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It all started…well, he can’t really remember how it exactly started, only that this and that happened and Idia found himself working for Sam during New Year’s and Malleus was there too and some real big money scamming was going on but Idia was digressing because that was just the setting! So, with that in mind, and appropriate clothes courtesy of Sam because that man liked to make a spectacle of his sales, Idia and Malleus clashed like the two protagonists of a shonen manga!
Or well, that’s how it began, somehow, only for it to reach places only Idia’s otome games managed to reach, and that was something! Like, that’s insane, he did not spend all those hours and the money to perfect his routes and pull all his favorite cards and fight the damn gacha system with his bare hands only for Malleus Draconia to come crashing into his love life and do that!
But, he was digressing!
Perhaps it can be said that it all started with Idia fooling around, his little weeb heart trembling with joy as he swung his glowing, glowing, GLOWING, sword around. He was even doing that in the backyard of the shop, during his lunch break, so nobody should have been around to see him, or worse, interact with him. But Malleus Draconia had never been a nobody, and Idia Shroud had the worst luck in existence — except for when he pulled on gacha.
“Oh?”
Intrigued and filthy deep, the sound made his entire body seize with both fear and dread as he turned around, the sleeves of his garments fluttering in the cold winter air, as the tip of his sword pointed at none other than…MALLEUS DRACONIA!
Who, despite having a blade pointed at his very face, only smiled. “Bold,” he murmured, that…that infuriatingly attractive voice of his filling the silence alongside the wild beating of Idia’s heart. “What are you going to do now?” the man inquired, his arms folded neatly into the sleeves of his clothes at his front.
The picture of royalty really, and that somehow just pissed Idia off. Just a little.
Like, he was overworked and overstimulated and honestly his feet were kinda freezing because why the hell would Sam give him sandals without socks? But nooo, Malleus had sandals with socks because of course he did! And he was disturbing Idia’s very private, and very cathartic, geeking out session that nobody was supposed to witness so he had to pay for it!
Let it be said that Idia Shroud was a genius, but that didn’t mean he was the smartest out there when acting on impulse.
With the blade still out of the sheath, its glow gentle and bright like the moonlight shining off crystalline ice, Idia took a step forward, his arm raising up oh so slowly for the tip to rest under a jaw so perfect it must have been sculpted by the gods above. Or by the most dedicated otome game dev because fr now who the fuck was just born looking like that???
Anyway, back to the matter at hand.
Idia! Arm raised up — shaking like a leaf but that’s not the point — and sword at the ready while the man in front of him blinked at him in both confusion and wonder. Hopefully not in murderous intent because hoo boy was Idia good at apparently triggering that reaction from him.
“Shroud,” the man said his name, almost inquiringly, certainly on the verge of snapping his spine in half and Idia’s started trembling worse than a cube of jelly. “What is the meaning of this?”
Yes, Idia, what was the meaning of that????? You can’t just up and jump Malleus like that just because you got personal beef with his sandals and socks combo.
“W–Well, you see, uh, you know —”
“I believe I do not,” Malleus interrupted him, eyes narrowing as his head tilted to the side, into the tip of the blade which ended up resting against the very pale, very fragile skin of his neck. A dragon’s weak points are its neck, head, and horns, Idia remembered his mother saying as if through a dream, and his arm started shaking even worse.
And that mad man? He simply blinked at him like an overgrown lizard, uncaring for how close Idia was to drawing blood.
“Uh, like, cosplaying? No! Actually, r–roleplaying? I–I’m a samurai and you…uh, you’re…you! And I’m…actually what am I doing hahaha!”
Gj, way to save your skin! Clapping emoji in the chat.
“I see,” Malleus said, a smile on his lips as he simply stood there, hands in his sleeves, the picture of serenity and elegance — with a blade still resting against his neck, mind you.
“You do?” Idia croaked as Malleus’ gaze turned gentle like a cherry blossom drifting through the wind.
“Yes, Lilia told me about roleplaying, if I remember correctly,” he went on, his voice so composed, so velvety smooth it made Idia’s blood pressure skyrocket through the atmosphere. “So, each shall play a role. You, the samurai, and I shall be the prince then, challenged to a fight by a righteous wanderer wronged by the world and its ways.”
