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“Why do you always have that necklace?”
Nick looks up from his course work and his hand instinctively reaches for the necklace he’s had for as long as I’ve known him. It’s a simple looking piece of jewelry, a small blue crystal attached to a small silver chain.
“Oh, I’m not really sure,” he replies, “I’ve just always worn it.”
I huff out a quiet laugh. I’m a bit surprised at Nick’s simple response because in the six years I’ve known him, he’s never been the type to pass on telling a story.
I first met Nick when I was seven and he was eight. I tripped on the pavement and scraped my legs really badly, but before my mum could come get me, some random boy was already at my side with a spiderman band-aid. Ever since that day, we’ve been attached at the hip. We would spend every lunch together and beg our mums for playdates and soon sleepovers every weekend became a regular occurrence.
And I definitely have a giant crush on him, but that’s not something I’m willing to tell him when I can’t even get the courage to tell him I’m gay.
Today, though, we’re just sitting in my room studying. I’ve never actually asked Nick about the necklace he’s always wearing, but for some reason something about it today was catching my attention. What also caught my attention was how Nick wasn’t jumping at the opportunity to get distracted from our work.
“Is that all I get?” I ask with a teasing smile, “You’ve just always worn it?”
Nick’s expression softens into a smile and like I expected, he tosses aside his work.
“I mean there’s not much to it, Char. I just feel,” he pauses, looking for the right word, "Incomplete when I don’t have it.”
I shove my work aside and lay down on my stomach, propping my head up on one of my hands. “Where’d you even get it?”
Nick turns to lay down on his back and rests his hands on his stomach, eyes focused on my ceiling. “I think I just found it one day. Pretty sure it was the day we met, but that could just be my memories blending together,” he replies with a small laugh.
There’s this sort of distant look in Nick’s eyes that I didn’t notice before and I know there’s something he’s not telling me. “You’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?” I question.
Nick’s gaze moves to my face and he doesn’t say anything for a moment. He just quietly surveys my face for a moment before he quietly mumbles, “My mum got this promotion at work.”
“Why do you look all gloomy then?” I ask, poking his cheek, “Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”
Nick nods and rolls into his stomach, taking my hand in his own. “It should, but she said we have to move.”
It feels like the entire world stops spinning because what does he mean they have to move? It’s supposed to be him and I forever. Maybe not in the way I want, but we promised we’d always be there for each other! I sit up suddenly, feeling a wave of anger wash over me.
“What do you mean you’re moving? How far? Are you going to be coming back?”
Nick sits up too, picking at the carpet by his feet. “We’re moving to New York. She said it might last for a couple years, but if things go well we might stay for longer.”
“That’s such bullshit!” I shout, surprising even myself, but I don’t try to backtrack as I stand up and start pacing across my bedroom.
“How is this even fair? You have to- to uproot your life and move to America of all places just because your mum got a promotion?” I rant, trying to quell the tears that are already stinging the back of my eyes. I can’t keep the feeling of abandonment down though as I sit down on the edge of my bed. I keep my eyes trained on my feet, even when I feel the dip of Nick sitting down next to me.
“Are we still going to be friends after you leave?” I whisper.
I feel Nick grab my hand, holding it tightly as he answers, “We’re always going to be best friends, Char. Even if I moved across the world, nothing would change between us.”
I finally look up at Nick and I see that he’s holding back tears too. I quickly pull him into a hug and neither of us are able to hold in our sobs anymore.
— — —
A month has passed and I’ve been spending even more time with Nick — if that’s even possible. Thankfully, my mum didn’t give me too much trouble about it since she knows I’m going to be a mess after he’s gone, but I still had to beg her to let me stay the night at his house on his last full day here.
We spent the day watching movies and playing videogames and when we had to pack all that stuff up, we took as many pictures together as our phones would allow. That night I couldn’t sleep with the fears that keep plaguing my head. I can’t stop worrying about how things are going to change and how scary it’s going to be once I don’t have Nick anymore. I still have Tao, Elle, and Issac of course, but it’s not the same. I play around with the idea of telling Nick how I feel, but by the morning I can’t bring myself to risk it.
I help Nick and his mum pack up the last few things into their car and when Sarah goes back inside to get the last few bags, Nick turns to me.
