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It’s his fault, really. For personally kidnapping these people and bringing them into his life all those months ago. For being perpetually situationally aware of things. And for having two completely functional ears with enhanced hearing capabilities.
If not for all those things, he’d still be enjoying his peace of mind - or at least some semblance of it - for the rest of the day.
Instead, the first thing Bucky heard as he drifted closer to the common room area was John sighing loudly and dramatically.
Which should have clued him in about how bad things are going to be.
For him.
“Honestly, I’m shocked Ava’s never had a proper celebrity crush. Or a crush of any kind. What kind of upbringing doesn’t give you at least one stupid crush in your entire life?”
“The kind where you grew up like science experiment in a lab, dipshit?” Yelena - the one he’s apparently conversing with - snipes at him in her typical no-nonsense fashion.
Awkward silence.
“Yeah, okay, that’s… that’s fair.” Pause. “Shit. Can’t believe I forgot about that.”
Typical John. Bucky rolls his eyes.
And continues his journey to the common room, despite his instincts screaming at him not to.
A glance around allows him to spot John, who’s seated on the couch and cleaning a gun, Yelena, who’s sprawled upside down on the armchair for some reason, and Bob, who’s lounging on the floor near Yelena’s head, a bowl of popcorn in front of him.
“Hey, man,” Bob greets Bucky brightly as soon as he spots him. Both John and Yelena give him perfunctory waves - though the latter’s expression turns predatory quickly.
Bucky nods at them before crossing the room to get to the nearby kitchen. Why the three of them are talking about the one teammate outside of Alexei who is not in the room with them was a mystery he isn’t in any mood to uncover anytime soon. He purposely turns his back on them all, keeps his attention to what he wants to do: boil water for tea.
He’s not at all listening. Because he is not at all interested in the topic.
Nope.
“Besides,” Yelena says loudly, “I never said she has never had a crush. I said she just has one. And this one’s technically a celebrity, but loser kind, so. It still counts.”
“Do we know him?” Bob asks. Then he pauses before following up with, “Is it a him? Because I don’t want to assume–”
“Yes, Bob, it is a ‘him.’ And, actually, I already told you guys about him.”
John says, “No, you haven’t.”
“Yes, I have!”
“When?”
“Last week. The day after she told me about it in confidence.” She pauses, thinking back on it. “But, I guess I only did it in my head.”
“It doesn’t count, then,” Bob tells her, reaching out to awkwardly pat her in the knee.
“It does!” Yelena replies coolly. “It totally does.”
“It very much doesn’t, dipshit,” John replies in the same tone. “Because, obviously, we still don’t know who this guy is.”
“Or if he’s even real,” Bob says. “Or human.”
“Oh, he’s very real, all right. Very human also. Pretty sure someone in our group even had opportunity to meet him personally.”
Bucky crosses his arms.
Still very much not curious or listening.
“But not me, no. And not you, John - at least, I don’t think you did. And neither you nor Alexei ever met him, Bob, so that leaves–”
“Goddamnit, Yelena, will you just tell us already, or I swear–”
“It is none other than Scott Lang,” Yelena says, smug and deadly proud of herself.
And the silence around them detonates.
Bob blinks once.
John’s mouth hangs open.
And Bucky, despite himself, absolutely turns to look at Yelena in mild horror - completely forgetting his resolve not to get involved in this ridiculous conversation.
“Scott Lang?” Bob repeats - like he’s making sure he heard the name correctly.
John places the gun he’s cleaning on the table before giving Yelena his undivided attention. “Wait. Back up. Scott Lang? Ant-Man Scott Lang is Ava’s fucking crush?”
“Yes!” Yelena says cheerfully. “Mr. Baskin Robbins himself. Mr. I-Can-Command-Ants. Mr. I-Can-Also-Become-Big-Man-Sometimes-But-I-Chose-Not-To-Be-Called-That. That Scott Lang.”
And then, because Yelena has an uncanny ability when she wants to, she pulls herself up on the chair through her torso to address Bucky directly. “You’ve met him, haven’t you?”
“I’ve… seen him,” Bucky replies, frowning. “Once or twice.” First in that airport with Steve and the others, and then on the field with Thanos and Steve and the others. He can’t recall conversing with the man directly, however.
Yelena’s grin is feral, but she doesn’t say anything more - merely resumes her upside-down position on the armchair.
“Wow,” Bob says. “I mean. I guess he is an Avenger, which makes it a bit not surprising that Ava likes him.”
“But?” Yelena prompts him.
He leans towards her. “But… I don’t know. Ava doesn’t seem like someone who likes that type of guy to me. Y’know? I expected her to have a crush on someone like–”
And then he pauses.
Meaningfully.
And Bucky pointedly ignores the way three heads swivel towards him in perfect unison. He’s too busy pouring water into his cup to have witnessed such a thing.