“Uh…?”
What the fuck?
“Then, my dear Shroud,” Malleus said, his softness bleeding away into that wickedness Idia still had nightmares about as Malleus raised his hand to shove Idia’s sword away just so with the tip of a fan. Where the hell did he pull that out? Did he have pockets in his sleeves? WAS HE HIDING ANYTHING ELSE IN THERE??? “Shall we begin?”
RIP Idia Shroud, he died doing what he loved second most ig — men.
“Ah, y–y–yes, sure,” he stammered, trying to hold his damn sword in place as Malleus tilted his head at him, that lock of hair styled so artfully over his forehead sliding to the side to reveal the scales at the edge of his hairline. “My lord,” he found himself adding, choked up like a dying fish on land.
Which, apparently, seemed to be the right thing to do? As Malleus smiled once more? Like, as if he wasn’t about to eat Idia alive, flaming hair and bones and actually would his hair even bother Malleus, considering he was breathing fire and all that by default? Damn, some people were really born too OP, that shit ain’t fair but that’s a complaint for another time!
“So tell me, esteemed hero, what is that bothers you so about my dominion?”
Oh, good question, 100 points even, kudos, exam passed cum laude.
“Uh, you know, you’re kinda…”
Malleus took a step closer, his fan sliding along the blade of Idia’s sword as his other arm remained crossed over his middle, the picture of gracefulness and magnificence that Sebek always wailed about and okay fine sue him Idia kinda saw what that loud mouth was going on about. Malleus looked…well, to put it very simply…
“Distracting,” he croaked, expelling all the air inside his lungs for he was starting to feel just a little bit lightheaded and oh no. GG Idia, passing out in front of Malleus like a poor damsel in distress, like a noob, what a legendary achievement.
“So it appears.”
It all happened too fast.
The fan snapped shut with a flicker of Malleus’ wrist, its tassels fluttering in the air as Malleus moved so fast Idia barely had the time to process what was happening. With a twist of his hand and a foot placed very strategically towards Idia, Malleus advanced on him, the fan disappearing in the layers of his sleeves as his fingers danced across the remaining length of the blade until they reached the hilt.
Honestly now did he really have pockets inside those sleeves or WHAT?!
With a featherlight brush of his fingers against Idia’s, Malleus simply snatched the sword out of his hand — not that it was particularly hard to do considering how hard Idia’s hand was trembling — and twirled it, the arch of the blade leaving behind a frigid shadow as the tip pointed downward towards the snow covered ground, before it climbed up towards Idia. Now, never let it be said that playing MMORPGs is a waste of time! Like, Idia totally dodged that swing of the blade thanks to all the countless perfect dodges he had performed in the game he plays with MuscleRed and thank the Seven for the other man’s insistence that they play it together for Idia would have probably lost his head otherwise — although, Malleus wouldn’t really behead him on the school’s grounds, right?
Maybe.
“Quick on your feet, that’s good,” Malleus praised him as this was a game to him, not Idia’s life and sanity on the line, a wicked smile on his face as he took yet another step forward, his body following in the wake of the sword and okay that was so unfair.
“How even,” Idia groaned, flailing spectacularly as he rushed to take two wobbly steps back for each one Malleus was taking towards him. “Are you so good at this?!”
To add salt to the wound, to twist the knife in it, to add insult to injury i.e., Malleus laughed! So unlike the mad cackling he used to do back in the dreams; and in Idia’s nightmares never forget about those. No, his laugh this time was sweet and crystalline, so clear it matched the unblemished snow and the icy blue sky above them.
Damn it! Malleus just used his Charisma Debuff and Idia’s HP was draining ridiculously fast.
“You forget, my dear samurai,” Malleus hummed, his voice full of mirth and dare Idia say, happiness, as he took a final step to force Idia to fall down on his ass.
Which, fuck, that was cold as hell.
His toes, his poor, miserable bare toes!
“That I am a prince,” the man went on, his advancing stopping with a sandal placed in between Idia’s sprawled legs as the tip of his very own sword pointed at his throat. With a smile worth 999k Critical Damage, Malleus tilted the sword up just so and Idia swallowed a whimper back into his belly as he too raised his chin once with the sword. “And as a prince, I know how to yield a sword better than anyone.”
