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Mike hands Will the bottle of water and takes a deep breath. “Hey, um. What you said earlier at the Squawk…” , he pauses, “I’m sorry.” “I mean, not sorry about what you said. That came out wrong. Or not came out wrong! Jesus Christ…” Mike looks away, clearly embarrassed. Christ, why can’t he get this right? Will laughs softly. “It’s okay.” “No, it’s not. I should have been there for you, and I wasn’t.” He splutters. “And I guess I was just so self-absorbed that I couldn’t see it”. Too caught up in my own struggle to even consider how you felt, he thinks. “I just… I feel like an idiot, and I…” He stops, knowing that words can never convey how much he regrets it, not seeing Will struggle, not being the best friend he claims to be.”It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”, the pain evident in Will's eyes, glossy with tears Mike caused. “ I’m sorry.” Mike stares pleadingly at Will, hoping he can see the regret and anguish in his face. Will smiles gently. “You don’t have to be sorry. And you are not an idiot. You’re not. It’s just…” Will pauses, looking away. “I didn’t even understand it myself for the longest time.” He’s about to continue when Mike interrupts.
“How?” It’s a simple question, unsure and insecure, but Mike asks and Will will never know how many sleepless nights Mike has spent thinking about it. He can’t know how Mike cried through the rain, letting his tears wash away in the torrent, biking after Will to apologize for taking his anger out on the most important person in his life. Lucas never mentioned hearing Mike’s sobs through the storm. “I mean, how did you get over it? Or not get over it but like, accept it?” Will goes still and Mike mourns his ability to always be able to read Will. It never came back after the Byers moved away.
“I had help, to show me it was okay you know? And that it was never about anyone else, no matter what I felt or what he did, it was about me and who I am.” Will looks away again, but all Mike can think about is who ‘he’ could be. “I thought I needed him to love me back, that that would solve all my problems and make me happy.”, he sighs softly. “But he doesn’t and I don’t need him to anymore. I’m happy as myself and I’m happy with him just knowing who I really am.” Will’s crying but he smiles through the tears and looks down.
“To love?” Mike’s voice is barely more than a whisper but it’s tinged with a fragile hope. Will’s head snaps up as he realizes his slip-up. “Well, it felt like it, but you know, it was just a stupid little crush! Besides, nothing was ever gonna happen.” Will won’t look Mike in the eye, but Mike needs him to. Needs him to see all the emotion he’s kept bottled up. He knows the words will escape him if he tries to explain, but he can’t help it. He wishes Will could look in his head like El and see what a mess he’s made of it. For a so-called story teller, Mike can’t seem to tell his own story.
“I never told you why me and El broke up.” He blurts it out so quickly that he can’t second guess himself. Will looks back at Mike, eyes wide and confused. ”It’s so stupid– I couldn’t bring myself to tell you before– but I think you need to hear it. Just–just you…”, he trails off, the weight of Will's gaze bearing down on him. ”I–I–I love her.” Will’s eyes fall. ”But not the way I should.” Mike struggles to get the words out, desperate to make Will understand. He’s once again too focused on himself to gauge Will’s reaction. ”I tried so hard to love her. To love her like Lucas loves Max. I spent a–a whole summer just sucking face and not properly talking to her and ignoring you so I wouldn’t have to face the truth!” Mike rambles, hands waving, and he’s so very afraid. Afraid that he’ll mess it up again. Afraid Will won’t understand. Afraid of being wrong.
”When El dumped my ass”, he laughs nervously, ”I got scared. Scared of confronting what I really felt, so I got mad. So mad at myself for screwing it up. And then–then I took it out on you.” Tears start welling in Mike’s eyes. “You just wanted to play DnD and I was a total jerk! I knew the moment I said it… I–I ruined everything! All because I couldn’t love my girlfriend…” Mike looks away sadly, he’s sobbing now, tears streaking down his cheeks. Will stays quiet, seemingly lost for words. Mike wipes away his tears with the sleeve of his shirt.