John clears his throat. “Anyway. I guess I can sort of see the appeal? Dude’s funny. Smart. Women like that, right?”
“And they both understand how her whole quantum molecular thing works,” Bob adds, nodding. “Him and Ava probably speak the same science language, too. Must be nice for her, since none of us here can actually do that.”
“Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Plus, he is very, shall we say, warm sunshine. Not at all sad towering murder soldier with decades of trauma and emotional repression,” Yelena adds in a sly tone. “Maybe that is what attracted our little Ghost to him.”
“Lena,” Bob calls out, voice lower than usual.
“What? I am just speculating.”
Bucky pauses from stirring his tea, jaw tightening.
He is not remotely bothered by the knowledge. Nope.
He is also definitely not picturing Ava smiling at Scott in that soft, fond way she sometimes does when the man visits her in the Watchtower alone to talk about her quantum pains.
Also? He is most definitely not thinking about the fact that maybe Ava does like someone that… light. Warm. Easy to be around.
Someone not built out of guilt, grief, and violence.
“What do you think, Buck?” Yelena asks, easily cutting through his thoughts with her wide-eyed innocent look and tone. “You seem like an unbiased person who has specific opinions on topic of Ava’s crush.”
Bucky clears his throat, takes a careful sip of his tea, and offers her the most level-headed expression his face is capable of giving. “No. I don’t.”
“Mm-hmm. And I believe you, of course.” She gives him a thumbs-up.
“You, uh, you okay there?” Bob asks him, looking genuinely concerned. “You kinda sound off, man.”
“Like you’ve been strangled,” John adds helpfully.
Bucky glares at him. “I don’t sound strangled.”
“Yeah, you do,” John insists with a short laugh.
Bucky set his cup down at the table so hard that it chipped at the bottom. “Yeah, well, maybe it’s because I don’t think it’s right that Yelena’s freely divulging information Ava’d apparently shared with her in confidence, so.”
“Oh shit.” To his credit, Bob does look alarmed at Bucky’s outburst. He nudges Yelena and says, “I think we made him mad.”
John rolls his eyes and picks up the gun to resume cleaning it. “Lighten up, Barnes. Jesus. Not like we’re talking about some insanely confidential information about Ghost Lady or anything.”
“Well, how comfortable would you be if we all talked about your first crush then?” Bucky tells him, arms crossed now.
John blinks at him. “Very? I mean, it is my wife, so.”
And then he swallows and looks down at the gun in his hand. “Ex-wife, I mean.”
Well.
Fuck.
Another awkward silence.
Bob spends the next few seconds looking at John, Bucky, then at Yelena, eyes wide, folded hands in front of his mouth.
By now, Yelena has actually managed to sit properly on the armchair. “Since Bucky has successfully made things uncomfortable for all of us, how about we talk about my first crush now?” She brightly suggests to John, before barreling on with, “Do you all remember the girl who did poo on the midfield? Well, she has this brother–”
Except Bucky’s already walked out of the common room by the time Yelena even half-finishes her sentence.
He absolutely does not think about this tiny, inconsequential information about Ava.
Not when he lifts. Not when he runs drills that become progressively more intense by the hour. Not when he ends up punching the training bag so hard his metal fist goes right through its middle.
Bucky rests his forehead on the bag, trying to catch his breath.
Okay, so maybe he is thinking about it, because… well.
Scott Lang.
Scott fucking Lang.
Funny. Easy. Smart. Smiles too much. Talks too much. Has a kid. Makes jokes in life-or-death situations.
Bucky exhales through his nose.
Scott Lang is… approachable. Scott Lang is safe. Scott Lang does not come with a list of names in a small notebook to make amends with and memories of dead people invading his sleep.
Of course Ava would have a crush on someone like that. Of course she deserves someone like that. Makes all the sense in the world.
Still, the idea claws at him in ways he doesn’t appreciate. Ugly. Persistent. Unwanted. That Ava’s taste - her instinct - leans toward someone clever and warm rather than someone heavy and sharp-edged and—
He sternly shakes his head. Enough.
Enough.
Bucky knows he has absolutely no business stewing over such silly, useless information that Ava probably didn’t want anyone else to know outside of Yelena.
But what the hell is he supposed to do with the knowledge now, anyway?
Why the hell was he in the common room when Yelena divulged it, anyway?
What could he possibly–
And then, because the universe apparently hates him - nothing new there - Ava herself walks into the training room. Looking ready for a round or ten of training.
She startles slightly upon seeing him - or more specifically, upon seeing the training bag he’s still holding with a fist-sized hole in the middle of it. “Wow. You really showed that bag who’s the boss, Buck,” she comments lightly. “Congrats.”