“I want you to have this,” he says, pressing something into my hand.
I look down and I see his necklace. The same one he’s worn everyday for six years.
“What happened to feeling incomplete without it?” I ask, my tone trying to sound teasing despite the wobble in my voice.
“I think I’m going to feel more incomplete without seeing you everyday,” he mumbles. His hand finds his way into mine again, the cool crystal pendant on the necklace between our palms.
I wipe a tear away with my free hand, managing a small smile when I look back up at Nick, “Call me as soon as you land.”
Nick returns the smile, his voice already lighter, “You’ll probably be asleep, Char.”
“I don’t care. I’d stay up all night if you asked me to.”
The words hang in the air for a moment before Sarah comes out of the house, calling for Nick. We jump apart just as she comes around to pack up the last of their things.
“All set, Nicky?” she asks.
“Almost. I’ll get in the car in a second.”
Sarah nods and walks away. Nick only turns back to me once we hear the car door close. He pulls me into a tight hug that I instantly melt into.
Nick mumbles something into my shoulder that I can’t actually hear. I pull away to look at him. “What was that?”
“It was… nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
I want to argue back, but Nick is already walking away and getting into the car. I watch them drive away, waving to Nick through the window before they turn around the corner.
— — —
I can’t stop thinking about Nick’s odd goodbye from all those months ago. I originally assumed he was just tired and upset because as soon as he landed, we were talking like normal.
We would text and call every chance we got. I would update him on the drama from Truham and in turn he would share stories about his new school in New York. I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t a little jealous when he started talking about his new friends, but I know that it’s good for him to have friends there.
But after the first few months he started acting weird. He would take days to answer my texts sometimes and would usually be pretty dry when he answered and we haven’t called since his birthday two months ago.
Lately I’ve been spending my nights wide awake and analyzing all our past conversations and wondering what I did to make him hate me. My phone is open to our most recent messages. Three days ago I asked how he was doing and he finally replied three minutes ago with a thumbs up emoji. Just a single fucking emoji.
I don’t know how long I was sobbing, but now I’ve gotten all the crying out of my system and I’ve just been staring at my ceiling since then. I finally sit up and when I glance at my alarm clock I see that it’s nearly 3 A.M.
I make my way to my desk and I pull out the necklace Nick gave me before he left. Before everything went to shit. I might just be tired, but the blue stone pendant looks brighter and glowy. I decide to not think about it too much as I slip it on and tuck it under my shirt. The metal chain feels oddly soothing as I lay back down in bed.
As I feel myself falling asleep, I wish that I could just skip to when everything feels right again. Well… whatever right is for me without Nick.
— — —
“Charlie? Char, wake up!”
I feel myself being shaken awake by someone, clear panic in their voice. My eyes open slowly and I see Nick sitting next to me.
Great, I think, I’m dreaming about him like an actual psychopath.
“Get off me,” I grumble. I want to roll back over and just wait for the dream to pass, but Nick won’t stop shaking me and, for some reason, I’m laying on a cold concrete pavement.
“What? Charlie, get up! I don’t know where we are and it’s cold and I’m not seeing anyone here,” Nick rambles. I finally sit up and I notice that I’m still wearing my pajamas, the necklace still hidden beneath my shirt. It looks like Nick is in his pajamas too, but he doesn’t look half as exhausted as I feel.
I finally look around at the neighborhood we’re in, but it looks unfamiliar. It seems like a normal suburban area, similar to the one I live in, but there’s not a single light on and like Nick said, there’s no sign of anyone being around.
“Charlie? Are you okay?”
I look back at Nick’s stupid worried expression and I feel my heart shatter a bit. It really seems like my brain is torturing me tonight. “Uhm. I’m fine, Nick.”
“You… look like you’ve been crying,” Nick says, bringing his hand up to brush his thumb along my cheek. I almost lean into the touch before I realise that it’s just going to suck even more when I wake up. I jerk my head away and stand up.
“What are we even supposed to do?” I ask, trying to change the subject, “I mean there has to be someone here that can help.”
Before Nick can even reply, I walk up to the door of the nearest house and I start banging on the door.
“Charlie!” I hear Nick scramble up and he actually pulls me away from the door. “What’s gotten into you?”