Cold, the blade was cold and sharp and Idia was already hallucinating crimson blood trailing down his neck, steaming hot in the coldness of the winter, as Malleus raised an eyebrow at him, clearly expecting an answer.
Now, Idia was not to blame alright?! He was on the ground, chin resting against the tip of a sword held by one of the most attractive men alive! Idia, a teenager in full bloom give him a break!
Thank the Seven that he was not wearing actual pants! Maybe Sam was onto something…
Yeah.
So, it can be universally agreed upon that what came out of his mouth was simply the result of all those circumstances. Sandals without socks, cold snow under his ass, Malleus smirking at him, a blade to his neck and come on now wasn’t this just the perfect setting for one of those SSR otome games? With the male character being so questionable and the consent being questionable and the setting being just a little bit questionable but nothing really mattered that much because the dude was hot af!
Yolo.
“I bet I can handle your sword b–better…”
Malleus blinked at him for a couple of moments, before his features turned confused, his eyebrows furrowing as he tilted his head to the side and oh that was ridiculously cute. Curse him!
“You think you could use my own sword better than yours?”
Hah…haha.
“Well, you see… uh…”
“I do not have it with me,” Malleus went on, his expression turning sorrowful and oh no why did Idia feel like he just kicked a puppy? A little hairless pomeranian puppy? “I apologise, dear samurai, but I could offer you another sword perhaps?”
Haha….
“Yeah sure,” he agreed, the cold getting to him for his body was overheating like crazy in order to keep himself warm. Clearly. Surely. That was the reason yes.
“Then, would you accompany me to my residence, where we can engage in a fair sword battle?”
If a meteorite were to ever crash into Twisted Wonderland and obliterate all life in it, that was the perfect moment for it.
“Yep, sword battling, with you, of course hahahaha why not,” he cackled, head thrown back as the sheer stupidity of his thoughts spiraling into depths unexplored made him laugh out loud. “Let’s compare swords, my lord.”
And if Malleus looked all too pleased, like a very happy little hairless pomeranian puppy, as he pulled away the sword to replace it with an outstretched hand, well, good for his blissfully innocent mind.
Or so Idia thought.
“Clever, and witty too,” Malleus whispered into his ear, velvety sweet and dark, sticky honey sliding down a sharp blade as he used his grip on Idia’s hand to pull him against his body. “Using underhand tactics such as seduction to catch your lord unaware, what a clever one you are, Shroud.”
Oh fuck.
What the hell?
“I–I–I d–don’t…I’m…huh?!”
So, picture this.
Idia, snow in his sockless sandals, cold and hot at the same time, on his merry way to pop the biggest fear induced boner of his life, held closely by Malleus, the man’s warm oh so very warm hand placed on the small of Idia’s back as he whispered in his ear. Then, Idia’s fingers sprawled on Malleus’ chest — what a damn sturdy chest that was even through a billion layers of clothes — and oh, what a way to go.
Smothered to death against Malleus’ chest, his face caught between the man’s neck and the soft, oh so very soft fur thrown over his shoulder. It must have been a premeditated murder, there’s no way Malleus forgot he had the monstrosity on his shoulder; it smelled so nice, like cherry blossoms and something darker underneath, the scent of a burning fire amidst a freezing landscape.
Maybe dying in such a way wasn’t so bad after all.
“Do you deny it?” Malleus whispered, oh so sweet, and Idia almost expired right there and then.
He could have lied! But no, his neurons were simply refusing to come together at the moment so he had to make due with whatever was at hand.
“I…I’m, you see, just…my toes are freezing!”
Which was a stupid, but honest, distraction.
Hey, if it works it works!
And it worked!
With a questioning sound brushing against Idia’s ear, Malleus paused for a moment before he pulled away, those green — they were so green and pretty and honestly fuck him — eyes staring into Idia’s very soul before they lowered. And thank the Seven Malleus also took a step back, even if his hand simply circled to rest on Idia’s waist instead and honestly what was that?
“Oh, I see.”
Well, at least Idia could, maybe, make a run for it.
