which — no offense — I was looking behind you at the bleachers.”
“… And you say Ginny is the besotted one. Any chance you went by Darcy in a past life?”)
The stairs behind the library are quiet when Neil drags Todd into it during fourth period, ignoring the silent protest in the latter boy’s eyes. They’re lucky that no one else is making out in there. “Neil,” Todd tries, “where are we going? You have class.”
“Just here. I’m not gonna miss anything — it’s a study period.” Neil situates the both of them near the door. It clicks shut, sealing them into a tight, enclosed space. Neil can barely turn without bumping straight into Todd’s chest, which proves distracting when every touch disrupts the electric signal from his brain and redirects it to his heart instead.
At least Todd can’t run before Neil gets everything off his chest. Todd’s been running from Neil a lot since the rumour started, and it makes clearing things up so much more troublesome.
“Todd, you need to know — I haven’t dated Chris, I’m not dating Chris, and I’m not going to start dating Chris. We have never seen each other that way.”
Todd blinks, like he’s finally waking to Neil’s words. “Oh.”
“Nothing is ever going to come out of us because, well, she likes someone else and…” Neil bites his lip, an interim barricade. It’s pointless, a measly dam to the flood of feelings than threatens to rush through, and Neil wants it to flow. “I like you, Todd.”
Todd blinks again, but red starts to creep up his neck, onto his cheeks. His mouth falls into a small ‘o’, surrounded by those pretty pink lips Neil has to stop himself from surging to kiss, and no sounds comes out.
“And if you do — like me back — I really want to take you to prom. And I want to make you as happy as you make me. And I know you said you don’t need taking care of, but — I’ll do it anyway. Because I really, really love you.”
Todd still doesn’t respond, and at this point, Neil’s heart is racing at light speed, ready to take his legs bolting out the door.
“Sorry,” he mutters. He lets his hand linger on the hinge; press, push.
“Wait. You could have anybody you wanted,” Todd says quietly, shooting his palm over Neil’s. His face is beet red, and his lashes flutter over an azure stare, glistening with doubt and hope all at once. “Why me?”
God. What will it take for him to see himself the way Neil does? He’d dedicate his entire life educating Todd on all the ways he’s wonderful; the way his eyes shine brighter than cloudless skies at the peak of passion, the way words flow smooth and velvety from his tongue and pen. The way he smiles at Neil that makes him feel, even just for a minute, like the only person in the inexhaustible universe. If Todd will let him, he’ll devote this lifetime, every lifetime, to just that.
He brings a featherlight grasp to Todd’s cheek, cradling his jaw. “Todd,” Neil finds himself replying wholeheartedly, caressing a thumb across Todd’s bottom lip, “you are the one I want.”
Chris scans the parking lot, searching desperately for a familiar Subaru Outback Sport that means that she is still within reach.
Her eyes lock onto the idle vehicle. Chris sprints, faster than ever before, flying against the wind, at Ginny who is fumbling for her car keys. A nosy crowd begins to form in her trail, whispering about the commotion.
“Ginny!” Chris chokes out through her exhausted pants when she reaches her, both hands gripping tight to the other’s shoulders as if she’ll disappear between her fingers. She’s a mess of sweat and frazzled blonde locks, but nothing in the world matters right now, nothing more than the girl she needs to prove her incontestable love to. “Ginny Virginia Danburry-”
“Oh, don’t pull the middle name in front of everyone,” Ginny grimaces weakly.
“Gin,” she finally settles fondly. “I love you. I’ve loved you since we met as kids in fifth grade, when you plucked me — shy, quiet me — out of the sea of children and made me your best friend; I’ve loved you since I first saw you on that radiant stage on A Christmas Carol, more luminous than the North Star; I’ve loved- gosh, I’ve been in love with you for so long, Ginny Danburry.”
It’s so artlessly gorgeous, the way Ginny’s lips fall in shock before snapping shut with a click, tongue seemingly numb. She’s rendered speechless and utterly pink, letting Chris’ genuine confession seep into her heart.
The crowd gasps.
“Ginny,” Chris whispers, driving the words from her throat because she knows if she doesn’t say them now, she won’t ever say them again. “I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Would you grant me the highest honour of going to senior prom with me?”
The crowd gasps again.
Ginny responds silently and instantly with a crashing kiss, sending the two stumbling onto the rough asphalt. She tastes of french vanilla lattes and apple cinnamon and flowers and joy and love. Chris kisses back like her life depends on it.
(She thinks it, quite literally, does.)
“Oh, Chris,” Ginny intimately whispers as their lips part reluctantly, threading her fingers between Chris’ own, “of course I will. I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.”
There is no vocabulary in the English lexicon Chris can apply to the swell of emotions she carries in her heart. So instead, she laughs with relief, and drags Ginny back down into another kiss, and another, and another.
(In the following morning, news of the Noel-Danburry public promposal spreads like wildfire through the school population, leaving one too many girlfriends feeling inadequate about their relationships. In the midst of all the chaos, discrete gossip about Neil Perry and Todd Anderson slips through, caught with hands intertwined and giggling privately with each other in empty classrooms.
Whatever. At least the rumours finally got it right this time.)