“What’s gotten into me? You’re the one that’s been acting weird and ignoring me for months!” I snap back. In all the dreams I’ve had about Nick, he’s never been this annoying. Maybe it’ll be therapeutic to actually take my anger out on him.
“I haven’t- You- I’m not even talking about that!” Nick sputters out eventually.
“God even in my dreams you can’t take accountability,” I mutter before pushing past Nick and walking down the street.
“Charlie, wait!” Nick calls out, jogging slightly to catch up to me.
I don’t pay any attention to him because I already feel like I want to cry and even if he’s not real, I don’t want to cry in front of Nick. I’m about to turn down another one of the deserted neighborhoods when I feel a sharp tug around my neck. It feels like something is grabbing the necklace and is trying to choke me out, but the only person I can see is Nick and he looks just as panicked as I feel.
Nick quickly grabs a hold of the chain and snaps it, allowing me to actually breathe. I scramble away from the necklace — now laying on the pavement like it didn’t just try to murder me — and I find my way into Nick’s arms. One of my hands automatically clutches my neck like I’m trying to protect myself from another attack.
“What was that?” I whisper once I’ve found my voice.
“I don’t know,” Nick murmurs back, “It was like a ghost grabbed your necklace.”
“Your necklace,” I correct, looking back up at Nick, “It’s the one you gave me before you left.”
He looks down, blushing slightly as he replies, “Oh. You kept that?”
I shrug and look away, convincing myself I imagined his blush. I look back to the necklace and I notice the same soft glow it had right before I fell asleep. I pull away from Nick and I reach for it, but he pulls me back.
“What are you doing? It just tried to kill you!”
“Well, it’s not like I’m putting it back on after that.”
I reach for it again and I can feel it still pulling in the same direction, but not with the same intensity as before. I stand up, ignoring Nick’s protests, and I start walking in the direction the necklace is pulling. It’s not long before we stop at a house at the very end of the street. Something about this house feels different from the others — familiar in a way I don’t understand.
Nick walks up to stand next to me and I know he feels drawn to the place too. The necklace starts pulling more aggressively, like it’s yelling at us to go in and who am I to ignore weird magic dream necklaces? We walk up the path and as we step onto the porch, all the lights flicker on and the door creeks open.
“We’re going to get murdered, Char,” Nick hisses.
“I’d hope so.”
Nick rolls his eyes at me as we step into the house. It’s a bit cluttered and nothing about it really screams murder house, but still I feel like I should still have my guard up.
There’s a shoe rack right by the door holding a couple pairs of Vans and Converse as well as some smaller shoes that clearly belong to a child. I make my way into the dining room where I find a pile of mail sitting on the table, a couple dolls forgotten on a chair, and a bag of groceries that never got put away. I’m about to check the mail to see who lives here when Nick calls my name from the living room.
When I find him, he’s standing by the fireplace and he’s looking at the framed pictures that are being displayed. He picks one up — a random wedding photo — and hands it to me and I just kind of freeze because it’s us. We’re older in this picture, dressed in nice suits with trees and flowers in the background, but it’s still unmistakably us.
“There’s more,” Nick says, grabbing more pictures. There’s a couple more from the wedding and a lot more of them with a little girl. He looks weirdly excited as he continues and it all just feels like a punch to the gut. “I think we’re supposed to get married when we’re older.”
I just hand the picture back and sit down on the couch, willing myself to wake up. My dreams aren’t usually this vivid or this… this cruel. Because I know when I wake up I’m gonna have this awful hopeful feeling that maybe things can change and inevitably have my heart broken again when I remember that Nick Nelson will never love me back.
“Char?”
“Can you just fuck off?” I murmur, no real heat in my voice.
Nick is silent for a moment before he sits next to me, his leg touching mine, before quietly replying, “You’ve never been this mean to me.”
“Well, it’s not like you’re real, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?” I snap back.
“You don’t think I’m real?” Nick asks.
I don’t respond because why bother humoring my brain with a reply. No matter what I say, I’m just going to wake up feeling heart broken anyway.
“I didn’t think you were real either,” Nick says after the silence has stretched on long enough, “I thought I was just dreaming about you again, but you never act like this in my dreams.”
“You dream about me?”
“When I miss you.”
