Work Text:
If you had asked Roxanne how she thought Megamind lived before they started to date, she would have talked at length about long corridors and large empty rooms, maybe with a long table in one of them, so he could wine and dine his evil allies. She would have never have thought of things like the bathroom (which, incidentally, turned out to have clean white tiles and a spa-bath roughly the size of Lake Erie), or a den with a fifty-two inch television and over a dozen different gaming systems (including the peripherals for every Guitar-Band-Hero-Star game). In fact, the more domestic part of Megamind’s lair was surprisingly cosy, decorated in warm colours with soft, comfortable furniture. Roxanne had expected something minimalist, possibly in black with blue piping, not maplewood bookshelves stuffed with old paperbacks and back-issues of Science Today, and while the master bedroom did have a huge circular bed with a looming black lacquer bedstead, the quilt was thick and squashy and the sheets were made of brightly coloured cotton. Once, looking for her top under the bed, Roxanne found a stuffed rabbit under the bed. It had fangs and a blood-stained mouth, and was clearly very well-loved. The balding fur was a sort of grey colour that not even the most persistent scrubbing would wash out, and the stuffing had been forced from the middle into the head and back-paws of the toy. Roxanne tucked it back under the bed, and never mentioned it.
They had reached the stage of their relationship where date nights in had an easy rhythm to them. Minion cooked — he was a pretty good cook, for a fish with a robot gorilla body — and then they’d cuddle up together and watch a movie, or Roxanne would read or write and Megamind would work on some little project or other. Megamind found he rather liked it. It felt... Warm, in a way that he’d never really felt properly before. Sitting listening to Roxanne’s breathing, the quiet sound of her turning a page, running his hand over the skin under her blouse, it felt like the world narrowed down to just him and her curled up on his sofa. It was the best feeling in the world. Once he’d tried to recreate it by wrapping himself in the cosiest blanket in the lair like a giant burrito, but it just hadn’t been the same. So it was no wonder really, that he would sometimes doze off in front of the movie or over his book. In some ways, he liked it even more, because Roxanne would wake him with a kiss and a quiet, “Hey, sleepyhead, time for bed,” before taking his hand and leading him down the hall to bed. So when he woke up with the movie credits scrolling, but completely alone, he was a little confused.
“Roxanne?” He leapt up, just in case. So far, his replacements — uh, the other super-villains — had not managed to work out where his lair was, but there was always the chance. Megamind himself thought it would be rather rude to burst into someone else’s house when they weren’t expecting you, but some of these new kids had no manners at all.
“Roxanne, where are you?” He was already fumbling between the couch cushions — there should be some sort of useful toy there...
“I’m in here.” Roxanne called, from down the hall.
“The bedroom?” Megamind put the couch cushion back down.
“Uh-huh. Come here will you?”
Megamind cast about for the remote, so he could switch the television off, but couldn’t find it. The couch had probably taken it. It took a lot of things, although it would usually give them up again if you dug around enough. He gave up, and made his way down the hall. At the door of the bedroom, he stopped dead. For a moment, he forgot how to speak. Perhaps he would only ever be able to communicate by blinking from now on. Roxanne finger-waved and he suddenly remembered. Talking meant using your mouth. A part of him was thinking that wasn’t all you could use it for, but that would have to wait, perhaps.
“What are you — Wow.”
Roxanne had put new sheets on the bed. She must have bought them specially, because he didn’t own midnight blue silk sheets. He had never taken to silk. It looked good, but it took forever to warm up, even in summer with the heating up. Megamind had never been particularly fond of the cold, and having to wait for his bed to warm up before he went to sleep seemed unreasonable somehow. Roxanne was kneeling in the middle of all that silk, wearing a pink negligee. It was solid material across the bodice, gathered in with black ribbon tied in a bow. The skirt was made of sheer material that showed matching panties. His mouth went dry.
“Do you like it?” Roxanne asked, a little nervously.
“I... Very much.” Megamind realised probably more was required of him. “What’s the occasion?”
“Well, technically it’s our six week anniversary. I thought we’d try something new. I think you’ll like it.” Roxanne rearranged herself, and the sheer material rode up her thigh. Megamind’s eyes followed its path.
“I’m sure I will.” He bounced over to the bed. “I mean, I really like this.” He reached out and tugged gently on the bow. “The neg-lee-gee, I mean.”
“Négligée. And I’m glad you like it.” Roxanne came up to meet him, put her arms round his neck and breathed into his ear. “Because I want you to rip it off me.”
“What, really?” Megamind, who had been carefully exploring the possibilities of her outfit, stopped to look at her face.
“Yes. I want you to lay me down and rip my clothes right off my body.” Roxanne lay back, making the negligee billow and flow interestingly. Megamind stayed kneeling, confused.
“But... I might ruin it.”
“I don’t mind.” Roxanne pouted, smoothing down her front strategically. “Try it.”
“Well, okay.” Megamind climbed up the bed, doubtfully. How the hell did you go about tearing one of those things off anyway? It was basically a tube. A really fancy tube, one that looked particularly alluring on Roxanne, but still — He grabbed at the hem. She pushed his hand away.
“Am I doing it wrong?” He looked up at her.
“No, you have to stop me,” Roxanne explained, looking a bit confused herself now.
“Oh, right.” Megamind pinned her slim wrist to the bed and tried again. She bucked against his weight, trying to push him off, and he let her go.