…
Who was he kidding?
Not like Malleus had any plans to let him go, oh no, that mad fae simply looked up at him once more, bestowed upon Idia the most devastatingly disarming smile, then went down.
On.
His.
Knees!
There was a fae prince, a dragon fae prince, a Malleus dragon fae prince Draconia kneeling in the snow at Idia’s feet, his sleeves and the folds of his garments spilling around him on the ground like the petals of a flower and oh he looked so good down there Idia was going to pop a blood vessel too! Or a couple of them.
A dozen actually.
“Let me help.” Without even waiting for consent — haha very otome game character of him see — Mallues simply reached out for Idia’s right foot with his free hand and oh.
He was popping all those blood vessels damn it!
Malleus’ hand was warm, his touch barely there as he trailed his fingers along the side of Idia’s foot, the sheer material of his glove surprisingly cool to the touch despite the heat coming off his hand and Idia’s traitorous mind could only think of all the other places Malleus could warm. Ugh, time and place!
“Better?” he asked, looking up at Idia with a ridiculously eager expression on his face and Idia had to physically, and mentally, fight himself from reaching out to pat his head.
Which, in hindsight, he should have, because the alternative was for him to open his mouth and vomit more self dooming material. As if Malleus needed any more of that!
“Do you have a foot fetish?”
If Idia was to make a run for it, that was the moment! It honestly felt like he cast a confusion spell on Malleus for the man opened his mouth, then closed it, blinked up at him a couple of times before opening his mouth again…only to close it once more.
Now, now Idia!
Run.
…he did not run.
“I am afraid my knowledge about…roleplaying ends here,” Malleus said at long last, his words careful and Idia could tell that he was just a little bit lost, but unwilling to outright confess. “Should I confess that I do, so we can continue?”
Oh…
Oh yes they were roleplaying! Silly Idia for forgetting! None of that was for real!
Except for his erection but details, details.
“Or,” Malleus continued, not waiting for Idia to herd his scattered braincells like a bunch of headless chickens. “Should I be honest, and actually admit that I do have a preference, only that it does not involve your feet?”
“Say what?”
With a chuckle, a very amused one, Malleus placed the sword on the ground to reach out for Idia’s other foot with his hand, the warmth spilling over his frozen toes in a gentle embrace and damn it, Idia kinda liked it.
“It’s your mouth.”
Okay.
The thing is, Idia clearly froze his little toes out in the cold, hit himself with the sword while fooling around, died then went to heaven — endless apologies to his parents and Ortho — for there was no way that the whole thing was real. Malleus with his hands on top of Idia’s feet to warm them up wasn’t real.
Malleus kneeling in front of him to do that wasn’t real!
Malleus admitting that he doesn’t have a foot fetish — fine maybe that was real — but that he has a fetish for Idia’s mouth? That wasn’t real.
“Shroud.”
Man, what a stupid way to die. At least he hoped he’d end up on one of those TV shows that talked about all the idiotic ways under the sun that people died.
Idia Shroud, ended by his own stupidity.
“Shroud.”
Alas, heaven was pretty nice.
“You look rather pale.”
Wait, would he even go to heaven to begin with?
With a deep sigh, Malleus grabbed the sword off the ground and stood up, the back of his free hand coming up to press against Idia’s forehead.
It was only then that he realised his trembling was indeed partially due to the cold. “Hot,” he muttered, feeling a little bit lost, as if floating, as he instinctively pressed against Malleus’ hand.
“Oh, apologise,” the man murmured, the back of his hand turning colder, and Idia should not be faulted for whining just a little bit at the loss of warmth alright? He was tired, overstimulated, and dead, after all! “You’re really cold.”
Was he?
“Come, let us go back inside.”
It was only after they took a couple of steps, Malleus’ arm around Idia’s waist to guide him, that he felt his soul slot back in place, only a little bit anyway.
“Wait! Wait wait wait a second!” With newfound strength, Idia stopped in place and turned around to face Malleus — the hand remained on his waist again — who looked at him with a confused tilt of his head. Ugh, he was clearly trying to debuff Idia with cuteness aggression again! Not this time, nope! “What did you just say?”