A small, disbelieving laugh bubbles up from my chest because even in my wildest dreams, Nick would never say something like that. I lean against Nick’s side, my head on his shoulder, as I mumble, “You are so weird.”
Nick huffs and I almost expect him to shove me away, but instead I feel him leaning against me too.
“You’re the one that’s been snappy with me all night! And you refuse to believe I’m real. That’s pretty weird if you ask me.”
I glance up at Nick and he turns his head to meet my gaze. We’re only able to keep a straight face for a moment before we both dissolve into fits of giggles. It feels like how we were before. Back when Nick lived only a ten minute walk from my house and we’d spend most of our days together.
As we start to calm down I can’t help but wonder what happened between us. Why things had to change.
“What’re you thinking about?” Nick asks, poking my cheek.
I pull his hand away from my face, holding it tightly as I ask, “Why did you stop talking to me?”
The amusement fades from Nick’s expressions and he looks almost… guilty?
“Because I like you,” He admits, “I didn’t think you liked me back and one of my new friends told me that I’m only gonna get hurt in the long run. That I needed to distance myself from you.”
I almost want to laugh again because Nick not only just told me he liked me, but he also apparently tried to ghost me because of it. It’s such a dumb reason, but I can’t say I haven’t considered the same when I first realised I liked Nick.
“Well you don’t have to do that because I like you too, dummy.”
Nick has the audacity to look surprised before he smiles again. “Really? Like, you actually like me?”
“You were just talking about how we get married in the future!”
“But that’s way different than finding out you like me now! Especially when you keep saying I’m not even real,” He adds with a teasing glint in his eyes.
“I’m still on the fence about that one,” I reply, tilting my head up to look at him.
It takes a moment for either of us to register how close our faces are. I don’t move back though, not when his expression morphs to something softer, or when his eyes glance down to my lips, or when he starts to lean in.
Just as I feel his lips brush against mine, I ask, “Are things actually gonna change when we wake up? Or are you just gonna go back to ignoring me?”
“Things will be different, Charlie. I promise.”
I nod faintly before finally leaning in. The kiss is short and chaste, but it still leaves me feeling breathless.
— — —
I’m not entirely sure when I had fallen asleep last night, but when I wake up back in my own bed at home, I nearly convince myself that it was all just another dream. It’s stupid to feel so distraught over this, but I can’t help it.
After about half an hour of just staring at my ceiling, I finally sit up, determined to not rot all day. I feel the necklace I had slipped on just before bed slip off my neck. I look down in my lap and see that the chain was snapped — exactly where Nick snapped it last night.
I practically dive for my phone, expecting to see a text from Nick, but my notifications are empty. I can feel tears stinging my eyes before I realise that it may be eight in the morning here, but for Nick it’s probably closer to three in the morning. I get up, toss my phone and the necklace onto my desk, and reason that if last night was actually real, then Nick would make the first move.
I go through my morning like I normally would, but I’m considerably more jumpy. I know Tori senses something’s up, but I don’t think I can even begin to explain to her what’s going on without sounding insane, so I retreat back to my room after breakfast.
I spend a few hours doing homework, or reading, or trying to draw, or crumbling up said drawings and hiding them in my trash before I settle on hitting my anxiety out on my drums. I don’t notice I’m hitting my drums too hard until my dad is coming into my room and telling me to keep it down. I huff out a halfhearted apology before I flop back onto my bed.
I decide to check my phone again, knowing that Nick probably isn’t up so early, but I’m surprised to see that he’s texted me at least ten times in the span of just a few minutes.
Nick 🐶- I just had the weirdest dream
Nick 🐶- Actually I don’t think it was a dream
Nick 🐶- I’m not crazy, right? You had the dream too?
Nick 🐶- Like with the weird houses and stuff
Nick 🐶- And you refused to believe me when I said I was real.
Nick 🐶- Well it was real. I'm real
Nick 🐶- And I meant what I said btw
Nick 🐶- I really do want things to change
Nick 🐶- Oh god I feel like I just sound crazy
Nick 🐶- I am sorry I just woke up please just ignore all this
I can’t help the smile that forms on my face as I type out a reply.
Charlie 😺- You are such a weirdo.
Charlie 😺- But fine. I guess I have to believe it was real now… ❤️