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Peter stared at the words in front of him, horror filling his entire being. It wasn’t much, but it was a breakdown of the Sokovia Accords, what they meant and the running theories as to why each member was on whichever side. That part didn't matter though, Peter didn't need their opinions, he knew. He knew the answers. So why the hell had he been on the side of the Sokovia Accords? He hadn't even signed them! He was pretty sure in all the chaos they forgot to get him to sign it, but he was dreading the day they realised someone on Ironman's team hadn't signed yet. They would think it was a mistake, they'd reach out, and then what? would he tell them the truth? That the Accords were insane and there was no way he could possibly sign it without losing every aspect of who he was? Would he sign it out of fear? Would he go on the run? Would Mr. Stark hunt him down? Would he get sent to jail? Peter didn't know, but he prayed desperately that whatever happened, they wouldn't make him sign it.
There was so much wrong with the Accords. Maybe if it wasn’t for Aunt May and his friends, maybe he'd be willing to reveal his identity like the Accords forced, but he wasn’t Mr. Stark. He didn't have the money to protect them– hell Mr. Stark of all people had struggled to protect Ms. Potts from being impacted by his hero work. How the hell was Peter fucking Parker supposed to protect Aunt May? His identity being leaked wouldn't just ruin his own life, wouldn't just make it impossible to be a normal person. It would put everyone he cared for in danger. He couldn’t do it.
Then there was the whole main clause. The one that sounded... good really, if you didn't think about it too much. Operating under the supervision of the U.N. It sounded good. It sounded smart. It sounded like it would protect people from heroes' recklessness. Until you read the actual clause. "They'll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary."
Necessary. That was the key word here. What was considered necessary? Because Peter couldn’t help but doubt the panel would find him helping old people across the street or carrying people's groceries or stopping petty crimes "necessary". Hell, he wasn’t convinced they would consider stopping a mugging as "necessary". And it wasn’t like he could do it and then get their approval after. No, it was hidden behind bureaucracy and paperwork and approval. If he saw someone being attacked, he would have to wait for approval before he could intervene, and then if they even gave him approval, it could well be too late. But if he stepped in without approval and anyone found out– which, of course they inevitably would– then he would be sent to jail. There would be no friendly neighbourhood Spiderman in a world with the Accords being enforced. There would be SpiderMan the avenger level threat hero, and that's it. No one to stop the minor crimes the police couldn't get to in time. No one to help the people who needed it. Nothing.
Maybe if he weren't already disturbed by the clauses, the threat of a "power analysis" wouldn't feel so much like a... threat he supposed. Peter was pretty sure he'd still find it disturbing, but he doubted he'd be feeling the dread sinking deep into his heart, doubted his hands would be shaking this much, doubted he would be squeezing the phone that was still showing the article quite as hard as he was. As it was, all he could think about was how he had caught the Winter Soldier's arm. How he had actually been useful fighting against Avengers. It was insane. It made zero sense. He still felt like just some kid... but what if they labeled him as a threat? What if they considered him a weapon? What if they deemed him a danger to society? If they did, they could lock him up, no trial needed. Then what? Would anyone tell Aunt May? Would they ever set him free? Would he just be alone in a cell forever because of one stupid spider bite?
Even if they didn't consider him a threat to society, all those fears still remained, real and possible and terrifying. What if he didn't just walk on by when he saw someone getting hurt? Even if he didn't use his powers, the Accords made it clear. He didn't need a trial. If they just believed he used them? That was it. Forever. Or if they didn't just theorise he used his powers. Was his spider sense considered enough of a power to warrant his arrest? If he just tried to talk someone down from an attack he had noticed because of his spider senses, would that be enough? He didn't fucking know and that was horrifying.
Perhaps the worst part of it all though, was the requirement for any enhanced individual to wear a tracking bracelet constantly. Maybe that shouldn't scare him as much as it did. Maybe he should be more worried about the very real danger of being locked up for the rest of his life, but the idea of being forced to wear a bracelet that tracked his every move for the rest of his life? It made him sick. It wasn’t like he was doing anything illegal- well technically currently what he was doing would be illegal if he signed but that wasn’t what he was saying here. It wasn't that he felt the need to hide from the government or anything, he just... didn't want to be tracked constantly. Was that insane? Hell, he wouldn't really care if everyone was being tracked except for the fact that it was an invasion of privacy and all that but it impacting him? He wouldn't care really. Only him though? Like he was just some weapon that had the ability to wander off? Like he needed to be watched at all times because of who he was? He wasn’t a villain! He shouldn't have to be tracked as though he were! It wasn’t fucking fair!
None of this was fair. Peter hadn't asked for this! He hadn't agreed to this, but he had trusted Mr. Stark. He had trusted that the hero wouldn't lie. He had trusted the man when he had said Captain America was wrong but thought he was right. He had trusted the man when he said Captain America was dangerous. He had trusted the man. How fucking stupid had that been!? He hadn't even asked questions! Why hasn't he questioned what Captain America was apparently wrong about!? Why had he fought them!? Why hadn't Mr. Stark told him!?