“It wasn’t until I was on the flight to California that I figured it out. What was wrong with our relationship, with–with me.” “There’s nothing wrong with you!”, Will exclaims, his silencence finally breaking. He pulls Mike into a tight hug. Mike’s breath hitches, Will’s words hitting him so hard he thinks he might fall off the tower if Will lets go. But Will’s embrace is as suffocating as it is comforting and Mike knows that if he doesn’t say it now he never will. He shoves him away, but it’s a weak shove without any real intent.
“There is something wrong with me, and I think there always has been… Since–since before I went to California, before Vecna and the Mindflayer, before I met Eleven and before you went missing!” Will waits patiently, watching with a concerned expression as Mike practically starts hyper-ventilating, tears streaming down his face again like the rain pouring down in Hawkins one summer afternoon. “Eleven broke up with me because I don’t–can’t love her! Not like she wants me to. Not like Lucas loves Max, not like Hopper loves your mom, not like I love you!” Will’s eyes go wide but before he can react, Mike starts rambling again. “And she knows that! She knows and she’s too good of a person to hate me! I lied to her for years and treated her like shit and she won’t hate me! I treated you like shit and I never even considered how you felt! I don’t–I don’t deserve anything from either of you! I’m sorry–so fucking sorry, and I feel awful! I feel so fucking awful because I can’t stop hurting the people I love no matter what I do!” Mike stops, out of breath and still crying.
He can’t look at Will, can’t bear to see the disgust or sad pity waiting for him in those hazel eyes. “Mike…” It’s so soft and gentle and understanding and Mike loves him in all the ways he shouldn’t. Will brings his hand to Mike’s cheek, gently wiping away his tears, letting his hand linger. “Mike, I forgive you, I was always going to forgive you.” Will is crying again, but he’s smiling wider than he has in the past four years, bringing both hands to Mike’s face. “You’re my best friend in the whole world, and–and I don’t think you could do anything to ever make me hate you…”, he pauses, still holding Mike’s head and heart in his hands. “I love you. I love you so much and–” But before he can finish, Mike surges forward, pressing his lips to Will’s. It’s soft, but not unsure, and laced with years of longing and lies, tears spilled in the dead of night and in the backs of pizza vans, with all the words unsaid and all the love yet to come.
Will stays still, and Mike feels the doubt creep in, but before he can pull away to apologize or throw himself off the radio tower Will pulls Mike closer, sliding his hands under Mike’s beanie, and he’s kissing back. Mike thinks that he could die happy right this instant. Kissing Will is like nothing Mike has ever felt. It’s easy and gentle and real. There’s still so much left to say and do, defeating Henry, saving the kids, blowing up the Upside Down and getting out, but none of that matters right now because Mike loves Will and Will loves him back.
Eventually Will pulls back and Mike wants nothing more than to kiss him again and maybe forever, but Will is looking at him with so much love in his eyes that Mike can almost feel himself melting. Mike is so lost in the moment and in Will’s face that he doesn’t even notice Will taking his beanie off and chucking it over the railing. “Sorry.” Will chuckles. “But I can’t take you seriously with that stupid hat on.” Mike giggles and then he’s laughing and Will’s laughing and they love each other. “How dare you! I thought I looked cool!” Mike pretends to be offended but he can’t keep the smile off his face. Seeing Will laugh so earnestly brings back memories of summer afternoons spent in basements and forts in the woods, free from fear and filled with laughter and childhood joy. The giggles fizzle out and they’re just basking in the moment. Mike takes a step closer and Will doesn’t shy away. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask last time, but can I kiss you again?” Mike looks at Will with what Nancy would describe as his best puppy-dog eyes and Will can’t help but chuckle again. “Of course you can. You can kiss me anytime idiot.” Mike doesn’t hesitate, fully intending to savor the moment as long as he can. Will kisses back immediately, eager but a little unsure, his hands tangled in Mike’s hair again. Mike pulls him closer, holding him so tight that he thinks Will might suffocate. The first time was magical, but this is infinitely better. Suddenly the ladder rattles, bursting their little bubble and bringing them back to reality. “Hurry up assholes!” Dustin shouts from above. Mike and Will break apart, laughing softly. “Let’s go save the world.” Will says it softly and with a bit of reluctance. “After you.” Will smiles again and starts up the ladder. Mike follows close behind and no one comments on the loss of Mike’s hat or the blush that doesn’t seem to leave his cheeks.