To his surprise, Malleus looked at the side, his hand falling off Idia’s waist — no no no come back it was so warm please come back — as his cheeks coloured slightly. But…no way! Malleus Draconia blushing?
“I believe I overstepped,” the prince began and no, nope, no way in hell, or heaven, whichever place Idia was in, would he let that slide.
“No no, go on, what about my m–mouth?”
Still, Malleus seemed reluctant to speak again and fuck it.
“Malleus I swear on my deluxe unlimited Premo merch that I will wrench that sword out of your hands and beat you with it if you don’t explain yourself!”
For a second, Malleus looked as if Idia had grown a second head which, fair enough, he felt like it, before he started laughing. And what a lovely sound that was, full of mirth and amusement and just so unfairly nice.
When he took a step closer, Idia forced himself to stay put despite every nerve and muscle in his body screaming at him to just get the hell away already. He was feeling so tired…not even death could cure him of that huh?
“Exactly that,” Malleus murmured, his hand moving oh so slowly as he reached out to hover his knuckles at the corner of Idia’s mouth as if wishing, yet not daring, to touch. “The audacity you have, the things you say with it, the way your lips curl up into such daring smiles when you are excited, or daring to test someone’s patience.”
Oh…
There was warmth spilling forth from the hand once more and Idia…well, Idia wasn’t in his right mind, and he was still a little bit hard, and he was dead anyway so why would it matter if he just…moved a little bit. Just as before, Malleus’ glove felt cool under his lips, yet the heath radiating off his skin felt delightfully overwhelming.
“Your teeth look so sharp,” Malleus went on, twisting his wrist for his knuckles to brush up Idia’s cheek as not to break the contact between Idia’s lips and the back of his hand. “I wonder just how deep they would bite, and if your lips are such an interesting colour because you run colder than most, or due to some other reason.”
With the entire back of his hand glued to Idia’s face, it was just too easy for Malleus to twist his hand to cup his cheek in that warm, so very warm palm of his.
“I suppose I already found out the answer to one of my questions.” With a smile, Malleus brushed his thumb over Idia’s bottom lip. “Although, skin on skin contact would dispel any doub—”
Hah, take that Malleus Draconia! Surprise attack!
Despite his hand being warm, Malleus’ lips were just a normal temperature, or so Idia guessed. He had no idea, after all, that was his first kiss!
His first…kiss…happened in heaven slash hell, he still wasn’t too sure on that.
So lame!
“Oh.”
Deep, warm, whispered softly against Idia’s mouth as Malleus moved his lips and okay that felt a little bit good.
“Ugh, why can I get to do this only after I’ve died? This is so unfair,” he had to complain about it, his own hands coming up to clutch at Malleus’ clothes because fuck it. “Died and the first thing that happens to me is that I get bitches?”
A snort, for there was no other way to describe it, came out of Malleus’ mouth as his hand found Idia’s waist once again — hell yes more warmth — to bring him even closer to his body as his lips slid to the side. Slowly, as if savouring each and every second of it, Malleus dropped feather light kisses all across Idia’s cheek until his lips reached his ear once more.
Soft, warm breath ghosted over the shell of his ear as Malleus placed one final kiss there, before he one shot Idia. “Did you just call me a bitch, Shroud?”
“Ah, hahaha no no it’s ah, a form of speech? It’s like…slang…uh don’t you worry about it just, go on.”
Malleus chuckled, velvety dark as he nuzzled against the side of Idia’s head and yeah no, he was definitely in heaven.
“And,” he whispered, his hand pressing harder against the small of Idia’s back. “You are not dead, Shroud. You’re very much alive, awake, and in my arms behind Sam’s shop.”
And just like that, it was Game Over.
So, maybe Idia knew how it started? But he clearly did not know the ending! Or well, at least Ortho told him that Malleus carried his unconscious body back into Sam’s shop, citing that Idia had passed out in the backyard.
Well, Idia was very much alive and never going to set foot out of his room ever again!
He was, after all, unsure if he had hallucinated the whole thing, or actually held a sword at Malleus’ throat, then flirted with him, then called him a bitch — IT’S NOT LIKE THAT BUT STILL — and kissed him. So, better safe than sorry.
Yep, never going out again.