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He was panicking, as always.
His fist was shaking inches away from the door, ready to knock but not committed to it yet. Virgil couldn’t believe he was really there. He swore to himself that he would never come here.
Never.
Again.
But what choice do I have? The others can’t understand my situation. They’re Light Sides! And I’m… I know they’ll say otherwise, but I’m still a Dark Side! No matter what I do, I can’t change that. And even if I tried, they wouldn’t know what to do about this anyway.
Then again, I didn’t tell them anything… No, it would just have made things worse. They never really listen to what I say, for them I am still just paranoi… I-I can’t talk to them. I can’t explain what’s the problem, I just know that there is one.
But is seeing him really better?
Virgil took a step back. He grabbed his hood and covered himself, putting his hands his hoodie pocket.
But he’s a Dark Side like me. The Lights would never even have such problems! I mean, how could they? They don’t see life like we do. Like I do.
But… I’m still not sure what his goal really is.
My job is to protect Thomas. And he says that he wants what’s best for him. But he’s also a liar, so how could we know that’s his real goal? Heck, if he lies all the time, he’ll probably lie too if I ask for help! Argh! What should I do?
Virgil hugged himself tightly, struggling to decide whether to go back to his room or knock on this one.
He really sucks, but he’s like me. He would understand me!
In fact, he probably already knows about it: he always seems to know when one of us lies or hides something. And he’ll probably say that hiding my anxiety is denying my purpose or whatever.
But I can’t tell them that I’m terribly anxious without knowing why or what to do about it! I shouldn’t bother them with that, they have so much more other things to do. Especially Roman, working overtime right now with our video production. And-and Logan, reading every dumb thing that prince can come up with so that it makes a bit more sense. And Patton, making sure the content is fine for YouTube audiences and that everyone in the production is fine. We don’t have time for me to be anxious and slow down their work! I’m supposed to be on their side now and help them help Thomas! No, they can’t know about this. It’s probably not a real threat; I’m almost always wrong about things and they keep saying each time that there isn’t anything to really be worried about. And I’ve changed now, at least I try to. I don’t scare them as much; I don’t sound the alarm on everything and…
And now I feel like I’m- I’m doing something wrong! How come when I try to do the right thing, everything feels so wrong?
He pressed his arms tighter around him, walking around in circles in front of the door.
Breathe Virge, breathe! Argh! I can’t! Why is it so complicated? I just need to calm down and find a solution by myself, but I can’t breathe!
His heartbeat accelerated and so did his breathing, getting faster and faster, feeling like he could explode anytime. Hyperventilating, he didn’t notice the noise he was making until the yellow door suddenly swung open and stopped him in his pace. Frozen and breathless, he faced the person in the doorframe, unsure what to do.
- Well, well, well. You’re back to see me, Virgil?