Peter didn't realise he was swinging until he landed, banging on the glass of the avengers tower penthouse, furious and hurting and fucking terrified. How could his hero let him down like this!? He had looked up to Mr. Stark his whole fucking life. A genius whose intelligence made him a hero. Someone Peter could aspire to be like. Mr. Stark, IronMan, whatever you wanted to call him, didn't even think about how it would affect people like Peter. Mr. Stark could just take the suit off. He could just be a normal human. Peter didn't get that option. He didn't get that fucking option and Mr. Stark didn't care! Mr. Stark wanted him to be tracked like some fucking dog! He wanted him to be jailed for helping people- for just existing with too much strength! It wasn’t fucking fair!
"Kid?" Stark's voice, worried and confused and close, so fucking close, rang out through a newly opened window. Peter didn't hesitate as he dove through the window, smashing into Mr. Stark and pinning him to the ground through righteously angry tears.
"How could you!? How could you!?" Peter screamed, chest heaving. It took everything he had not to start punching the asshole. Mr. Stark had fucking manipulated him! Used him! Betrayed him!
"Kid– what–"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHAT WE WERE FUCKING FIGHTING FOR!? DID YOU KNOW!?"
"Peter- Spi- Kid. Kid. What?" Mr Stark was staring up at Peter eyes so stupidly confused, heart racing way too loudly. Peter pushed away from the hero, his arms wrapping around himself as he tried to calm down, to stop the angry, terrified, grieving tears.
"You have to know I couldn't sign those Accords. Why would you make me fight for them?" Peter asked, voice shaky. Mr. Stark was a genius, he had to know. He had to have known.
"Wh- What? Why not?"
"Why not?" Peter screeched, his voice going unnaturally high in pure shock, "Why not!? Oh, I don't know, maybe because just existing will get me sent to jail, or get me killed, or get Aunt May hurt! Maybe because those Accords go against everything I stand for! Maybe because they would stop me from ever being a stupid fucking friendly neighbourhood spider-man like you said you wanted me to be!"
"Kid-"
"No! No, you took that away from me. You made it so I would never get to be a kid. You don't get to call me that."
It wasn’t fair. It wasn't fair. It wasn’t fair.
"Peter, I never meant– you wouldn't– you aren't going to get arrested."
"You don't get it, do you?" Peter whispered, sinking against the wall he had backed up to unconsciously, dropping slowly until he was curled into a tight, safe ball against the wall.
"Get what?"
"How much I have to hold back. If I'm not careful, my punch could kill someone, maybe even Captain America himself. I caught Bucky's arm! And it was easy! When they find that out do you really think I’m going to get to continue living freely? I’m a threat Mr. Stark. It’s not my fault, I can't just take off the costume and stop it. I can't. I’m not you. I’m not you…”
“Ki- Peter. You aren't going to go to jail.”
“Did you even read it?” Peter whispered, forcing himself to look at the too smart man. He knew he wasn’t wrong. It hurt, but it was true. If the Accords had their way, sooner or later he’d end up in jail and there would be nothing anyone could do about it. He doubted even he would be able to stop himself. Mr. Stark had to know that.
“I- Of course I did.”
“And you really think I’m not going to end up in jail? Really? If I’m not considered a danger automatically, my vigilantism is a crime. I don't know if I can stop that, but if somehow I manage to do that without fucking losing myself or something, do you really expect me to just walk on if I see someone get hurt? Or stand by while they are being hurt just waiting for permission to step in? Waiting for the U.N. panel to decide if that person’s life is necessary to save? I can't. I can't do that, Mr. Stark. I can't.”
“You wouldn't have to–”
“I read it. I read it Mr. Stark. I know. I know, and I’m scared. I don't want to go to jail, please I don't want to, why would you make me fight for them, why didn’t you tell me the truth!?”
“I didn't know,” Mr. Stark breathed, kneeling in front of Peter and wrapping his arms around him. Despite everything, Peter couldn’t convince his body to move out of the comforting hold. “I didn't know. I’m sorry. I didn't… I didn't think. That's not an excuse, it's not good enough, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry kid.”
“I’m scared Mr. Stark,” Peter whispered, “I’m so fucking terrified. I can't– I don't– I don't wanna go. Please…”
“I’ll protect you kid, I swear, I’m so sorry, you shouldn't have to be afraid. I’m going to fix this okay kid? I swear I will fix this. I swear it.”
Finally, Peter could breathe, shaky and scared as it was, he could breathe because his hero hadn't betrayed him. Maybe Mr. Stark had hurt him, had put him in danger, had fucking terrified him, but he was going to protect him. At least, Peter prayed that’s what the man would do.