He can feel himself redden. “Yeah, I had… things. On my mind. While training.” Which he would like to not have anymore moving forward, thank you.
“No kidding.” But then she tilts her head to the side and softly asks, “You okay?”
Bucky nods quickly. “Yeah. I’m fine. I’ll fix this, don’t worry.”
And she nods right back at him. “Good.” Ava shoots one last look at the ruined bag before crossing to the other side of the room with the treadmills.
Bucky exhales softly.
He should leave. Or no, actually, before that, he should replace the bag in case Ava’s got plans to use it later. And he should totally do something other than stare at her from his side of the training room like an idiot.
Another thing he should do?
Not bring up the topic of Scott Lang.
And he doesn’t. Not really.
Except when he opens his mouth next, he says:
“So. Ants.”
Well.
Fuck him, then.
Ava pauses from configuring the treadmill to look at him with a small frown. “Beg your pardon? Did you just say ‘ants’?”
Bucky mentally shakes himself for slipping this badly.
Yelena, too, for planting the name in his head.
But it’s too late take it back now, so.
“I think—” Quick, Barnes, think! “--we might have an infestation problem.”
Ava blinks at him, looking like she absolutely has no idea what to do with the information - and rightfully so. “Okay, that’s… unfortunate,” she says. “Do you know where, exactly?”
He crosses his arms. “Kitchen,” Bucky replies, because logically that’s a good place for a hypothetical ant infestation to happen in. “And I’m telling you this because it seems like you’re a person who knows a lot about ants, so.”
Ava squints at him.
…What.
Why did he tell her that.
Why is he not leaving her yet?
“No, actually, I don’t,” she refutes him, arms now crossed in front of her. “And I’m not sure how, exactly, you came to think that of me, but–”
And then Ava just shrugs and tells him, “Anyway, I do know someone who–”
“--yes,” Bucky cuts in brusquely. “I’m aware. Scott Lang, right? The great Ant-Man himself.”
Yes, James, absolutely make this situation even more uncomfortable for everyone around, why don’t you.
Ava’s frown just deepens. “Bucky, are you all right?”
“Fine. I’m fine,” he says immediately. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because you’re acting really, really strange right now?”
Well. Okay. Okay, that was… okay.
He clears his throat. Time to come clean, then. And totally throw a certain Russian woman under the bus.
“Yelena was… talking earlier.”
Ava’s shoulders tense - as if already sensing where this nonsense was going. “Oh no.”
“Yeah,” he says, rubbing his nape. “She mentioned something interesting. About Scott. In relation to… well, you.”
She rubs her face with her hand and says, “Of course she did.” And then, fiercer: “I’m going to kill her.”
“So it’s true?” he asks. “Because that’s–”
“Okay, first of all, the whole attraction thing barely lasted a minute,” Ava tells him, voice higher than usual. “Because Scott is Scott, and also because of Hope, and even then, I wasn’t after him exactly. I was after certain important information that he held in his brain that would keep me alive. Which is why I took him and Hope and Hank hostage years ago.”
Now Bucky’s the one blinking at her. “I’m sorry, you did what–”
She waves the question away. “The details aren’t important, all right? Just… know that I did it for my own survival. They’re over it. I’m over it. So I don’t understand why it matters now, considering it’s all in the past. It’s such a stupid little thing.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m starting to get that.” And he is. Sort of. Bucky tries to find the next words to say, ends up with, “I think it just caught me a little off guard, because you’re–”
Ava raises a brow at him. “I’m what?”
Careful, Barnes. “You’re you. And, like you said, Scott Lang is very… Scott.”
Thankfully, Ava was nodding along, as if what he said completely made sense. “Exactly. I’m so glad you get it.”
He’s getting none of it, actually. “Yeah, I do.”
Ava studies him for a beat, like she’s trying to see if there’s anything else she’s missing. Then she lets out a tiny laugh and shakes her head. “Good. Because if Yelena’s still going around telling everyone it’s a thing, I’m really going to borrow Scott’s giant ants and sic them on her. And then you’ll have a real ant infestation in your hands.”
And Bucky finally, finally smiles. “I’ll be sure to warn her, then.”
Or maybe not.
Just to see what happens.
Ava smiles and nods and turns back to the treadmill, pressing a button that causes the machine to whirl to life.
Conversation over. Crisis averted. Scott Lang successfully downgraded from ‘Potentially Annoying Threat’ to ‘Mildly Embarrassing Former Hostage Victim.’
Bucky lingers a second longer than he should, watching her settle fully into her rhythm. Realizing that his breathing - and his thoughts - come easier to him, now - unlike before.
He pretends that everything about this whole thing with Ava still doesn’t mean anything.
Except it absolutely does, but he’s going to lie to himself about it for a little while longer.
For his own peace of mind.