“What did I do? I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Megamind got off her entirely. This was such a terrible idea, clearly just an accident begging to happen. Why Roxanne had suggested it was beyond him.
“No, that’s the — you really don’t get this, do you?” Roxanne sat up, re-adjusting the strap of her negligee and looking a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I thought... Well, never mind.”
“No, what?” Megamind crawled up the bed to sit beside her. He was starting to think that perhaps he had done something terribly wrong.
“Well, I thought you’d like it. You know, the er, r—” Roxanne took a look at Megamind’s face and rethought her sentence. “The ravishing thing.”
“Why would you think that?” He asked, baffled.
“Well, because of the kidnapping thing.” Roxanne started to toy with a fold in the sheets, not meeting his gaze. Megamind blinked. The kidnapping thing? What kidnapping thing?
“I mean, I figured, you kept kidnapping me, and so you...” Roxanne trailed off, blushing now. She drew her legs up. Oh. That kidnapping thing. Megamind’s eyes widened in sudden, horrified understanding.
“I would never!” He cringed at the thought. It was almost distasteful — physical torture had never been his style, especially of that style. It was the sort of thing a thug might do, and Megamind knew he was no thug.
“You’re saying you never once thought of sex when you had me tied up?” Roxanne did look up now.
“Well, ye— I mean, no, not like that. I mean, you were at my mercy. How would— I mean, you wouldn’t have liked it at all.” Megamind’s brow furrowed. “Anyway, have you seen what they do to those guys in prison?”
Roxanne laughed a little at that. “Well, no, I wouldn’t have, but it’s different now, right? It’s not real now, just a harmless fantasy.”
“You mean, you want me to... You like that?” Megamind wasn’t sure how he felt about that one.
“Well, yeah, when I tried it before. It can be fun.” Roxanne tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled at him, cautiously. It was always so difficult to tell how he would react sometimes. She relaxed a little when she saw his face. It was his Deep Thought face. As long as he didn’t ask her to come back in seven and a half million years.
“Fun? What’s so fun about it?” Megamind always thought he was pretty well integrated, but humans always had a surprise tucked away somewhere. He wondered if this was one of those cultural things. Though of course, he had no way of knowing whether his people would tie each other up for any reason. Except maybe if they were super-villains. But that’s just what super-villains did. How else would you stop Roxanne from clobbering you with her handbag and running off? Again.
“Well, I guess, it’s because you know, the other person wants you, and they’re going to get you whatever happens, and it’s all sort of... Forbidden desires and things.” Roxanne waved her hands, trying to explain something that, up till now, she’d never really had to explain to anyone, in or out of her nightie. She was thinking that if she had to explain it, it was entirely possible he would never get it. “It’s sort of like, being handcuffed to the bed.”
“I... Handcuffed? But handcuffs can really cut you if you’re not careful.”
Roxanne contemplated explaining fluffy handcuffs, and the explanations that would have to follow it. “You know what, never mind. It’s fine, really.”
There was a moment of silence. Megamind picked at the cold silk and Roxanne wondered if she could go put a cardigan on.
“But what if you wanted to get out of the handcuffs?” Megamind asked this with the air of one, who having found a new and hitherto undiscovered alligator room in their house, intends to explore it fully.
“Well, then you can use a safeword.” Roxanne said, patiently.
“A safeword. You mean like, ‘stop that’ or ‘no’?”
Roxanne stared at him. How could this man have the internet but not, apparently, porn?
“You legitimately don’t have any idea about this, do you?”
“Is that really so surprising?” Megamind asked. Why would he know about this bizarre side to humanity? It seemed a little unnecessary, to be quite honest.
“Well, yes. I mean, all the leather and PVC and whatnot, I figured it was only a matter of time before I found...” Roxanne trailed off. What had she been expecting to find? A dungeon? In truth, she was relieved she wasn’t going to, especially since Megamind’s entire address book seemed to consist of herself, Minion and Metro Man.
“No, what? You’re saying my stylishly evil wardrobe means I want to tie you up and— that’s ridiculous. It just looks cool.” Now Megamind looked unsure. “Doesn’t it?”
“Yes, sweetie. Very cool.” Roxanne managed this with a straight face. On such little lies rest the foundation of a relationship. “So you’re not really into any of that stuff? What if you were tied up?”
“I’d untie the knots,” he replied. Roxanne looked at his face and decided the line of enquiry as to why he apparently enjoyed getting the snot beaten out of him by burly men could wait.
“Of course you would.” Roxanne lay a hand on his shoulder, and when he looked at her, kissed him softly. It was a little awkward, due to the angle and the fact that Megamind really couldn’t concentrate on it. Why was untying the knots the wrong answer? Roxanne pulled back, and there was another moment of awkward silence.
“Did you leave the television on?” Roxanne couldn’t take it any more. It was good that they’d talked, of course, but the mood was all wrong, and she was feeling faintly ridiculous, not to mention cold.
“Yes, I did!” Megamind made to get up, trying not to sound too eager to leave.
“No, I’ll get it.”
“No, it’s fine. I have... Um... Minion in the oven... I mean, the kitchen...” He hopped off the bed and out the door. It wasn’t running away. Not if you walked. Roxanne reached for her robe, kind of glad she’d decided to leave the handcuffs at home.